No visitors at birth - how to break the news

154 replies

LettucesAndRoses · 03/02/2023 13:39

Hello,

So we've decided we don't want anyone coming at the time of the birth. We live far away from our parents and don't want a circus in town two weeks prior and after just to make sure they don't miss the birth. It's a second baby and we also prefer DC1 stays with her dad when I'm in hospital, she will be a lot more settled this way and it will give us peace of mind.
We will also wait 6-8 weeks at least to introduce DC2, when germs are not as big a risk and we're all more settled.

Our parents assumed without asking that they would come. Any advice on how to break the news firmly but kindly?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

saraclara · 04/02/2023 10:30

I wouldn't put grandparents in the same category as grand aunts extended family or friends. Granny is your mum who was bloody scared for you and wants to see her baby is okay. Granny is his mum who waited at home worrying for her baby going through the first scary thing he's probably ever had to do in his life the fear doesn't go away for your parents just because you are a parent.

Absolutely that. If you want to keep everyone else away, then fine. But don't underestimate the power of the feelings that the grandparents will have for you and for their new grandchild. Absent any abuse etc, it's unreasonable and unkind to ban them for two months, alongside your second cousin and your neighbours.

Derbee · 05/02/2023 11:45

PMAmostofthetime · 03/02/2023 22:10

I think you just have to tell them your wishes, send the same message to everyone at the same time. This is your child and you have to do what's right for you.

I will be telling my family that there's will be no visits first few days out of hospital and after that while OH if off work for the limited time there will be short visits. People can come and have longer than 15 mins when OH is back in work he gets 2 weeks and I don't want him not to get anytime with the baby.

Maybe I'd not give a time scale and just say when we are ready we will invite you to meet the new addition that's what I will be saying.

I think the world has done mad when grandparents, great auntys and uncles, extended family and friends think it's ok to come and visit first day out of hospital and stay for hours x

Everyone’s different. I think the world has gone mad when people want to keep their families away from their new addition to the family. It’s such a special time.

Also grouping grandparents together with great aunts and uncles etc is ridiculous.

We had 11 of our closest family meet us at home as we came back from the hospital with our newborn baby. It was such a wonderful evening all sitting together and having our baby welcomed by a big loving family.

AnotherNameChangeYes · 05/02/2023 13:13

You sound incredibly precious. Are you going to keep your first child shut in the house for 6-8 weeks?

PMAmostofthetime · 05/02/2023 21:24

@Derbee and that was right for you but it's not right for everyone.

My friends mother very recently would sit in her house for hours just days after she was out of hospital, they would hint and ask her politely to leave and she'd say I'm just helping.

We don't know OP's situation and what happened last time and the fact that people have to stay with them makes it difficult.

My mother would insist if she was visiting so and so should be able visit too and that would end up in an argument.
So I've set out expectations before the baby is even here.

Yes everyone wants to meet the baby- how ever saying certain things can be triggering.

It's mother and fathers wishes and that's how it should be. Grandparents are very important but they are not parents and do not get a say in what happens.

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