Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

Oh sounds like my dd!! I looked like a zombie at month four ha. Dream baby now though at six months (except still won’t sleep!)

newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Uh, no, op, I don’t know where you get your information but that’s a blatant lie from the depths of hades.

My baby slept for 20 minutes at a time and never napped. He finally would fall asleep at 7 am then woke at 10:30am at which time I fed him, changed his diaper, and watched old reruns of Debbie Travis’s Painted House that came on at 12:30 in the afternoon. The rest of the days and nights were spent in caffeine and sleep deprived stupors. That was our routine.

And the people who say sleep when the baby sleeps. That doesn’t work.

Good luck.

I remember no1

She slept,woke for a feed,changed nappy and back to sleep she went

We had the odd bump in the road but I remember being bored shitless

No2 arrived-he fitted in (had no choice!)

Apart from endless vomit he was an easy baby

I'm all smug and feeling like a top parent-I even gave out advice to other mums

Mum to 2 me was a twat

Then no3 arrived

Oh did he arrive-i had about 20 minutes sleep in 6 months (or so it felt like),I don't think I managed more than a minute a day in the shower,we refused a bottle so i had to breastfeed for what felt like 23 hours a day,he refused to settle for anyone else-I had to be holding him at all times or he'd scream blue murder-i honestly felt like my brain was going to cave in

No4-popped out,looked round and crashed out-i had to wake him up for a feed or a bath

No5-had to be held by anyone (he wasnt fussy) for the first 6 weeks and then was the easy going child he grew up to be-he didn't care if he was held or not

.no6-easy going,slotted in and rarely screamed until she hit 2 years and would go through stages of not sleeping for 48 hours,only to sleep the next day away

They are all different but no3 almost broke me-hes 23 now and we laugh about it (me through gritted teeth-peole say they miss the baby stage-with him I don't at all-i pushed my luck having anymore after him)

Depends on what type of baby you have. My youngest didn’t really like the Moses basket, but liked the sleepyhead so I could leave her there and have a cuppa. I can’t even remember with my first! I would say though, generally newborns are pretty easy, then they get harder as they want to move around, crawl etc. I do struggle to get a drink, go the toilet etc now she’s a bit older.
however I think it’s swings and roundabouts. Newborns do wake every few hours so you’re up more of a night. However after a bad night, we’d just put ours in bed with us and have a couple more hours.
But now our youngest is finally sleeping through at 10 months, she’s up at 7- we can’t just lie her next to us in bed anymore and doze with her next to us.

I love the phrase “I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.”

OP, we all want to get on with our life after we have a baby!

Some people get to do that, others don’t. Babies have different temperaments. Some are orchids (high sensitivity, need a lot of time/effort), others are dandelions (will grow regardless and are happy just about anywhere). You can’t change your baby’s temperament; you get what you’re given.

I’m 7 months in and just starting to see a little bit of a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of stopping contact naps, longer nap times, own room soon etc.

My advice? Get used to cold tea, or buy a cup that will keep your drinks warm. Get a sling and get your baby used to the sling.

Good luck!

Honestly, now that I have three and they are toddlers/young children, what I wouldn’t give to have that first newborn back! It will feel like a huge shift, but yes you will have time for a cup of tea. And embrace it! Even moreso, fully embrace the next 5 weeks before they arrive.

My daughter was a nightmare. She never napped particularly after a month or so. Went down to sleep after much screaming at about 6. Would wake regularly from 11-midnight until 6. Woke again at 6. No naps in between. I only have one daughter who is 5 years old. This is probably why. 😂

i felt the exact same when I was pregnant, had people constantly telling me I’d never be able to get a shower, eat a hot meal or even brush my teeth, I know every baby is different but honestly i was the same just couldn’t understand how when babies sleep for so long. By the looks of this thread I was extremely lucky, baby slept and fed really well, only cried when she was hungry or needed a nappy change, slept through from 8 weeks and did genuinely slot into our lives. I didn’t breast feed which I’m guessing makes a huge difference as I could share the feeds but hand on heart I found the ages 1-2 most difficult.

Why do u have to be with your baby all the time while he is asleep? Is this the latest new fad?

I don't understand all these comments saying you couldn't put your babies down and they had to sleep on you. So did you just ignore your other kids all day. Op you will have plenty of time for teas and coffee, mumsnet and daytime TV. Enjoy it. My best advice is let the baby be use to noise from the start dont tip toe round them get the hoover out, my kids literally sleep through anything because of this and don't jump up the second they make the slightest noise.

I refused to let my baby sleep on me or be carried everywhere in a sling. They learnt sleep time was in their own space quicky enough. They always got put down to sleep in moses basket or cot. Then I could get on with what I needed to do, or just chill with a cuppa and TV. My daughter was a shit sleeper at night so I needed time in day to rest or nap with her. My son was super easy and slept through/was in a routine from 8 weeks. Just find what's right for you

I have three DC, 4, 20 months and 4 months. My number one piece of advice would be buy a joie serina swing- my god I only bought it with my third as I couldn’t put her down but my middle needed me so I needed something and oh my, it’s been a complete game changer. You can pick them up second hand, I don’t know how I parented without one! I just say having one DC, even if they are hard to put down/unsettled etc, when I look back it feels like a holiday compared to having multiple DC So enjoy all those baby snuggles!

Another reflux baby here. I had 7 months of sitting upright with my baby sleeping vertically on me for most of the day every single day and night. The screaming in pain from him affected me so much that if he was asleep on me and I needed the toilet I would wait until I was absolutely desperate before standing up and waking him up.

But I had friends who were so bored with all the time they had to themselves while their babies happily napped in cots, prams etc so yeah, depends on your baby's health and temperament.

If you get a screamer, check out general info on colic, reflux and the crying curve. That got me through.

It's current NHS guidance in relation to SIDS and safe sleep that your baby sleeps in the same room as an adult for all sleep, daytime and nighttime. Hope that helps!

You will OP. Mine were both different but fairly settled newborns. I had plenty of cups of tea! I loved every minute of the newborn phase and I can say that hand on heart. If you have a supportive DH and don’t have a baby with reflux/Velcro’d to you (appreciate this isn’t a choice) you get a lot of time really with newborns. I only appreciated this with my second! The time when the elder was in nursery felt like a holiday! Lockdown put paid to that in fairness but those first few weeks were lovely.
Dont let people scare you. The chances are you won’t get a baby that can’t be put down/wakes every 20 mins/screams constantly. Loads of my friends have had babies and even the difficult ones were not as bad as the ones I hear on here! Most have been lovely snuggly peaceful things!

My niece had two sleepy babies who slept anytime, anywhere all through infancy and childhood. She couldn't understand why so many of her friends were having such a difficult time. Then she had number three...

Because nothing you ever did with your own kids was a fad, of course 😉

We have just hit the 4 month sleep regression but about two weeks early. We have gone from ;

first month constant crying on and off with no real deep sleep. She had reflux, first baby gaviscon in her and she slept through the night

then the phase of seperate anxiety so could not do anthing that involves leaving the room for more then 2 minutes.

napping so deeply and soundly asleep I could hoover up to now not napping for more than 10 minutes. Hours if on me but takes a long time to get to sleep now. Generally doesn’t fall asleep unless she’s had a good scream for 15 mins cause she so beyond tired she gets herself in a state. But will happily lay on her play mat or watch octonauts aslong as your within view lol 😂

erm enjoy lol 😂 but she is very cute and when she should be asleep that little smile and a little babble melts me ❤️

Me too.

I had an internal mantra as well 'she's safe even if she's crying so I'm going to finish my tea/shower /getting dressed/whatever' and I'd chat reassuringly and calmly to her (over the racket) to let her know I was there and would be back.

She was fine.

I think I was lucky with mine. All four had naps in the Moses baskets or later in their cots. I had lots of young children to deal with so when they were little they had to just slot in.
I would feed, wind, swaddle, feed a bit more then put down in basket almost asleep. I got them into a reasonable routine quickly because I had to with the other kids.
They all napped from 12-2 every day so I had a decent amount of time to either chill, catch up on jobs or sleep.
So for me yes there was plenty of time for showers or tea.

My first baby would not be put down, at all. She also cluster fed (breastfed) and would be stuck to me for hours on end. I barely ate, didn't shower, I was a mess! She would scream and scream if put down. I've just had my second (last week) and so far she is totally different, she can be put down if she is comfortable and I can make a coffee, eat, it's great! If you have a velcro baby like my first, I would suggest baby wearing - either a wrap or a carrier, so you can get stuff done and not be stuck to the bed or couch.

4 weeks in with baby no 2 here. So far she’s pretty chilled. Prefers to sleep on people for sure but with a toddler running riot it’s just not practical so she is reluctantly getting used to sleeping in her crib/pram. Things that are saving me though are a dummy for when you need that extra two minutes to make up a bottle and the car seat. This baby LOVES the car seat so I absolutely pop her in there if I need 20 minutes for a cup of tea.

However, my warning to you is that if you do get lucky with that baby that sleeps all the time, you will then pay for it at around 18 months old 😅

Oh this is something people like to say. I worried about it endlessly. I'm self employed and really worried I wouldn't even be able to keep my emails ticking over.

You know when you're at a party and you're having such a great, zingy, busy time you out your drink down and then forget where and you could go and get it but you'll just do XYZ first and then you end up leaving too late and you realise you never did find it? That is what having a baby is like ❤️

I felt the same OP, and then I had a baby who cried every time she was pot down, asleep or awake 🙈

There's plenty of time for a cuppa with a newborn though, as long as you're got someone to bring it to you!

Why would you think that the other children would be ignored? Have you so little imagination that you can’t see any way of doing things but the way you did it?