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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is a surprise worth it?

113 replies

CJones11 · 31/07/2022 11:45

I'm pregnant with my second baby. I found out the sex of my first because I was hoping for a boy and had no patience. This time around, I thought I wanted a surprise but I'm finding myself looking for clues on the scan, asking others for their opinion and thinking about finding out during my 20 week scan🙈
What are the benefits of not finding out? How did you feel when your baby was born or was it hard to find neutrals?

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tigger1001 · 31/07/2022 12:43

It's really a personal decision.

I didn't want to know either time and that was right for me. Loved having that "congratulations, you have a ..." moment after delivery.

We had a list of boys and girls names we liked.

FirstFallopians · 31/07/2022 12:45

We found out with both.

I’m a name nerd and wanted to have that settled before they arrived.

I just really wanted to know- nothing about gender stereotypes or anything, I was just bursting to know who was in there!

My labours were both long and hard- by the end I was just glad it was over and the “surprise” about the baby’s sex would’ve been surpassed by relief that childbirth was over and they were here safely.

The surprise for me was what they looked like- did they have hair? Would they have DH’s massive lips or my tiny ears? That was more interesting to me than a 50/50 chance of a boy or girl.

PinkButtercups · 31/07/2022 12:45

I didn't find out with DS. It was a lovely surprise. The midwives held him up to me so I could see his sex.

Having twins this time and not finding out their sex either.

HotDogKetchup · 31/07/2022 12:52

I had surprises both times and loved it.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 31/07/2022 13:02

It's like opening your Christmas presents before Christmas Day!! Still lovely but no anticipation to build up!
I didn't find out and am so glad!

toohotforthistwinmummy · 31/07/2022 13:10

i had twins & didn’t find out. I think partly because a friend had twins, she was told 2 boys but when born she had a boy & a girl. I didn’t want that and the scans were really not that clear. I’ll never forget when I knew I had 2 girls (what I’d been secretly wanting). Even though they were rushed off yo NICU I have no regrets about not finding out

germsandcoffee · 31/07/2022 13:13

I didn't know with my first but did with the next two.
I felt much more prepared with the last two and
No didn't feel anything different finding out at 20 weeks than I did at 40.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 31/07/2022 13:14

We had surprises with all of ours. I loved not knowing (firstly I was scared to find out because we'd been TTC for so long that I was convinced it wasn't real/ wouldn't end well). Once we got used to the idea it was happening I didn't want to have a load of baby clothes in pink or blue rammed at me so I enjoyed being able to thwart my mum's ambitions to drown me in pink/blue. I was consistently wrong in all of my predictions. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

AlwaysLatte · 31/07/2022 13:22

We had a a surprise the first time but the second time (2.5 years apart) we had so many boys clothes that we wanted to find out so we could de clutter and buy some girls things (it was a boy, and they're the best of friends!)

Ohexcellent · 31/07/2022 13:27

We didn’t find out with ours (much to both families disgust 🙄🤣). To us it made no difference and I loved the idea of us finding out together after delivery. I asked the midwives to let DH announce it when baby arrived which they were happy to do and it’s one of my favourite memories 😊

Both families were furious at us for not finding out as it meant they “couldn’t plan” 🤔 I’m still unsure what they felt they had to plan 🤣 I’m really not a “pink or blue” person anyway so clothes were all pretty neutral and I’ve kept the majority of them incase we have another child 🤷🏻‍♀️

As for names, we went to the hospital with 2 or 3 boys names and 2 or 3 girls names and just went with what felt right when we saw DS 😊

TokyoSushi · 31/07/2022 13:30

Absolutely not worth it for me!

I pretty much tortured myself the whole pregnancy wondering what I was having, and then the birth was so utterly hideous that there was no beautiful ta daaaa moment, just a 'oh by the way it's a boy' in amongst the drama!

I found out with DD and it was lovely, worked for my much better!

HelenHywater · 31/07/2022 13:32

It's much nicer not knowing! (As long as you don't mind either way - I think if you're desperate for one or the other, it might be better to find out early to come to terms with it. ).

anotherscroller · 31/07/2022 13:36

Maybe this won’t go down well on MN but I liked not knowing so nobody was gendering the baby before it was even out in the world.
Just “the baby” or the nickname we gave it rather than him or her seemed to give much more freedom and privacy for people not to project things onto our child.
We do raise her “as a girl” I.e. she’s she not they! Just in case anyone was wondering. But I liked having a gender neutral pregnancy 😊 because it’s the only time where it is actually possible to be neutral (I don’t believe you really can be neutral once you’re out and about!)

crochetcrazy1978 · 31/07/2022 17:29

My first was a surprise as she was in an odd position in the womb at the 20 week scan and they couldn't tell. I had a terrible birth and almost died (eclampsia) and the fact she was a girl wasn't a big deal amongst the trauma. Second one I found out he was a boy at the 20 week scan and much preferred it. Chose a name and found it helped with bonding. Kept the name secret so we still had something to announce on the day. If I had another I'd find out

Kendrickspenguin · 31/07/2022 19:07

I did not find out during either of my pregnancies. I wanted to reiterate what a PP said about it being quite normal to have less head space for feeling bonded during a second pregnancy. I spent most of mine feeling desperately sorry for DC2 because I could not imagine how they could ever be a wonderful as DC1 or how I could ever love them as much. This was never a problem in reality because the second I saw DC2 I thought he was utterly perfect, and I loved him completely. My two are totally different in every way, but they are both fantastic.

waterlego · 31/07/2022 19:19

I spent most of mine feeling desperately sorry for DC2 because I could not imagine how they could ever be a wonderful as DC1 or how I could ever love them as much.

Oh goodness, yes this. I felt sorry for DC2 and felt guilty for DC1- like I was betraying her.

limitededitionbarbie · 31/07/2022 19:47

For me it was. I was sure I was having a girl. The midwives all guessed boy because my pregnancy was super easy and they said she was quite chilled in the womb.

Anyway she was a girl and I was glad I waited for the surprise.

DappledThings · 31/07/2022 20:30

Don't get the big deal about neutrals. Didn't k ow either time. Decorated the nursery in a duck egg blue with farmyard animal curtains which was just baby appropriate rather than gendered as far as I'm concerned. I jist like bright colours and patterns, so bought loads of babygrows in blues and greens and yellows with dinosaurs and animals on. All neutral too.

When DD arrived (DC2) she wore all her brother's old clothes as a baby except for ones bought as presents, which were a sea of pink 🙄

FirstFallopians · 31/07/2022 20:58

See, I don’t understand why this would be a problem?

We found out and told our families, but also made it clear that just because we were having a girl, we didn’t want to be drowning in pink, frilly shit.

I’ll never forget my MIL’s face when I showed her a grey onesie I’d bought with fire breathing dragons on it, but she got the hint!

HazyDays81 · 31/07/2022 21:05

For my first two I had surprises (both boys). On my third and which I thought would be my final pregnancy we found out (another boy). I’m now pregnant with my fourth but like the idea of a surprise. I honestly don’t mind what we have. Like others have said there aren’t many surprises in life! But a completely individual decision and some like to plan!

Cherrysherbet · 31/07/2022 21:14

Found out with all three of mine. Boy, boy, girl.
Loved the moments we found out at the scans. No way could we have waited!

yikesanotherbooboo · 31/07/2022 21:14

I found out with my third because I had to have a lot of scans and felt that so many others knew their sex that it was a bit odd me not knowing.
I already had a girl and a boy so I wasn't invested in their sex.
It wouldn't have occurred to me to buy new clothes or accessories for a baby based on their sex if I already had stuff . With DC1 I bought 2 packs of 3 white babygros and vests from Tesco and got gifts to top up after baby was born.

RandomMess · 31/07/2022 21:15

I had surprises because I knew once baby had arrived safely I would just be relieved and it wouldn't be as big a deal to not have the sex I preferred.

I was also induced at 42 weeks with mine and had whoppers so it was nice to have some element not "planned" so to speak.

RandomMess · 31/07/2022 21:16

I also know 2 families where the predicted sex was wrong!!!

Very much not good for the ones where it was the 3rd and told it was a girl after 2 boys and the house had been pinked out.

HopingForRainbow2021 · 31/07/2022 21:18

I didn’t find out with my first (little boy, now 6) and currently 30 weeks pregnant with my second, and definitely going for a surprise again. I understand that some people would rather know, but I don’t feel like I’m any less ‘bonded’ with my baby for choosing to wait

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