I was hoping for other people's experiences of how much their OH is around and whether I'm just being soft.
My OH is a farmer. We don't live on a farm, he has blocks of land scattered around where we live (some quite far away). He also has another agricultural job on top of the business. Income wise he earns a good amount but when you look at the hours he puts in, it's less than minimum wage. I have my own business too in an unrelated industry and work 40 hour weeks mainly from home - which perhaps adds to the loneliness. We have one dd already although she is from my previous relationship so not biologically his. I am pregnant again with second. From the beginning of our relationship I made it clear I couldn't be the typical farmer's wife (I'm a staunch veggie for a start). We decided to get together and see what happened as we connected in every other way - this was 4 years ago. I used to help out here and there but found we didn't work well together as he can be quite harsh and angry in his work and I was obviously inexperienced which irritated him. We have therefore kept our work pretty separate. I work a lot too and have my 4yo dd when I am not working. I am quite needy and have always found his long, anti-social hours difficult. It ebbs and flows throughout the year but lambing time is hard and I literally will not see him for around 4 weeks straight (new baby is due just as lambing ends nx year which I'm so worried about as he spends another month after lambing sorting them all, clipping ewes etc and is out all day inc weekends until late evening). I'd say there are 10 weeks of the year where I rarely see him at all and then many other weeks (maybe another 25 weeks?) he is out the house pretty much every day - inc weekends - from 7-8am until 9-10pm. The rest of the time it is quieter but still him working full time hrs. Holidays are limited - he takes about 2 weeks off a year split up (we do have hols but something always dies or goes wrong and I feel horribly guilty and he makes a point about it).
I feel very, very alone. Especially as my dd's dad was very involved and was at home a lot. OH told me that when the new baby is here, he will have to be out for 'at least two hours a day' even from the day it is born to water and feed things. He said I can have a week where he will try be home most of the time bar the 2 hrs. I've asked if he can employ someone while we parent together for a couple of weeks but he isn't keen. I am also worried he won't get back in time for the birth as my first was a very quick labour and some of his land is over 35 min away and he can be hard to contact when he is out and often cannot leave a job in the middle of it.
He is very loving and tries his best to help around the house. 'Tries' is probably the operative word though as I still do the majority of domestic tasks because he just isn't here enough to do it. He is totally loyal and I know he adores me. I cannot fault his effort. However, it can be a very lonely existence going weeks and weeks and weeks without a single day off together for family time. He really wanted a child and so I agreed as I was happy either way. I did make my expectations clear about him needing to be around more before ttc, but unfortunately that hasn't happened. I am now in a huge state of panic that I can't do this alone, and alone is what it feels like a lot of the time.
I also feel like our lives are geared around farming and everything has to be centred around that (his dreams) rather than compromising with my dreams and needs. My job allows for a huge flexibility which I sometimes feel he abuses.
AIBU? Any thoughts welcome. Not sure if this is pg hormones controlling the situation.