Dad's overnight on postnatal wards - yay or nay?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Taking this debate off another thread so as not to derail

For me, unless you book and pay for a private room, overnights are for mums and their babies only.

No recovering woman should have to handle overnights with upwards of 4 stranger men sitting in chairs in close proximity to their bed.

Dad's there to care for the woman and baby is unacceptable - not their job. Not at the expense of the other women wanting privacy overnight.

Your reply makes no sense at all.

@Princesspollyyy I'll clarify. If:

Baby and I are on a postnatal ward overnight; and
Men are allowed to stay on that ward overnight

Why wouldn't he and I choose for him to stay (as permitted) other than on the off chance it makes Sharon in bed 5 uncomfortable? Despite the fact that other women could have their partners there if they chose to.

I'd support badly behaved men being kicked off of course, but if a man is going to be predatory towards women, they would have the opportunity to do that at any time during the day. The only way to prevent things like that entirely is not to allow men at all!

We were given a private room for free for my 5 day stay after DD developed sepsis and was taken to NICU at 23hrs old, and i had a different infection. It meant DH could come and go but more importantly i didnt have to be surrounded by healthy babies when i wasnt sure we would be going home. I thought that was standard practice. I'm so sorry if you didn't get the same experience 💐

Reasons my DP didn’t stay with our first: I’d had an EMCS after a traumatic five-day labour and it was clear I’d be in hospital a while, so it made sense he went home and got a decent night’s sleep so he could effectively support me during the day. I didn’t want both of us sleep-deprived and miserable. Another reason was I knew I didn’t want to be on a ward with other people’s husbands and partners, so why be hypocritical? Plus I’d started out with a home birth so I wanted him back at home clearing up the pool and the chaos so when I was discharged I could come home to calm. We had a cat to look after. I’d eaten all my snacks in labour and hadn’t been expecting a section so I sent him away to replenish food and bring me nighties not PJs, etc.

But mostly it was that DD and I were the patients and we each had beds and staff to look after us. DP’s bed was at home and it made sense (and to me, still makes sense) for him to be there, recharging, so he would be better placed to support me in the coming days – during visitor hours.

Thanks for sharing @bussteward. I think I'd rather him support during the night so I could maximise sleep where possible and then him leave during the daytime hours but I guess what's required will be different depending on the circumstances. After being there for 5 nights I imagine you were both desperate to get home!

The after care was brilliant…only two women to a room and a 3 day hospital stay for every mum with fantastic nurses and drs. Food was delicious too! There was absolutely no need for partners to step up to help with care.

The after care was brilliant…only two women to a room and a 3 day hospital stay for every mum with fantastic nurses and drs. Food was delicious too! There was absolutely no need for partners to step up to help with care.

This is a red herring. If we provided private rooms then men could stay and they should! Nothing like setting up from the beginning that the baby is his to care for!

Nay from me. I think the ward is loud and crowded enough.

The only way to prevent things like that entirely is not to allow men at all!

you're right, that is the answer.

Banning men from wards altogether is totally not necessary. This nonsense was never an issue years ago. Visiting times like other hospital wards is the way forward..

Yep. Exactly what I said. Hence me going home om agony after less than 24 hours after a section just to escape. There was zero help there anyway so no point being there. As another poster said, no adjustments made for me being disabled, either. And they told me my child with a tongue tie didn't have one evem thougj you could see it and I showed them so she couldn't feed properly. The NHS is a disgrace.

The answer is that the NHS provide proper post-natal wards with private rooms and private ensuites to give new motherssome dignity and privacy and then whether anybody chooses to have a partner there lr not will not affect anybody else. And that nurses maybe start answering the buzzers occasionally, as a bonus.

And therein likes the crux of it.

I'd still argue if you have a baby on NICU that is borderline for survival there should be allowances, like not being bedded next two new screaming infants, but for my twins it would have been fine

I can see an argument for separate areas of the ward for women who’s partners want to stay and those that don’t but it might not be practical in all hospitals. Private rooms would be even better.

I don’t know how I would have got by without my partners help after my C-section. The first night I still had the catheter and couldn’t get out of bed and the ward was chronically understaffed so no one would come for ages when pressing the button. That time in hospital helped him bond with DD and learn the basics about caring for her.

It's very common indeed to be disabled (if temporarily) by the birth, by lack of sleep, by emotional upheaval and it's very odd to imagine a new mother could look after a newborn alone in those conditions. It's hardly rare to need someone there to share looking after the baby and to look after the mother.
Complaining to pals after the event is not going to do much for the effects of trauma.
We'd need a lot of private rooms. We certainly need more staff and especially staff who actually support new mothers rather than refuse to as they did in my case.

My own experience of using Pals after my horrific experiences at UCLH were appalling.

Just want to add, people saying that people
Can "use the curtain" we weren't allowed to. Every time I closed mine one of the staff would come whip it open. One of the midwives explained it was so that they could make sure everyone was ok. You were only supposed to have them fully around when you were bing examined, getting changed, breastfeeding, or on a night.

Speak to any nurse or midwife and they will agree that men should not be staying overnight on a maternity ward.

Good for them.

When they can guarantee that they'll respond to a buzzer call within a maximum of two minutes, rather than two hours - so thaz a newborn baby who has only been in the world a few hours isn't ledt distressed and hungry in a cot with a mother who has ahd significant surgery unable to pick them up to hold of feed them, which then adds tk the trauma the mother has suffered already - then maybe their opinion will be worth listening to.

I am sure lots of women who have needed help from partners would be happy to have a rest in hospital with medical staff actually doing their jobs properly.

Until then, their opinions are worth as much as the dirty toilet roll we all flush.

Completely agree. The question should ne "why are post-natals wards not all private rooms? Where are the staff?"

Nobody should have to pay for a private room. It should be automatic for everyone.

Exactly. The "health service" is a disgrace. If they can't even offer women proper care at the most vulnerable time in their lives, of to newborn babies, then there is no point in them.

If parents are that desperate not to share a ward with the partners of postpartum women, then they can book and pay for the private room so that women who need care can get it.

What? No, in many hospitals they are not allowed to do this even if they wish to. Where have you got this information from, that you think all hospitals offer this choice? They don't!!

Exactly.