Terrified of my body changing after pregnancy

[EllieVx]

Hi all,
looking to conceive soon and I am beyond paranoid (full on anxiety daily and sleepless nights) about my body changing.
I don’t really want to hear any ‘we all change, love yourself stuff”
I have been fit and slim my whole life, I have abs and a great fit figure.
Does it really change much? could I be the same as pre pregnancy? It seems to be two extremes, mum tums and those that snap back?
any one else been very slim and fit and then got pregnant?
I run 3x weekly (5 and 10km), weight lift, spin classes etc.

will my body be ruined? Or can it be the same? Not bothered about scars, stretch marks, pigment (I already have scars from abdominal surgery), I just don’t want a flabby stomach, currently mine is like chopping board flat. I have never owned spanks in my life, I own no shape wear and I don’t want that to change.

the anxiety that my husband won’t find me attractive and that I know full well I won’t find myself attractive either is unbearable.

I want children so much but I’m so frightened that I won’t be a good mum because I 100% wouldn’t love myself anymore.

thanks in advance all ❤️

I was very fit pre pregnancy and also in good shape. I had to go on bed rest from the 4th month and lost all my muscle mass. Was allowed 30mins movement a day. Totally wrecked my body.

The idea that eating well and exercising is enough and that women who don't kind of have themselves to blame for not being in shape shortly after birth is a total fallacy. It only increases your chances of having less problems.

I have friends who are sedentary - sports shoes are just for fashion and leggings are for watching TV - slim and "bounced back" within 6 weeks after birth. From behind you couldn't tell they were pregnant at 8 months. I have a friend who used to run ultramarathons and has a "deflated balloon" belly (she now runs marathons because they're less time consuming). I have a friend who gave birth at term and the baby unexpectedly died a few days later and she has struggled with weight ever since. I have friends who ate a lot during pregnancy, got really big, with not a single stretch mark and two years later are back to pre pregnancy shape, with minimal work. I have a friend who went back to running and weight lifting too soon and ended up making her small prolapse into a big one. She looks fantastic though. I have other friends who never "bounced back" despite putting in a lot of work. I know others who seemed to be going really well and then about 6 months later they crashed and burned because they'd not given themselves time to recover.

You don't fully get to control this. For some women the fact they're sporty and watch what they eat is enough. For others it makes no difference. For some they do nothing and "bounce back" within 6 weeks. There's a lot thread of women on this thread who imply that because they were fit and healthy pre pregnancy, took care of themselves during pregnancy, means that they're in shape again afterwards. While those things increase your chances, they're no guarantee. The changes that happen during pregnancy are not always in your control.

OP I think it's reasonable to have concerns. At the same time, the level of concern you have sounds more like an anxiety. My suggestion is that you make sure you know what it is you can do to feel in control, but understand you're not in total control. And then get as much support as possible. Also once the baby is born, if you are physically able to work out, but don't have anybody to look after the baby and give you time to or have a partner who isn't hands on, or baby doesn't sleep so you can't sleep enough l, as well as can't workout (whatever that is for you btw), you'll have a hard time. So again, may be good to have a plan for a bit of support because you know that getting your fitness and shape back is important to you.

But don't go too hard too early. Your body will need to recover first.

Speaking as an older woman , I think you need to talk this through with someone. Being so worried about your body sounds rather unhealthy, and I do mean that kindly. You will get older, you will get wrinkles, boobs do sag , you will look in the mirror one day and think 'what happened? ' I'm not saying it to depress you or shame you, but there is only so much you can do to stay in a time capsule. How each of us ages, depends on so many factors and whether you snap back after pregnancy does too. Will you only love your husband while he looks young and handsome? Because he will age and change too.

I agree with @daretodenim too. I knew a very,very sporty colleague who was 'keeping fit for labour'. She got pre-eclampsia, and was rather unwell.You just can't tell.

Flat stomach gone and my feet are wider boo. Hate it, but love my child more.

I was a slim size 8 before both pregnancies, was back in my pre pregnancy skinny jeans within a fortnight of giving birth each time. Children are both teens now and I’m still a slim size 8.

My stomach is still very flat, it's "softer" but then I've never tried to tone it up, but it's completely flat and looks good as far as I'm concerned. 2 kids. Had them quite young though when I was very slim and lost the weight very quickly. I think if I was to get pregnant now pregnancy wouldn't be so kind to me!

I think if you have a vaginal birth it all naturally shrinks back into the same position. It's trickier after a c section because you often have loose skin with no where to go back to because of the scarring.

This!

I'm late 20s and was not fit, but was slim with a flat stomach pre pregnancy. I gained 2.5 - 3 stone which did really worry me at the time. Baby was 8lb 11.
My baby is now 4 months old and I have about 5lbs to to lose until I'm back at my pre pregnancy weight.
My stomach although not flat, is so much better than I was anticipating. I did have a c section, so there is still a bump where my scar is tighter than the rest of me, but it's continually improving. And this is with no effort to diet or exercise!
Essentially it's not a forgone conclusion that your body will dramatically change. I had really prepared myself for the worst, but maybe that's why I'm so pleasantly surprised.

I couldn't have children and have still ended up with a very different body shape by my late 40's. So you will not stay exactly the same in any event.

Yeah, mines a bit fcked if I’m honest. Abdominal muscles have separated even though they were in good shape, pelvic floor is still a bit of a mess 2 years in, despite religiously doing my exercises both pre- and post. I’m 2 stone heavier than pre-pregnancy (for context I was just under 9 stone beforehand), 1 of which I never quite lost, the 2nd is “I have a toddler and I’m gonna binge eat chocolate”. That’s really just laziness. Plus I had an episiotomy and the stitches popped a few days into recovery so undercarriage is a car crash if I’m honest and most days I’m just happy my insides haven’t fallen out of my vagina.

But honestly, apart from the occasional “whyyyyy?!”, I barely notice which surprises me a lot as I was fairly image conscious before.. Newborns, babies & toddlers don’t often leave a whole load of time for self reflection/flagellation.

You probably get ur figure bk fairly quickly. It won't be as good as before though especially your abs. After one baby it's not too hard to get your figure back but the more you have the harder it is!

I'd say my stomach was my best part of my body along with boobs. I was size 6-8 30E/F and my stomach was so toned I loved it. I had emcs and got back to half a stone lighter than before despite this I still have a little bump where I've been cut. I hate it but you can't see it as it's so low. Boobs lost volume and went down a cup size.

I've had second baby now and another emcs and I'm a bit more than half a stone heavier than unused to be. I'm more a solid size 8 but more squishy than before. My stomach is less toned again and now it looks great in the morning but as I eat and the day goes on it's no longer completely flat anymore 😩

Overall though I'm fairly happy with this I've had 2 kids and I'm getting closer to 40 so I won't complain. If I go bk to gym I can get it more toned but that bump at the bottom will not go away regardless of how skinny I get.

If you have a good figure and are toned etc before you will be fine .

Follow Gemma from Hollyoaks ( sorry can't remember her surname but girls from strictly is her partner ) on instagram because she had a baby and filmed getting her toned figure back . Also Emily Skye did the same .

My stomach was flat again in hours after my first child and I was fit but not mega

The two thinnest, fittest women I know have had the biggest changes to their bodies post-pregnancy. One had twins - NOBODY is coming out of that with the same body they went in with.

The other had very narrow hips and huge babies so her pregnant belly projected outwards a lot. She had a significant muscle separation which made her look permanently pregnant. Both of them had tummy tucks after their final baby and they still look nothing like they did before, despite daily exercise.

The person I know who was most obsessed with fitness during pregnancy woke up at 30 weeks with cramping and still went to the gym. Her baby was born later that day and nearly died.

The best advice I can give you is find a psychologist and work through this fear. Because to a large degree it is out of your control.

It’s partly about your attitude to fitness. Those mum’s who prioritise exercise pre birth seem to prioritize it post birth too and keep fit. There will always be some changes though ( looser skin for example) .

For people who were never bothered about exercise in the first place - they will be even less likely to exercise with a baby and with sleep deprivation and stress will gain weight as a mother.

I am in the second camp. At the end of the day I don’t care!

Well plenty of supermodels snap back into shape - think Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford. It depends whether you go for a run pushing the buggy, or if you sit in a cafe drinking latte & eating cakes.

There are other factors - how well baby sleeps, if you can afford help like crèche at gym so you can do a class, have a cleaner so you can focus on yourself, grandparents prepared to help so you can go for a run or have a beauty treatment.

I have found it hard to stay slim due to working long hours & going back when mine were tiny. Plus no money really for self care. I think you need to prioritise yourself to some extent and for whatever reason I didn't do this. So I am now needing to lose weight & wish I had been more 'selfish' and taken more time for myself.

I think part of how your body responds after pregnancy is a genetic lottery to do
with how much collagen you have. I seem to be prone to stretch marks as I had them from puberty. Your abdominal
muscles split in the later stages of a full term pregnancy (almost always) and while the muscles can go back and you can build them, the connective tissue between the two halves can be stretched and not return to normal. Again, that involves collagen and varies from person to person. After both kids I followed MuTu system which was great for reducing diastasis recti and building back core strength. However the skin on my abdomen would never go back without surgery (it’s wrinkly from stretch marks) and I will always have a bit of a bulge especially if bloated because the connective tissue between my abs has stretched out. That said I like my body, I wear my pre pregnancy clothes and I think I look fine with clothes on! I think I look fine (to me) with clothes off though some people wouldn’t be happy with it.

You say you don't want any body positivity responses but I really think those are the responses you need. It's not healthy to be so fixated on your body that you get your confidence and self value from having a "chopping board flat" tummy. Whether or not you have children your body can and will change as you get older and you need to find other ways of loving yourself than how you look.

Yes your body is as it is now and you like it. But it's still possible to love and appreciate your body if it looks different to now for any reason, including having had children.

It's really sad that you're considering not having children because of this and it's causing you anxiety. You also should try and get some help before you had a child because it would be awful if your anxiety about your own body rubbed off on your children. Did your own mother talk about her figure/good and bad foods/diets/being fat etc? I'm wondering if that's where your fear of not being skinny comes from.

I think you need to do a bit of work on your mental health and learning to accept yourself before you make the leap to pregnancy.

And to answer your question your body might change forever, it might not. Mine has changed forever after my kids. I still look good but ideally I would change certain things but Other things in life are more important though so it's not something that worries me.

I've had two full term babies and look - almost - the same as before, when I had washboard abs. I'm the same size and in all the same clothes, but my body will never be quite the same, even though my abs are flat again.

I worked out through both pregnancies and then again afterwards, but it just takes time. I had some ab separation second time and you can't just start doing sit-ups again; I didn't ping back. A lot of it is out of your hands, and that's the truth. That said, I am a definite advocate for keeping exercise up during pregnancy if you are feeling generally well. It will certainly help with Labour and recovery even if it doesn't mean you will look like you never had a baby within weeks of birth.

Princess of wales has had 3 children and looks fit and healthy. It is noticeable how toned her back and arms appear in photographs.

eat healthy through your pg and be kind to your body, I know plenty of people that still went to the gym throughout their of and went back afterwards - but didn’t rush back

you should be fine as long as you are sensible

I train with a lot of women who have had 2 or 3 kids and they honestly all have better abs than me, who hasn't had kids yet. I think you need to stay as fit as is healthy and possible during pregnancy. Don't overeat or undereat. Let your body rest after pregnancy and then begin a journey back to fitness. It will definitely change but when I look at the women I train with, the honestly look phenomenal. I would also argue that they are genetically predisposed to abs etc and if you have them now you will be.

The only thing I would say is be careful you don't attach all your self worth to your body. Focus on being fit and running/training well too as it will be a journey to get back. If you only focus on looks, you may feel down for a while and that's not good for you or the baby 🙂

I think it's difficult to prepare for completely because you've no idea what sort of pregnancy you're going to have so anxiety about that is fairly normal. I haven't been slim my whole life my weight has always been up and down and I'd honestly thought I'd have put on a lot during pregnancy. However I ended up losing almost 2 stone thanks to severe morning sickness and then gestational diabetes. I had a planned section a week ago and while my stomach has gone down enough for me to get into my ore pregnancy jeans they just aren't comfortable in the scar yet. I loved my body while pregnant and I hadn't expected to. I think it gave me a new appreciation for what my body can do and I was really nervous of how I'd feel afterwards. I'm just remembering that it takes 9 months to grow a baby so it makes sense that my body going back to before will also take time. And honestly I don't really care because the baby is more than worth any changes in my body. If you're worried to a point of such anxiety I'd consider counselling to work on your self esteem and just take a minute to recognise that your attractiveness is based on more than just how slim/fit you are. I'd also think about your dhs attitude . I'd say my dh is more attracted to me now despite all the post partum grimness because he's a little in awe of what my body went through and he's appreciative of that. If your dh isn't then I'd question his maturity tbh and I'd like to hope none of the pressure you're feeling to stay 'in shape' is coming from him because that would be toxic.

Don't have children. All sorts of things in your life would change if you did.

Have a look at tiktok. Many mothers there are stick thin with perfectly toned bodies.

No one can answer if you will snap back. It's a risk. Some variables are age, genetics (how was your mum's post baby body?), Whether you go full term, size of baby, type of birth.

I snapped back from one pregnancy and looked permanently pregnant after another.

But with this mindset you are heading straight to PND. I'd suggest therapy before TTC to change your thought processes over your body in general.

Does your DP actually say he'd be bothered if you were a bit fat/ flabby after birth?

Everyone is different. Iv had 2 children in 3 years and both times I gained one stone, no stretch marks, stomach flat as soon as I had given birth. 2 vaginal births so no scarring visible to anyone else except my husband lol after some stitches.