35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

Definitely sounds normal @solosunflower it's hard going for sure. All babies are different and my second wasn't go 2 hours either, pretty much feeding all the time. Once his little tummy gets a bit bigger he'll start settling for longer. Sounds like you're doing a brilliant job, you've got this ❤️

Hi it will get easier. 2 hours is all either of mine went.
Getting out to groups is only for your benefit, just giving you some adults to talk to and a reason to get out the house.

Your little one is only a week old. To have no routine is absolutely normal. You're being responsive to your baby's needs. At this point, that's absolutely spot on. Try to be kind to yourself: you're doing amazingly.

Slings are very useful. They can give you freedom if you have a baby that loves being held. You are doing great, responding to your baby's need is perfect. Try not to worry about doing everything right. Easier said than done, (I worried about everything with my first) but don't forget to treat yourself as raising a baby is very tiring.

I read your thread in the beginning and have just it picked up today. Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby and I'm glad you are in a much better place now. I also had my baby on my own and, although it was sometimes hard, I've never regretted it. I am a grandmother now.

Completely normal OP, dw 😊
It is exhausting whether you're on your own or with a partner
Sometimes a partner can be an extra irritant! Nah, who'd have thought?!!!

I think sometimes there are virtual groups/forums of, for example, breastfeeding mums

Not only full of useful tips and advice, obvs some of it conflicting as with any groups of individuals... just look at MN!!!... but also you can chat virtually to others, sleep deprived, up all night, mutual, virtual support.
There will be the u dyad l smug types, my baby slept through the night for 8 hours from the age of 1 day old kinda thing, never looked hungry or lost scary amounts of weight.. then DC 2 comes along...whoops! Young babies are wakeful at night revelation!!!!

You'll get there, you and your baby, dw!

I was a lone parent too OP and it is difficult.

Make sure you go to bed early and maximise your sleep.
I found sleep deprivation the most challenging.

Then when you feel more confident use nap times to paint your nails or sit and eat some chocolate or shower or exercise - anything that will make you feel more human.

Get a baby chair or put baby on the floor and get them used to being in it whilst you make food or go to the toilet.

It won’t harm them to cry for a few minutes whilst you’re using the toilet or are in the shower.

You can even get a sling so you can do the dishes or eat cold food and have your hands free.

Take the baby for walks in the pram outside as much as you can as it’ll make you feel much better.

It will get easier.

All completely normal. I swear bay of the advice, Instagram pages etc saying baby should be “sleeping X amount” “feeding X amount” “in a routine” are just out there to make Mums feel bad / make mums sign up to their pricey sleep consultation courses.

Your baby had only just been born so all he knows is what he needs to stay alive. I used to BF my baby constantly when she was a newborn. I read books / Instagram like you saying “feed every x hours.” Load of nonsense my tiny baby was hungry and wanted to be on my boob for comfort too And I wasn’t doing to deny what she wanted. She has since grown out of comfort feeding by herself (4 months) and feeds much less (again by herself). Re going in the cot - babies just want to feel secure and you are all he knows. You provide him with all the security he needs hence wanting to cuddle with you. Completely normal despite what the “sleep gurus” say on Instagram.

You said you are responding on demand to what your baby needs when he needs it. That is amazing and all your baby needs. Well done you. Keep doing what you feel is right and working and ignore the above Instagram pages trying to make your baby into a regimented person when he is so small.

It is exhausting but it will pass. My baby is 4.5 months and honestly I find some days wonderful now.

You are doing a great job and are a great mummy. My advice is to do what works for you xxx

@solosunflower all totally normal. But yes oh so very hard all on your own. You mentioned a friend from work who has children. Is there any way she can pop over to just watch the baby while you have a shower/ nap/ walk?

Hi OP,
Completely normal! For the first few months baby will still think you are both one being. He will be very clingy to you because you're his safe person. He will feed lots too, all important for his development. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job for your little boy💙

@solosunflower

Sleep deprivation, as well as all the rest, can be terrifying because of the effects it has on your body in terms of cerebral irtitation, fury etc.

Some details changed here for obvs reasons but I have a vivid memory of standing beside the open bedroom window on a hot night with dc2, aged about 2 months, and seriously thinking that if I threw him out of it at least the crying would stop for a minute or 2, then I could go out and pick up this most precious baby and continue feeding and soothing him. Terrifying.

For context he is now a very much loved young adult ds. I remember thinking I cannot tell my dh, very much loved then and now, because, due to his professional background, he may have felt duty bound to have called SS. Terrifying but it passed. My strategy was to put the screaming baby safely back in his cot, walk out of the room, shut the door, return in about 2 mins, cuddle him close safely away from the window.

You're doing great, OP

Morning sunflower, this all sounds completely normal, I remember feeling shocked about the frequency as well. And yes all you can do is feed, eat/drink, watch tv and sleep for a couple of weeks. Can you get shopping delivered? I just got everything delivered and luckily had Deliveroo app too.
OP have a look if there's any local doulas who could take him for a couple of hours a week whilst you have a bath / get a small bit of headspace? X

@solosunflower - yep, that's pretty much normal for the first few weeks!! Please don't worry about trying to spot a pattern or implement any routine. For now, it will just be feed whenever, - it can feel endless! My newborn was called 'Limpet' cos he seemed permanently attached to me!!

Main thing is to ensure you're able to sleep a little, and safe co-sleeping in bed is definitely the best way to achieve that.

Sounds normal, op. Best thing I ever did when my first was 9 months was ignore routines and sleep schedules. Once I just accepted that babies are all different and followed his lead on it all, it became less stressful (still knackering though).
My second is 11 weeks now and we're out the fog of the newborn days, I get decent stretches at night 3-4 hours) and his tummy is settling down so no more 3am digestive grunting for 3 hours anymore.
You're doing the right thing responding to him. These early days are exhausting and it feels like they'll last forever but they don't, I promise.

The hospital where my oldest was born, in the US, made all new parents watch a video called 'the fourth trimester', about the first three months after birth. Idea being that during that time, you're sort of trying to recreate the womb environment - swaddled, warm ( but not too warm), calm, lots of ssshhh noises (apparently the placenta makes hissing noises). Feeding whenever required, no attempt to create structure yet.

No idea if the reasoning stands up but it helped me because it gave me permission to just go with the flow, nest, sleep whenever, eat whenever....

But it sounds like it would be good if you let some friends in before too long. Being friends they won't mind mess.

You're a star

Hello all.

I don't feel ready for visitors if I'm honest. My day is so unpredictable, and goes so fast. I've managed to get out a couple of times to the supermarket and I'm getting a bath when baby is sleeping. Once things settle down, I'll look to eating better. The Lime team visited today about breast feeding. Feedback was that we're both doing everything right. It is toe curling when he latches. Seems to be a combination of previous trauma and baby having a strong suckle. I do think it will settle down eventually, just got to keep persevering. I like what was said up thread about letting baby lead regarding routines etc. That seems less stressful and regimented.

Do you think I should try and make the father aware that his son has been born? Unsure how when I've been blocked, though.

Hi OP. Sounds like you're doing amazingly well, congratulations! If BF continues to be awful then really don't feel bad about switching to bottles - he's had the colostrum and the initial bonding. I had preemie twins and had to bottle feed after expressing initially, and there are definitely pros and cons for both. But bottle feeding means longer gaps between feeds, and confidence as to how much they've had, so it's not all bad. Please don't worry if you feel that's a route you need to consider.

In terms of telling their biological father - then I agree you should try just so he can't ever throw it back at you in future. Do you have any mutual friends who could let him know? Or who could share if you posted something on somewhere like FB? He's clearly a shit who won't react but then you will be able to relax in that you tried. But if you can't then don't panic - it doesn't sound as though you owe him anything, and he could always track you down if he wants to know.

Good luck with everything. I wasn't a single parent so can't imagine how that is, but my sister told me when mine were young that every stage just gets better and better, and I have found that to be true (with a few minor blips along the way....).

I hope it all works out wonderfully for you! .

The early days do feel relentless and like groundhog day but honestly, and everyone says it, but it goes so so fast.

It doesn't feel like it when you're in the thick of it but I remember googling things like can you die from lack of sleep when my eldest was 2 weeks old because she was such a horrible sleeper. I cannot believe that that was years ago now.

It's tough, and it's tough even with help so i appreciate it must feel very consuming on your own. you can do it though - we can do amazing things when we have to. You will soon find your baby starts a much more reliable nap routine - every day is nearer to this, we are talking within weeks it will be more reliable.

Try and enjoy it as much as you can in this little bubble as tough as it can be - I miss it at times.

As for telling the dad, are you open to him wanting contact? Or do you just think it's the right thing to do?

It all sounds so normal. You are doing a great job and your baby is getting all it needs.

Thank you everyone.
I've had a lot of tears this morning. I feel sad that the father is such a loser! And it's my fault. I have come to the decision I won't try and contact him any further. I really am done with him. I did put a note through his door a couple of weeks back to say that I was not far off giving birth etc. It would be very easy for him to make contact.

Put the father out of your mind if you can, at least for now - it's not your fault he's a loser. You sound like you're doing really well and are a great and responsive mum to your boy! You are all he needs

@solosunflower
Honestly you are better off without him.

It's about you and your baby. Its perfectly natural and normal to think about how different things could have been. You are allowed a wallow.
But I wouldn't look too far ahead. The future will take care of itself.
I am reliably informed that the weather is about to get better. It will be easier when you can get out and about and see people.
Your work colleagues sound lovely. Can you take him in to see them? Let them make a huge fuss of him and someone can make you a cup of tea.
You have come such a long way in a few weeks. You should be very proud of yourself. It only gets better from here

I would forget him, like you say he could unblock you and make contact if he wanted to and he clearly doesn't want to, you and your son deserve much better than to be chasing after him and him not caring.

Focus on you now ❤️

Ah don’t bother. Honestly it’s actually a bit of a gift if they don’t want contact. Co parenting by and large is hideous. I’m so grateful my dd’s dad is not in the picture. She’s my best friend and we have a lovely relationship.

@solosunflower hey don't cry.
The father might be a looser but this wee baby of yours has one mighty good mother.

And that's all he needs. You stay strong. You can do this.