Due April/May after MC 🌈

[BellaBella38]

Hi everyone, I know this is might be a bit early to start a thread but after more than 2 1/2 years of trying the overwhelming excitement is real!

Me and my husband lost out first at 10 weeks back in December 2020 and to be honest had kind of given up. I only peed on a stick at 16DPO because a banana repulsed me to the point of spitting it out! Trying not to be too excited or paranoid, but we'll see how that goes. 🤣

I've ordered the Pregnancy after Loss book by Zoe Coates Clark in an attempt to keep my sanity, but the going to the loo fear of seeing blood is real. And I've booked an apt to talk to my GP on Thursday at 5+3 to talk about whether or not progesterone would be appropriate.

Thankfully my husband is level headed and reminds me not to get too ahead of myself yet, but it would be great to meet others in the same boat for a hand hold.

@Essexgalhere I was planning 13 ("12"), 16, 20. I'm worried too many scans will make me reliant on their reassurance and just ultimately promote anxiety. HOWEVER, I have also vowed to treat myself with gentleness this pregnancy and so if I get myself into a fizz and more scans is what I need to feel calm, then I will just do it. So basically my position is on the fence!

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I feel the exact same about the relying on scans for reassurance
I’ve already had 5 in the 11 weeks I’ve known I’ve been pregnant for… I feel a bit silly but they did help me so I guess worth it
But now I’m past first trimester I know myself I can’t just have scans every 2 weeks for the next 6 months or I’ll be broke and an anxious mess

Maybe I’ll see how I feel next week

@Essexgalhere I'm intending to get a private scan at 16/17 weeks but not before. Unless something happens in the meantime that freaks me out!

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I think the sensible position is on the fence! Planning fewer scans but accepting of more if that's what you need for your own sanity. 👍 My position is similar I think.

@Essexgalhere the great things about private scans is that they can usually be booked relatively short notice. So you can see how you feel then book them in.

X

@Myotherusernameisaferrari I had that but a week ahead. I was 12weekd last Tuesday but my scan isn’t until this Thursday.

@MO22 I ovulated late. My lmp was 24th July, I didn’t ovulate until 15/16th august. I was supposed to have the dating scan at 11+1 but the midwife found out and said to push it back. So it’s now at 13+2. Which tbf 11+1 is slightly too early for the nt check.

@Blue2020 I will be 11+4 and worried that's too early... But desperate for a scan, despite being terrified. Haven't had one since 6+2 so it's been ages and don't think I could wait any longer!

@MO22 my letter says for the nt test you need to be between 11+2 and 14+1 so you should be ok. I think I would have been a day too early with the previous planned date.

I’m not sure if this is the right place to write this or maybe I should make my own post about this elsewhere but I just wanted advice from woman who have also experienced loss - but completely understand if you do not want to reply to this.
I think I have mentioned before that one of my closest friends was pregnant at the same time as me, her baby has just been born. Unfortunately we drifted apart and today I have found out that ultimately it’s because she doesn’t want to talk about my loss or hear about my rainbow pregnancy. She basically never wants to hear about it and move on as if it didn’t happen. She’s worried that I’m going to put a downer on her new baby being here and not congratulate her. She said that she’ll be a bit annoyed if I expect her to go back to being normal once my baby is (hopefully) here in May. I’m really upset that I’ve had to hear this from a colleague (she knows my friend) and not from my actual friend herself. The thing is my friend mentions her baby when I see her but if I talk about my loss she ignores me or ignores my messages.

Does anyone else have any situation similar to this or can relate to this at all? My friend has never experienced a loss herself so I can also see that it’s hard for her to understand

Just to check I understand @Essexgalhere :

She told your colleague that she stopped speaking to you much because she did not want to talk about your loss or hear about your new pregnancy?

I can slightly slightly understand that whilst she was pregnant hearing about your loss may cause her anxiety. However now her child is safely here, that doesn't really fly. It also makes no sense that she doesn't want to hear about your new pregnancy.

With the "go back to being normal" does she mean not talking about your loss? This goes back to what we have spoken about before that a healthy baby born or healthy pregnancy does not erase the loss.

How hard would it be to lose this friendship? She doesn't sound much of a friend...

I can slightly understand that too, but I just wish she told me that she felt that way rather than hear from someone else after her baby has been born. I just wonder why she didn’t tell me months ago. I have always been so open and honest with her.

I also forgot to mention she said she’ll worry when baby is here I’ll be jealous or make it about me, which upsets me. I didn’t go to her baby shower but I haven’t made anything about me, I have stayed very low and distant.

She basically wants to slide my losses under the carpet and forget it happened which is how it feels, back to normal means I no longer mention my loss to her and start seeing her and baby again and going back to our old friendship.

I’m a bit upset about this, she’s been a close friend of mine for like 20 years! But she has always been a little selfish and stubborn, of course she has a right to be - this is the happiest time of her life! Also full of anxiety etc, but I can’t help but be a bit hurt that she basically wants me to never mention my loss again and start going round and seeing baby

@Essexgalhere I would be really hurt in your position. I guess I'd be asking myself - does this friendship only work when everything is about her and nothing is about you? So right now she wants it to be sunshine and also focused on her. I wonder if she's concerned about your new pregnancy as it may all be sunshine but not focused on her... Obviously I don't know her and you do so I might be right off base but I can say her treatment of you is not good friend behaviour.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I tried to be open minded and wondered if maybe I did something wrong whilst grieving my losses this year. The only thing I can think of is just after I lost my pregnancy she tried to meet up with me and I told her I was feeling jealous, and our milestones are the same week etc so I have found that really hard but happy for her at the same time. There has been a couple of times since that I’ve told her I can’t talk about her pregnancy or had to end the convo about it because it was making me feel jealous/upset. Now I look back I wonder if I should of told her how I felt, but then at the same time I was grieving so I also try and give myself grace for that. Unfortunately this isn’t the first time she’s gone away and not told us why, she doesn’t really communicate well and I was a bit upset that she didn’t tell me this herself.

I just got a call from the doctor who did my NIPT tests that there wasn't enough fetal DNA in the sample to do this test so I have to do repeat bloods. I can do them tonight but it means I have to go alone and have a scan first.

The thought of going alone makes me want to cry.

@Essexgalhere this is really hard. I think you sound like you are being really fair and open minded about this. If she's just had the baby then it may be that she said this a while ago while she was still pregnant. As we know only too well you can feel anxious and vulnerable when pregnant and want to avoid anything negative and it's fair enough that she wants to enjoy this time and be in a bubble for a while.

Having said that, it's not a very good friend who cuts someone out who is meant to be a friend and is grieving or going through a hard time. Personally I'm not one of those people who likes to pretend life is rosy in order to have a "special time". Life is messy and we need to take our friends as they are.

My best friend got "ditched" as a bridesmaid once because she'd just broken up with her long term partner and the bride was concerned that she wasn't fully able to "celebrate" her wedding (which was still 18 months away at the time). Basically my friend was putting a downer by being unhappy. Sad tho it is there are some people it's better to just not be friends with x

@Janefx40 Oh no that is so frustrating about your blood test, I hope scan goes well today ❤️Thinking of you

I think the thing that has hurt me the most is the lack of empathy and communication from her. I am quite open minded and appreciate that you cannot understand miscarriage and emotions that come afterwards if you have not gone through loss yourself. I think she feels like my loss has put a downer on her happiness. I do not really think that this friendship is going to work and unfortunately this isn’t the first time something like this has happened

@Essexgalhere thanks. Yes it does sound like you need to let this friendship go. It's sad in a way but maybe better in the long run. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this tho on top of everything xxx

My scan went well, I’m measuring 13+5. Such a relief.

@Blue2020 great news! Congrats.

My scan also went well today. I'm 11+5 but measuring 12+4. They won't change my due date tho as it's an IVF pregnancy

@Janefx40 thanks, thats great about your scan too. That makes sense knowing the exact dates already with ivf. I know I ovulated on 15/16th August with opk and bbt so that date is a few days ahead.

Congrats on scans ladies!
I've got a week to go... Very anxious.
I also have the norovirus, it is truly, truly awful.
Stay safe out there, so many bugs!

@MO22 that sounds horrible, hope you recover quickly. Also a week will fly by, hopefully you are well enough by the time you have the scan.

Hi, can I join this thread please? Currently 13.5 weeks pregnant due middle May with my 🌈

I have been feeling so worried as I don’t feel pregnant right now. I guess I am over my early pregnancy symptoms but not far enough to have a bump or kicks so it’s very unreassuring

Welcome @MRSDoos ☺️

My booking appt bloods came back and I'm low on iron so being sent supplements 😭. Better get on the prunes!

We are telling our parents today, mine were so excited, DH still to come. Makes me really nervous though as despite last time they are all like "that's amazing, when you have the baby" and my nervous brain is like 😱😱😱 feeling like it'll jinx it

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl I have been prescribed iron tablets. On day 6 of them.

Im having a horrible day with nausea and sickness. I’ve been sick twice and I’m on the verge of being sick again. Holding the nausea for as long as I can.

One week to 12 week scan, so nervous. Nauseas and knackered but somehow don't feel pregnant and definitely not connected. Whatever the news, I think I'm going to be a crying mess.

@Essexgalhere I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've got a long time friend who I'm having a similar situation with. They don't send me baby photos or updates unless I basically beg even though I've said I want them and everyone else gets them and essentially don't talk to me anymore. It's actually making everything worse for me . I don't know if it'll be better or worse if they go back to normal once I announce this pregnancy. I don't want our friendship ruined forever but I also don't want to feel like I'm only a suitable human when I'm pregnant and my loss can be ignored.

@ZoeQ90 I could have literally written your message! T minus 5 days. I am so nervous, I keep running all the possible outcomes through in my head. Do you think I could ask for less people in the room, my hospital is doing research on pregnant women so there will be lots of students etc but I can't face loads of people being in there if it's bad news. I don't want to be a dick but it's making me feel worse!