Due April/May after MC 🌈

[BellaBella38]

Hi everyone, I know this is might be a bit early to start a thread but after more than 2 1/2 years of trying the overwhelming excitement is real!

Me and my husband lost out first at 10 weeks back in December 2020 and to be honest had kind of given up. I only peed on a stick at 16DPO because a banana repulsed me to the point of spitting it out! Trying not to be too excited or paranoid, but we'll see how that goes. 🤣

I've ordered the Pregnancy after Loss book by Zoe Coates Clark in an attempt to keep my sanity, but the going to the loo fear of seeing blood is real. And I've booked an apt to talk to my GP on Thursday at 5+3 to talk about whether or not progesterone would be appropriate.

Thankfully my husband is level headed and reminds me not to get too ahead of myself yet, but it would be great to meet others in the same boat for a hand hold.

Was there someone on here that had to have a TFMR?

@Mrs173 I truly believe you are allowed to grieve the life you expected no matter what. I have no children currently but still feel for those who have 1 child but wish they were able to have 2 or more. Please don’t feel guilty or bad for being upset for feeling this way

Hopefully the tests will be able to give you a certainty as I completely understand “50% it should be fine” is no where near enough comfort as you need. Then you can go from there and decide what is best for you and little one.

I have not had a TFMR myself but my closest friend did last year and I was quite involved with her loss and supported her so I might know some answers to any questions you have but obviously not all x

@Mrs173 I'm so sorry to hear your news. The wait until Friday must be agonising. Does the CVS give you an answer straight away or how long do you have to wait?

My close friend terminated a much wanted pregnancy due to Downs. It was a long time ago now and while she still mourns the loss, she doesn't regret the decision. She told me at the time (and I just looked it up) that around 90% of people who get this diagnosis terminate. I just wanted to share that because I know you are feeling guilty so it may help to know that despite what you read in the press, it is the decision that most people make.

Whatever you decide, it will be based on what is right for you and your family. But I'm sorry that you are having to potentially make this decision.

Sending lots of love xxx

@Mrs173 I had a TFMR at 18weeks in Feb. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make and we agonized over it for so long but in the end we decided to have the pain of never meeting her over her having to have any pain. I was told she had a 10% chance of getting to 26weeks as along with the Down's syndrome she had major heart and other problems (which they often can have) We already have a little boy and we also had to think of him and his future. Feel free to ask any questions and I will try and answer if I can.

Went to EPU today and they couldn't see the pregnancy. Just been told to take a test in 2 weeks and maybe talk to GP about referral to recurrent miscarriage clinic.

Thank you @HoneyPea for your honest info. It really helps hearing “someone I know” that’s been through it and come out the other side. I’m so sorry you went through all of that and then a Mc too 😔😔 life really is unfair.

that’s how I feel about my little girl having to help choose what is best for her too and of course never wanting to see a baby in pain and struggling. We have an appointment in fetal meds on Friday for a more detailed scan and to arrange a diagnostic test to find out for sure. I can’t help but think about how a tfmr would go and I just can’t imagine how awful the process must have been for you.

was it today your scan? Or is it next Wednesday?

I’ve been thinking about you @BellaBella38 did everything go ok? Please don’t think you can’t share because of my news. It’s awful I won’t lie but it doesn’t mean I wish others didn’t have good news! 💗

@Mrs173 It was today. They scanned me and said they couldn't see anything (which was expected) and to take a test in 2 weeks.

It's been a very tough year so far. TFMR in Feb, lost our family pet in June, miscarriage in July, lost a young cousin (25) last week and now another miscarriage feels like the world is against me at the moment 😞

If you do want any information on what exactly happened during my TFMR or the tests in the lead up to it then please feel free to private message me as I don't want to put too much information on this thread to upset anyone.

Hi,

I was just hoping I could join this thread. I am due in April 2023 after a missed miscarriage in Feb at 16 weeks.

My anxiety is through the roof at the min as my last baby died at this stage (13.5 weeks) but we didn’t find out till the 16 week gender scan.
Has anyone got any advice how I can get though this? I’m having horrible nightmares and to top it off I’ve just found out I have a UTI so have started antibiotics so
ak feeling rubbish.

jm just really worried all of the time, my midwife has been great, I’ve been referred to the premature birth team so I have an appointment and hopefully a scan at 16 weeks but it seems ages to wait till then (8th Nov) x x x

@Princessintherosecastle
Pregnancy after loss or losses is such an anxious time and I honestly believe that most woman who are pregnant after loss have anxiety pretty much throughout. I get anxious about scans and assume the worse, the scans help for about 1 hour then I start to worry again. This is my 3rd pregnancy but first time getting to 11 weeks. My recent loss in April at 9 weeks was with a twin pregnancy. So my anxiety was worse until I got past the 9 week point with this pregnancy.
I worry every day, but I try and celebrate every tiny milestone. I try and tell myself I’m pregnant today and not to worry about tomorrow (easier said than done)
I think because you found out at 16 week scan you may find your anxiety is a lot worse until you pass that point, and to accept these feelings and try and be kind to yourself xxx

@mrs173 Everything went fine, one very wiggly baby doing what it should. Hyperemesis is still kicking my arse but better controlled now. Still got to make it through trisomy tests and anomaly scan, so not feeling at all relaxed yet.

@Princessintherosecastle Welcome and sorry to see you here, but you're in good company. A few of us have found the Zoe Coates Clark book Pregnancy after Loss helpful. Also there's a meditation app called Expectful which has a free trial, but gets pricey if you don't cancel. I've really benefited from it especially some of their sleep meditations and releasing anger and letting go of pain ones. Mainly being here with other people who totally get it, gets me through another day. I want so much to be able to let excited about this pregnancy, but everything just feels tainted by my prevlous losses.

@Princessintherosecastle I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard and as @Essexgalhere said there is an extent to which we just have to accept that we will be anxious.

For me the question is "to scan or not to scan"! I'm personally struggling as well with the fact that I've not been scanned beyond the point where I lost last time. I struggle to tell myself "today I'm pregnant" because I know I might not be. But on the other hand I decided not to book a scan sooner because I'm not sure I want to know. If it's over, maybe I'd rather keep the dream alive for a little longer. It's so hard. So I suppose I'm saying you could book a private scan for 14 weeks if you think it would help to be scanned soon after the 13.5 point but it's a tricky decision x

@HoneyPea I'm sorry that the scan didn't show anything more positive. I'm also sorry for everything you have been through this year. It sounds horrendous. I'm so so sorry about your cousin too.

@BellaBella38 glad you passed this milestone. Hope the next milestones go ok too. My best friend gets hyperemesis and it is super tough so sending love for you having to deal with that. It's tough that you can't enjoy such a longed for pregnancy because of hyperemesis as well as anxiety xxx

Thank you for the replies!

Does anyone think it will be worth getting a scan next week (14 weeks)?
I was going to wait till 16 weeks but the appointment letter doesn’t state whether I will be scanned at the pre term labour appointment? I’ve asked my midwife but she hasn’t replied.

Thank you 🙏🏻 x

@Princessintherosecastle I have had 4 scans already due to anxiety and today’s hospital scan due to bleeding but would say that although sometimes I feel a bit silly to admit how many I’ve had (will have 5 by the time I have my 12 week scan) but they have helped my anxiety a bit so I personally would say if you need that reassurance on 14th week then I would do it

I can also understand why multiple scans can be avoided because they do make me very anxious before I go to one and I spend the few days before expecting the worse and getting myself in a tizz

@Myotherusernameisaferrari @Princessintherosecastle Welcome to the thread and hope we can be of some comfort/support as we go through these nervous weeks!

@Essexgalhere @BellaBella38 Glad to hear of your positive scans x

@HoneyPea @Mrs173 I'm so so sorry you're facing this again, it's so shit. Sending lots of love and strength to you both xx

I'm supposedly around 8+4 today and have been getting like textbook morning sickness for about the last 10 days. Every day it's like, wake up, puke (occasionally prevented if I can eat something before I even sit up in bed, but not always), have breakfast, then stuff myself with snacks all day to keep the nausea at bay, then get home and curl up on the couch feeling somehow both overly full and hungry at the same time until DH makes dinner. I've been no use at all at home, which I feel bad about as DH is having a stressful time at work and then all the housework is a bit dumped on him at the moment - not that he's complaining or anything but wish I was feeling better so it wasn't all on him. :(

But anyway, I guess that's how it goes. I'm not feeling too anxious at the moment, I wasn't nauseous at all last pregnancy so perhaps the difference is feeling reassuring or something. I'd much rather not be ill though! 🥴

@Essexgalhere I've had 3 private scans and am having a 4th today. 12 week scan is on 1 November. By the time I have that I'll have had 5. I felt a bit mad before but they've settled me a bit. My MMC happened very early though so that's possibly helped. I'm 10+6 now.

Since having them I've felt more settled although I start getting fidgety when I know I'm having another soon.

My rationale is, the further along you get, the less likely it is to go wrong. A recent scan showing all is well improves the prognosis. Having said that sometimes my worries run away with me!

My midwife said to do whatever feels best.

If anyone is unsure about having a scan I'd say go for it if you're in a position to do so, although for me the now knowing is the bit I don't cope with.

@Singingloudforalltohear It is true the further along you get, the chance of going wrong is slimmer. I asked midwife and she said now I’m 11 weeks and baby looks okay right now, chances of something going wrong is 2-3%. Of course, I am worried I’ll end up being in that percentage but I know 97% it should be fine.

Feeling a mix of emotions today, it is my twins due date. I’ve got the day off and out with DH. Just feels like a very weird day, not as sad as I thought I would be probably because of my new pregnancy but also feeling odd that I should be meeting my twins around this time. Going to hospital for my scan was really weird yesterday, and I kept thinking I thought I’d be here giving birth to 2 babies around this time instead at the same hospital

On my way to the fetal medicine appointment. I’m absolutely terrified and keep hoping this is all a bad dream but I know the statistics are not on my side. I have 1 in 2 chance of t21 and 1 in 8 of the other 2.

just keep feeling like I’ve really failed this baby making thing in life.

im so so pleased for all those who have had great news so far I really am.

@HoneyPea i will pm you later if that is ok and you are feeling up to it. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a shit time. It’s so unfair. Life is not kind sometimes but I really hope everything turns around for you very soon. Xxx

@Mrs173 Thinking of you ❤️

@Mrs173 thinking of you. Sending you love and strength for whatever you have to face. Xx

Couldn’t have the cvs done as “your placenta is in the wrong place” youd think they’d word these things so you didn’t feel like your body was at fault 🙄 so booked in 10 days time for an amnio. 10 days of waiting. I’ve had a nipt test done today too as another test but 5-10 days for those results.

thanks for the thoughts xxx

@Mrs173 oh my goodness. You poor thing. That must be agonising. How come you have to wait so long for the amnio? Does it have to be done beyond a certain point? I'm so sorry that this is being prolonged even further xxx

So sorry you’re going through h this @Mrs173 - I hope these next few days go as quick as possible for you.

@Mrs173 I'm sorry about today. Yes feel free to PM. I had an amniocentesis and was terrified at the thought of it. It really wasn't as bad as I thought at all xx