Absurd Reactions to Gender!?

[Lalallals248]

I have recently discovered that our third and final child is another boy - we already have two, so no daughters for us. We've had multiple miscarriages between our pregnancies so a healthy pregnancy that survived the first trimester was our main priority, but I admit I did have a strong preference for a daughter and felt quite sad when I realised it was a boy, which I think is only natural when it's your final baby and you have the same gender.
Anyway, the thing that is getting me the most is other people's reactions to my news! While I do feel it's acceptable for me to be sad that I'm not going to have a daughter, other people seem to be feeling like this is the very worst thing that could have happened to me and I've had nothing but negative comments and outpourings of sympathy! I am quite sensitive and it's genuinely making me very, very sad, to the point that I've stopped sharing gender with other people and I just feel a little deflated that nobody seems to be happy for me.
Some comments I've received so far:
'Ouch, three boys? I don't envy you there.'
'Oh, another boy? I don't know whether to congratulate you or just say sorry!'.
'Aww, it's not your fault, you couldn't choose. It'll be okay when he's here.' (This was actually one of the nicest comments I've had).
'Oh you'll be the mother-in-law - so no-one at the Christmas table when you're older; there'll be with their wives' families!'.
'Aww, sons are temporary family members - remember: a son's a son til' he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for life'.
'Three boys - you don't even like sports, do you? Poor thing'.
'There's no point trying again, sadly; when you've had three, you'll get another boy don't put yourself through it'.
'Aww, maybe you just can't carry girls - look at all those you lost.'
Not one person has congratulated me and the things they've said have really shocked me and, tbh, upset me! I'm no longer telling people gender because the looks/comments I get are just awful and I admit I'm quite sensitive! My SIL has three girls and while she said she had a few people asking if she'd try once more for a boy, she's had nothing to the length I've had! Why are people so mean about boys?!?! And why do they feel they have the right to make people feel sad at a happy time :(

Horrible comments op. I have 4 girls so I'v had my fair share of stupid comments. I actually chose not to find out the sex of my final DC as I couldn't bare the comments - I totally knew she was a girl though.

I also had losses and actually thought to myself that maybe I couldn't carry boys but can't believe someone actually said that to you - so inappropriate.

If strangers ask perhaps you can say that you don't know the sex yet.

Sweet Jesus. I came to say ppl are just making conversation, they don't really care what sex your children are. However those comments are awful and hurtful. Who are these people?! Time to put your big girl pants on and put them in their place.

A huge congrats to you OP. I have two boys, no girls. Not having anymore but if I was I would love to have 3 lovely sons. I am envious of people who have 3 children, no matter what the sexes are

People can't comment if you don't tell them. Keeping private things private prevents this sort of thing.

Those comments are horrible, I do think some people just don’t know what to say really if they know you were hoping for the other sex, my neighbour had four boys, was always hoping for a girl and I never would dreamed of saying anything negative, but it was sometimes hard to find the right words.

On the other side saying something positive can also backfire, a woman at work announced she was pregnant with her third and it was an accident, but they are keeping the baby, I genuinely had no idea what was best to say so just said “congratulations! A new baby on the way, that’s exciting!” with a big grin thinking it’s best to focus on the positives and congratulate her. Her face fell and I got told by other coworkers how this was insensitive and the wrong thing to say as she was worrying about coping with a third 😳.

Congratulations OP on your 3rd child. Thats all that matters. People can be right idiots. I remember with ds1, I was shopping with my mil, another lady came up me and started going " a sons a son until he finds a wife, a daughters a daughter for life" blah blah blah. I was very 🙄🙄. I think my son was about 2 weeks old. I was shopping with my MIL!! Having a relationship with her, and her having one with her grand child. My dh loves his mother and they have a good relationship. They will be over as soon as they can on Christmas day. It really annoys me when people go on as if these nasty DIL can't wait to steal the sons away and mothers of sons will be left sad and lonely. Sorry- I've gone off a bit on one there. I have sons, no daughters. Sons are bloody awesome! As I'm sure daughters are. Any child is precious regardless of their sex. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

Congratulations on your son!!
I'm pregnant with my second boy and I couldn't be more delighted. I had some reactions like "one of each would have been nice" and my MIL didn't even react, I think she was sulking 🙄

The reason I found out was because I knew I'd get reactions like that and I wanted them out of the way before he was born!

The comments about sons abandoning you for a wife when they're grown up is complete madness. I've spent more Christmases and birthdays and things with my in-laws than with my own family. Plus my sons might be gay or happy being single, and then there'd be no daughters in law at all to contend with.

Congratulations on your baby OP! My grandmother told me that when she had her third boy she went to the greengrocer and the man asked what she had had. She said a boy and he said "what a shame!" I'm surprised he lived to be honest! She said how dare he call her beautiful baby a shame. So sadly this isn't a new thing, my uncle is coming up 60. People have a weird notion that a family isn't complete unless you have one of each which is just bollocks

It's hardly private is it. Whether you tell people at birth or a few months before the birth, it won't stop the comments.

Family members are going to find out the sex at some point and I wouldn't dream of saying this to someone.

Oh please take your boring snide little remove and shove off.

YANBU Op. Gender disappointment is real so their comments probably hurt more as you’re a little disappointed too. Work through your feelings, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Congrats on your baby 💙

Why is it ‘private’? They’ll all find out in a few months anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

This comment! I've had it so many times :(. And I'm already being warned about possessive daughter-in-laws who'll hate me.
As if they just came up and said that to you - it's as if people go out of their way to ruin people's days :(

I know, she was an older lady, came over to look at him and congratulate me, I was thinking aww that's nice and then starts going on about he will only be my son until he finds a wife...he was prem as it was and had spent 5 days having IV antibiotics after being born, we'd only just been discharged from hospital, I was feeling very overwhelmed, hormonal with the baby blues...just what I wanted to hear.

I really don't understand
A some peoples opinions
B why they choose to share them

Try to remind yourself opinions are like arseholes. Enjoy your family and try to ignore the mean spirited or thoughtless people.

Congratulations on your third boy 💚

Short answer is that people are twats, OP. Twattishness will always find an outlet somewhere!

Longer answer: having boys is generally less favoured in our culture at the moment. Boys are seen as more likely to be hard work, "a handful", there's the idea that they will desert you once they are grown up and married. For some that will be true. It may or may not be for you, but that's what's informing the reactions you're getting. But, looking at the big picture, around the world girls are still being selectively aborted or killed at birth for their sex, and you don't have to go that far back into history in the UK to get to the days where a baby girl was considered a huge disappointment / total disaster/ burden for a family. So, crap as it is for you to be on the wrong side of the pendulum swing, it's really not that big a deal if you put it into global and historic context. Next time you get a comment, say, "yes it's a pity it's not 300 years ago, I'd be seen as a genius of a woman to have successfully produced only male heirs!"

I had this but in reverse.I had one of each sex first marriage. Then it was "oh you'll be done now. " Not sure who made this decision for me!
Then second marriage 4 girls. "Bet you wanted a boy?" No, I bloody didn't. I wanted a baby who was born alive (had one stillborn) The sex was not ever a source of disappointment at all. Congratulations on your babies.💙💙💙

Such a shame one gender isn't appreciated as much as the other. I think you see evidence of it in shops as well where there are rows and rows of girls clothes and hardly any boys' clothes. My husband agrees with your take on it; he crassly told one relative who said something in front of him that I'd have been Henry VIII's wet dream!! 😂

My husband agrees with your take on it; he crassly told one relative who said something in front of him that I'd have been Henry VIII's wet dream!

I like your dh's style!

I'm sorry you had such mean comments OP. For what it's worth, I think 3 little boys sounds lovely. I have one DS and then I had 2 pregnancy losses and didn't try again. There are days when I would give anything to have another healthy child. But, I'm 50 now, so that ship has sailed! Enjoy your lovely family and Congratulations x

We have three boys and I love it. Same as you though - lots of comments about hoping we got a girl for #2 and #3. I occasionally have a little twang of wouldn't it be nice to have a girl (girls clothes are so much nicer!) but the older the boys get the more I see their lovely relationship and am glad they have an improved chance of being close because of being the same sex. I think that's even more true with bigger age gaps which it sounds like you have. It's also nice knowing I'm never going to treat my kids differently because of their sex which is useful as all this boy-bashing has shown me how entrenched sex-bias is.

Oh it doesn’t help that girls clothes are beautiful compared to boys’. I have DD who is 3 and pregnant with a boy, I’ve had nowhere near the fun shopping for him compared to her! I said to DH if I win the lottery I’ll open a shop selling gorgeous boys clothes, no bloody diggers or ‘dino dude’ in sight. Yes it’s shallow but baby shopping is part of the fun and it’s lovely choosing little outfits for them to wear. It would be nice to see classier items and more pastel colours rather than just mid blue and grey.

To put another spin on all this, my wider family is extremely girl-dominant (at one time there was 10 girls in a row before a boy was born - yep!). The women in my family are an odd bunch however - spiky personalities, a lot of feuding and falling out between them. Quite a few have MH issues. The men are intelligent, quiet, happy go lucky types and therefore boys are seen as the ‘desired gender’ particularly by my Nan who has 6 girls. When I told her I was having a boy she was literally breathless with excitement and couldn’t speak for a moment 😂

Couldn’t agree more! I have one little boy and I’m pregnant with my second baby. Ive only told my close family but have already had all the comments wondering what it will be. Almost like ‘please be a girl’. I’m put off from even telling anyone else until we know the gender so that I don’t have any of that debate 🤦🏼‍♀️ I was pregnant with my first at the same time as a friend was and I knew mine was a boy, she didn’t know the gender of hers. At her baby shower our other friend was saying she so hoped it was a girl for her and she wanted it to be a girl. I’m just sat there pregnant with a boy like ‘yeah cool, no one wants boys’ 👍🏼 The same thing happened when another friend was pregnant and again she made it like she’d won first place when she had a girl not a boy. Another friend was talking about someone who was pregnant with their third boy and literally said ‘aw you’d just give up wouldn’t you’, implying you just have babies to try and get a girl 🤔 The whole thing just makes it seem like boys aren’t as good, it’s horrible!

Congratulations on your baby! He will be amazing! 🥰

@Cuppasoupmonster can you stock boys swimwear that isn’t plastered with fluorescent sharks and dinosaurs please? 😂 it’s like they only know one thing ‘boys’ would like

Congratulations OP.
Being a mum of boys is great.

Ignore the awful comments. What those people are doing is showing themselves up because they believe their husband should prioritise them/their parents/ditch his own family/make his wife the centre of the world. They view the role of wife and mother as a weird competition where they're fighting over the son/husband for his attention.

They can't picture a world where a mother and a son have a positive relationship and that there's other women out there who see their mother in law/daughter in law as a positive addition to the family and get on without the weird bitchy competition.

It says more about their bitter outlook than anything else.

I have three girls and it’s amazing how many people at first said things like ‘poor you’ ‘three girls oh no’ whereas my reaction to any baby or pregnancy announcement is to congratulate someone!