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Original poster

Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

618 replies

feijoo · 11/05/2023 05:33

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

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Fifi00 · 12/05/2023 01:43

SophieinParis · 12/05/2023 00:21

Well because it’s rare, particularly with your first, that you put them down!! I sat on the sofa holding mine for about 6 weeks!

I couldn't wait to put mine down!!

Tinybrother · 12/05/2023 02:12

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 11/05/2023 23:21

People making out they can't even have a cup of tea with their first baby. If this was true when you have other kids how have you got time to do the school run, cook for them, play with them, take them to activities do a full bath and bedtime routine ect. I'm pointing out to op she will be able to have a cup of tea when she has her baby plus have time for lots of other things if anything she will be bored and try to find things to fill her day.

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Have you read the thread? People aren’t making any of that out at all, you’ve made that up. They have explained different experiences with different children quite carefully and thoughtfully.

Angelil · 12/05/2023 02:51

feijoo · 11/05/2023 05:33

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

I am on my second baby OP (he is 11 weeks old now) and I have always found this to be bullshit. Maybe I just have easy babies but I have literally never had this issue. I shower daily, do my hair/makeup when I want to, and have at least 2 HOT cups of tea a day. Some of this is due to having a husband who actually steps up; some of this is due to formula feeding from day 1 (so not having baby constantly attached to you). Some of it is luck, and some of it is just organising yourself/being pragmatic (e.g. put baby in his bed or bouncy chair while you shower; I bring the latter into the bathroom so he is still with me). Different people will have different stories/ideas about this of course but for me it’s never been the case 🤷‍♀️

sashh · 12/05/2023 04:29

LadyJ2023 · 11/05/2023 07:41

Erm your little one needs cuddles and held pretty much all the time from being born for2-4 weeks for my 3 all part of binding and reassurance etc. Good luck if they do sleep that long we have 3 under 2s and none slept that long when tiny 🤣

According to my dad I was a really happy baby, I slept through the night before my mum left hospital (I was 10 Lb, see previous post) and generally I was quiet.

Unless someone tried to cuddle me. I'm still not a hugger or a cuddler.

OP I hope you get one like me.

OddSockSeeker · 12/05/2023 05:07

Yes you can make a cuppa. Whether you get to finish it is another matter. Enjoy the anticipation of your new baby.x

Whatiswithallthisracket · 12/05/2023 05:17

I don't know, I've read these comments and am second guessing myself now.
In terms of showering, I'd usually wait until my husband was back from work but if necessary (a Poonami or a projectile vomit incident, for example,) I'd just carry the Moses basket the the bathroom and be as quick as I could be.
Obviously there were times cups of tea or meals would go cold but I definitely don't recall that being the norm with any of my three, yes they sleep on you most of the time but that doesn't mean you don't have a spare hand. A travel cup would work fab. Also, they'd sleep wonderfully in their Moses basket for an hour or two.

stayathomer · 12/05/2023 05:22

As people say above it totally depends, I had time to clean, wash, have cups of tea, read etc, but as someone says above, it’s totally on the baby’s terms- the second you go to do something is when the baby will wake up!!

MRex · 12/05/2023 05:39

Mine wouldn't be put down; he'd lie with me if he could hold on, but he wouldn't lie alone. I was perfectly able to make drinks though, I just took him with me. I recommend getting a couple of slings for roaming about the house or outside; a close caboo is nice for early months, then something more solid like a lillebaby. And be careful to lean away with hot drinks so you don't risk a spill on the baby if he wriggles suddenly!

HMW1906 · 12/05/2023 06:08

I have a 10 week old, I can shower if I do it in the 2 minute window between laying him down after a feed and him waking up wanting to be held, I can make a cup of tea if I do it one handed whilst holding him. You might be really lucky and have a baby that’s happy to be laid down in the Moses basket for naps….I have a Moses basket that we’ve had for both children, it might’ve been used a handful of times, they just want to be held. If you want to be able to get things done I’d look at investing in a decent sling/carrier so baby can be held but you still have your hands available…although you might find baby isn’t happy with that either.

Saz455 · 12/05/2023 06:09

Hi, There is hope for tea 👍. For me in the early days I would put my babies down in thier Moses basket once they had fallen asleep. Not for every nap but as much as I could (unless I wanted a cuddle nap). For me as long as they were fed, had a new Nappy etc I could transfer them to the basket once’s asleep on me and the last feed had time to settle (otherwise they’d wake with reflux). My tips are to elevate one end of the basket to help with reflux, and put your hand firmly on their chest if they start wiggling so assure them you are still there. Worked for me. Oh also a sling is great for napping so you can go for a walk or potter round the house… or even just have a cuppa 😊xx

VeganStar · 12/05/2023 06:10

Overthebow · 11/05/2023 05:35

It really depends on what your baby is like. Mine as a new born would not sleep in her crib or Moses basket and would only sleep on me (or DH but he was working). If I tried to put her down once asleep she would wake up then cry for ages. I got a lot of time sitting down but couldn’t do anything with the time.

This was exactly my experience.

shakeitoffsis · 12/05/2023 06:11

All depends on your baby. I can honestly say both of mine slept for 20 hours a day for weeks. I bottle fed from the start and I had tons of time to myself.

autienotnaughtym · 12/05/2023 06:17

Little tip but a travel mug. It's safer to drink while holding baby and it stays warm longer.

ElmTree22 · 12/05/2023 06:25

My dd wouldn't go down for any longer than 15 minutes she was so alert from birth the only way I could keep her asleep was on me, if I put her down she knew instantly and was wide awake. She suffered from silent reflux and was really really colicky so she needed the comfort of mum constantly.
7 months on and she's a wonderful independent little lady and doesn't contact nap at all, puts herself to sleep and plays independently (apart from when she's teething)

It really does depend on the baby, some will give you some much needed breaks. Others will stay attached to you like little monkeys. Either way each mummy is doing a wonderful job 😁

CabbagePatchDole · 12/05/2023 06:40

feijoo · 11/05/2023 05:33

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

I haven’t read any PPs but wanted to post as soon as I read this. I have never had children but this post amused me. I think you should drink all the cuppas you need right now because from what I have observed from friends with kids you are in for a big surprise. Your life (and tea drinking) is never going to be the same again.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/05/2023 06:47

When my baby finally was actually asleep in his next-to-me cot after relentless breastfeeding/ swaying to sleep my head was that battered I generally needed to just sit down for a minute and decompress. I also spent an inordinate amount of time just watching him breathe in his cot and anxiously googling every little worry. Oh look theres a million people i havent texted back, il do that quickly. Right il get up now, oh look at that mountain of dishes and washing il make a start on that. I haven't even had a shower yet I better have one before he wakes up. Oh I was going to make a brew wasn't I? Tea.. ah yes tea...let's put the kettle on.... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Everyone tells you to leave the housework but alot of first time Mums this kind of housework fever comes over you, no matter how many times people tell you that the health visitor or midwife doesn't care how messy your home is, you look at the mess and imagine them judging it. And frantically clean when you should be resting.

It also depends how much support you have. I was round the clock breastfeeding, had no support at night as wasn't with baby's Dad. He brought me shopping a few times that was it and came round to see baby a bit. My Mum took some of my washing and brought me meals for a few weeks which was a massive help.

I was really, brutally sleep deprived. I'm due later this year with my 2nd and I'm going to do everything I can to prioritise my sleep.

Congratulations on your baby, the newborn period can come as a bit of a shock and the days are long but it also passes very quickly.

Hiddenvoice · 12/05/2023 06:48

It very much depends on the baby. My baby didn’t have reflux or colic but would take a very long time to feed. We were responsive feeding and found she would want fed bang on every 3 hours but could still take over half a hour to feed as she was a bit lazy with it. This was quite tough overnight as she needed resettled again so sadly wasn’t a case of just putting her back in the cot. By the time I’d get back to sleep I was up an hour later so during the day I was exhausted. That added with the constant stream of housework I was non stop. I’d also get nap trapped a lot so wasn’t able to just get up and get a drink. Saying that, I had more time with a newborn than j do now with a one year old.

Nichelette · 12/05/2023 06:49

My son was a nosey beggar and didn't sleep anywhere near as much as a newborn is supposed to. He just didn't seem to want to miss anything. I'm due again on Monday and my friend reminded me how at about 2 weeks I introduced him to my team on a teams call and he just spent the whole time trying to lift his head up to watch 😂. He's just 2 now so I'm hoping newbie will sleep more!

CamoFlamingo · 12/05/2023 06:49

In my experience it was not like that. DD was a terrible sleeper at night but she napped fine during the day. She preferred sleeping in people but would still sleep in the moses basket. I still managed to make food drinks, shower, do chores etc. I did have a lot of help from my mum but even when she wasn't there I still managed. When DD was a slightly older baby I used to bring her bouncy seat into the bathroom with me to shower.

Olivida98 · 12/05/2023 06:53

Having a newborn is WAY easier than everyone says, in my opinion. Baby doesn’t want to be put down? Hold them until they fall asleep (use it as relaxing time) and put them down when they’re asleep. If they keep waking up just bung them in a newborn sling and literally wear them as you go around. The newborn stage is by far the easiest part of having a child, in my experience! I too was sooo nervous as everyone made such a fuss about it. I’m quite annoyed about it now. If someone had said to me what I’ve just said to you it would have saved me a lot of worrying during pregnancy!

user1471517095 · 12/05/2023 06:59

I can remember my friend saying she couldn't even find time to get dressed until 3pm when she had her first. I was OMG how am I going to cope? I was bored! Mine fed, slept and pooped. I had loads of time to do stuff round the house. She's a lot more trouble now, but she is 14!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/05/2023 07:02

@user1471517095

Haha you sound like my friend, she thought the newborn bit was easy while I struggled!
She really struggled with the toddler bit though while I absolutely loved that stage.

Camillasfagwrinkles · 12/05/2023 07:15

Makes a big difference if you formula feed or not. If you breastfeed, of course the baby is going to be more clingy to the breast area. FF babies are easier to put down IME.

Lasouthpaw · 12/05/2023 07:17

I found the baby phase the easiest! I formula fed, my husband and I shared the night time feeds but he slept through from about 7 weeks.

He slept well in the day too, I had a moses basket for downstairs that I would move around rooms with me as he slept.

I was well rested and had lots of time to do everything. We even moved house when he was 6 weeks old.

Once he started crawling that was a whole new game and it's been full on and exhausting ever since! 😄

Tumbleweed101 · 12/05/2023 07:22

The early days can be all over the place but when they start getting a pattern of when they are mostly likely to nap try to put them down awake in their cot/pram so they get used to self soothing to sleep and not in your arms. That way you don't disturb them when you need to move and you get your cup of tea in peace! That was a lesson learned by time I had my 3rd and 4th babies. Also keep the household noisy. Babies sleep better especially in the day with household noise going on.