Can I stop my contractions for a few hours?

[DesperatelyDue]

Hi night owls. I realise this sounds completely bat shit crazy but hear me out. (And don’t be mean, I’m truly desperate)

I‘m 77 hours into an excruciating latent labour. My contractions have ramped up to pain the likes of which I have never actually felt before. But they remain 5 minutes apart and the hospital have told me I will absolutely be turned away until I’m 3 in 10. (I have phoned back twice more to beg for help but the midwives are steadfast)

Every day, up until today, the contractions have stopped for 3-4 hours in the afternoon and given me a chance to eat without vomiting and get a few hours of much needed sleep. But not today!

I’m exhausted and really emotional. I can’t do much of anything because I have to stop every 5 minutes and get onto my knees.

So, my crazy question is… has anyone been in this situation before? And can you recommend anything that would encourage a break in contractions for a while? Thank you.

@DesperatelyDue you are a hero, stop beating yourself up. Forget BF. FF is perfectly fine.

I didn't BF at all - after EMCS my milk didn't come in. Not at all, not ever. Midwife after midwife told me this is impossible. They'd never seen this ever happen before. Made out like I was crazy. Not a drop ever came. I can't be a medical miracle.

Poor baby got taken into hospital due to weight loss because I naively kept trying. I would advise anyone with any problems just to FF. I'm pregnant now again and plan to just do that. I can't go through that craziness again.

You are under enough pressure. For now just keep taking each day as it comes.

It is great that your husband and the baby are getting to know each other.
This time they have together is good for them ...and good for you too if it allows you to heal and recover.

If you can - try to put aside guilt and regret. Perhaps notice the feelings - but don't engage with them. Let them drift away.

Remember that all relationships shift and change all the time.

You and your baby have years and years together.

What happens in the first hours and weeks is only a very small part of that.

(Babies of the 1950s hardly saw their parents for the first few weeks... and most of them grew to love them later.)

Missing a few hours of skin on skin won't matter. There are many more important times ahead. You will be strong and well and able to enjoy them.

I think if you're saying now you don't want to breastfeed before you've even really begun, you should drop and switch to formula feeding.
You sound like you've recognised it's effecting your mental health, so I would give it a break for a few days and rest, see how you get on with the formula.
Your baby has already gotten lots of lovely benefits from the colostrum (first milk).

I was the same I tried desperately to breastfeed and pumped for 3 months, I hated it and it was making me hate my baby. In the end my mental health was so bad I was breaking down in tears trying to feed my baby. Once I quit and my baby was full, fed and happy and actually slept I felt much better.

The problems you're having with the breastfeeding are possibly down to stress interfering with oxytocin on a chemical level.

On an emotional and psychological level, you need rest. You need to let DH feed the baby so that you can get some deep sleep and let your hormones get back into shape. Your emotional and psychological recovery is really important here. Give yourself the chance to do that.

If you want to keep the option of breastfeeding open for later, when you feel more together and the stress hormones have receded, keep on pumping, and maybe consider supplements/teas to encourage milk production. But formula feeding will satisfy your baby, and you can bond just as easily, with the added bonus of some real rest for you and involvement for DH.

After GD and an induction that took two days, I had an experience like WonderWoop's - and DD lost a lot of her birthweight while I waited for my milk to come in. She went on formula with the offer of breastfeeding at each feeding, gained weight, and eventually went to full bfeeding when she was about two months old. She could just as well have thrived on formula though, and it was truly lovely for the rest of her siblings to have a turn feeding her. She gazed up at whoever was feeding her just as if she was breastfeeding.

I want to share something I went through. My first baby didn't latch, I felt like a failure that I couldn't breastfeed and that I let everyone down.

For second baby I really wanted it to happen. He was an emergency c-section and my milk hadn't come in by day 6. He was continually trying to feed. By day 6 I just couldn't cope anymore. My body had been through major surgery and I was only sleeping in tiny chunks and no one could take my baby as he needed to feed. The night before we stopped I was so exhausted and caught a chill.

I make a decision that night that I wanted to enjoy my baby. If that meant formula feeding then so be it. As my midwife told me - those first 6 days he got the liquid gold.

Next step was my physical recovery which involved putting my needs first - I ensured I rested and cared for my baby. We spent whole days cuddling and you can still do skin to skin contact to bond without breastfeeding.

I can see why you want to pump - but take a step back and think what would make you feel happy and enjoy these weeks? They are so precious.

I’m so sorry you went through such a trauma but glad you and baby are fine.

i also had an EMCS last year due to preeclampsia and my baby was born 7 weeks early @ 3lb 5. They took her away and had to monitor me overnight incase I had a seizure. I didn’t see my daughter for 16 hours. I didn’t hold her for 2 days as she was in an incubator. This definitely affect our bond.

They really impressed upon me the importance of breastfeeding and pumping a lot while she was in the NICU. Every 3 hours, 24 hours a day. I’ll tell you right now, after being severely ill and major surgery, this was completely unsustainable. She never latched (and no one really helped me to try) but I managed to get enough milk to feed her for the 3 weeks she was in the NICU. But OMG, I would never exclusively pump again. I still have flashbacks to the pain. It’s ok to EFF. My baby has been since week 3 and has thrived so much. I didn’t rest either as I was in the NICU every day sitting on a hard chair. It probably hindered my recovery. I get what your saying about sleep. I have chronic insomnia and need meds to sleep. After surgery I would literally pass out and sleep like the dead. It continued when baby came home for a few weeks as well, eventually wore off and now I can’t sleep again.

All your feelings are completely normal and totally valid. The pain in your belly will come and go. I still get random pains and I’m 9 month PP. i ended up with PND and probably some PTSD as well. I have such a visceral reaction to people who are pregnant or more accurately, women who are pregnant with their second baby. I can’t bare to think about it. And I’ll probably not have another one after my experience. I’m currently looking into some counselling because my mental health team don’t take me seriously and just fob me off with “but you’ve got a healthy baby”. If you feel like you have PTSD, please get help ASAP.

Please look after yourself, the bond will come eventually and you will find your feet. Good luck op ❤️

You may feel that your DH is doing all the heavy lifting but just remember you've spent the last 40 weeks growing an actual human being, and then had the week from hell trying to deliver said human...i think you have very much fulfilled your quota that he can do a couple of weeks while you try and recover.

You've been through a lot both mentally and physically and your body is trying to heal. it will take a while for sleep and milk to regulate, you are perfectly normal.
It's also fine if you want to stop BF, if you want to pump, if you want to totally formula feed. Nothing in this makes you less of a woman or a failure. Feed is best!!

C-Section wise, yes i felt the pain was worse once the dressings were removed. I think more than anything i was more conscious of it, i was also limiting my pain relief as it causes me other issues to be on strong painkillers but i quickly admitted to myself that i wasn't ready. It was a good 3 weeks before i stopped thinking of it alot and maybe 6-8 weeks until i felt reasonably healed. It's a major operation, you have to keep that in mind.

"I know this is not ideal, but I’m considering that I may have PTSD and the breastfeeding is a huge trigger"

There is absolutely nothing wrong with stopping breastfeeding, nothing at all

I suspect you are right about the ptsd and the fact that it's triggering. You do whatever makes you feel better.

Sending hugs.

"I know this is not ideal, but I’m considering that I may have PTSD and the breastfeeding is a huge trigger"

I suffered with birth trauma and** PTSD after the loss of my first DD and found breastfeeding to also be a huge trigger when I had my second. So much so I had to stop after 3 or 4 days as I was a wreck. There is nothing wrong with stopping, formula is perfectly fine. You are important too. You've been through a lot, you do whatever you need to do to feel better.

Huge hugs to you. You take care of yourself.