Terrified of my body changing after pregnancy

[EllieVx]

Hi all,
looking to conceive soon and I am beyond paranoid (full on anxiety daily and sleepless nights) about my body changing.
I don’t really want to hear any ‘we all change, love yourself stuff”
I have been fit and slim my whole life, I have abs and a great fit figure.
Does it really change much? could I be the same as pre pregnancy? It seems to be two extremes, mum tums and those that snap back?
any one else been very slim and fit and then got pregnant?
I run 3x weekly (5 and 10km), weight lift, spin classes etc.

will my body be ruined? Or can it be the same? Not bothered about scars, stretch marks, pigment (I already have scars from abdominal surgery), I just don’t want a flabby stomach, currently mine is like chopping board flat. I have never owned spanks in my life, I own no shape wear and I don’t want that to change.

the anxiety that my husband won’t find me attractive and that I know full well I won’t find myself attractive either is unbearable.

I want children so much but I’m so frightened that I won’t be a good mum because I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore.

thanks in advance all ❤️

By about 6 months post partum, I actually looked better than I did pre pregnancy. Normal BMI before and after but I'm not someone who exercises much or anything like that. I shed a lot of weight whilst breastfeeding which made me skinnier. I'm pregnant again now so who knows what I will look like after that 🤣

I'm sure I've posted this elsewhere recently, but I really think most people's priorities change after pregnancy. Please don't take that to mean that I think it's shallow or anything if you do still care about this after you have your baby, I just mean that most people only have headspace to worry about a certain amount of things at once. I certainly couldn't have given two flying figs what I looked like in the first 6 months, and I am actually someone who did worry a lot about it before I conceived. I was so exhausted, so wrapped up in being a mum, I just could not have cared less.

I looked in the mirror a week or so after giving birth, and my body did look totally different. Mainly I had a huge, saggy tummy with loose skin. I thought that this was how I'd look forever, and I looked awful. But I just did not care. I basically just said "oh well" and went back to worrying about feeding, sleep, all the rest of the newborn stuff. I did not even think about my body image again for months. By the time I did, my body looked how I remembered it from before pregnancy.

So what I'm saying is, you will probably look really, really different after you give birth. But that's normal! Your body needs a minute to get back to the swing of things, and it may well go back to 'normal'. Or, it won't. I don't know. But I think you might surprise yourself with how little you care, at least for a long while.

I’m just a bit sad to see how many people on this thread think a mother with a flat stomach is “worth” more than one with a wobbly one. Even in my early 20s, at my very fittest, pre children, working out everyday, eating healthily and living an active lifestyle I still never had a flat stomach.

after two kids it’s even more wobbly than then. My body has changed a lot and that’s not easy but as others have said you don’t get to have full control over your body.

what I do have is a husband who loves me and finds me attractive whatever I look like. I have two healthy children who bring me so much joy every day. I am fit, healthy, happy, not too exhausted….

echoing what others have said: I think you should try and unpick your self worth from your body shape before having children. Or even if you decide not to have them. Sorry if my reply sounds harsh but there it is.

i hope you can find peace within yourself. You only get one shot at life and it would be very sad if for some reason your chopping board stomach or lack of it dictated how happy you are in life. All the best

@EllieVx , I’ve had 3dcs relatively close together and my body is and was totally normal after giving birth, I had really big bumps but don’t have any stretched/loose skin, stomach is flat etc. It’s prob a lot of luck tbh and I didn’t have any C-sections. One major factor I believe was breastfeeding, for me every-time I breastfed In the first few days post birth I had v intense pain , that was my uterus contracting back , my stomach just disappeared and breastfeeding for me made me leaner than I’ve ever been . I’m 37 now and my first baby is now 11 and I’ve been fit and slim ever since. I do believe a lot of that was down so breastfeeding. However I can’t be too smug as I didn’t sleep for about 7 years between all three so my face very much shows that now….

@Bigoldmachine I definitely don’t think it matters at all. I was just giving my experience as sometimes people can really freak out others pre kids. Also I totally agree that post children there’s so many other things to consider and prioritise but I guess I’d exercise is a bit part of the ops life now it’s normal they might be apprehensive.

BF does indeed aid the contraction of the uterus for most women, but skin stretching would have happened during pregnancy. If the skin is stretched, it won't matter how quickly the body underneath it shrinks back - if it's gone beyond its elastic limit that's that!

My belly skin actually looks smoother when I have a more rounded belly, not when I'm skinner. And no amount of planking, yoga etc can smooth out corrugated skin.

If you are having sleepless nights, anxiety and terror about your body changing from pregnancy and birth, I don't think you're ready to think about doing it.

Check on youtube channel pregnancyandpostpartumtv. She had 3 kids and is very fit. You’d never tell she was pregnant 3 times. Stay positive. If you don’t sit on the sofa eating 4 thousand calories just because you’re pregnant, there’s a great chance you’ll be back to your normal self.

@xogossipgirlxo way to be judgemental and ignorant. The body physically changes in pregnancy. Hips widen, breasts change shape and structure, skin stretches, even your feet can widen and go up a size. Quoting some random lady who pregnancy and childbirth (according to you) didn't impact on, is circumstantial evidence. Also, some people are busy and focused on their child after they give birth, not 'bouncing back' and getting on a diet/getting back in the gym. But yes I'm sure the fact some of us choose our child over our vanity means we must have sat on our arses, stuffing our faces and eating 4000 calories.

@xogossipgirlxo I posted earlier in this thread. I didn’t sit on the sofa eating four thousand calories. I ran and lifted weights until 34 weeks, went to spin until 38 and then walked 5k every day until the day I gave birth. My baby is 7 months and while my weight is the same as pre-pregnancy, my body is not the same shape at all. Ignoring the cancer side of things, I have a wider rib cage, my hips are different as well, I have piles despite having a planned c section because my baby was breech, and obviously the c section scar. I have a very good level of fitness (and thank god because it’s helping me through chemo) but I look nothing like I did before I got pregnant. This kind of flippant comment is harmful.

If you didn’t do it, what’s your problem then with my comment? You didn’t deliberately do it, your body changed after pregnancy, what does it have to do with what I said?

You will prioritise sleep and having a shower, over exercising during any 'free time' that you have. You will be so busy thinking about whether your child has eaten enough, pooed enough, drunk enough, is warm enough, etc etc that you will not have a second to think about how flat your stomach is.

I think this really depends on the pregnancy and how each individuals body reacts to it. For example I was pretty active out walking a lot then had a lot of bleeding in early pregnancy and was put on modified bed rest for 4 months. (I had severe morning sickness so I still lost weight but that could have gone either way) when that ended then I took bad pelvic girdle pain to the point the NHS physio offered me crutches towards the end. I think we should be past the point of making out like diet and exercise are the only factors to consider and shaming women for weight gain in pregnancy when it is outside of their control how their body responds to the pregnancy.

Not everyone's body changes. After breastfeeding I didn't get any drooping, and they are fuller too. And I didn't get stretch marks but I do realise I was very lucky!

As all other posts have said, no one can guarantee anything about your body. What is guaranteed is a baby 's needs must and will come before exercise.

For me breastfeeding took the weight back off but then the breasts change shape but that’s temporary for me, however there are physiological changes that can happen which you can’t fix such as developing postpartum hypothyroidism which slows down your metabolism even if you seem to be well medicated, pcos, gestational diabetes which risks you getting type 2.
Pregnancy can really screw up your body I think it really ages you.
If you want to ttc then you need to accept that some things will be out of your control.
Perhaps work out your self esteem before you try incase it sends you into antenatal or postnatal depression.
Whilst I’m in good shape my hair is horrible now but tbh I’m just too busy to care so much about how I look because I feel secure about it all. There is so much to think about with kids your priorities really do shift. Doesn’t mean you have to let yourself go, you’ll just accept the changes better.

I really think motherhood needs to be celebrated more, warts and all. I think when women feel empowered about the changes then nobody can make them feel shit and insecure about it.
I’d love to see the shape of men if they gave birth.
Wonder if they’d feel the pressure to go back to their pre pregnancy looks.
Having said that if it really does bother you then get a personal trainer and there are all sorts of cosmetic procedures that can be done afterwards so it just depends on how far you’d go really to maintain things or go back to how you were.

I also wonder if this is the reason so many celebrities go for surrogacy now.

Some women return pretty much to how they looked pre pregnancy. Others have a very different body after giving birth. Mine changed after my first pregnancy but I don’t love it any less (soft tummy skin included). Fitness, genetics and the type of pregnancy/birth you have all play a part in how much you change.

I’d work on your self esteem before you TTC. I’m currently sat feeding my 1 day old baby after a C section and can’t imagine stressing about my body or worrying that my DH won’t fancy me right now…

I had the same worries but not to the point I wouldn't have children because of it. Pre pregnancy I ran marathons and was very slim, I loved my body. During pregnancy I didn't gain lots of weight beyond a bump really (babies ranged from 7-9lb so not tiny babies). Quite weird during pregnancy and giving birth I had compliments on my great abs from midwives and doctors!

I had my first child and snapped back, not a single stretch mark, same size, same weight you'd never tell. I had another baby, same again, and then another baby same again. I actually think how fit/toned you are pre pregnancy has a lot to do with how well you snap back. Although I am yet to return to my fitness freak days I'm still very toned, my stomach is flat and I still love my body. Even my vag got away unscathed the first 2 times, third time not so lucky in that department. Even that has recovered eventually though.

Chances are being so fit your body will return to your pre pregnancy size.

1 day old ahhhh congratulations 🎊 😊 x

1-1 post partum Pilates!

Will sort you right out.

99% of it isn’t the skin, the weight or anything you would imagine. It’s that your body literally changes over 9 months to accommodate a split in half / collapsed core. Pelvis tilts, spine curved, ribs splay and bum muscles end up dead and clenched as you get used to stacking all these odd shaped body parts on top of each other to more easily give yourself some stability.

An experienced 1-1 will fix all the above.

It's completely unpredictable, I'm afraid OP.

I had a BMI of about 22 before I got pregnant with my son, and I put on 15kg in total. I didn't get any stretch marks and I lost 12kg without really trying before getting pregnant again with my next baby.

I didn't have a washboard stomach to begin with but apart from not losing the last few kilos I don't think my last pregnancy had much impact on my body at all.

But you can't predict how pregnancy will affect your body.

The best thing you can do is try to remain active throughout your pregnancy and eat a normal, healthy diet.

I bounced back both times.

But I have abdominal separation and a prolapse which means I can no longer exercise. Not like I used to. Definite no to lifting weights or running.

Not all damage is on the outside!

I had this fear. I went from 7.5stone to 10.5 stone. Giving birth immediately lost me 1 stone then I was 8 stone 10 months after. I can still tell I have a bit more fat than I used to and my hips and ribs have widened but on the whole I am happy. My stomach isn’t as toned but it is flat. I kept fit during my pregnancy which I think helped.

@xogossipgirlxo because you're saying if you don't be lazy and overeat, you will have a high chance of reverting back to your pre pregnancy body... Implying being bigger is a bad thing for a start with, but also saying those who arent wash board thin MUST have overeaten. Its ignorant and false.

If you don’t sit on the sofa eating 4 thousand calories just because you’re pregnant, there’s a great chance you’ll be back to your normal self.

There is indeed a higher chance you'll get back to your pre-preg weight and shape if you don't overeat, in the same way that (health conditions aside) we maintain a healthy size when not pregnant.

back to normal self shouldn't be the goal really - rather new post pregnancy normal where we accept how our bodies have adapted to make a new human.