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Original poster

Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

618 replies

feijoo · 11/05/2023 05:33

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

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Appleass · 12/05/2023 08:09

As a mother and grandmother, with large family, yes there is plenty of time to make a cup of tea, and do lots of other things too, even with a cryer !!! People have been having babies for ever, even without the luxury of running water, and electric kettle and a tea bag for a job that takes 5 mins !!!

Angelil · 12/05/2023 08:10

user1477391263 · 11/05/2023 23:22

I used to put the baby in the buggy and jam a bunch of baby-related paperwork (I gave birth overseas to a dual nationality baby who needed two passports before the age of six months, there was a lot of paperwork for passports, birth certificates, notifications and registrations of various kinds....) and a book or two into a bag, go for a walk, wait for the baby to fall asleep in the buggy, and then sit in a coffee shop having tea and doing paperwork followed by some reading, in the afternoon of most days in the first few weeks. It was OK. I had an "average" baby. If your baby is very high needs, it can be really challenging though.

Yep, ditto!! The paperwork is maddening, isn’t it? HMPO is close to being a swear word in this house 😕

PiriPiriChicken · 12/05/2023 08:11

All 3 of mine would sleep in their pram. (I just had my bassinet-style pram set up downstairs instead of a Moses)
So I definitely had time for a few bits and bobs. Cup of tea, load of laundry, stuff with older child. You’re knackered though so you’ll probably just sit there staring at the wall.

In the first 2 weeks, you’ll actually think you’re nailing it because you’ll be ironing and cooking meals while they nap (and saying “This isn’t so hard. What is everyone complaining about? Maybe I’m just a better woman and mother than the billions that cane before me”)

Then the sleep debt widens and you will feel very tired for about… umm… 4 years? You’ll have a crash when they’re a few weeks old. You might cry a bit. It’s normal. You’ll move on. By kid 3, you’re not even surprised to find yourself vacuuming the ceiling at 1 week postpartum, with a section. It’s all just part of the process.

Sorry to ramble. I spaced my kids out so I haven’t slept properly in 11 years.

Angelil · 12/05/2023 08:11

Garethkeenansstapler · 11/05/2023 23:46

@SD1978 i agree. If I’m in the shower and the baby starts crying, I’m not going to jump out soaking wet to grab them up. I’ll finish my shower first (reasonably quickly) and put my dressing gown on. Same with if I’m eating or want a hot drink. I wouldn’t leave them long enough that they scream it out and fall asleep out of exhaustion, but 5-10 minutes doesn’t hurt. You have to put on your oxygen mask first sometimes. I’m breastfeeding so if I don’t eat and drink properly my supply dips.

I agree with this. Be reasonable and put your own oxygen mask on first.

CocoaAglow · 12/05/2023 08:12

I got very good at doing things one handed. And sometimes as the baby was on the breast. But also, I didn't fret too much about putting babies into their moses baskets/car chair for a couple of minutes if i needed to do something, whether they were having a bit of a shout or not. When you have more than one child (mine were all less than 2 years apart) sometimes a toddler's needs have to take priority over the baby. Sometimes the need for parental nutrition and hydration has to be addressed. My now adult children are perfectly decent well rounded individuals who didn't sufffer from occasionally being at the back of the queue as a baby.

Dguu6u · 12/05/2023 08:13

Aww, I love these naive posts from people who have no idea what life is like with a newborn. "I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life". That's not going to happen. Your baby will be your new life. Give yourself time to adjust to the fact that things will never be the same again and just go with the flow. Babies are all-consuming but it gradually gets better, it just takes longer than you'd think.

CocoaAglow · 12/05/2023 08:15

Appleass · 12/05/2023 08:09

As a mother and grandmother, with large family, yes there is plenty of time to make a cup of tea, and do lots of other things too, even with a cryer !!! People have been having babies for ever, even without the luxury of running water, and electric kettle and a tea bag for a job that takes 5 mins !!!

Quite!

BKingso · 12/05/2023 08:16

In my case I was always trying to pump breast milk a lot of the time dc was asleep to try to increase my supply. So that meant the possible downtimes when she was asleep or being held by someone else was just more activity for me and hooked up to an electric pump not free to do whatever else I wanted.

I think the very best thing is a second pair of hands as much as possible, with a newborn. Either they hold the baby for you or you are pinned under the baby and the second pair of hands fetches you drinks, food, remote controls etc.

EMigrateB · 12/05/2023 08:19

Haha great question OP.
As others have said, depends on baby. But there is an awful lot of sitting around & feeding when you're in newborn days. You can definitely make a cup of tea before you settle down for a feed. You learn to do everything one-handed. Good luck
Also get a great sling - you can have them sleep on you and potter about getting ok with stuff.

PurpleWisteria1 · 12/05/2023 08:20

Also I found that even if I made a cup of tea I wouldn’t remember to drink it and it would go cold 🤣
I think the record once was my tea being microwaved 10 times! But then I did have twin babies at the time

SezFrankly · 12/05/2023 08:21

They’re all different, but mine wouldn’t go to sleep unless she was hanging off one boob. Which makes it pretty difficult to do much.

Natsku · 12/05/2023 08:22

Really depends on the baby. With both of mine I spent the newborn days drinking lots of tea and watching lots of telly while they clusterfed. It was quite blissful really those first few weeks before napping trouble started (blissful in the daytime, in the night, not so much)

mum11970 · 12/05/2023 08:25

All three of mine were fine sleeping in a carrycot by the side of the settee during the day so had plenty of time to grab a tea or get something done. One suffered from colic/reflux every evening but managed to get chunks of respite from that by being in a more upright position sleeping in a bouncy chair. Dil said one of her elder children (from previous relationship) was a nightmare who couldn’t be put down but as far as I’m aware all other 5 of my grandchildren have all been fine. I used to have youngest dgd for around 3/4 hours once a week from about 3 months and half the time she only woke to feed and went straight back to sleep.

PiriPiriChicken · 12/05/2023 08:30

EMigrateB · 12/05/2023 08:19

Haha great question OP.
As others have said, depends on baby. But there is an awful lot of sitting around & feeding when you're in newborn days. You can definitely make a cup of tea before you settle down for a feed. You learn to do everything one-handed. Good luck
Also get a great sling - you can have them sleep on you and potter about getting ok with stuff.

Oh god yeah, I forgot about slings! I had a sling for all of mine and it’s really helpful. They often “shut down” the moment you put them in it which is such a relief. And then you can do pretty much anything - except empty the dishwasher, because the kid will fall out.

Putting them in the sling is such a great way to be able to take a poo, too.

Weird how I’ve just forgotten all of this. The newborn phase is weirdly blurry now…

bussteward · 12/05/2023 08:33

PiriPiriChicken · 12/05/2023 08:11

All 3 of mine would sleep in their pram. (I just had my bassinet-style pram set up downstairs instead of a Moses)
So I definitely had time for a few bits and bobs. Cup of tea, load of laundry, stuff with older child. You’re knackered though so you’ll probably just sit there staring at the wall.

In the first 2 weeks, you’ll actually think you’re nailing it because you’ll be ironing and cooking meals while they nap (and saying “This isn’t so hard. What is everyone complaining about? Maybe I’m just a better woman and mother than the billions that cane before me”)

Then the sleep debt widens and you will feel very tired for about… umm… 4 years? You’ll have a crash when they’re a few weeks old. You might cry a bit. It’s normal. You’ll move on. By kid 3, you’re not even surprised to find yourself vacuuming the ceiling at 1 week postpartum, with a section. It’s all just part of the process.

Sorry to ramble. I spaced my kids out so I haven’t slept properly in 11 years.

Haha, the accuracy! I’ve got a photo of week-old DS on the kitchen island asleep next to a chopping board full of onions – I was making dinner from scratch post-section while DP put older DC to bed. The house was immaculate. The meals were complex. The baby was put on whatever surface was convenient. Fast-forward five months and the “can be put down anywhere” phase is long over, bedtime is a battle all round (everyone wants mummy! No one wants to sleep! They all have different bedtime needs!) and dinner is often oven food once they’re finally all down for fifteen minutes.

It does get better though: I woke up the other day past 7am, DS snoozing in my armpit, to find DD fully dressed, teeth brushed, rubbing my hair and saying “wake up, it’s time to take me to school”.

Workbabysleeprepeat · 12/05/2023 08:33

They are all different op but we all survive and don’t totally dehydrate in the end. I second the sling, the putting them down sometimes when awake if they will tolerate it, dealing with what is in front of you medically (reflux, eczema etc can be very difficult) and a second pair of hands. If you have a partner let them help and take a short break to have a shower/stare at the wall! You will be fine, it is hard but it somehow becomes normal to not sleep and to supervise a child. Enjoy them while they aren’t mobile - they are lovely little beings!

bussteward · 12/05/2023 08:34

My No1 sling tip is do not, repeat do not, wear a sling over a jumpsuit. Yes the buttons are convenient for breastfeeding but the moment the baby falls asleep in the sling you will need a poo, and you are in a jumpsuit. It will not end well.

JLM1981 · 12/05/2023 08:36

Everyone's situation is different. I have four children. They all slept in 3 hour blocks mostly and in their crib so I had plenty cups of tea and time to tidy up. I currently have a 3 week old. Morning routine is feed 8am then she sleeps until 10/11am so I tidy the breakfast away and have a cup of tea and catch a TV show. I normally have a visitor or go for a walk at 12 and get a coffee. Mine did all sleep 17 hours a day and I got plenty time in between feeds. I always found it harder from 6 months plus. Good luck and enjoy your baby!

EMigrateB · 12/05/2023 08:37

bussteward · 12/05/2023 08:34

My No1 sling tip is do not, repeat do not, wear a sling over a jumpsuit. Yes the buttons are convenient for breastfeeding but the moment the baby falls asleep in the sling you will need a poo, and you are in a jumpsuit. It will not end well.

Hahaha that is a bleak situation!!
A wise warning for all first time mums

EMigrateB · 12/05/2023 08:39

I found 9months to 18months is the period where I drank the least amount of tea. That stage when they're on the move and a danger to themselves and everything in your home, and not yet into screen time.

JLM1981 · 12/05/2023 08:40

I also breastfed all 4 and should say during growth spurts they all did wake a bit more at night but generally slept in 3 hour blocks 😀

GMsAWinner · 12/05/2023 08:41

Sometimes things get a bit delayed, ie a job you were going to do or cooking tea, but it all gets done and especially if there's too of you, definitely 'me' time if you want it. There are certain things that will get done because they're essential, ie feeding yourself, drinking and reasonably clean house.

Within a week of coming home, we'd taken a walk (the problem was the walking not DD after two hours of stitching) to local pub. Also, a lunchtime meal out for our wedding anniversary. Both with DD and we'd managed to have our drinks, food.

Try not to worry, and just enjoy your little one.

CornishGem1975 · 12/05/2023 08:45

Appleass · 12/05/2023 08:09

As a mother and grandmother, with large family, yes there is plenty of time to make a cup of tea, and do lots of other things too, even with a cryer !!! People have been having babies for ever, even without the luxury of running water, and electric kettle and a tea bag for a job that takes 5 mins !!!

This!

And if baby starts crying? What's the big deal! No harm will come while you spend 2 minutes making a cuppa. And I say that as someone who had a chronic cryer - spent 12 hours a day crying. If I didn't put the baby down I'd have never managed to do anything.

Plus, when you have a 2nd or 3rd child you just have to get on. When number 2 was born I had an 18 month old. No way I could just ignore the older one because the baby needed non-urgent attention!

LGB87 · 12/05/2023 08:46

Every baby is different of course but we found the newborn stage was quite easy, you get so much time because they’re sleeping so much..

Now that they are 8 months though, wow.. That is what you call having no time. We have a baby that sleeps through the night but morning to bed time there really is next to no time to do anything at all as they can roll/injure themselves any moment and hate to be put down for more than a minute..

Friendofdennis · 12/05/2023 08:48

The baby will often wake up if you try to put them in a crib If they are asleep while on you ( which is usually the case ) it is a bit dangerous to try to drink a hot drink
also you are so tuned into your baby that it can be difficult to stop watching them even when they are asleep