Absurd Reactions to Gender!?

[Lalallals248]

I have recently discovered that our third and final child is another boy - we already have two, so no daughters for us. We've had multiple miscarriages between our pregnancies so a healthy pregnancy that survived the first trimester was our main priority, but I admit I did have a strong preference for a daughter and felt quite sad when I realised it was a boy, which I think is only natural when it's your final baby and you have the same gender.
Anyway, the thing that is getting me the most is other people's reactions to my news! While I do feel it's acceptable for me to be sad that I'm not going to have a daughter, other people seem to be feeling like this is the very worst thing that could have happened to me and I've had nothing but negative comments and outpourings of sympathy! I am quite sensitive and it's genuinely making me very, very sad, to the point that I've stopped sharing gender with other people and I just feel a little deflated that nobody seems to be happy for me.
Some comments I've received so far:
'Ouch, three boys? I don't envy you there.'
'Oh, another boy? I don't know whether to congratulate you or just say sorry!'.
'Aww, it's not your fault, you couldn't choose. It'll be okay when he's here.' (This was actually one of the nicest comments I've had).
'Oh you'll be the mother-in-law - so no-one at the Christmas table when you're older; there'll be with their wives' families!'.
'Aww, sons are temporary family members - remember: a son's a son til' he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for life'.
'Three boys - you don't even like sports, do you? Poor thing'.
'There's no point trying again, sadly; when you've had three, you'll get another boy don't put yourself through it'.
'Aww, maybe you just can't carry girls - look at all those you lost.'
Not one person has congratulated me and the things they've said have really shocked me and, tbh, upset me! I'm no longer telling people gender because the looks/comments I get are just awful and I admit I'm quite sensitive! My SIL has three girls and while she said she had a few people asking if she'd try once more for a boy, she's had nothing to the length I've had! Why are people so mean about boys?!?! And why do they feel they have the right to make people feel sad at a happy time :(

Aww, maybe you just can't carry girls - look at all those you lost WTAF

Who are all these people I couldn't imagine anyone I know saying any of this

People are wankers. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m sure your son will be absolutely lovely with his own unique and wonderful personality xxx

YABU to say "gender" instead of "sex."

Your post is one of the reasons why I think it's ridiculous for people to know in advance if they're having a boy or a girl.

I have 4 nephews (in one family) and can't imagine saying any of these things to my family. All the boys are amazing. And I'm sure the specifics, about them not really being in your family, won't turn out to be tue case. I'm so sorry people have said things like this to you. I think you're right to stop telling people this one is a boy as well. Hopefully people won't be so tactless once he is born!

Congratulations, OP, on another beautiful boy!

Truly awful comments from so called friends. Huge congrats on your little bundle , healthy baby is all we ever wish for.
Ignore and enjoy your own little family

What the fuck circles do you move in?

My bf has 3 boys and people were thrilled for her. She had the odd comment about trying again for a girl but thankfully, none of her friends or family are arseholes.

Seriously, not one person has congratulated you?

Boys are a handful so I’m not surprised by the comments. I have two and the thought of a third would make my head spin but I do know a school mum who has three and they’re amazing boys.

just put your chin up and enjoy your pregnancy. The stuff about daughter for life is absolute nonsense. My DP has a wonderful relationship with his mother and even pays some of her bills now ages older.

Right and girls can't be a handful?!

Jesus, who are these people?

When friends have told me news like this I've done the normal thing and said congratulations and "I think it's quite nice having all the same" (which I do think - both things are nice. All the same and some of each). I know someone with five boys and it's lovely.

And my daughter is much more of a "handful" than my son tbh. Ridiculous comments

I had one comment from an older inlaw concerned about the family name not being passed on and that was it.

Oh, OP, people can be such fools! I have one child, a son, and people knew when he was born that he would be our only child, and my SILs in particular were all handwringing and woe, assuming I was putting a brave face on my devastation that my future wasn’t going to feature pink-clad mini-mes and mother-daughter spa days, or something.

Try to recognise that other peoples’ insanity is just that — theirs. You have a right to your own complex and understandable feelings. Best wishes for the rest of the pregnancy.

Pmsl that was quick! 🤣

I know. Just helps reinforce the stereotypes behind these awful comments OP has experienced.

Congratulations Op! I have boys too. I’m currently sat here watching them hide in a duvet cover playing with their superhero Lego figures thinking I can’t see them. I remember those comments when I was pregnant too but I wouldn’t change my life or children for anything. Listening to them giggling away just makes my heart full of love and pride. Come Christmas morning, our house will be full of Lego, dinosaurs, cars etc. and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have three sons. It's all hyperbolic bullshit and I've also heard it a lot.

I go out for dinner with my 19 year old and shopping. We talk deep topics in the early hours in a way I have never conected with anyone else in my life.

Ds15 and me do regular tea and cake. We hold hands in public. He is always by my side

Ds10 is currently asleep beside me and was rubbing my back while I coughed last night.

Who knows where they will all be at 25? I don't think we will one day stop loving each other

People are so insensitive. People sometimes say something just because they are trying to be funny but it certainly isn't.

I completely understand the slight disappointment as I have got 3 boys and when we found out about the third it took me a little while to get used to it.

However it was short lived and I love having three boys. They are all so different. I still get comments about the challenge of three boys but I now 'own it'.

people say it if you have two the same though, i get “sure you don’t want to try for a boy”- nope!

out of interest would you have gone for a third had you already had one of each sex?

Congratulations on your healthy pregnancy. Three boys is fabulous!

Not much help to you now but these type of comments are a good argument against finding out the sex before birth! People less likely to comment negatively, and I think parents less likely to be disappointed, if the sex is only known on delivery of a baby. So maybe tell people you don't know the sex yet? Or that having a third child was your dream and you don't care which sex it is and suggestions you would be disappointed are hurtful and rude.

For those asking who's saying this, it's mainly older relatives/friends of the family - aunts/uncles who've had a mix of genders (my husband's generation seems to be producing only the same with predominantly girls) but I've also had comments at work, too! People on the school run, too. My mum mainly does pick up and she's stopped telling people as well because she's even had sympathy! It's really shocked me.

Sorry - you're right; I should have said sex! My now middle son loves to wear princess dresses and is obsessed with unicorns so is stereotypically 'feminine' in his gender. He's also picked out a few pink things for the baby. But even then (way before I got pregnant) I got comments from older relatives asking why I'm forcing him to be girly to make up for my own assumed disappointment! He's never been forced into anything. I'm just tired of it now.

Congratulations on 3 boys.

I know several families with all boys and they are seem very close, both to their parents and as siblings. Nonsense about a son is a son until he gets a wife. And as for being alone at Christmas the sex of the child makes no difference, it might be hard having all 3 at home at once with other relationships, but that will be the same if they were girls!

Those who say girls are easier - have they reached teenage years yet?!? All kids can take you on a rollercoaster, no-one gets to 18 without causing their parents some white hairs.

Congrats on another lovely boy in the making, op.

There's zero guarantee girls will stick around with you longer or do those typical girly things. Those friends might have interesting Christmases in years to come when their daughters head to (male or female) partners' homes to escape undiplomatic mothers.

All your boys will be adorable unique individuals. It's not exactly 'same again' is it, they're not coming off a production line.

I would have, yes. I had my first two quite young (19 and 21) and I don't think I was really 'ready' for parenthood - I certainly didn't have that feeling of 'I'm done' after they were born - so I always wanted to do it again when I was a bit older and had more money.

Your friends sound like absolute wankers.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Fwiw one of my best friends has three (adult) boys and they are the closest and happiest family I know- ignore anyone saying boys can’t stay close.