Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

Apologies if there are exceptions but most of the posters so far whose babies were in a good routine, slept in a moses basket for good stretches, etc. seem to have been FF. I think that it is possibly more likely but just wanted to say that I breastfed and had all of that. I gave scheduled deep feeds getting right into the hind milk, none of this having the baby on and off the breast all day and all night. I thought of it as anticipating and meeting their needs rather than constantly waiting for cues from them. Mine were put down in the cot to sleep for most naps and generally slept the kind of time you'd expect them to. And I was not afraid to give them a few minutes to settle themselves or wait a few moments while I got out of the shower or made a cup of tea. Maybe I was lucky - no doubt there will a chorus of people to tell me I was - but if so I was lucky twice over. My main point is that breastfeeding does not have to mean being trapped under a baby 24 hours a day (though it might!) - I'd hate people who were considering it to be put off.

You may be lucky, OP - our dds were both relatively easy babies. Please try to relax and enjoy your new baby once s/he arrives - it’s such a precious time and gone all too quickly.
If you read too much MN, you can get the idea that all stages from birth to teens are a nightmare!

(Just for the record, our teen dds were never anything like a nightmare, either.)

This is a good point, I wouldn't want to put anyone off trying breastfeeding. I think my newest babe only breastfeeds so often because she was 5th centile and has some catching up to do. Some babies do just love the cuddles too. Definitely don't be scared to let baby cry a minute while you get a drink/pee. It won't hurt them.

I would say get a baby sling and pop baby in there. (Hopefully) they will sleep and you can get on with things you need to.

That’s great - I think it’s worth saying that if breastfeeding like this isn’t how it plays out for you (one of my babies vomited copiously with large feeds, little and often was the only way they could keep it down) then that’s ok too. Babies are all different and if someone else does something in a different way then it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.

This massively massively depends on your birth experience and your baby.
My first I could barely move and had severe injuries. My baby wouldn’t sleep unless on me. I only ate if someone brought food to me. He would cry so much that I started to wonder if I was hallucinating it! In fact I’d wake up dreaming that he was screaming but he was asleep. I felt like I was barely human for a year.

My second would transfer between buggy and cot, would happily sleep in a Moses basket. Was cheerful and came with me to the cinema at a few days old. I went to evening events and brought him in the sling.

I think something that’s really worth remembering if you are a new mum with a type A personality is that your experience of motherhood is 85% not in your control. Our children are not blank canvas’ and it’s perfectly possible to do everything ‘right’ and still have an unhappy baby or find it hard. You just got a tougher gig. It’s a lot more genes and luck than we might like to think.

PS same goes for parenting teenagers

Get a flask with a safety lid you can drink out of. Much easier and less risk of spilling a hot drink. Pre flask I had lots a cup of tea made for me that mostly went cold.

I had a newborn and one year old and even now I still remember the most ‘me’ moment of the day was 10.30am. I’d get them both up dressed, fed, entertained and at 10.30 they’d both settle off and have a nap. I still warmly remember how nice it felt to have to two sleeping babies a cup of tea and shit day time TV on for an hour. So yes it can be done.

My advice is get a good big, insulated travel mug. So the coffee/tea stays hot while you are busy with baby and if you have to drink with baby on lap, it’s spill proof! It’s my go to gift for new mums!

Oh my goodness yes getting all my children napping at the same time when they were small (I didn’t manage it every day, but most days, once past newborn stage with littlest) is probably my greatest achievement in life

Yes, exactly this. My kids still had reflux at 2. It was so severe there was no way I could leave them down as newborns and say to myself “so what if they cry?”.

My three all slept in their bouncy chair or Moses basket.
I put the Moses basket in living room and I had plenty of time to have cups of tea and watch tv.
I would put bouncy chair in whatever room I was in and they would happily sit in it while I done whatever task needed done.
They fell asleep the odd time on me while giving them a bottle but I just transferred them into the basket or seat whilst sleeping.
I was never trapped and managed to do all normal things around the house.
Showered first thing in the morning , either before baby awakes or just take bouncy seat into bathroom with you and they can watch you shower.
Always had a little bouncy seat with toy bar , kept them amused.
So it’s not all doom and gloom , I’d say just get used to putting them down so you can get on with things.
I found newborn stage the easiest as they can just go wherever you go and stay still in their seats or prams or baskets etc.
Also really easy to go out for lunch etc as they are so tiny and if you time it with their hour or two sleep period you can have an adult lunch etc.

Personally I breastfed and was stuck to the sofa for large chunks of time, however as I had a c section my partner chose to take 8 weeks off and so having a cup of tea wasn’t an issue for me.

I was lucky though, once I stopped bf and discovered the magic of white noise, my little one was quite happy in his pram bassinet in whatever room I was in, and later in his crib at night.

I do agree with previous comments, the tiredness is unfathomable until you experience it, and can make everything seem like a massive effort.

I guess I’d say just have low expectations for yourself initially and you should do fine! And you can always invest in a sling / carrier so you’re hands free but baby still has the connection they seek.

It’s a lovely time with lots of snuggles but neither of my children would sleep without me in the early days.

Highly recommend getting a travel mug with a handle, so you can carry baby and what ever else you need and just grab the travel mug handle

It all depends on you, your baby and the support you have available. My first is 5 months, from the start there have been days where she is pretty relentless (waking frequently, wanting to sleep only on me/her dad) so getting much done is hard, and days when she’ll nap in her bassinet or pram, and is chill when awake so I can get on with stuff. I have a good support network of people who can hold her or help out while I have breakfast/a shower/a cup of tea - or who can make me tea to drink while she naps on me. The very early days you are also breastfeeding a lot, if you are choosing to breastfeed, which is tough and makes you tired.

For what it’s worth I’ve absolutely loved having my baby and looking after her is a pleasure! Try not to be too scared, you’ll find a good rhythm. We were able to go out to lunch with friends (with sleeping baby), go on a little break away as a family of three (including pub lunches and drinks in the bar) and even attend a 40th in a pub (with awake baby) between 3-6 weeks postpartum so you can still have a life.

DD and DS1 would be fed then sleep for 2-3 hours at a time in their Moses basket . With them I could get plenty of things done in that time. DS2 however had other ideas, I spent the 1st 5 weeks with him attached to me desperately trying to breastfeed and ended up literally a shell of my former self, nothing got done in that time, I probably had tea made for me but dont remember finishing a cup.
The most he has ever slept through the day has been an hour and a half, now he's 13 months he'll have 2 x 30 minute naps a day( and doesn't sleep through the night).
I was definitely spoilt with my 1st 2!

Your baby has been inside you for 9 months, why would you think that a cold cot would be something they would sleep happily in away from you?
Hot drinks often go cold because you're holding your baby and can't get very far after discomfort from birth.

All mine slept between feeds until about 3 months when they started to have longer periods of being awake. It was never a problem putting them down, even if they didn’t fall asleep straight away. You’ll find your own way with your baby and develop a routine that works for you. Congratulations, enjoy every minute with your baby, you’ll be a lovely Mum.

My child slept in Moses basket then cot then own bed, I had a coffee in the morning and one in the afternoon

I just worked it out, normal life did resume and life didn't stop because I had a baby

Total solidarity, @PizzaPizza56. It’s a nightmare and beyond painful for them. It changes absolutely everything, and it means they can’t really sleep except upright. In our case it has meant multiple lengthy admissions for complications, and still some friends say “is it just reflux?” like they think we can’t cope with a bit of milky spit up! 🤦‍♀️

Mine was bottle fed (wouldn't breast feed and I had this rare thing where milk never really came in) but would only ever sleep on me. If tried to put him in moses basket etc, he would scream and scream. So I decided life's too short for all that! You learn to do a lot of things one handed (e.g. butter toast) and when baby is a bit older, I would highly recommend a sling!!
Be kind to yourself, I remember trying to rush to baby groups with all my stitches not even healed, and it was all so much better when I slowed down a bit. The care is relentless but it's so worth it. Now my DS is almost as tall as me and he's only 7, with feet almost my size!! It's all going so fast. Enjoy the time and all those cuddles!

Oh and look up 4th trimester, it really is a thing, and always have your phone, a book, and a remote handy before you sit down!

Solidarity, @PippinStar. It’s brutal, and no one understands because even if they struggled with allergies and reflux it’s usually basically fine by 6 (or at a push 12 months).