35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

Hope baby group went well. I met one of my best pals at baby group.

Your baby, your name, don't have the father riding over your on that. He has literally left you holding the baby. I wouldn't be too trusting of him.

Great news about the baby group, hope you enjoy it and maybe meet another single mum there.

About the dad, very odd but I think you do have to give him a guarded chance. Obviously not moving in with him or giving baby his surname, but maybe he could start visiting and seeing him at least and then play by ear and trust your instincts!!

🤦‍♀️ Your ex sounds like he's all over the place and v manipulative. Approach with caution. If he wants to see the baby it should be in a contact centre.

Well done on baby group! Hope it goes well x

As others have said please don't give him his surname or put him on the birth certificate and definitely don't move in with him. I wouldn't trust him.

I'm just thinking why the sudden change of heart? He seemed against being a father.

Ignore the weird stuff about moving in etc.
You could suggest he can meet baby by coming for coffee coffee in a public café with baby + you + someone else you trust.

@solosunflower - you are doing so well. Not unusual at all for such a little baby to still cry a lot! Has anybody mentioned silent reflux to you? That was the issue with my eldest, he basically had heartburn all the time. In normal reflux they throw up a lot but with silent reflux they just get that acid coming up their throat feeling but don’t vomit so it’s harder to spot. Is he happier upright? If so worth asking your health visitor. If not he may just be a shouty baby!

Do keep chatting on here and trying to connect with people locally.

I don’t think you should let your ex back in your life really, I’m sure it must be tempting. But you cannot have an addict around your child. Record everything, persevere with the child maintenance claim. If he really wants access he can apply to court. Definitely do not put him on the birth certificate, that will cause you all kinds of legal troubles in future as you would need his consent to eg choose a school, travel abroad etc etc. He does not sound stable enough to have that kind of involvement.

So he ignores you and baby until you put a claim for CM in and then a complete turnaround?!
From all your posts it sound like you really want him to be part of your/your sons life and he is probably well aware and using it to his advantage now.
Also a drug addict around a baby..nope!

I cant help but agree, he is trying to get you to trust him so that he can start working on you @solosunflower I think he doesnt want the 'burden' of a child but he definitely wants the advantage of a girlfriend, he will try to 'groom' you into giving the baby up for adoption so that he can have all your attention and you'll be back to serving his needs.
he's seen you doing your best for your baby and he wants all that care & attention for himself.
Please protect yourself, I can imagine how you must long for the support that a good decent partner would bring to your & your baby's life, he's doing all he can to look like that kind of partner so that you trust him and let him back in.

He wasnt a good man before and I dont think he is now, it's just an act imo.

Just checking in to say for the love of God (or anything you believe in), do not let this man give your child his surname. He is unreliable and I understand you will be desperate to have any kind of support, but this is likely to backfire.

Also - you are doing amazingly. It's a real grind when they are newborns, but as they say, the days are long but the years are short. It will get easier. I promise. Keep going, and keep talking to us here.

Do not move in with him, do not give baby his last name. Take the money though and let him have contact and build a relationship with DC.

Please don't trust him he'll mess up your life I fear x

Hello all!

Sorry for the misunderstanding, baby group isn't until next Wednesday! I took my baby into town shopping today. This was the first time I've driven into the town centre and used the pram to push him around the shops. When I arrived it was very busy owing to a special food market taking place (I was unaware of this until I arrived). It was a hard experience, I have to be honest. He did cry the entire time I was there! I think he found the experience far too overwhelming. I did feel bad hearing him cry so much. A few lovely ladies stopped us and offered solidarity, which was a relief! I'm not entirely sure what to do in these circumstances? Do I go home or continue walking around with a crying baby? I've noticed some mums with the white noise lamb in their prams. My little guy is indifferent to white noise. I'm not keen on introducing a dummy.

My baby was registered a few weeks ago - he has my surname and I won't be changing that now. He did request that I closed the CM case and that he would pay me privately. I agreed to this and interestingly (or not) he's gone silent again! I expected that, I also expect him to have excuses as to why he can't pay me (I'll cross that bridge when it happens).

Thank you so much everyone for the support! Everyone has been so kind and understanding.

Am glad that everything is settling down OP you really are doing a fab job as a Mum 💕X

I know I don't 'know' you OP but you sound bloody brilliant. You should be really proud of yourself.

And as a first time mum to be here I would be so pleased if I met you because you're honest and open about how you're feeling instead of being a fake instamum!

Just thought I would say that as I think your attitude to everything and self awareness actually means you'll find some like minded, equally great people you have stuff in common with and can relax around. When you're ready and that doesn't feel too much, I mean.

Anyway, as I say I know I'm a stranger but I'm proud of you and hope you are too

Been following your thread for a wee while. Keep going, you’re doing a brilliant job. X

@solosunflower great work getting out and about with him, it's still really early. It defo took me a while and prob didn't go to baby groups till about 4/5 months.
It might have been overwhelming for him but it was good experience and he will get used to it. I personally would stay out until he has had a sleep and you've had a bit of peace. Ultimately he will realise he is safe and it fine to sleep when you're out and about, for you it will be a game changer and perfect timing what with summer on the horizon, you'll be able to get out more and enjoy the sun, and this will be great for your mood and confidence. The thing with babies is that they do adapt quickly, if you keep trying different things to sooth and calm, you do get these mini break throughs. Something that didn't work yesterday, might well work today.
Do you have a carrier? He might prefer this. But pram prob better when shopping as you can use it to carry your shop.
I was the same with dummies - I did cave a few times after bf was established and accepted their value (babies love to suck afterall) but she wasn't interested.

Definitely pursue via CM. He sounds so unreliable and very manipulative.

My child used to feel very overwhelmed too when I used to take him out shopping especially if it took long. He used to feel unsettled and tired when he came back home. Then as he got older he got used to it. It's never easy taking children shopping.

Has baby got any other symptoms to screaming? He could have reflux or an allergy to lactose?

This is our 3 week old right now, very uncomfortable, especially when they are on their back in a pram and they can't sleep in a larger crib so we take our moses basket upstairs. Vomiting lots of milk back up and crying in pain if I put them down.

Swaddling helps them sleep and holding upright.

OP just to say it's really unlucky that your baby happens to be a crier, must make things a lot harder. Sorry about the GP being so rubbish about it. Sorry again that the father is such a dead loss.

But it comes across from all your posts that you're really focused on your baby's wellbeing, observe closely, try stuff to calm him down, respond... that's lovely to read. You are breaking the cycle.

Here's hoping the baby group turns out well and that little one moves on from crying so much. It all sounds really hard. Give yourself a massive pat on the back, be proud of yourself, you've got every reason to be.

Dummies do have their place (and easier to bin than thumbs👍).

Does the pram face you or face forward? It might be worth trying a carrier.

You are doing a grand job on your own.

Well done OP you really are doing so well and you should be proud of yourself

the fact that some ladies offered you solidarity shows you that all mums know just how hard it is at the start. I had a screamer too and had several women come up to me in the streets and say I was doing a brilliant job - depending on how I felt I’d either say thank you, or I’d make a joke about how many doesn’t sleep / baby is demanding etc. As with everything, do what feel right for you.

I think the screaming when at the shops at that age is probably just that young baby’s prefer it when they’re being fed or held and the pram is neither 😂 pretty normal tbh. Ours didn’t used to be too bad in the pram but he hated the car until about 7 months 🙈

You might have more luck with a sling/baby carrier so that baby feels close to you. Or baby could have been hungry, not everyone feels comfortable doing so but I have breastfed in a lot of random places to stop the baby from crying.

Hope you enjoy the baby group next week!

@monsteramunch
Thank you so much. Very kind of you to say. I'm definitely no insta-mum! I'm coming to realise that having the best dressed baby doesn't equal the best mum! My baby has already grown out of a lot of items (and I didn't buy a lot), so I am really happy that I've not wasted money.

I think our little trip to the market was too long out and too overwhelming. I'm going to try again later in the week with a visit to a garden centre. He does really like the baby carrier, but I'm going to try the pram again because I want him to get use to it. The pram is facing me.

@TisforTucan Both HV and GP think 'colic'. I don't feel there is an underlying medical issue. I just think he's a high crier. I know I was similar as a baby - there are no baby pictures of me not crying....

There have been some nice positives and reassurances the last couple of days. Today the health visitor said how well baby's doing - good weight gain, very alert and responsive. He's 25th centile for weight and 91st for height! Bit of a long, slim baby at the moment! Also, I noticed he's managing to engage with his sensory toys for longer periods of time (not ages, but enough time for me to sort and fold some washing at the very least!). I even managed to paint my nails today. Plus he's now sleeping in the co-sleeper rather than my bed. I do enjoy co-sleeping in my bed, but he's wriggling so much in the night that he's moving all over the place. It no longer felt safe for me.

Father has paid me this month. He's all of a sudden feeling remorseful. Maybe because he pays me half what CM suggested and he doesn't want me to reopen the case. Who knows.