Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

@Friendofdennis what on Earth so you'll never have a drink again because you spend your life staring at your baby!?

Some of the stuff on here is utter madness.

I’ve never understood this either, I have a 3 year old and a 6 day old both of which as newborns bore the life out of me because they sleep so much!!

Every experience is different but for me the newborn bit is easy, it’s the toddler stage I find hard.

Babies like our comfort, if they want to be held a lot just buy a sling to free up your arms then you get your hot cuppa and they get cuddles. I find this whole teaching babies to be independent from a young age thing a pile of doo doo :)

It depends on the baby. My eldest had terrible acid reflux. She feed every 2 hours. I'd change her nappy, fed her, change her clothes because she would vomit everywhere. Then I was instructed to hold her upright for 30 minutes following feeding. I would then have approximately 40 minutes before the next feed to sleep, eat, wash or use the loo. It was pretty brutal. I basically lived off chocolate off of chocolate and sugar for the first 6 months.

My second went 3 hours between feeds and was a relatively easy baby. I had no support so had to get on with a 15 month old and baby because of covid. I met the babies needs and would the do activities with the toddler while she slept. Then rinse and repeat all day long. I didn't get any daytime sleep with the second.

It's only a short time. It feels horrific at the time because of the lack of sleep but it passes eventually. Also, those little smiles and laughs at stupid o'clock get you through. My youngest still wakes twice a night but goes back down quickly. I've literally not slept a full night in 5 years.

It depends on what type of a mum you'll be (and you won't know that until baby arrives!). Personally, I didn't do the baby sleeping on me thing, both were cuddled until sleepy and then swaddled and put into their bassinet to continue sleep. This allowed me time to get on with everything. This was from day 1.

I also didnt hold them constantly, they were always propped up in a bouncy chair, breastfeeding pillow, or play mat. My first slept through the night (in their own cot, own room - although we'd take in turns to sleep in spare bed in that room so baby wasn't alone) for 9 hour stretches. We did exactly the same with second baby and they slept through from 16 weeks (before that they'd wake 3 times during night). I also couldnt breastfeed, so they both had regular formula which I think in a way was a silver lining and helped them to have some sort of routine with eating/feeding.

If you get an easy going baby (and not a clingy one that screams if not held to sleep), then i'd say put baby down for naps (swaddled) and make the most of that time.

It depends on baby and you. Mine’s 17 now but honestly some of the can’t posts boggle my mind. I’m not advocating putting baby in pram at bottom of garden for hours like my grandma’s generation but there’s a middle ground between this and never put baby down.
Have things set up so you can safely pop baby down while you do essentials like brew up. I had a Moses basket in lounge and as she was bigger a bouncy chair in kitchen.
You’ll get into a routine that suits you. I remember loving taking mine swimming or to baby massage as she’d sleep so well after.

Learn the art of drinking tea at all temperatures, including stone cold.

My first slept so unbelievably well.

We fed her every 4 hours, on the hour, she slept 10pm-10am with a lot of naps in the day. She was incredibly boring for the first 4 months, as she slept, played, fed, slept, played fed. She really did sleep 16 hours a day for 4 months!

I watched 10 seasons of Grey's Anatomy and all of the Gilmore Girls. I cleaned out my whole house, I exclusively breast pumped for about 3 hours a day. I had so much free time.

My second, not so much.

'Just put them down in the cot when they're asleep' is where you're going wrong! Maybe some babies, but not all.

You do get time to yourself but not as much as you're used to so you might have to prioritize whether to answer messages/put a wash on/prep food/cut your toenails etc

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

Because the "if"s and "up to"s are doing a lot of heavy lifting! Your baby might sleep that much, or hardly at all. Your baby might be put down in a crib, or might scream bloody murder if you try to put them anywhere except on you.

Either way you will get through it and it will be magical, and difficult, and life affirming, and boring, and all manner of other weird and contradictory things. Best wishes for your delivery and life with your little one! 💐

Depends on your baby and your mindset . I find lots of people are a tad dramatic with the “ I haven’t had a shower for a week “ or had a coffee etc .
2 of my babies where easy , I could do most stuff while they where newborns without many issues . My 3 rd baby was a cryer , still I managed a shower daily and coffee even if at times me at having her in a bouncy chair by the shower .
Im a very “on the go person “ and rarely stop to long so I think the mindset as a lot to do with it and if you have help or not . I never had much help as my family lives abroad so I know I either do it or it won’t get done .
I hope your Labour goes well and your baby is a calm one so you get to enjoy your shower and coffee still :-)

Basically there are babies that can be put down and babies that cannot, I didn’t believe that till I got one that couldn’t but believe me if they can’t they really can’t especially when reflux is involved.

Depends how much you mind cold tea, hardly ever managed to make it all the way from making the tea to finishing drinking the tea without something needing doing. Used to find cups of tea in the cupboard, because I hid it from the cat to deal with baby and then forgot about it 🤦‍♀️

I had one that would sleep for hours in a moses basket and one that wouldn't be put down. The tea didn't bother me so much as I would make them whilst holding baby (very carefully!), it was the stuck under baby needing a wee whilst cluster feeding that I hated with both of them. But honestly go with the flow and see what happens, it goes so fast and for me the baby stage is one of the best! Especially with your first as there is no occupying toddler/rushing around on school runs. Enjoy the bubble!

This really resonates with me. My firstborn was a nightmare baby (he was actually ill but we didn’t know) and I had severe PND, but I think I’d have been a lot better without the massive pressure I put on myself to keep everything “normal”.

I should have just sat down with the baby who wanted to be held and fed instead of washing, cooking, cleaning and trying to be super-housewife-and-mother. I don’t think anyone ever wishes they’d spent less time with their baby.

Agree with this. Reflux so severe that it causes not just pain but damage to the child including up into the airway, and the effects are still felt at 2/3/4. Unusual, but certainly not a case of “just leave them to cry” or you are being pfb.

Reflux is one of those odd words that people use so informally, that people whose babies spit up a bit and can be a bit unsettled use the same words as those whose children are actually quite unwell. Strange thing, language.

Agree with everyone else it depends on your baby, some quite literally cry every time they’re out down so getting a shower is a necessity but when the baby cries the entire time you’re in there it can feel like you don’t even have time to shower because you have to rush through it. Invest in a good sling, it’s worth its weight in gold! Most are happy in a sling and then you can Potter about with free hands at least. Congratulations!

Oh & to add… none of my 3 children had reflux but they still wanted to be held all the time!

Oh I needed to read this today. Thank you. My baby had ulcers in his throat and mouth from silent reflux and would arch his back like the exorcist for hours a day. I'd then go to baby groups and a little bit of milk would dribble out of their baby's mouth and they'd go 'oh reflux is so messy isn't it'. Not the same experience at all!

You'll get a cuppa, it'll just probably be cold!

Depends on your child totally.
#1 went down for long naps during the day and even from birth was sleeping 6-8 hours at night.
#2 never went down. If she slept it was on me, never happy unless she was held until she could crawl and then she was a kamikaze pilot on arms and knees so couldn't have your eyes off her for a moment. She also wasn't safe not to try and grab anything like a hot drink from you, even from very young.
#3 didn't sleep much for naps but slept well overnight, and was very happy to go down under the baby gym and play.

So only one it was hard for was #2.

Most only like to sleep on you. That's not so bad when you've got a partner to help. But it took a few days for ours to be comfortable to sleep on partner. You will spend a lot of time feeding too. Don't be alarmed when your baby needs to be on your boob every waking (and sleeping) moment after a couple of days, this is to get your milk in. But yes I was able to get tea and shower even with all this.

Absolutely! That full bladder pain after 3 csections while clusterfeeding is no joke 😩

I think people are being dramatic when they say all that. I've had 6 and I managed to shower/eat/ drink, last baby was partially hard but I still did all those things. Mine were all bottle fed so that probably helped them be less clingy.

I got one that wouldn’t be put down - totally calm and a dream if on a human chest (or moving pram or car) but hysterical if put down. I also as an anxious first time mum (in lockdown) couldn’t stand to let her cry for even a minute. Past about 3 months she’d put up with a bouncy chair for short periods, but all naps etc were still on me.

I always managed a shower - DH would get up extra early and bring me a cuppa, then take DD so I could have a rest, then shower etc. I also used a sling for things like going to the loo or putting washing on or making a drink. Used to make a cuppa in a thermal cup then take her walking in the pram with it - it was lockdown so there really wasn’t much else to do.

It’s weird - I found that stage much harder than I could have imagined in some ways, but also not as bad as I expected either! I think it must have depended on the day really - definite moments of ‘wow we’re acing this’ alongside times of ‘how does anyone cope with this?’ That’s still the same now actually at nearly 3, some stuff is much easier and some is much harder. I do remember visiting my newborn niece and just mouth hanging open that she’d be lying in her pram or Moses basket wide awake but quite content, drifting off to sleep by herself. I’d not thought babies did that in real life.

Looking back I wouldn’t change much - I loved the cuddles, contact and closeness even if it felt a bit much at the time. And DD needed it, she’s a very secure and confident kid now so I don’t think it did any major harm (though still ALL over me ALL day if I let her). But I do think she’d have been fine if I’d left her to whinge a bit whilst I took five minutes every now and then, may have done us both good.