35 weeks pregnant, how to put baby up for adoption

[solosunflower]

As the title says really, how would I start this process?

@winningeasy
I don't think you can work and get SMP at the same time.
Other than the 14 keeping in touch days. My youngest is now 6 so things might have changed.

My understanding from work is that after three months I'd have to work two days then put holidays in to bump up the hours. I wouldn't be able to access SMP. Three months doesn't feel like it will be enough. I am keen to try and retrain or increase my income somehow.

I am using the Peanut app. It can be a bit of a downer though when everyone chats about their partner and the endless, expensive baby items they have bought. I know there are plenty of others in my shoes, just need to find them. I hate the feeling of being stuck. I want to at least have a long-term plan to prosper.

@winningeasy I am having a boy too!

@solosunflower

its so lovely to see you sounding so much more positive.

on the financial front don’t forget you will be entitled to child benefit which us around £80 a month. And you need to look at universal credit.

@solosunflower
You do sound so much more positive.
Have you spoken to you mortgage provider to see if they can reduce your payments while on Mat leave?

I think it might also be worthwhile speaking with Citizens Advice on what other benefits and possibly council tax reduction you can claim.

This might sound daft but you might be better on SMP with UC top ups than working full-time and paying childcare. Fingers crossed 🤞 that they introduce the free childcare from age 1 because that will make a huge difference to so many people.

Have you thought about names for the baby?

BTW those who boast about expensive baby items will quietly be kicking themselves when you boast about your bargains.

@solosunflower babies don’t care for expensive items - they care for cuddles. And milk xxx

It's nice to see you sounding a bit more upbeat @solosunflower . You can do it xx

@Sugarfree23 You are quite possibly right that SMP and UC would be slightly better, but I think for my mental health a couple of days work a week would be beneficial. Three months will be too early, though. I'm pretty much sure of that.

I've also been looking at self-studying AAT in the hope of moving into finance eventually. I don't know whether this will be do-able whilst on maternity, but at the very least I may be able to do some reading or watch videos, which would help.

I spoke to the specialist midwife today. Although, it doesn't seem they can do a lot to improve my situation, it was nice to have someone to genuinely listen and validate my concerns regarding my mother. We both agreed that I love my baby and that I'm very anxious right now about the future. She was very kind.

I did have a name, however driving to work the other day I changed my mind!

Thank you everyone for your support!!

I'm not looking forward to going to CMS either. The father does not have a mortgage (bought outright from a work accident payout). He is always in his overdraft due to drugs issues. It's hard to think about how much he will hate me.

@solosunflower it will be tough but it will be doable.

Use your Mat leave to do a bit of study but also use it to build yourself a support network. Look out for free / low cost groups in libraries, community centres and churches. Buggy walks in parks is another good one.

I really wish you well.

I'm in my 40s and get to raise and financially provide my 1st DC alone. Changed jobs and got pregnant, no maternity pay from the company. Was very hard! This time round 10 years later have wonderful husband and finally financially ok, nothing I would buy new for second baby and it would be bare minimum.The absolute luxury for the baby is endless attention, breastfeeding if it worked out and being next to mum. Who cares about stuff

Re who cares about stuff from Sundandstars 123 and some others, hear hear hear!
I have this vivid picture of you meeting other mums irl and laughing about some of the Peanut posters. There are real friends for you out there.
It's good to hear you sounding more positive.
Your baby will be proud to have you as his mum. You've got this

Love this! And I know you are all correct about the baby items! I really enjoy bargain hunting on Vinted. I follow a solo mum on Instagram and she lives on a canal boat with her 8 month old baby. It really does give an idea of how to nurture a baby with the bare amount of items. They are both very happy and often go on wonderful adventures, including train rides to London.

I do think everything would be easier if my baby's father had some involvement. I found out last night that his half brother (he didn't have contact with him) committed suicide a few months back.

I was going to ask for some advice too, please. A guy I used to chat to in the past has been in touch. He wants to meet for a Costa as friends. He is aware I'm pregnant. Does this seem suspicious?

@solosunflower you are sounding so much more upbeat.

Honestly I'd maybe meet in Costa but only as a friend, Nothing more.
I think you are very vulnerable right now to being sucked into a dodgy relationship. When you have enough on your plate to deal with.

I think I've been able to look at things a bit more objectively. I was looking at adoption with rose-tinted glasses. Speaking with the specialist midwife has helped too. I feel more validated in cutting off my mother. I do feel a sense of freedom. I was worrying about what my mother would think about my baby's name, which is absolutely ridiculous! I think one day I will move to a new area completely. Perhaps somewhere near the sea. For the time being I know I must stick it out around these parts.

Yes, I was thinking just to break up the day and get out the house. It will be a challenge because I do think I suffer from anxiety.

I know this is a totally different situation but when I had my first baby DH was away Monday-Friday. I definitely used to get out the house every day, even if it was a wander to the shops to window shop or asda for dinner.

This might sound bonkers but if you are in away way religious, churches can provide a huge amount of support for people. And give you somewhere to go on a Sunday.

You sound like you're doing so well OP, it's lovely to hear you are feeling more positive. We're all here for you too

I do struggle a lot with how the father has had no contact at all for months. I think part of me thought he would check in eventually, but now I think we'll never speak again.

@Sugarfree23 Thank you for the suggestion. I prefer to keep away from churches, if I'm honest.

I have some ideas about breaking up the week. There is a pram walking group where I work, I would like us to go swimming once a week, there is also a local sensory/message group which looks good. I will also try and catch up with a work friend once a week too.

Check out the library for Bookbug, I'm sure bookbug is a national thing, few kids songs and maybe a craft session for older babies.

Hello Sunflower,

Glad you are feeling a bit more positive. Are there any baby groups in the area? Quite good for meeting other mums.

Re your toxic mother, there's a support group called Stately Homes (I'm a regular in there) within the Relationships topic that you may find useful to read / share on. It's safe to say you should not give two hoots what she thinks about your baby's name!

I'd avoid relationships with men of any sort right now, and focus on building your female network. The time will come for new romances I am sure but it's all about you/yourself and your baby right now, no room for anyone else.

Xx

I would suggest there's no harm in meeting up in Costa as friends and seeing how things go, OP. It's lovely to hear you being positive and upbeat with some really good, practical ideas too

In many circumstances its much better its so much better not to have father involved. Its a rsal bonus! It sets you FREE for the future! You can't imagine how miserable wrong men can make your life! Talking from my own experience and friends experience. Better not to get father mentioned in birth certificate. It sets you free for a happy future! Without court ordeals.

Just some advice would be to put your own surname on birth certificate only you as the childs parent.
also be wary of getting involved while you’re so vulnerable with an ex or any man.
good luck, you’ll love being a mum!

Exactly what sunandstars says above