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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Terrified of my body changing after pregnancy

132 replies

EllieVx · 06/12/2022 20:38

Hi all,
looking to conceive soon and I am beyond paranoid (full on anxiety daily and sleepless nights) about my body changing.
I don’t really want to hear any ‘we all change, love yourself stuff”
I have been fit and slim my whole life, I have abs and a great fit figure.
Does it really change much? could I be the same as pre pregnancy? It seems to be two extremes, mum tums and those that snap back?
any one else been very slim and fit and then got pregnant?
I run 3x weekly (5 and 10km), weight lift, spin classes etc.

will my body be ruined? Or can it be the same? Not bothered about scars, stretch marks, pigment (I already have scars from abdominal surgery), I just don’t want a flabby stomach, currently mine is like chopping board flat. I have never owned spanks in my life, I own no shape wear and I don’t want that to change.

the anxiety that my husband won’t find me attractive and that I know full well I won’t find myself attractive either is unbearable.

I want children so much but I’m so frightened that I won’t be a good mum because I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore.

thanks in advance all ❤️

OP posts:
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Skylark1990 · 08/12/2022 14:40

As others have said it's really a lot to do with luck of the draw and genetics! But having a strong body to begin with will help I'm sure in terms of "bouncing back". However, it takes time to build muscle again and we shouldn't rush it. That way injuries lie!!

I basically lost weight during pregnancy due to various pregnancy symptoms, aside from the weight from actual baby/placenta/fluid - I was the thinnest I've ever been post giving birth to my daughter. And I breastfed exclusively which also burns through any excess weight gained. You need to eat a lot for breastfeeding but it all gets gobbled up through the milk! I know not every mama finds breastfeeding helps lose baby weight but it definitely can. So one to keep in mind.

At the end of the day, having a baby will likely change your priorities to an extent. You will still want to be healthy and a weight you are happy with I'm sure, but it may be that "perfection" isn't so important to you as it is now (which might be a good thing!)

EllieVx · 11/12/2022 19:15

OP HERE!
Thank you everyone for your comments.
Just to clarify a few things:

  • I’ve never had issues with mum or my partner ever being rude about my body (very happy childhood)
  • I 100% am okay with aging (I would never have Botox or surgery) but it’s more the degree your body changes in such a short space of time (last trimester 3 months… that’s short)
  • I think I’ve been traumatised by people saying “you’ll never look the same after a baby” which is sadly what a lot of people have said on here.
  • I have very good self esteem ( great career, happy childhood and home life) I am just worried that the one thing I enjoy (fitness and the benefits I get from it) will be taken from me in a short time. I enjoy going to gym because I feel great in gym clothes and feel powerful and confident with my body.
  • I’m I am very pleased to hear some people have returned to near pre pregnancy looks wise.

I do have another question,
do c sections always give people that c section shelf?
I am anxious about giving birth (I’m an unlucky person) and have all these fears that my baby might have brain damage or die from getting stuck so c section might be better?
what do people think?
I have GBS anyway so may be better for a c section anyway?
does a vaginal birth make it easier to “bounce back”?

OP posts:
WorryMcGee · 11/12/2022 19:36

I don’t have a c section “shelf”, and the scar is so low down and neat you can barely see it. I also don’t have any stretch marks. I don’t think you’d know I’d had a baby if you saw my stomach but it is by no means flat now, my shape is just different and I know it’s changed even if no one else does. I don’t care anywhere near as much as I thought I would.

As someone who went into pregnancy with a history of body dysmorphia, an over-reliance on exercise to manage my mental health and primary tokophobia (fear of childbirth) please, please do some work around all of this before you start TTC. You will not have complete control over what happens to your body during and after pregnancy, and you need to be prepared for that.

TheOrigRights · 11/12/2022 20:00

I remember way before I had children sitting on a coach with my choir, most of whom were older and had children.
I was and still am very slim.
I can't remember the exact conversation, only that someone almost sneeringly said "oh wait till you have kids", as if I had no idea what was to come.
A big change in shape and weight did not happen to me. Genetics, uncomplicated pregnancies, labours and births, and a love of exercise has all worked in my favour.
nb I didn't do much exercise during pregnancy or baby hood, just kept active.

Babyenroute · 12/12/2022 02:57

Just had to google C-section shelf OP. I had one 8 weeks ago and don't have a shelf.

WandaWonder · 12/12/2022 02:59

If this is your biggest concern with having children I genuinely would say don't have any, there is nothing at all wrong with not having a child.

But think what is really important if you do

babyjellyfish · 12/12/2022 09:33

The thing is, OP, what other people tell you about the effect pregnancy had on their bodies isn't all that relevant to you.

You just can't know how pregnancy will affect YOUR body.

My friend had two uncomplicated vaginal births and then her third child ended up being born by crash C-section and she told me her tummy was "ruined" afterwards. Admittedly that was only a few weeks afterwards so she may feel differently now, but I haven't asked.

Another friend had really bad SPD during her pregnancy and was on crutches for the last few months. She also haemorrhaged quite badly during the birth. She doesn't want any more children.

Another friend had hyperemesis gravidarum during all of her pregnancies. It sounds like pregnancy was pretty miserable for her but she still had three children, straightforward vaginal births each time, and never put on much weight other than the baby during pregnancy. She was very fit before and is very fit again now, but apparently her pelvic floor isn't what it was.

Another friend had some condition where her baby basically leached all the calcium from her bones during pregnancy and she only found out several months postpartum when she fell off her bike and shattered her hip. She also doesn't want more children.

Another friend had fairly straightforward pregnancies and births with her two children but says her body isn't what it was. Outwardly, when fully clothed, she looks pretty much the same to me as she did before. But recently I was with her in the kitchen when she reached up to get something off a high shelf, her jumper lifted up a few inches and I saw that her tummy was absolutely covered in stretch marks.

Me personally, I have an unscathed vagina due to having an emergency C-section with my first child, and a neat 10cm scar which has healed well. It's not completely flat, but I never lost the last half stone between pregnancies. I certainly don't have a "shelf" or an "overhang". Maybe if I had lost more weight and if I'd bothered to do toning exercises, it would have gone completely flat. I'm now 8 months pregnant again and not even bothering to think about this stuff for at least another 6 months. So far I still have no stretch marks. If I have a vaginal birth this time, my C-section scar should hopefully stay as neat and unobtrusive as it is, and nobody is ever likely to see it other than me, my husband and my doctors. But I might have vaginal tearing or pelvic floor damage. If I have another C-section, my vagina will still be unscathed, but I don't know how my abdomen will look. Maybe the doctor will be able to cut into the same incision as last time and make my new scar look as neat as the current one. Maybe they won't. I'll just have to wait and see.

It's worth bearing in mind that all the friends I have mentioned above look pretty much the same as they did before when fully clothed, which is how most people will see you unless you happen to be a swinger or a bikini model. The things they are unhappy about with their postpartum bodies are generally things only they and their partners can see. If you're worried about how other people will perceive your post baby body, don't. No one cares. And the chances are you will be able to recover to an extent that the people around you can't tell the difference. If you're more worried about your own feelings about your post baby body, that's something you will have to work on anyway.

Even if you never carry a pregnancy to term and give birth, your body will age. You will gain weight, you will get wrinkles, your skin will dry out and start to sag, parts of your body will stop working as well as they once did. And that's OK. The only alternative to ageing is dying when you're young and beautiful, which I assume you don't want to do.

So if I were you I would approach pregnancy and ageing in the same way. Try to look after yourself as best you can. You only get one body, so take care of it. Exercise, eat well, stay a healthy weight, drink plenty of water, don't do things which are harmful to your body, take care of your skin, hair and nails, wear sunscreen, all that stuff. But also accept that your body will change, and that's life.

If you want a baby, don't let this put you off having one. You will change, and that's OK.

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