Dad's overnight on postnatal wards - yay or nay?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Taking this debate off another thread so as not to derail

For me, unless you book and pay for a private room, overnights are for mums and their babies only.

No recovering woman should have to handle overnights with upwards of 4 stranger men sitting in chairs in close proximity to their bed.

Dad's there to care for the woman and baby is unacceptable - not their job. Not at the expense of the other women wanting privacy overnight.

@BunchHarman oh that’s the solution silly me duh of corse that’s the bloomin solution!!! But they aren’t there are they so the dads are having to step in. You can’t leave women that have just had exhausting labours ending in abdominal surgery alone with a baby that they can’t even pick up out of the crib. What part of that don’t you get????

You're very naive to think that some wouldn't want to look.

Dad on the other side was a fundamentalist Christian who spent over an hour lecturing the new brother about what God expected of him now he had a baby sister. That was in the daytime though!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Madness, again so every dad who stays on the ward is an abuser?? It's amazing that so many women here have got pregnant given their views on men.

I gave birth in Italy a couple of months ago and dads were only allowed to visit for two hours a day! I would have loved longer visiting times but am really glad there were no loud men hanging around the ward at all hours…the crying babies were loud enough!

@rebecca100

Madness, again so every dad who stays on the ward is an abuser?? It's amazing that so many women here have got pregnant given their views on men.

She said 'some men', not 'every dad'.

the main reason I object to men on the wards overnight is the sheer amount of noise and general lack of consideration when the ward is supposed to be winding down and be quiet save for babies and the usual first nights with a newborn.
I wish someone had told the women on my ward this whole thought nothing of spending hours loudly on speakerphone the entire night. Absolutely fucking livid.

Oh and the snoring from the other women, I swear I felt like I was next to a fucking dying pig.

I agree with @mathanxiety everything about postnatal wards are horrific. I’m choosing to only have one child as I was too uncomfortable about everything the ward was. And there was absolutely no men in sight as this was thorough covid

What was the aftercare like and how were you physically? Because in a ward overflowing with paid carers, great. Screaming twins because I can't move post C section, less so

Plenty of men do.

I have skin in this game. My sister gave birth under general. She had a full praevia. She lost her body’s blood twice over. After being transfused, I believe it was her second night, she was taken to the ward. She had to be observed and was made to have her curtains open. She has very large breasts and the partner of the woman opposite, took several photographs of her on his phone while she tried to establish breastfeeding. The flash went off on one occasion, alerting her. She was unable to get up but called a midwife and told her. The man was spoken to and asked to leave. Both the man and his partner kicked off but he did leave eventually, calling my sister a name. My sister felt sickened and violated. Because she was.

She was kept in hospital for over a week. The turnover of men she saw was pretty high. She experienced being stared at a lot, men using the women’s toilets and urinating all over the floor, snoring, farting, they brought in smelly food, watched films late without headphones, made loud calls, watched loud sport and shouted out (I witnessed this and told him to shut the fuck up), didn’t help with their crying babies, and one man pestered his partner for a blow job in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep.

So no, not all men behave this way, but as is evidenced by many, many women’s lives experiences, many do. And it’s horrific.

Obviously the dad has to be there overnight to help.
The mother has often undergone a traumatic ordeal and is in pain, so sleep-deprived she cannot think straight, is in an intense emotional state and is possibly unable to move much so cannot lift the baby.
I gave birth in 2012 and even back then, before the now worse staffing cuts, the staff refused to lift my baby out of the cot or put him back for me, so he was in danger (as I couldn't hold him all night and was unable to do it myself).
Presumably mother's and babies aren't staying overnight after the birth if there aren't medical needs, so it's likely they will need the support of partners.
Obviously it would be better if we had private cubicles or rooms, or indeed if there were enough caring, sympathetic staff willing and able to help ...but we don't.

Are you having issues with comprehension? Why are you so protective of the poor men?

@Sleepless1096 Yes, but those strangers are qualified and vetted medical staff with a duty of care to you, which includes protecting your dignity as best possible and acting in your best interests. Not some random man whose partner just happens to have given birth around the same time as you.

um no not all of them are qualified, alot of them are students studying in uni, or shadowing senior professionals. And you're also forgetting that there is alot of medical biases in the NHS, reports of black and ethnic minorities women being left unattended for hours, and statistically black women are four times more likely to die during childbirth. You can't JUST rely on the staff, it's their job yes, but they don't have your best interests at heart like your dp does and often they're ran off their feet and exhausted from a 12 hour shift anyway.

Ok...on that basis I can see the reasons to ban them. Never come across it myself: the behaviour of the nurses and midwives was more the problem when I had mine.
Either way, we need our NHS better funded so we can have safe care. :(

Sorry what about when the mum has a c section

I recently gave birth and had insufficient help to lift and feed my daughter when the spinal still meant I couldn’t move my legs

what then

so it’s a yay from me

Ultimately it is a women's ward and the needs of all the women on their have to be taken into account. And that means no men staying overnight.

I loved having my husband around to help me throughout the days, but I wasn't keen on men (or women tbh) that I didn't know being around while I was not feeling great. I just wanted to be in my own home, but being in what is essentially a huge bedroom full of strangers is bloody awful.

I wouldn't have appreciated blokes being around the ward at night while I was going back and forth to the toilet, trying to establish feeding etc.

Having said that, allowances should be made for women who have had a particularly traumatic time, have disabilities, still under the influence of an epidural etc unless the staff can guarantee full proper care and support.

I wish someone had told the women on my ward this whole thought nothing of spending hours loudly on speakerphone the entire night. Absolutely fucking livid.

This too. Infuriating. Talking on the phone, playing online games, watching tv. Some patients (not just in maternity) are confined to bed and can’t be expected to lie in silence but wtf people think it’s ok to make noise all of the day and night I don’t know.
Someone in, I think, Germany has been charged with manslaughter for turning a fellow patients ventilator off in the grounds of noise, which is admittedly a little too far but unnecessary noise from socialising and entertainment should be minimised for a good 10 hours at night and a 2-3 hour block during the day.
Staff should remember to keep it down too.

As I explained above, there’s no need for that, as many wards allow fathers to stay.

As it happens we did have a private room for each of ours, and given the state of some replies on here am glad of it.

Perhaps they could have wards for those with partners overnight and others where no visitor overnight. The mother decides what she wants.

@cupofdecaf this is actually a great idea.

Agree.

a lot of man haters on here

and a lot of women haters too - for shaming certain women who need additional help than the woman who effortlessly breathes out her baby and heads home an hour later.

No she is not being protective of the poor men

she is being protective of the poor women

Are all these men trained as nurses?

If no, they have no business being seconded to provide nursing care.

Proper, responsive, professional nursing care is needed for post natal patients, not the appalling, amateurish setup currently available.

I would have preferred an untrained DP than no one.

Agree 100% @BunchHarman

Hard no from me. I didn't even want them there while I gave birth.