Terrified of my body changing after pregnancy

[EllieVx]

Hi all,
looking to conceive soon and I am beyond paranoid (full on anxiety daily and sleepless nights) about my body changing.
I don’t really want to hear any ‘we all change, love yourself stuff”
I have been fit and slim my whole life, I have abs and a great fit figure.
Does it really change much? could I be the same as pre pregnancy? It seems to be two extremes, mum tums and those that snap back?
any one else been very slim and fit and then got pregnant?
I run 3x weekly (5 and 10km), weight lift, spin classes etc.

will my body be ruined? Or can it be the same? Not bothered about scars, stretch marks, pigment (I already have scars from abdominal surgery), I just don’t want a flabby stomach, currently mine is like chopping board flat. I have never owned spanks in my life, I own no shape wear and I don’t want that to change.

the anxiety that my husband won’t find me attractive and that I know full well I won’t find myself attractive either is unbearable.

I want children so much but I’m so frightened that I won’t be a good mum because I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore.

thanks in advance all ❤️

Survived baby no 1 and baby no 2 pretty much unscathed.

Baby no 3, not so much

I think you'll be OK after one baby, especially considering how fit you are now

I was a professional athlete before my first child..and look nothing like that now. Struggle with weight loss through 2 sleepless children.

It's fucking hard

Another one who snapped back straight away.
I gained 20lbs during pregnancy and had lost 17lbs of that by my one week check up.

A lot of it is genetics. My kids are 11 & 8 now and my weight has remained within 5lbs of what it was when I fell pregnant with them.

There’s no reason why you can’t get back to your pre pregnancy body. It won’t happen immediately, post birth everyone’s tummy is a little rounder, but when your baby is 6 weeks old you can start working out again. Stay really fit in pregnancy and it’ll help.

But… I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore is very sad, OP. Separately you might want to explore these feelings with a therapist. If we’re lucky, we’ll all get old one day - your body will change then. I don’t say this to upset you, but it might be worth seeing where this lack of self esteem comes from.

I truly don’t mean this to sound rude but it’s late and I’m struggling to think clearly on how to phrase this nicely … so….. make sure you have your priorities right in life before you introduce a child into it. Being a mother means (in my eyes), to place the child above your wants. So a flat stomach and exercising regularly (if you don’t count chasing after a toddler/strolling through a park to look at the birds etc) isn’t top of most peoples list. It’s absolutely possible to still maintain a healthy lifestyle, to have an hour or so to yourself here and there in order to get some ‘you’ time … but parenting is hard work on its own. If how you look takes priority maybe you need to consider whether having kids is right for you. That is my genuine opinion and I’m sorry if that offends anyone. You didn’t really take the time to consider all the mothers you might offend with your post, whose bodies have changed but who have grown to accept and even love themselves for that. It’s amazing what women can do and the changes, if any, we are left with is a true testament to what our bodies are able to achieve. So if my opinion offended you, I didn’t mean it to, just as little as you meant to offend my saggy boobs and little overhang. :)

Things can and do change with pregnancies and childbirth, but circumstances also change for other reasons. I developed medical conditions which made
me put on over four stone. I cried, and I cried. Every time I looked in the mirror I cried. What I mean is … life happens, shit happens. Love yourself anyway. And don’t offend your partner - if he doesn’t love you no matter what your size, he’s definitely not suitable to be a life partner/father of your children. Truly.

Everyone’s different. But physiology your body will change. Hips will get wider, breasts will make milk, relaxin will kick in, tummy will grow. I know people who don’t look like they could have possibly ever given birth. I know people who are carrying a spare wheel or two. I’m somewhere in between (or was, currently pregnant with number 2). Neither of my sisters have a single stretch mark, I’ve got tiger stripes. For me the flab, stretch mark scars and saggy boobs a mark of my journey to motherhood, I carried and birthed this child. And I’m proud, not ashamed of that.

I'm petite and trim. Used to do quite a bit of sport, yoga and pilates. I was back in my old jeans after about 6 weeks with DS1 and actually lost weight beyond what I was pre pregnancy, I got super skinny and was desperately trying to put on weight. My son breastfeed and loooooved the milk! Breastfeed at least for the first few weeks, it helps to contract your stomach back down.
I've just had DD2 four weeks ago and I'm really happy with how my body has snapped back into shape. A little flabby tummy but once I get back into some stretches it'll go.
I barely do any exercise since DS1 was born, except pushing buggies and running around after a toddler.

And now for the good news.

Yes it can. Apart from your boobs. And I did care about getting my body back, even when I was holding the bundle of loveliness,blah blah. Back in the gym 6 weeks later.

I was fairly fit before and up to birth of 9lb ers when i was in my 30s. I was back in my jeans after a couple of weeks and breastfeeding sucked the stomach back in. I walked for miles. I ate properly but with a hefty dose of biscuits at baby groups etc. Didn't drink as much. Boobs got a bit sad. Hips had a little more padding for a while.

Baby no2 and my legs got really toned. 1 in buggy, 1 in sling+ hills works a treat. Stomach looked flabby to me though and the skin took longer to pull back. But looking back at photos of a holiday we went on, I looked bloody great with a 2yrold and baby. Especially a baby who never slept.

Oooohhhh @octomingo is right, boobs will never be the same 😞
I used to like my boobs but they are a bit like empty sacs now.

Course it can, you just gotta work at it.

Really annoys me when ladies whinge about baby weight, body changing etc but not do anything about it.

If you are fit and active and enjoy that then it's up to you to make time for it after birth.

I was a size 10 not skinny, fit & active but no washboard tummy or anything & have various scars including large abdominal ones. Got pregnant, never got any stretch marks, was careful & put not a lot on & was a size 10 again soon.
Very quickly I was proud of fitting in all my pre pregnancy clothes & ppl being shocked I had a young baby.

7months pp now & my body has changed slightly but I'm very pleasantly surprised.I find time to work out, don't eat ridiculously & am active.

To add I had a big baby too

I am not particularly fit but did have a flat stomach which pinged back after dc1 after a month or so. Took a while longer after dc2 but it's still reasonably ok. However it's a bit luck of the draw...

I was a slim size 8 pre-pregnancy and looked the same post partum once my uterus had shrunk down again. It's perfectly possible to keep fit and active during pregnancy and afterwards. But motherhood does tend to change one's perspective a little; nowadays I keep up my exercise routine to stay strong and healthy rather than because I want abs carved from marble. I just can't work up that much emotional investment in my own midriff. I think it's probably a healthier attitude!

I feel like it’s hard to predict. What would your physique be like if you didn’t exercise so much? Will you be able to dedicate the same amount of time to it with a baby? Some people bounce back. But you have people who do it naturally, or people who work hard too and then those who haven’t been able too.

I was a size 4/6, not through choice I just couldn’t maintain more weight. Work an active job. Went to a size 12 pregnant. Then now I’m back to work a size 8. I’ve never had a flat stomach though. I do have saggy / wrinkly skin where it was stretched above my belly button. In terms of that I’m doing okay but my skin and hair is totally different, that’s what’s making me feel unattractive.

I think it just depends. Was very slim and fit, had horrendous problems breastfeeding and put on 20kg!! My friend who was a size 18-20 lost weight during her pregnancy and hasn’t put it back on at all. Can’t say I’m not jealous, but I’m happy for her! I’m still trying to lose it 2yrs later, but it’s not shifting!!

What @underneaththeash said. What you can’t account for though, even if you snap back, is that your hips/ribs/any random body part can stay permanently wider. Mine did, even though after DC1 I was back to flat stomach and defined muscle in no time. I cared a lot about this. I still care but much less and am overall happy with my slightly wider, squishier body. I still look pretty good. Trust me that in the nicest way, no one looks or cares that much about the finer details of your figure 😊

I have 3 kids (2 in 2 years) and never gained more than 22 pounds each pregnancy. First 2 pregnancies I was back i my pre pregnancy clothes when my babies were 6-8 weeks old and my youngest was a C-section so it took till 3 months. I have a fairly flat stomach and no marks etc. I walk loads, carried on working out gently and ate healthy during pregnancies. It can be done but please don't be hard on yourself a baby takes 9 months to grow so can take a while for your body to go back.

First I pretty much went back to pre- pregnancy. Though I had HG so struggled with myweight. I had a planned c/section and a neat scar but did get a little bulge from that.
with my second pregnancy again sickness but did put on weight during pregnancy- which did take a little more effort to loose but back to size 8 after a few months. . And my C-section shelf is there :/ but a reminder that i safely delivery my babies.

Menopause is a whole new ball game - I’m bigger than after both pregnancy and a lot of effort needed to loose the weight.

You very well might get your abs back and never need spanx at all but sorry you won't be 'the same'.

Being fit was a massive part of my mental and physical wellbeing so much so that I was back in the gym 6 weeks after birth but honestly it shouldn't be the be all & end all to you. Being a mother is so much more than you think & this could be a sacrifice you might have to make at least in the short term (the first of very, very many).

As for feeling attractive....sorry but I know very few mothers who feel they are at their most attractive postpartum. You're flipping knackered & emotions are all over the place.

Don't put the pressure of having a six pack on yourself as well as all the other pressure & guilt that will come. Set reasonable expectations.

This is said with kindness
Your body may or may not be the same after pregnancy. You can do things to help but some women find 'snapping back' far easier than others. But the extreme anxiety you feel about it changing and the quest for 'perfection' is really not healthy. Would you consider trying to get some counselling for this? It almost sounds like body dysmorphia/eating disorder/orthorexia type territory.

Maybe having children isn't for you?

I have never had as good a figure as I did about a week after having DC1. I was sick a lot through pregnancy so actually weighed less than I did before pregnancy and my boobs were suddenly massive (for me, still pretty small by most standards!) Months of breastfeeding and lots of sugar cravings got me back to where I had been pre pregnancy - relatively slim (size 8-10) but with a bit of wobble on the tum. But I am lazy and did zero exercise - if I had I’m sure I could have kept the flat stomach and you sound like you have the discipline to do that.

Now pregnant with DC2 and hoping for similar, I’ve had small bumps both times so fingers crossed.

Everyone is different so I can only say what I experienced but it sounds like you are in the best position you could be, just don’t expect to be back to flat stomach, abs etc. too fast and give yourself time to recover slowly and you’ll be fine.

My body didn’t change after 3 children. Hitting 40 changed it a lot!

There's no guarantees. Some of us end up with yog bods, some of us don't. Each pregnancy is different.

You can snap back.

After my first, I was back to my pre-baby weight within a few weeks. The sleepless nights and the stress of a newborn made me eat slightly more junk food and I put on about half a stone. Luckily I was a size 6 before so it still looked fine. I was still toned etc without putting much effort in.

Don't bother having a second though. I'm a stone heavier again and a size 10/12. I cannot lose the weight no matter what I do. I still look ok but I miss having a totally flat tummy.

Some people just spring back in to shape and others don't. It's the lack of time to exercise and workout that is part of the issue.