Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Terrified of my body changing after pregnancy

132 replies

EllieVx · 06/12/2022 20:38

Hi all,
looking to conceive soon and I am beyond paranoid (full on anxiety daily and sleepless nights) about my body changing.
I don’t really want to hear any ‘we all change, love yourself stuff”
I have been fit and slim my whole life, I have abs and a great fit figure.
Does it really change much? could I be the same as pre pregnancy? It seems to be two extremes, mum tums and those that snap back?
any one else been very slim and fit and then got pregnant?
I run 3x weekly (5 and 10km), weight lift, spin classes etc.

will my body be ruined? Or can it be the same? Not bothered about scars, stretch marks, pigment (I already have scars from abdominal surgery), I just don’t want a flabby stomach, currently mine is like chopping board flat. I have never owned spanks in my life, I own no shape wear and I don’t want that to change.

the anxiety that my husband won’t find me attractive and that I know full well I won’t find myself attractive either is unbearable.

I want children so much but I’m so frightened that I won’t be a good mum because I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore.

thanks in advance all ❤️

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
BasiliskStare · 06/12/2022 22:50

@EllieVx I would say don't worry - Look at Paula Radcliffe or Kate Middleton - they are slim as anything.

But when having a baby, job 1 is getting them out as healthy as possible. It is the main job. If Dh thinks a pregnancy / post pregnancy body is rubbish - well ...... And give yourself a little time and am sure you can get back to something you like.

I was still slim after childbirth until menopause. . Now - not so much But that is over a quarter of a century ago.

Apollonia1 · 06/12/2022 23:14

I was a fit size 10 before I got pregnant with twins. I actually lost weight while pregnant (as in the weight of the twins was more than the weight I put on on the scales). I just had no appetite - my arms and face were so skinny. I was back in skinny jeans within about a week after giving birth. I didn't get a single stretch mark.
(But then during maternity leave during lockdown I put on about a stone. Nothing to do with carrying babies, just no time to exercise and ate too much).

So yes it's very possible to have a baby with minimal impact on your body.

Bobbi730 · 06/12/2022 23:44

My friends are a mixture but most are much the same. A lot comes down to your mum, mine had no stretch marks and nor do I. Mine breast fed two babies and ended up with pert boobs, so did I (they were always quite small though which helps).
Ultimately though, as others have said, you really need to work on your self-esteem as one day you will age.
If it helps at all, I have a healthier relationship with my body now as I grew a person which is a big deal. Good luck

MrsDoyle351 · 06/12/2022 23:50

That’s the least of your worries- it really is.

You’ll have a few other matters of concern for the rest of your frickin life

alanabennett · 07/12/2022 00:12

Before you have children you really should get to grips with your focus on body image. Hearing the "body = value" message can will be extremely damaging to your children, especially (though not exclusively) any daughters you have. If you are seriously having daily panic attacks about how your body might change by carrying a child you haven't even conceived yet, you should get some professional help.

WorryMcGee · 07/12/2022 00:14

I have a long and difficult history with body image issues, and I felt like this during my pregnancy. I stayed active throughout (even ran a marathon and went on a 100 mile hike) and only put on the recommended amount of weight. I did a 5k the day I gave birth. I was determined to get back in shape as soon as I could.

When my baby was 4 months old I got diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve had two lots of surgery now, my second cycle of chemo is tomorrow and I don’t recognise my body at all. It has shocked me into the realisation that I do not have total control over my body and how it looks, and that I need to come to terms with this now because otherwise I’m just setting myself up for misery (and being a poor role model for my daughter, more importantly). As previous posters have said - we all age, some of us get sick, no one knows what’s going to happen and our bodies will not look the same forever no matter what we do or don’t do.

I’m not saying stop caring - I haven’t, I still care even though you could say I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Just don’t let it eat you up when a lot of it is out of your control anyway.

alanabennett · 07/12/2022 01:44

WorryMcGee · 07/12/2022 00:14

I have a long and difficult history with body image issues, and I felt like this during my pregnancy. I stayed active throughout (even ran a marathon and went on a 100 mile hike) and only put on the recommended amount of weight. I did a 5k the day I gave birth. I was determined to get back in shape as soon as I could.

When my baby was 4 months old I got diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve had two lots of surgery now, my second cycle of chemo is tomorrow and I don’t recognise my body at all. It has shocked me into the realisation that I do not have total control over my body and how it looks, and that I need to come to terms with this now because otherwise I’m just setting myself up for misery (and being a poor role model for my daughter, more importantly). As previous posters have said - we all age, some of us get sick, no one knows what’s going to happen and our bodies will not look the same forever no matter what we do or don’t do.

I’m not saying stop caring - I haven’t, I still care even though you could say I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Just don’t let it eat you up when a lot of it is out of your control anyway.

I'm so sorry, @WorryMcGee. I hope your next round of chemo goes well and that you have a full recovery.

Judgyjudgy · 07/12/2022 01:49

If you're fit & slim now, you'll be fine. Just don't pig out afterwards (that's where I went wrong). You can still do gentle exercise during, and after the birth depending on how long your recovery takes

Mamaneedsadrink · 07/12/2022 02:53

Not to be harsh, but this will be the least of your worries. You might need a bit of a reality check if you think this going to be at the top of your list of concerns

Babyenroute · 07/12/2022 03:00

I wasn't overly sporty before like it sounds you are but size 8-10 and apart from my C-section scar, I think a lot of people wouldn't realised I had a baby 7 weeks ago if they saw me. I haven't even tried to diet/ exercise so could be even better if I did I guess. No stretch marks either,

ConnieTucker · 07/12/2022 03:03

TabithaTittlemouse · 06/12/2022 22:40

My body didn’t change after 3 children. Hitting 40 changed it a lot!

Snap!

how equally do you and your dh share household chores now?

byvirtue · 07/12/2022 03:52

If you are slim, fit and care about how you look the chances are you will come out post pregnancy looking the same.

I had a fear of pregnancy and getting fat, I was both horrified and thrilled to see my stomach expand. I found out I was pregnant quite late, and still had a flat stomach for my first scans. It was when I started getting fat but before I had a bump that was hardest for me as I would typically have exercised it off but you obviously can’t when you are pregnant. Once I felt the baby move and a proper bump appeared it was easier to manage. I kept exercising until it felt uncomfortable. I had a small baby and small bump in hindsight but still felt enormous.

I had a C-section and was back exercising at 4 weeks and felt back to normal at 6 weeks. I was careful with my diet during and post pregnancy. I do have to work harder at keeping healthy and slim now (although that’s probably my age) but I’m fairly motivated, I did not enjoy carrying the extra load during pregnancy and honestly that still motivates me now 5 years on.

Creativecake · 07/12/2022 04:01

Inevitably your body changes after pregnancy. You can get fit again but really…..yes it’s great to have a fabulous figure but it shouldn’t hold so much importance in setting how you feel about yourself.

life chances after a baby in so many ways.

TheOrigRights · 07/12/2022 04:01

Just look around you. Most women have had a child.
Can you tell?
Elite athletes have children. Regular people who enjoy fitness have children.

I run competitively. I'm 52. Most of the women I compete against will have had a child and are strong, slim, and muscular.

MamaFirst · 07/12/2022 04:16

I don't think you should have children until you have got to grips with your body image issues. That level of obsession, concern and vanity is not healthy. Would you project that onto a child? How could you not?
You might 'bounce back' or not, absolutely no way of knowing or guarantee either way.

MarianneVos · 07/12/2022 04:22

Raindancer411 · 06/12/2022 21:39

I think ago also had a play in it. 1st at 31 and back to more or less as I was. 2nd at 38/39 and I still have a bigger tummy and no defined tummy. But I am not a gym person either. I am currently still breastfeeding her at 2.5 and waiting to see what happens once I finish feeding her as some people carry extra weight when feeding.

I didn't lose the weight I'd gained until I stopped feeding in the day (at 1 years old). This was despite walking absolutely miles every day to get DCs to nap.

Agree it's also about age and whether you've been pregnant before.

babyyodaxmas · 07/12/2022 04:41

I'm not sure I snapped back. But by the time DS was 12 months I was wearing crop tops and bikinis with pride. I was 29. In fact I think I liked my figure best between my 2 pregnancies. With Dd it took longer and was never quite the same. At 47 I still have a BMI of 21 and some definition there, I will wear a bikini on holiday.

MayMi · 07/12/2022 04:45

carefulcalculator · 06/12/2022 21:17

I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore This might piss you off but I just feel really sorry for you that you feel this way. Whether it happens with pregnancy or later through ageing, you are going to lose your looks and figure one day.

It is good to take care of yourself and I understand you feel good having a good figure, but it really isn't something that should affect how you feel about yourself to this extent.

The truth is that no one can tell you how your body will change. Some people are (virtually) unchanged, some are changed a bit, some are changed a lot.

Becoming a mum is a frightening time as we lose a lot of control - or rather the illusion of control as none of us have much control really anyway.

This times a million 🙌🏻

yoyy · 07/12/2022 04:51

Course it can, you just gotta work at it.

Disagree, my stomach wasn't the same after my 2nd dc. I breastfed & boobs are similar & thankfully my feet didn't change, biggest fear!

Snoofox02 · 07/12/2022 05:19

This reply has been deleted

Deleted as requested by the poster.

brookln · 07/12/2022 05:40

OP I was in great shape before birth and did loads of exercise and did have similar worries to you (no anxiety though).

I had a baby at 35 so not crazy young, and my body is back to normal. Please don't be scared that it'll never be the same. I had second degree tears and everything healed, stomach slowly went back to normal. I do admit that I had to be very healthy and really watch what I eat.

You won't believe how active you'll be running around looking after a newborn every day. My body is sore every evening like I've done a workout.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. You'll be fine.

brookln · 07/12/2022 05:42

Oh my stomach took a few months to get flat to how it was before. I did have abdominal separation. But it still looked flat in jeans just weeks after birth.

But the body DOES return to normal if you look after it. In my experience 🫣

brookln · 07/12/2022 05:55

WorryMcGee · 07/12/2022 00:14

I have a long and difficult history with body image issues, and I felt like this during my pregnancy. I stayed active throughout (even ran a marathon and went on a 100 mile hike) and only put on the recommended amount of weight. I did a 5k the day I gave birth. I was determined to get back in shape as soon as I could.

When my baby was 4 months old I got diagnosed with breast cancer. I’ve had two lots of surgery now, my second cycle of chemo is tomorrow and I don’t recognise my body at all. It has shocked me into the realisation that I do not have total control over my body and how it looks, and that I need to come to terms with this now because otherwise I’m just setting myself up for misery (and being a poor role model for my daughter, more importantly). As previous posters have said - we all age, some of us get sick, no one knows what’s going to happen and our bodies will not look the same forever no matter what we do or don’t do.

I’m not saying stop caring - I haven’t, I still care even though you could say I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Just don’t let it eat you up when a lot of it is out of your control anyway.

I'm so sorry Sad I hope your second round of chemo goes well Flowers

Namaste6 · 07/12/2022 06:06

@Vallmo47 👏👏👏👏

Nosleepforthismum · 07/12/2022 06:14

I thought all these things, and to be honest I pretty much went back to how I was previously only my boobs seemed to disappear overnight and I had my c-section scar and tiny overhang from where it was still healing. My DS was really poorly when he was born and now he’s here I would sacrifice my body a million times over to make him better. It’s a cliché but you really won’t worry about these things so much once your child is here. A PP got it spot on when they said you can’t really predict what your body will do during pregnancy and some people have big physical changes and others go back to how they were fairly easily. I’d talk to your DH about your fears and if he’s any kind of decent man he’ll reassure you. If he doesn’t then I’d really not be having kids with him.