35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

I never noticed how old the thread is. I do hope the Op is OK and getting the support she desperately needs.

@Starryskiesinthesky I don’t know where you are getting your ideas from but you are very far off the mark. The mums wishes for the child to be adopted by strangers and out of the area is over ridden by the child’s right to be brought up by biological family. Every time.

Authorities and the family courts must follow the laws around this and consider all family members to see if the child can be cared for within the family. This includes extended family.. aunts, granny etc. It may also include friends and cousins. It may also have include family members who the mum is not on speaking terms with.

Adoption is considered a final severing of ties to biological family for the child and is only allowed to proceed when all other options are completely ruled out.

Adoption to strangers is a last resort.

Other posters including myself have pointed this out so I do wish you would stop surmising about something you obviously do not know much about. You are typing out false information and I feel given adoption is so complex that you shouldn’t do that. Especially when posters have already corrected you.

On this thread you have indicated that a child can be voluntarily adopted without kinship options being explored, that the mum wanting the child not to cared for in close proximity. All of this is totally incorrect. The mums views are of course taken into account but the rights of the child take priority. And the law recognises that children have a right and have better outcomes when cared for within their own families.

You are not familiar with adoption processes so please stop giving out false information.

Just one other thing @Starryskiesinthesky .. adoptions being anonymous is an outdated practice.

Hello.

Thank you for the responses. I've not spoken to anyone yet. I shared with a work friend and she was very shocked that I'd considered putting baby up for adoption. She's offered me support, which is kind, but I know she's already got a lot on as a single mum of two. So many people at work have bought me presents with no idea how I'm feeling. I'm starting to feel quite frightened because my maternity level starts in two weeks. I am 38 weeks this Monday. I cope to a reasonable degree when I'm at work, but when I have a day off I feel lonely and miserable. I can't imagine being trapped at home with a baby day in and day out. I posted a note through the father's door last night to make him aware that I'm not far off giving birth. I've heard nothing from him. I've now come to the realisation that I'll never hear from him again. He's the only man who's ever accepted me as I am. I'm distinctly unattractive, so I am looking at a future alone.

I think someone asked if I'm trained in tech. No, I'm not trained in tech. I was looking to retrain into accountancy or tech (taking a government bootcamp).

If you decide not to put your baby up for adoption you'll find support from other mums in local groups. No need to be stuck inside, OP. You already have friends at work wanting the best for you. Things have a way of working out. You may be surprised by overwhelming feelings of love and protectiveness towards your baby

@solosunflower

If you can for a moment set aside all your worries and fears, what in heart is it that you want?
If you want to keep this baby, there will be a way to do it.
You have confided in your friend which is a great first step - and you are no longer alone. Let her support you. You have the good wishes of other people at work- let their friendship support you.
It will be tough, there are times when you will feel lonely. But there will also be new opportunities for you. Have you looked around to see what's available in your area for mums with babies? They will be opportunities to make new connections, new friends. Its spring, the weather is getting better - you can go out for walks, in a few months take the baby to a swimming class. You won't always feel it, sometimes you will have to force yourself out, but you will do it.
If you can, try and chunk all those worries down and think about what you can do about one. And think about how you would tackle that - make a plan. Then think about the next one.
11 years ago this week I became a single mum. My circumstances were very different but I was scared too. Many times over the last 11 years I have felt the weight of responsibility - but my son is the best thing in my life.
I am an adoptive mum. My son is doing very well, he is off to university this year. He is happy, has lots of friends.He has a good life. We have a fantastic relationship. But underneath it is a side that few people see, the feeling of rejection, the low self esteem. We know lots of adopted young people just like him.
Chances are that if you gave this baby up for adoption they will have a good future ahead of them, just like my son. But there will always be a loss. And that loss is you.

I don't know you or the details of your circumstances. I can't tell you what the right thing to do is.
What I would urge is that you don't make any decision until the baby is here.
If you haven't already done so you need to talk to your midwife and find out what support is available.
Talk to your friend.
I wish you and your baby all the best, whatever you decide.

@solosunflower
I'm glad you have shared with the woman at work. Let her support you.
Yes she might have her hand full but you can help support her too.

But share with your midwife too. She might be able to get you more help

@solosunflower

Please contact your midwife they will put you in touch with a perinatal midwife who will offer advice and guidance on your health, thoughts and feelings first of all and will not judge you or pressure you into making any decisions.

I hope your ok?

Please inbox me if you'd like to chat I 38 + 4 x

I have spoken with my mother tonight. I absolutely cannot speak to her ever again. She is very much in favour of adoption, as it means she wouldn't have to support in anyway.

@solosunflower is it your mum who is sugges you put your baby up for adoption?

I get the impression In your head it might make sense but in your heart it's just nor something that you seriously want to do.

I'm sorry that your mother has not been supportive of your choices. What she is 'in favour' of is irrelevant.

Ask yourself the questions @Ted27 has posed. What is it you are afraid of? Perhaps if you list them for us, we can rationalise with you?? That's not the same as trying to persuade you either way, by the way - but sometimes the fear stops us seeing things clearly.

It sounds as though she’s just trying to support your decision.

If you are upset that she has agreed with your decision then it sounds like you aren’t 100% certain you want to go ahead with putting your baby up for adoption.

I agree with the PP that suggested you speak to your midwife and explain how you feel.

I was a teen single parent on benefits and of course it is difficult but it can definitely be done.
The good thing is is that you already have a home and I assume a bed, washing machine, fridge etc so you don’t need to worry about buying these things.
Anything you need for the baby you can get 2nd hand and so the only thing you need to spend your money on is food and bills and we can support you on here for the best way to make your money stretch.

Does anyone know what happens if you just walk out and go home leaving the baby?

They'll send the police out, probably. They'll need to check your welfare.

Do it properly if you're going to do it. Don't just abandon baby. In years to come, you and baby will both need to know you did everything right.

@solosunflower

I'm really sorry that you are feeling like this.
This is the absolute worst thing you could do for both you and your baby.
The hospital will know who you are - social services and the police will be able to trace you.
If the baby were to end up being adopted they will know this part of their story and it could be very damaging to them.
I'm not saying this to heap more guilt on to you.
I believe in your heart you love and want to keep this baby.
You can do it- you must seek help

I know you feel overwhelmed, you have a secure home and income and can easily have this topped up by UC and CB. I was left with 3 under 6s, no family, no job and a horrible flat, yes it was a struggle but we got there in the end.
When one of my DD was about 15 I said to her I was sad they had no grandparents or aunts, cousins etc and she said not all families have to be 100s of years old, ours starts with us 4.
Please talk to your midwife and get support in going forward.

I'm not maternal. I'm probably more like my mother than I realise. All I want now is to be free of this situation. I'm wondering about other practicalities such as my job. I will need to hand my notice in before maternity leave otherwise I will owe money for that. There is no way I can return to my job, which has always been my support network.

Do you mean you can't return if you give the baby up or if you keep it?

If I give up

The hospital will call Social Services and the baby will be taken into Foster Care. You'd be better off discharging yourself and telling the hospital you won't be taking baby with you to avoid wasting police time, then out searching the streets for a vulnerable person.

Have you spoken to Social Services? perhaps the baby could be taken into Foster Care while you sort yourself out, you'd get help with this and you'd be allowed to visit the baby if you wanted. You get time before making your final decision.

Tell me honestly @solosunflower how do you see your life? No baby, cut off from your job and friends. How is keeping the baby worse and more difficult than that ?
I think your post the other night was very revealing.
You talked to your mum, she said have the baby adopted and your response is to say you will never contact her again.
That sounds to me more like someone who was desperately hoping their mum would give you a huge hug and tell you she would be there for you.
That's what I would have done if I was your mum.
I don't think you are like your mum. I think you are lonely and frightened.
It isnt easy to abandon your baby. I suspect you may feel very different when they are here.
But if you were to walk out of the hospital you will be traced. Yes it's likely that the baby would be placed in foster care but there will be months of assessments, reports and legal proceedings.
If you are determined to give them up then do it the right way - for the baby's sake.
You cannot avoid social services and court involvement.
But again I urge you to seek help in real life, your friend and you must talk to your midwife.

I think you need help and therapy. But you don't need your mum so cut her out and stop listening to her. You have a home and a job. That's more than some people when their babies arrive. Babies can cost less than you'd think if you get second hand and don't get unnecessary rubbish the shops try to tell you you need.
I really hope you can keep your baby and enjoy them, bring them up and learn how to have a healthy loving relationship.
Which area of the country are you in? Someone may know of local support.

Also being realistic your ex and his family know you're pregnant. You could refuse to name him but he'll turn up at some point and he/ his family could end up with custody- how would you feel about that?
If you don't want to don't name him on the birth certificate (I wouldn't if I was you) he can go to court to get added if he wants to step up and be a dad. I'd also give baby your surname it'll make things easier for you (schools/ travel etc).

Take some time after baby is born to see how you feel.

Yes the police will be called to enact police powers to protect the child. That means they will liaise with social services for the child to be placed, police powers only last for 72 hours at the maximum so the Local Authority will need to make an urgent application to court to start proceedings so that they can obtain PR to ensure the child is cared for.

You could in theory sign section 20 to give the LA permission to care for your child but its not ideal just after birth and there are often queries about capacity, particularly in a situation like this, it may well be seen that you wouldnt have capacity to make such a decision although its not off the hoof.

The police are very unlikely to complete a welfare check for you in answer to another poster above.