Absurd Reactions to Gender!?

[Lalallals248]

I have recently discovered that our third and final child is another boy - we already have two, so no daughters for us. We've had multiple miscarriages between our pregnancies so a healthy pregnancy that survived the first trimester was our main priority, but I admit I did have a strong preference for a daughter and felt quite sad when I realised it was a boy, which I think is only natural when it's your final baby and you have the same gender.
Anyway, the thing that is getting me the most is other people's reactions to my news! While I do feel it's acceptable for me to be sad that I'm not going to have a daughter, other people seem to be feeling like this is the very worst thing that could have happened to me and I've had nothing but negative comments and outpourings of sympathy! I am quite sensitive and it's genuinely making me very, very sad, to the point that I've stopped sharing gender with other people and I just feel a little deflated that nobody seems to be happy for me.
Some comments I've received so far:
'Ouch, three boys? I don't envy you there.'
'Oh, another boy? I don't know whether to congratulate you or just say sorry!'.
'Aww, it's not your fault, you couldn't choose. It'll be okay when he's here.' (This was actually one of the nicest comments I've had).
'Oh you'll be the mother-in-law - so no-one at the Christmas table when you're older; there'll be with their wives' families!'.
'Aww, sons are temporary family members - remember: a son's a son til' he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for life'.
'Three boys - you don't even like sports, do you? Poor thing'.
'There's no point trying again, sadly; when you've had three, you'll get another boy don't put yourself through it'.
'Aww, maybe you just can't carry girls - look at all those you lost.'
Not one person has congratulated me and the things they've said have really shocked me and, tbh, upset me! I'm no longer telling people gender because the looks/comments I get are just awful and I admit I'm quite sensitive! My SIL has three girls and while she said she had a few people asking if she'd try once more for a boy, she's had nothing to the length I've had! Why are people so mean about boys?!?! And why do they feel they have the right to make people feel sad at a happy time :(

They can be though. That’s just reality. As children and as adults.

I have 3 boys and 1 girl and I have more trouble from her than all 3 of the boys put together.

They can also not be

You might want to read the quote which I picked up the girl bashing on- I have not criticised one of the dozen of comments about how
lovely peoples boys are.

Absolutely. This is why I said in my post that it was a bit of a stereotype. There are lots of girls who aren’t like that. However, I teach secondary and am in contact with teenage girls every single day and can 1000% say that (in general) the girls are much more emotional and dramatic than the boys.

And are the boys more likely to pass around porn and be physically violent?

congratulations on your pregnancy!

every single person making these comments is making sexist assumptions about your sons' personalities, behaviours and preferences which are definitely going to be false because you can guarantee that they aren't going to all three fit perfectly into the sexist stereotype for male conformity, and you wouldn't want them to. they will each be individual and wonderful in their own ways.

stopping sharing the fact that you are carrying a new little brother isn't going to stop the comments, just postpone them till after he is born.

practice a comeback that knocks this unpleasant attitude on the head. maybe something like "what a weird thing to say. all three of my children will grow up as individual unique human beings not sexist stereotypes from the 1950s, I'm sure we will have plenty of variety."

so sorry for your losses you had while waiting for this exciting news.

Saying they think something is better about boys isn’t bashing girls though.

I only have boys and would say that if I had a girl, they would more likely want to go shopping / to the spa or lunch with me as teenagers or adults. That is a pro to having a girl. She may hate those things but overall, it’s more likely to be the case. That’s not a dig at my boys though.

I had this comment as well because I had losses followed by a boy. I then had a girl.

I’m not saying people aren’t sometimes more negative about boys, but I think it’s partly to do with having multiple children of the same sex. My partner and I have a daughter, and he has 2 older girls already. I had a few comments about girl number 3/ another girl/ohh, boy next time when we told people what we were having and after she was born.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. 3 little boys will be lovely 💙💙💙

No idea about porn. When it comes to bring physical, more likely yes but definitely not all boys. Maybe save the sarcastic tone for someone else next time and get your head out of your arse. People are entitled to an opinion.

Jesus can you please read- it was the comment about girls being harder and more emotional that I’m criticising- non of the comments about how lovely boys are causing issue.

So just to be clear- girls are all more emotional but only some boys are hard work- got it!
hope you don’t teach comprehension!

Ugh. People are just awkward and don't know what to say for the best. I guess the negative boy stuff comes from an assumption that women always want daughters, which is complete rubbish. And nobody should pre-empt how you feel about your own pregnancy.

Congratulations on your baby, and may I just say that I (a woman) spend nearly every Christmas at my partner's mum's with him, so whoever told you you'll never have your adult kids home for Christmas doesn't know what they're talking about!

When someone says in general in brackets after the statement, that means that they are saying that it is generally the case but not always. At no point did I say only some boys are hard work. Maybe you need to go back to Year 7 English classes to work on your own literacy skills.

I have two boys and two girls. Neither of my boys likes sports, one of my daughters loves football. People are stereotypical idiots, congratulations on your pregnancy 🥰

My husband's family hadn't produced a girl in 120 years. He had two boys from his first marriage and when I told one sil, who had three boys, that I was expecting a boy, she promptly burst into tears! But my friends at least were happy I was at last having a baby (I was 40).
I did have a girl second time around, and she was celebrated initially. But my husband wasn't particularly close to his (5) brothers and my in laws were not very involved grandparents so wasn't spoilt or anything. One friend of my parents said boys were the best! She had two girls and a boy and they all knew who her favourite was.
My mother's own preference for girls came out, saying 'oh are you disappointed it's not a girl', but my son won her over! Though my mother always maintained that I favoured my daughter (I do get on with her better as we are similar - they are late teens now - but I truly hope I never treated her differently and that this was still my mother projecting).
Anyway, my husband may have received the kind of reaction you describe. You have to keep saying how you just want a healthy baby, no matter what sex.

Congratulations! I have 3 lovely boys 11, 6 and 5 months old. I didn’t find out the sex with the 3rd but just knew it would be a boy. I mean the older 2 have their moments where I wanna pull my hair out 😂 but always get comments on how lovely they are! They can’t wait for the baby to join them 🤪 I have 2 nephews and a niece and she’s defo hard work! I really think it’s the personality of the child and not what sex they are. I would of loved a daughter too but couldn’t imagine how life would be without my boys and I do get comments like you’re so lucky you’ve got 3 boys girls are so much harder etc but I’ve also had similar comments to you. Don’t worry once he is here you will feel so blessed just like I do 💙

My husband says the same as you. He isn't fussed but says if it bothers me so much I should say something terribly sarcastic and shocking like: 'oh, you're right - it is terrible. do you know how I send it back?' but I haven't got the balls aha.

OP, you are so lucky. I have two boys and would have loved a third, and a third boy would be lovely. You are so lucky! Congratulations!

My niece has 3 boys. When she was pregnant with the third I knew she wanted a girl so when she messaged me to say it was a boy I replied how wonderful, a trio. It is the only reaction you should give.

I honestly wonder about some people! How on earth do they think they are being helpful or kind?

The only reaction when someone tells you that they are pregnant or have found out the sex is congratulations! It's not difficult!

Congratulations OP - hope the birth goes well.

I experienced similar after (!) I gave birth to ds2 - I remember him being 3 days old, absolutely adorable in his little ducky romper and my elderly aunt tutted sadly & told me "not to worry you're still young you can always try again"

I had lots of poor you, raised eyebrows when out with him and his older brother. I have no idea what the issue is with boys!

They're not any different to girls (apart from their genitals!) Imo - my third is a girl, she wore her big brothers sleepsuits 😆when the eldery aunt came to see her post birth she was horrified I had dressed her in 'boys' clothes.

Enjoy your newborn snuggles and those wonderful early days.

I completely agree. I did not want to know the sex at all - I just wanted to enjoy my final pregnancy and have the amazing moment of baby being born and finding out, but my husband really wanted to find out. He found out on the day of our scan and I didn't but he didn't hide the fact that he knew it was a boy so I found out a week or so later :(. I really wish he hadn't found out and fully advocate for not knowing - all babies are individuals and I think a lot of the comments I've had are because people don't know what the baby will be like so all they can do is ascribe him a load of stereotypes based on the one thing they do know, which is what's between his leg (myself included).

Some people just say the weirdest things. My friend with 4 girls got similar remarks - particularly about how horrible it'll be when they're all teens and sympathy for her husband.

I got some weird remarks with my third after having one of each sex, including old family members with more kids going on like it was all so unneeded or asking my husband about when he was getting the snip (which happened a few years later, but not really a response you want when telling people about a pregnancy, especially as I was always wary to tell people).

I had my older two at a similar age, and I did feel a bit more secure in myself with the younger ones. I hope it all continues to go well and as comfortably as possible for you!

Congratulations on your coming son xx