Is a surprise worth it?

[CJones11]

I'm pregnant with my second baby. I found out the sex of my first because I was hoping for a boy and had no patience. This time around, I thought I wanted a surprise but I'm finding myself looking for clues on the scan, asking others for their opinion and thinking about finding out during my 20 week scan🙈
What are the benefits of not finding out? How did you feel when your baby was born or was it hard to find neutrals?

I didn't know but didn't find it hard to find neutrals. The magical moment of my husband telling me i had a girl after waking up from C-section when i thought all along i was having a boy is something I'll never forget.

My mum went out and bought loads of dresses within a week

We planned to not find out with our first but as we got towards 20 weeks we both started to get curious and we couldn’t say why we weren’t finding out. It’s a surprise whenever it happens, and in the end we said it was going to be an amazing experience when the baby is born so we decided to find out. I also felt it’s helped me to bond with the baby. But if you think you can wait, it would be worth the wait :)

My first pregnancy ended in a loss at 23 weeks and we didn't know she was a girl. We didn't find out with my second pregnancy and he was a healthy boy. My third pregnancy ended in a loss at 24 weeks - I was convinced we were having a girl but he was a boy. With my fourth pregnancy, we did find out he was a boy. It really helped me bond even though I didn't want to because of our losses. Our 'surprise' was whether this baby was coming home with us, not whether he was a boy or a girl.

We found out at 20 weeka with my first, and honestly it was much more of a surse than it would have been after labour. By the time DD was finally born i wouldn't have cared if she was a boy or a girl and would have missed the excitement bit we got after 20 weeks.

We've found out again with our 2nd

I haven't bought anything yet but I have kept a lot of my sons things. From walking past the baby section in shops, it does seem like neutrals are limited. But like you said, that can all come once they are born:)
What about names? We knew we were having a boy and still didn't have a name until he was a week old?

I think a huge reason on why I don't want to find out is because I know I'll disappoint someone. My son really wants a brother and there are no girls in my family so my family are really wanting a girl. I'm thinking if it's a surprise they won't care once they are here.
I totally agree about bonding with baby. I'm 18 weeks tomorrow and feel very detached this time. Didnt consider it could be because I don't know the sex 🙈

I am so sorry you have experienced so much loss💔
The bonding comment has really stuck with me. Knowing does make you feel more connected!

We knew with our first and didn't with our second. I didn't find it much of a surprise to be honest, it was always going to be either a boy or a girl!

The greatest surprises have been discovering their personalities. Like how DD2 is a complete daredevil on skis, waterslides, climbing etc at a young age us terrified of roller coasters. Or how DD1 is the most persistent person you could ever meet despite many knock backs.

I've got 2 kids.
Had a surprise with my first & found out with my second.

The surprise was FAR better.

Yeah being 'prepared' was alright but I loved going shopping after and getting all the gifts afterwards was just lovely.

If I had a third i would have a surprise no questions asks

Definitely worth a surprise I can't tell you how thrilled I was each time to have the news as my baby arrived

There are so few surprises in life these days
I had all white baby grows and then had a few red and navy bits which work for both
You don't need to buy much at all before the baby is born
Also helped me in the pushing stage
Good luck

White babygros!

I didn’t find out with mine as not knowing was what got me through labour !

The surprise is incredible!! Whatever labour you have (easy or hard) to glance down and have that surprise in that exact moment after the work of giving birth is just incredible. I honestly couldn't imagine you could reach that 'emotion' in a 20 week NHS scan or a sex reveal moment prior to be handed your baby

Some good friends of mine found out but didn't tell anyone, just kept it between the two of them until baby was born. Could that be an option if you're feeling under pressure from others?

Personally I wanted to know both times, and always would again, but I'm the sort of person who always wants to have all the information I can at any point. I didn't like the idea that the sonographer knew, but I didn't!!

Plenty of neutral clothes about. I just bought several white/grey babygrows for both of my dd's as I didn't know with either. The nursery was also neutral. One of my best memories is dh telling me had a girl. Visitors soon arrived with pink clothes!

Surprise with my first and I would never want to find out in advance now if I have a second

its great as you don’t end up with heaps of blue or pink gifts 😂

totally thought I was having a boy and it was a girl

I don’t care about what colour clothes they wear ! She was in vests and sleep suits for a year.

There aren't many genuinely nice surprises in life so why deny yourself one of them? Both of mine were a surprise & gave me something to look forward to during two hard labours. For our first, our midwife admitted she only stayed after the end of her shift because we didn't know & telling people was one of the highlights of her job.
Also if you don't know, then you can't be disappointed by an incorrect scan. We have a friend who's first baby photo is her in full miniature football kit as they thought she was a boy & her Dad had already purchased the kit. It also took them 3 weeks to come up with a name for her as they'd only come up with boys ones.

John Lewis have a lot of cheerful, non-gender specific clothes.

I’ve had 3. Found out with 2 of them and the last one was a surprise and it was well worth the wait.

I preferred the surprise it was simply amazing. No amount of fancy gender reveals with balloons or coloured smoke can ever replicate that feeling of suspense just before you push them out.

I wasn't going to find out but had lots of scans towards the end and around 36 weeks I asked and they told me it was a boy. Only myself and dp knew though. Everyone else had to wait until after birth

We had a surprise both times and it was lovely for my husband to tell me the sex when the surgeon held them up, for me it was worth the wait. It felt really special!
But we genuinely had no gender preference at all so didn't feel we needed that time to prepare or get used to the idea.
As for neutrals, because we’d had a surprise first time round we reused all those neutrals; neutrals are easy enough to find. Nothing beats a baby in a white babygrow 😍

Oh and re. your comment about feeling detached this time… Please don’t worry, I think that’s a really normal feeling. You have far less time/energy/brain capacity to think about it the second time and my overriding feeling was about how my first would cope (turns out, brilliantly by the way). The bond will come.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy your surprise, whether you decide to find out before or after the birth 💐

I'm nearly 29 weeks and we don't know. We both wanted a suprise. I sometimes feel a little curious but I think it will be worth it when they are born! I have found it hard to find neutral colour clothes but my friend has given me loads of newborn to keep us going till we can go out and buy specific boy/girl clothes.

I’ve had 3 surprises; absolutely amazing!

I had surprises and I’m glad I didn’t find out the sex during pregnancy. I get that some people prefer to know in advance but I really liked waiting to find out. Both times, my husband saw the baby before I did so he got to tell me the sex which was lovely.

I regret finding out both times. We live in a sexist society and as a feminist I felt a little sad my kids were literally stereotyped from the womb based on their sex.

Now they're bigger, low key sexism is pretty much everywhere but I accept that's just life and not my fault. My kid was recently surprised women can be builders and men can be nursery workers because they'd never seen one!