Due April/May after MC 🌈

[BellaBella38]

Hi everyone, I know this is might be a bit early to start a thread but after more than 2 1/2 years of trying the overwhelming excitement is real!

Me and my husband lost out first at 10 weeks back in December 2020 and to be honest had kind of given up. I only peed on a stick at 16DPO because a banana repulsed me to the point of spitting it out! Trying not to be too excited or paranoid, but we'll see how that goes. 🤣

I've ordered the Pregnancy after Loss book by Zoe Coates Clark in an attempt to keep my sanity, but the going to the loo fear of seeing blood is real. And I've booked an apt to talk to my GP on Thursday at 5+3 to talk about whether or not progesterone would be appropriate.

Thankfully my husband is level headed and reminds me not to get too ahead of myself yet, but it would be great to meet others in the same boat for a hand hold.

@MO22 you absolutely can ask for fewer people. It's always okay to say you don't want students or observations at medical appts.

For our scan at 8+ weeks there was a student plus boss, I was okay with student but explicitly said, "we have a history of loss and I'm really nervous about this" and the qualified person quickly went "all looks good!" Before the student spent time exploring about, getting measurements, learning etc

you should definitely be able to request fewer people in the room.

@MO22 definitely say no to students. Just say "I'm sorry but I have a history of loss so I would prefer there to be no students or additional people in the room". Don't feel bad about that. It can be part of their learning that sometimes the right thing is to walk away. Good luck with the scan

@ZoeQ90 good luck to you too!

Oh gosh tell me if I did the right thing or not. I have a friend who is going through huge mental health struggles as a result of PTSD from childhood trauma. I've been worried about telling her about this pregnancy because I suspected she wanted a second child. Their first was hugely hard to conceive and a very traumatic pregnancy and her struggles have made it impossible to try for another which is possibly now too late.

I wasn't telling anyone for another week until all our tests and scans are done but then will have to as am already showing and we are seeing loads of mutual friends after that.

So anyway she's suddenly been messaging me about other things and saying how I feel like a safe space for her to talk to and also telling me about her sadness at not trying for number 2.

So then I felt that I had to tell her about the pregnancy because it seems dishonest to say nothing and then suddenly tell her in 10 days time.

So I have messaged her and said that I really want to her be safe space but there are some changes in my life that may be triggering for her. I've asked her how she would like me to share tit with her.

But I just feel so awful that this news is going to bring grief to someone and to be honest the thought of telling people (which I've been fantasising about) actually makes me just cry as if all my trauma and grief of the last few years is just coming out.

I've no idea if I did the right thing or the wrong thing. But either way I feel like I was one small place of safety for her and I've just destroyed that.

Sorry for the long post

@Janefx40 I hope she has replied now. That is a really tough situation.

I think you did all you could to essentially give a trigger warning. I know you want to be that safety for her, but it is not your responsibility to be her safe space. Its great that you have been able to provide that in recent times, but no one person can be that all the time (nor should they be, its not a healthy dynamic). You are another human being with your own needs who cant be that perfect, absorbing person who is just there for her 100% all the time. Also, please dont feel you have to announce early if you dont want to. This is your life, and it needs to be right for you.

PS: can completely understand anxiety now you are actually telling people. We have told parents now and I feel so anxious about wednesday now.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl thank you. I don't think she expects me to be her safe space very often. But even so it is good to be reminded that sharing is up to me. I think I blew it up because I have so much emotion around sharing. For me if doesn't so much add to the anxiety but for some reason it triggers all of the grief and trauma of the last few years. We've been on such a horrendous journey.

Nothing you can do or say can impact on this pregnancy. You are not going to jinx it by telling people or hoping. Just wanted to say that in case it helped ❤️

Will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

12 weeks 4 days. Had my booking scan this afternoon. Everything went well. I'm just wondering wondering, I'm 32 and wasn't asked about any tests for Down syndrome etc. is this something that's routine or am I suppose to ask for it?

@Jade57 glad all went well. I consented to trisomy screening at the booking appt and in my healthboard it's done at 12 week scan

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl it wasn't even spoke about today, they just asked about family history etc but didn't ask about any further testing or anything

@Jade57 they asked me about screening at my 9w booking appointment, and did it all alongside the scan. Apparently important that the scan and blood tests are done as close together as possible. This is worth ringing them to ask about, I think? If you feel strongly about having the testing done. Especially as if you did get a high risk screen then timing affects the next steps what your options are, etc.

@ZoeQ90 Just wanted to say I'm in the same boat, my 12w scan isn't until next week and despite having consistent morning sickness since about 7w and feeling relatively calm about everything likely being okay, I really don't feel 'connected' or anything yet to this pregnancy. Logically I know it's true and coming but emotionally it's like I'm not even pregnant.

I'm sure the 12w scan and telling people finally will make it feel a bit more real, I hope!

I’m around 14 weeks pregnant (give or take a day) and my husband had the flu, so I’ve had the flu jab but it’s made me very very unwell. I can’t decide wether to wait 2 weeks for my “gender scan” or wether to book one for the end of this week just to check if baby is okay. I went a couple days without being able to get food or water down so it just worries me a bit

@MRSDoos I'm sorry you've been so unwell. I don't think it will affect the baby if you've been throwing up - it needs tiny amounts and will take them from your reserves anyway - but it's not very nice for you 🙁

@MO22 good luck today with your scan

I think someone else is today too. Have been reading back to find out who but didn't see it but good luck to you too if you're out there x

Thanks @Janefx40 I'm actually tomorrow! Think @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl is today, so good luck!

Ah I thought it was Waxing but couldn't find it!! @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl good luck

And @MO22 good luck tomorrow. Our NHS scan is tomorrow too. We already had a Nuchal scan at the clinic I attend last week so I'm confident all the parameters are fine but obviously still nervous that the baby is still in there and growing x

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl hope your scan goes well today! And @MO22 and @Janefx40 tomorrow! Is anyone else still waiting for their 12w scan?

@Janefx40 good luck with yours too!

I'm a bit confused about the NT, I've been told I am having one (which I want) but seems like not the case with everyone? I imagine it's probably due to my age (35) that I am automatically given one?

Finding these few days very stressful! Started bleeding a day or two before my 12 week scan last time so feeling anxious but almost there I suppose to know either way...

@MO22 I think everyone should have the Nuchal translucency measured and bloods done as a standard part of the 12 week scan but you consent to it I think you have to consent to it. It's optional. I didn't do bloods with my DD because I'd already got a Harmony result at that point which they said was more accurate anyway.

Yes only one way to find out. It's always horrible going to a scan but hopefully all will be ok. Will be thinking of you x

Thanks @MO22 and all! Scan went well - little frog 🐸 kicking away, EDD now 18th May 2023. So relieved as soon as she said "so there's a strong wee heart" within 5 seconds of starting. Now just waiting on the bloods for trisomy screening but the NT measurement was normal (to my untrained eyes/knowledge!) and structures etc all fine.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl yay! So pleased for you. Hope you're feeling happy! X

@Janefx40 relieved more than anything! Good luck tomorrow, and you too @MO22

Glad it all went well @IWillBeWaxingAnOwl ! I've got my 12 week scan tomorrow afternoon so there is a little group of us.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl that’s brilliant news ☺️

I need a bit of a hand hold / reassurance that I’m not a complete idiot. I’ve just booked my 3rd private scan (this means Ive now had 6 scans in 14 weeks) for tonight because of my anxiety. I keep wondering if I’m just a complete anxious idiot and if I need to relax more. My anxiety was a lot better since 12w scan but since being very unwell I keep panicking about baby so booked a scan tonight on a whim. Part of me tells myself if these scans help me I need to just see it as one of them things but the other part of me worries that I can’t be normal like most people who just have 2/3 scans their whole pregnancy and relax a bit more

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl thats great about your scan, glad it went well.

@MRSDoos it’s understandable, especially after a miscarriage and after being unwell. Im resisting the urge at the minute but I don’t know if I will last 6/7 more weeks until the 20week scan. I’ve had stomache like pains I’m estimating where my uterus is for the past day. I have no clue if it’s normal (eg round ligament) or if I should be more concerned. It says from 14 weeks round ligament pain occurs so it’s the right time, I just don’t know.