Due May 2023 - thread two

[Flowersflowers121]

Hiiii everyone. Thread two as the first one filled up :)

@EllieJayneB I totally get it, I have the same worries about not having much time together as well. At least we have lots more time to work out our next moves 😊

@EllieJayneB I worked from home with my 1st baby when he was 12-20 months (then I put him in nursery). We were in lockdown and I thought it was a good set up as I could be at home with him whilst also working and earning my full time salary but actually it was the most stressful thing I have done and even now when I look back at pics of DS1 during that time it makes me feel sad as I remember the anxiety I felt every day and the horrible guilty feeling that I wasn’t doing a good job of either looking after him or my actual work. I wouldn’t recommend. It sounds easy but it was awful, I’d panic every time I got an impromptu Teams call and the stress of getting him down to nap so I could have some uninterrupted work time was a lot. Sorry to be negative, just want to give an insight as I thought it would be a win-win setup and even friends at the time would say I’m so lucky but the reality was v different.

@Janch13 don't apologise, I love to hear other people's experiences as this is my first and I'm exploring options because I generally have no idea what to do at the moment. I've definitely thought about the fact it wouldn't be easy doing a work from home job with a baby but I think it would depend on what type of job I'm looking at doing as to whether it would be an option or not, if I stuck doing Sales like I am now then there is absolutely no chance I could do it from home with a baby but basic admin/data entry would be fine as I can do it in the evening too so it's just finding that balance. At the moment I'm leaning more towards finding an evening and weekend job for a little while to gain some funds to cover childminder or nursery costs to then go in to an office job part time. I've told the other half it's just seeing how things go whilst I'm off and then doing all the workings out and rolling with whatever works for us and baby 🤞🏻😊

@EllieJayneB I agree, it does depend on the job and hours. I naively thought I could go back to my Marketing Manager position purely because it changed to remote working instead of being in an office Mon-Fri, and to be honest I did manage it for a good 8 months but it was just NOT enjoyable and as I said, when I look back at pics of my boy from that time I just feel really sad that I wasn’t really enjoying that time of his life because I felt so guilty/anxious at juggling full time work and motherhood.

Nursery fees are absolutely astronomical, for us it was like having a 2nd mortgage and the main reason we held off on trying for no2 until now. DS is 3 and gets the funded hours and it is 🙌🏼 🙌🏼 🙌🏼 but we’ll have to fork out again (probably more with the increased cost of living!!) when this new one is 12 months.

Another thing to add, if anyone is feeling 😫😫 about the thought of putting your baby in a childcare setting, the development is absolutely amazing and it was definitely the best thing we did for our boy would was shy and not saying much when he started, within a couple of months had hugely developed with so many new words, skills and confidence

@Janch13 100%, I couldn't go back to sales or managerial roles once baby is here being at work or home because the stress is unreal and I don't want to let my baby down by my moods so looking to change completely/downgrade my role anyway 😊

We too feel this way, we've got to remortgage whilst I'm on maternity leave and I'm crapping my pants at the cost rise we're going to be hit with which is also another reason why I'm just trying to work with what is best for our family above anything else. I'm glad you've mentioned a childminder to as we was looking down this route over nursery as it's slightly less in costs but I think some people are a lot more hands on with kids in childminding than nursery!

Does anyone have strong views on nursery Vs childminder for a 1yr old?

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I wouldn’t say I I’ve strong views, but I have gone for a childminder over a nursery. I needed to get sorted early as there’s a real shortage of provision for under 2s in my area.

I met a couple of childminders and went to a couple of nurseries; and I just felt the childminder was the best fit for where my child will be at that time. She made me feel really confident about leaving my child with her, and I felt like she would be a great source of support for us as well. However, she did say that, whilst she would never kick a child out, she recommends they transition to a nursery at 2/2.5 so they get the increased social interaction before going to school.

We have a good support network, who can help us out if the childminder is sick (though we asked about sick days and they were non existent with the person we’ve gone with). My boss has no one they could rely on in that scenario, which made nursery the best option for them.

Not sure if that helps or creates more questions than it answers?! Maybe you need to visit some prospective carers and go with your gut?

Wait- are you guys looking at nurseries /childminders now? Is it not way too early?

@OptimusPrime31 no, I'm not looking at all yet 😊

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I initially wanted a CM for my 1st baby as I wanted him to have a home from home environment. I met with a few and none of them were bad I just didn’t click with them personally. Also I was put off by the other children’s school drop offs and pick ups and felt that my babies naps and day in general would be dictated by the routine of the older children. I then found a nursery I LOVED where I really liked the owners and their ethos and childcare style (outdoorsy, Montessori) and he’s been really happy there since joining (still there but now in the pre-school rooms). I think it’s purely down to your preference and gut feel but you might be surprised at what you end up going for (I was dead set on a CM).

@OptimusPrime31 I booked and paid the deposit for my childminder in November. I’ll be back to work in November, and under 2 provision is so lacking in my area after a couple of providers closed. A couple of nurseries I approached couldn’t offer a place until January 2025!! A friend is due in March, and going back to work in February 2024, and she was looking at the same time as me.

Whether it’s too early or not is going to depend on your plans and what under 2 childcare provision is like in your area. It was definitely not too early for where I live.

I never even thought to look, I didn't realise places were so hard to come by. I think I'll start asking around to gauge what the situation is. Thanks 😊

@OptimusPrime31 one nursery I messaged has no places for 1yr olds until mid 2025! You basically need to lock in a place a year before they'll need it (Glasgow, Scotland)

We're planning to move about 35 minutes away so I don't want to look at nurseries until I know where im gonna be 😢 I hope I'm not too late!

Could I jump in and ask if anyone is going to an NCT course?

I wanted to book one but now it’s saying there aren’t any suitable for me! I was too late getting organised with it (we’ve just moved house so things have been chaos for a couple of months!). Kicking myself now!!

If I’m honest, I feel a bit clueless at the moment and would really like to do the course and meet people in a similar position, who live nearby.

Are you booked on a course of any kind? Did you manage to get in on a close by one or have to travel a bit further away?

@i83 the ones in my area seem sort of intense - 3 days in a row for a total of 17hrs, with two weekend days 10-430 ... That's pretty much working all weekend!!!

My NHS board also does antenatal classes, which sound less extreme.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl @wintersun21 I wonder what happens if a parent reserves a space but then changes their mind? I'm not even sure what I'm doing with work when I go back yet so I don't know how I can decide what I'll want to do until he's here

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl @i83 I've booked onto an antenatal/hypnobirthing course - £295 so the same cost as NCT but it's just two Saturday's 10 - 2 with a Zoom meeting in between and WhatsApp group as well. I found the idea of NCT a bit daunting too and also the hours didn't work with my husbands rota. It's not in our direct local area, about a 20 min drive away because we actually picked the flyer up when we went for a private scan!

Thank you @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl
Wow, that is intense!!

The ones I’ve been looking at, are one session a week, for between 3 and 5 weeks. I think once a week is probably enough learning!!

I’ll have a look at the NHS ones. I was just hoping that they would be in person ones, not just online.

On a side note…. I’m 23+4 and have only just started to feel baby moving!!! Just slight feelings but I was so relieved, with me nearly being 24 weeks!

@CatMad22 that’s really great that your course has got a hypnobirthing element to it and that the hours suit you. Sounds really good!

I’ll try doing some googling!

I booked NCT at about 17 weeks and it said I took the last spot in my 'most suitable' class...! These local mums are organised, is all I can say. I'm sure there are lots of other ways in your local area to connect to other parents though, and to get prepared. I don't think NCT is the be all, end all - have heard some shocking stories about what the facilitators sometimes say (e.g. having interventions is failing at labour, not breastfeeding is failing at being a mum). So I'm going in with a healthy scepticism as to how useful it will be, just hoping to get some useful intel and meet some people in the local area

@i83 yay for feeling the baby move! It's a weird/fun feeling, isn't it!

@Melusina123 gosh yep, I really should have been more organised!!

Glad you managed to get a spot. That’s interesting (and a bit shocking!) to know about things that can be said at the NCT courses, at least I’ll be a bit more prepared now thank you!!

It is definitely a weird/fun feeling! Like a pulse or muscle twitch inside or an air bubble popping!
I wasn’t sure whether it was me feeling the baby or not really, as it was only very faint at first but I’m pretty sure now that’s what it is!! 😃

Think we will book a private scan for about 25 weeks, just for a bit more reassurance.

Has anyone got any scans booked in?

Potentially being stupid here… do I need a Moses basket? I was thinking about just using the bassinet from our pram?!

@i83 we've just got our 4D scan now which is booked for the 11th February (my birthday present from my mum) and then I do have a 3rd trimester scan due to being higher risk in March on the 28th and then due 10Th May so I think I'm lucky in having a balanced view of baby until she's due 🥰

@Awkwardusername I have ended up with two Moses baskets as I've been gifted both, I didn't originally plan to buy one as we was going to use a bouncer/bassinet thingy with a next to me in the bedroom and then a proper cot ready for baby to move in to her own room but now I'm going to just use one of the Moses baskets in the front room, it's a rocking one too so more useful then a standard one!