Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

It’s a bit of an over exaggeration to say you’ll never have a cuppa. But it does depend on the baby. You may find you make a cuppa but don’t get to drink it while it’s warm so a tip is to get a good thermal mug that Maintains heat well so you can come back to it later & it’ll still be warm.

Its more a case of you can make a plan but baby dictates if that plan happens or not. Just go with the flow the best you can & don’t worry too much if the house isn’t perfectly tidy or your spending more time in your pjs. Rest when & where you can.

You’ll be fine :) congrats xxx

My first woke up as soon as he was put down somewhere that wasn't on my breasts. He would manage to feed for about 45 mins, sleep on me for 45 mins, do a huge poo that required and entire clothing change and bath and then need feeding again....on repeat...so as you see very little window for teas or wees. I hope you get a more compliant one op. Good luck!!

Btw number two was even more of an pain in the ass but got left to scream much more often when number one needed help with toddler things like potty training or tantrums.

It depends on the baby, my eldest wouldn’t sleep anywhere but in the pram so I’d spend hours pacing around the streets. I think people use it as a bit of a metaphor though - it’s not that you literally don’t have time for a cuppa, it’s more that your time is not your own - you’re on the baby’s schedule not your own, so, you can’t have a cuppa when you want one

My DD didn’t nap during the day for 7 months (maybe had a handful of ‘proper’ length naps but mostly did micro cat naps between feeds) She then became regular at napping but only on me so can’t get anything done. The flip side was she was always quite good at sleeping at night for 3-4 hour periods, gradually increasing to sleeping through where as I have some friends whose kids had no trouble napping but didn’t sleep through a whole night till 4 ish years old.

But every now and then Id go to a cafe with my active baby now toddler and see a mum having a coffee and a catch up with her girlfriend while their baby just slept and I’d be absolutely amazed. So it really differs from baby to baby.

Try not to get overwhelmed by these comments because, as much as you can prepare for the birth practically and mentally, at the same time you will not have a clue until baby arrives. (I say this as someone who always thought the ‘you will/won’t understand until you have a baby’ thing was bs) Yes, your life is about to be turned upside down but it will also be filled with a new kind of love. You are basically starting a new life to an extent. That can be positive and exciting but if it’s not and you find yourself struggling there is a lot of advice and support out there nowadays so don’t be afraid to ask.

My daughter wouldn't sleep in a moses basket or cot for more than 5 minutes, that's if I could put her down at all. I got a sling so that she could nap in there and I could go shopping / do some housework / make food. The first 6 weeks of breastfeeding also involved feeding pretty much around the clock until and my supply was established. At some points she would only sleep on my breast and at others she would cluster feed every hour or so. This is all within the realms of totally normal baby behaviour.

Newborns sleep 17 hours a day? I don't think mine did!

DC2 was/is quite the napper (3 hour solid nap today and he's nearly 2!) and he only slept 14/15 hours in 24 hours. We forgot he existed a lot though, he just used to drop off to sleep wherever you left him.

DC1... a certain about of PFB not really being put down but MY GOD she had some shit patches where she would only stay asleep with blaring musing and constant music. And 10 mins was a whole damn nap for her.

I have an 18 week old so I’ll be completely honest and say that you just don’t seem to have the time. Maybe I’m in a minority but I don’t think I am judging by the groups I’m in on social media and the other new mums I’ve met. The fourth trimester is real. Read up on it… I admit I’d never heard of it until I had actually had my DC. Lots of babies only want to be held, especially in the very newborn stage as you’re all they have known. You are the only person they know in the whole world and you’re the one who makes them feel safe and calm. Even now at 18 weeks, my DC only contact naps in the day. It does get easier but there is so much going on in those first few weeks with you and baby. You’re both adapting. Your hormones will likely be all over the place and you will likely be exhausted from labour plus a newborn who you need to feed on demand. However, it’s all normal. You’ll eventually get a warm cup of tea again one day!

People making out they can't even have a cup of tea with their first baby. If this was true when you have other kids how have you got time to do the school run, cook for them, play with them, take them to activities do a full bath and bedtime routine ect. I'm pointing out to op she will be able to have a cup of tea when she has her baby plus have time for lots of other things if anything she will be bored and try to find things to fill her day.

I used to put the baby in the buggy and jam a bunch of baby-related paperwork (I gave birth overseas to a dual nationality baby who needed two passports before the age of six months, there was a lot of paperwork for passports, birth certificates, notifications and registrations of various kinds....) and a book or two into a bag, go for a walk, wait for the baby to fall asleep in the buggy, and then sit in a coffee shop having tea and doing paperwork followed by some reading, in the afternoon of most days in the first few weeks. It was OK. I had an "average" baby. If your baby is very high needs, it can be really challenging though.

Put baby in sling, make cuppa, sit down and breastfeed, drink tea.
Make and drink tea (carefully) with one hand.

I've never understood this- I was always able to shower, tidy up (a little at least) and have a coffee if I needed. The idea that they can't possibly be upset at all, if fed, changed and safe in a cot- I didn't get. Personally care for me and mental health was also important. Never ever neglected the baby for it, but also didn't have to look at the baby constantly 24/7 to feel I was a decent parent.

I found my first baby difficult because I previously worked in a very demanding job and was used to making a mental list of what I expected to get done and ticking it off when I did. How difficult could one small baby be? It took quite a while to chuck making lists out and go with the flow! With my second, I decluttered my house so it was easier to maintain, cooked double meals for the last 3 pregnant months and froze half, stocked up on nice snacks and drinks so, post-birth, I could just pull one out when needed. and just enjoyed it. It feels endless when the sleepless nights and constant demands are going on but you just need to keep saying to yourself 'this too will pass'! Good luck.

@SD1978 i agree. If I’m in the shower and the baby starts crying, I’m not going to jump out soaking wet to grab them up. I’ll finish my shower first (reasonably quickly) and put my dressing gown on. Same with if I’m eating or want a hot drink. I wouldn’t leave them long enough that they scream it out and fall asleep out of exhaustion, but 5-10 minutes doesn’t hurt. You have to put on your oxygen mask first sometimes. I’m breastfeeding so if I don’t eat and drink properly my supply dips.

I’ve not had children but even I’ve learnt all children are different; my friends youngest was an absolute nightmare (she says so herself) literally could not put her down for 18 months so you could not do a thing; the middle child (2 years older than youngest) would sleep all day and happily be on her own so lots got done. Pray for one of those 🤣

They sleep quite a bit in very early days but that's usually when you're recouperating. As you come out of that period they wake up too! But yes I'm sure I managed to make myself tea but get others to support you if you can even if you're awake x

Well because it’s rare, particularly with your first, that you put them down!! I sat on the sofa holding mine for about 6 weeks!

My son liked to be held all the time as a newborn. He had reflux so I needed to keep him upright. I was constantly nap trapped so unless someone brought me a drink I wasn’t getting one.

He also never napped in a cot once he go a bit older. All naps were in a moving pushchair or moving car to put him to sleep. He would sleep in his cot at night but I had to rock him to sleep in a dark room first. My boy needed movement to put him to sleep.

They cat nap a lot.

Plus, newborns can take a while to latch, complete the feed, and be burped and then changed.....and can take a while to settle them. The whole process can take more than an hour.

For me, if I managed to get baby settled I had to pump, then put away, label the milk, wash and sterilize the parts of the pump, take myself to the bathroom to change my pad which can be a process in the first few days, take care of any soiled clothes from me/baby.

Once that was done, if baby was still sleeping I would catch up on any housework that needed doing, try and take a shower/personal care, cooking etc. And barely had I started on a task when baby would wake up and the whole cycle would begin again.

With my first baby, I was getting so little sleep at night that I would take naps when he slept.

i really did feel like I had no time for a cuppa. When my second was born, I felt like any extra time I had needed to be spent with my first child .

And that's not even factoring in taking care of pets, garden and exercising. And the fact that you may be in significant discomfort from the birth. And then there are people that want to come and see the baby, video call and also check ups for the baby. It seems like a never ending merry go round honestly.

Forgot to mention that you also have to find a way to keep up on your relationship with your partner!

I didn't experience this at all. Plenty of time every day to shower. I had an easy baby though.

Following the NHS SIDS guidelines.

As PP said you must be in the same room for all baby's sleep until the age of 6 months.

Lullaby trust has some great information about it. It's pretty full on but I'm almost at the finish line 😁

Depends on the baby. My first had colic for three months, and could not sleep except when on my chest in a rocking chair. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without him screaming. I was a zombie by the time we got it sorted. The second came home sleeping through the night, and napping for long periods during the day.

Mine is 5months now and this morning he slept through the neighbours DIY on our shared wall but me sitting down with a hot coffee is his alarm clock! He's always had that spidey sense!

I breastfed and I did enjoy it but it was intense at the start, I remember ds cluster feeding for 9.5 hours one day just during the daytime. That was more hours than dh had spent at work. Obviously that's not something that lasts but it's quite full on at the time. Then you've a nappy every 2 hrs minimum and winding and just generally spending time staring at them and cuddling because it's lovely to do but I was always scared to drink hot drinks over the top of him incase I spilled and he was scalded.

Depends on the baby, my DD would not settle unless she was being held for the first few weeks it wasnt even crying just an Eh Eh Eh noise . I got no sleep as I was petrified of falling asleep and her suffocating I nearly went mad. Luckily at about 4 weeks she stopped doing the Eh Eh Eh noise and slept in her moses basket slept through from 7 weeks.