Due April/May after MC 🌈

[BellaBella38]

Hi everyone, I know this is might be a bit early to start a thread but after more than 2 1/2 years of trying the overwhelming excitement is real!

Me and my husband lost out first at 10 weeks back in December 2020 and to be honest had kind of given up. I only peed on a stick at 16DPO because a banana repulsed me to the point of spitting it out! Trying not to be too excited or paranoid, but we'll see how that goes. 🤣

I've ordered the Pregnancy after Loss book by Zoe Coates Clark in an attempt to keep my sanity, but the going to the loo fear of seeing blood is real. And I've booked an apt to talk to my GP on Thursday at 5+3 to talk about whether or not progesterone would be appropriate.

Thankfully my husband is level headed and reminds me not to get too ahead of myself yet, but it would be great to meet others in the same boat for a hand hold.

My 12 week scan took about 45 mins and they were really detailed. I’m a bit shocked that they were a bit slap dash for some of you.

My results came back 1 in 10,000 for downs and 1 in 10,000 for edwards and patau

We are finding out the gender at 16 weeks but are not going to be buying anything or telling anyone until we’ve had our 20 week scan. Just to double confirm gender (even though I know it’s still only 98% accurate until birth)

We are thinking of telling our families the gender on Christmas Day

I'm desperate to find out! My next scan isn't until 21 weeks so will just have to be patient. I had a dream it was a girl, and I have felt much worse this pregnancy than the one before which I think is an old wives tale about it being a girl, but don't care either way, I'd just like to know as I am incredibly impatient!

@Janefx40 nope it's Kings in London, lots of pregnancy research funded out of there so I'm keen to do my bit (within reason!) given the struggle I've had with getting to this point.

Now most of us are 12 week scan down, are you all telling people? I don't really know where to begin... Still feel a bit weird! And when are people telling work?

We were waiting to tell people until our NIPT test results were back but I just got a call saying there was another testing error.

They are refunding our money and will repeat it for free if we want but I'm not sure I want to repeat it. I was already regretting doing it anyway - if you get the results early then it maybe helps to make a decision before you are too far along but now we're 13 weeks. We've had all our screening anyway and know we are low risk for the major things. It checks for other stuff called micro deletions too which can cause all sorts of disabilities but our specialist says there are thousands of these and the test only checks a few anyway.

It's frustrating tho.

So in answer to your question I suppose we will start telling people now but probably only when we have to ie if we are going to see them

Yes we decided to make a “social media” announcement at 13 weeks. Our families and close friends knew 8/9 weeks onwards.

Will this be anyone else’s first child? I am 27 years old and husband is 30 and this will be my first after a couple of losses. I am due baby on my 28th birthday

Also I told work due to HG at 7-8 week mark

To answer a few Qs floating about:

This will hopefully be our first too - we are both 33yrs
We have told our parents, some of my closest friends have known since 6 weeks, starting to tell other close friends and family as we see them. Will definitely not be announcing on social media.
Told my direct clinical supervisor (I'm NHS) yesterday and will tell line manager in a few weeks. Will tell the rest of the team probably 16 weeks ish.

This will be our first. I’m 31, dh is 32.

My mum found out a few weeks ago when I mentioned blood tests and she started to panic. I just told my brothers today. We are telling dh’s mum tomorrow. Then slowly friends as and when we see them. I’m planning to tell work next week.

How are you ladies thinking to manage Xmas parties if you haven't told work yet? I'm keen to avoid telling them until as late as I can avoid it because our work is project-based and in the past my experience is that you won't be given any new/interesting projects if they know you're "leaving", even if it's ages away.

Ours is early Dec when I'll be 15/16 weeks - the dress code is slightly fancy and I have a dress that would suit well - except that it's quite body contoured and I don't know if I'll still fit into it (or whether it'll give me a really obvious belly!) but I'm hoping I might be in that sweet spot where the bloating has faded but I'm not "showing" yet! But most likely going to have to come up with a backup option nearer the time!!

Luckily drinking-wise shouldn't be too much of an issue, I barely drink normally so most people won't think that's too unusual, fingers crossed.

I think I will tell people as I see them, but I don't feel hugely in any rush. Absolutely no social media announcement for me but no judgement at all, each to their own.

I'm old! 35, but have been trying for 2 years. My partner is 38.

As for Christmas parties, it's a nightmare for me. My industry (advertising) is absolutely alcohol obsessed and I'm sure a few of the senior bods have their suspicions already as I've not been drinking. I need to tell work but my promotion is being announced Dec 1 so I feel a bit odd about it, and don't really want to say anything before. I do want to give them plenty of notice but couldn't bear the office knowing and then something happening again.

I've just turned 31. First baby.

My parents knew and my closest girlfriends and my boss from quite early (my boss guessed haha). We've started telling everyone else but no to social media. I think a few people had guessed - I've been walking round completely green clutching an iced water and a packet of salted crackers on the very odd occasion I've gone out in public!

Given it's twins, I think we're finding out. We weren't for a singleton but two feelss a bit scary and knowing feels somehow more prepared.

No chance I won't have a bump by Christmas parties with twins and also my work area is boozy (legal) so I'm coming clean.

34. Told family already and friends as needed (didn't feel like hiding after my last miscarriage for some reason) Boss guessed as she knew about the miscarriage and I put in a few time off requests for doctors appointments.

12 week scan this week. So nervous.

I am back to being super anxious after ooh... Half a week of feeling calmer.

My anxieties are:

1. Just because the 12 week scan was good doesn't mean all is still well.
2. I feel much more well today, which terrifies me.
3. my iron is low, which can contribute to miscarriage risk.
4. fertility clinic told me to stop taking progesterone and as I have run out I stopped on sat. However I've just found another box I didn't realise I had so wondering if I should restart.
5. I was cycling over cobblestones at the weekend. I appreciate this last one is particularly ridiculous.
6. my trisomy screening results are still not back

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl oh man, I understand. I had a migraine on the weekend, and I had one a few days before my last miscarriage and it just completely upset the apple cart. I was back to being convinced everything has gone wrong, feeling detached from the whole pregnancy, geeling like a non-pregnant impostor, etc etc etc.

I think it really doesn't help that you start feel increasingly normal around this time, much less nauseous/exhausted but also no baby bump to speak of (at least for me). And going off the progesterone is nerve wracking! The NICE guidelines say to go to 16 weeks so I think you'd be ok if you did decide to go a bit longer?

FWIW I think they rush trisomy screening notification when it's bad news so the fact that you haven't heard is possibly a good thing? That was my interpretation.

@Melusina123 I specifically referenced the NICE guideline when I spoke to my fertility clinic and they said no, we recommend 12 weeks so you should have stopped them over a week ago.

Hey folks, sorry to hear the worries are back - I can relate!

Maybe the security of the 12 w scans have worn off? I too had a horrible migraine on Saturday @Melusina123 but now I don't have any symptoms and have convinced myself something is wrong and I'm going to start bleeding today.

I've also freaked out and did a harmony test today. My NHS results were low risk, I just went a bit mad. A terribly expensive way to, in theory, reduce my anxiety but now waiting for the results I feel doubly anxious!

And @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I did a prenatal spin class this afternoon (first in six weeks and literally 20 mins) and now feel awful and guilty about stressing my body.

I have been googling miscarriage risk post 12 week scan and it's LOW. Also, the scan will have pointed out any defects or issues. It's hard to be rational though.

My next scan isn't until 21 weeks, not sure how I can wait that long!

@ZoeQ90 when is your scan? Good luck!

Do you have dates for your ‘20 week scan/anomaly scan’? I don’t, I’m hoping the midwife will arrange it when I see her next week.

I really relate to feeling normal and wondering if it’s all still ok. My sickness wore off a week ago and other than early nights and many toilet trips I’m feeling relatively normal.

Its good that the trisomy results are not back yet. Mine took 8 days/6 working days for the letter.

Aw thanks! Today and all good! I'm so relieved and excited!

@ZoeQ90 congrats. So pleased if went well

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl sorry you're feeling this way. Me too. I'm definitely less sick and the horrid taste in my mouth has gone. Have to have a scan tomorrow when they repeat my Panorama bloods (again!) and dreading it. DP isn't coming this time and I'm just sure this will be bad news and I'll be on my own like I was for the miscarriage.

Anyway sorry that was all about me. I hope you can feel some reassurance soon. My clinic told me to stop progesterone at 10 weeks if that makes you feel better. I asked on one of my FB groups and most people said the same. I chose to wean slowly down to 12 weeks. I am still on 2 cyclogest because of the miscarriage clinic prescribes that but feel reassured that my IVF clinic is really successful and most of their clients are coming off at 10 weeks. I came off at 12 weeks with my daughter.

@MO22 I think it's good you did a Harmony if it will reassure you. Presumably you had a scan at the same time. I get increasingly more nervous as the results day gets closer with NIPT tests (I've had 3 - 1 with my daughter and 2 failed ones with this one!).

Did you opt to find out the sex?

I have been having bad anxiety over the last few days too. I’m 15 weeks pregnant today and we have our gender scan next week booked for 23rd. I’m excited but I’m terrified. This is the furthest I’ve been in pregnancy and I still keep wondering if I’ll turn up expecting to know the gender and be told baby hasn’t made it. I know that sounds morbid but I can’t help feeling this way.
In my small group of friends, 1 has just had her baby (on our should of been due date with twins) and another 3 of us are pregnant. I can’t help but feel like I’m going to be the only one that doesn’t end up with their baby again.

@Janefx40 actually no, it was just the blood test which I was fine with, I feel terrified by scans so was happy to just take blood and I feel the same about you re my husband, I found out about my miscarriage alone so don't want to do scans without him any more!

I'm hoping I don't have any redraws with the harmony - have they said why they need to with you? I'm so sorry, the waiting must be horrible. Yes, we've opted to find out the gender, what about you? X

Sorry, I know my post was a bit sad.

Does anyone have a feeling that they know which gender they are having? I think I’m having a girl. I guess it’s a 50/50 guess

@MRSDoos don't apologise, I think the whole point of speaking to people with similar experiences is to share the worries, and we can all empathise in one way or another. It's so hard with friends and family, my best friend and sisters babies were all due around the time my last was, and they'll all be celebrating their birthdays whilst I can't. I think we just have to take each day at a time, and try and have hope where we can.

I strongly thought I was having a girl up until I did the test yesterday which will tell us! Now I'm second guessing myself and think it could be a boy. The night before my scan I had a dream about a little baby girl with big blue eyes which was so lovely it still makes me cry thinking about it... But who knows!