Navigating pregnancy after loss thread 3

[Cruz86]

New thread before the other one fills up completely! 🥰❤️🌈

@Skl2021 your birth experience sounds absolutely awful & unfortunately very similar to ours in terms of intervention, nearly losing baby, resuscitation, trauma etc. God even the thought gives me shivers so I can completely understand how you’ll be feeling with every week closer you get to birth. Know that you’re in the right hands though and seeing all of the key people will definitely ensure nothing is missed & they’ll be better prepared this time. I’m feeling a bit more reassured from having both consultant & midwife care as they’ve already picked up on something that was missed / I should’ve been on in my pregnancy with my daughter that the midwife missed again this time. Hopefully your consultant is nice & will be reassuring the closer you get to due date. Although scary just think all the monitoring is in place to prevent what happened for you last time 🙏🏼💕 & if anything I always enjoyed growth scans & the extra opportunity to see baby in those final weeks.

We have been recommended to have a planned c section this time, is that on the cards for you too? At the moment I’m on board but like you as the weeks creep in feeling anxious about it all! Xxx

@Elspethelf

@Elspethelf sorry don't know why my phone tagged u 🙈🙊 ignore me! X

@speake1 it's was horrific I said I wouldn't have another that's why it's been so long between my last pregnancy. I was feeling ok but then meeting the consultant and telling me all this just made me panic and I think it's all becoming real now and it's scary! I also didn't want to go with this consultant again as she was mine last time and things went really wrong but I don't have a choice so need to hope things are better this time 🤞 I think I should of had a c section last time but they kept me going and going and like you baby needed resuscitation and was then intubated and blue lighted to a major hospital. But funnily no mention of a c section this time I don't know if I would want one as I have never had one and they seem scary to me 🤦 maybe I will be offered one tho nearer to the time. They also pulled my growth scans forward don't know if that's concerning or not 🤦 xx

@Skl2021 eurgh rubbish that you have the same consultant again, can imagine there’s a bit of feeling that she failed you last time. Could you ask for someone else or is it only him/her available? We were the same, just left going for days & our midwife actually said to us in the recovery room “that baby should’ve been a c section”… great advice after we’ve almost lost our baby, thanks 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Have they told you why they’ve moved the growth scans forward? Seems like an odd thing to do doesn’t it. It’s maybe one worth mentioning to them so you can run through the pros and cons of each birthing option & be informed? The recovery worries me, especially having a child to look after during that time but I do also like the idea of having a planned day / time and the “birth” taking 10 mins 🙈 xxx

Eurgh, how annoying is it @Skl2021?! I thought that should've all stayed with the first trimester 😂 Oh wow, I'm so sorry you went through that. And you @speake1. No wonder the fear is starting to set in 😞 Have you had your first consultant appointment yet? I've got my first one on Monday after a emergency section with my son. Nothing like what you went through but still very traumatic. I'm weirdly leaning towards a home birth this time so I'm away from a hospital setting and unnecessary interventions. But need to get some more info on the previous birth first because it's all a blur xx

@speake1 could you try a sling like the Caboo close instead? I had this with my son after a section and it was comfy! Xx

@speake1 there is others but she's the one that deals with higher risks so my midwife said even if I went with someone else now I will probably be passed back over to her if I have any issues but yes I don't have alot of trust in her. Yes we got that also but how can we argue with doctors who wouldn't do it?! Alright saying it afterwards isn't it 🤦 no she didn't say I was to busy worrying about not getting all the measurements at my 20 week scan and panicking about something being wrong. Yes I think that's what worries me and the epidural I have never had any operations or anything so I'm a scaredy cat 🙈 but also the not being able to do anything afterwards. Will have to see if it gets mentioned. I would really just like to be left to do it all natural like my 1st was and not be induced or anything that was super easy and quick but obviously if baby's at risk I don't have a choice. X

@Cruz86 yes it should have stayed in the first trimester 🙌🙊 yes the fear is getting real and I'm starting to think why the hell am I doing this to myself again. I'm sure I have PTSD from last time and I'm sure the closer I get the worse I will be 😣 home birth sounds lovely! I thought u would have to have a c section again or is that not something they push? Yes I had my first consultant meeting on Monday at 20 weeks. X

Have you had a referral to the perinatal mental health team @Skl2021? It might be worth speaking to them as the birth gets closer because, like you say, it probably will feel worse as you get further along. What ended up happening in your first birth if you don't mind me asking? Why did it all end up like that? Yeah they'll push for me to have a C-section but unless there are real high risks to a natural birth, I'm declining it. If you decide you do want a section, you're well within your rights to request one and they can't decline your request xx

@Cruz86 no I haven't spoke to anyone I'm trying to detach myself from the hospital which I know isn't great but I just hate it there. I would of even picked a different hospital if I could but the next nearest is an hour away so it's just not convenient if anything happened. No my 1st pregnancy was a breeze! My second was the one that went wrong. Basically I was very ill during the pregnancy but nothing was ever picked up. Had growth scans with him and he was roughly 6lb from around 34/36 weeks. He was born just over 6lb so obviously didn't grow in the last month. I was also induced and my body didn't cope well with it and his heart rate kept dipping. I should of had a section but they kept pushing me saying everything was fine. He was born not breathing. First thing I was told was his heart was on the wrong side luckily it wasn't. He got sent straight to a major hospital and he had sepsis. Lung problems and problems with his blood then developed svt which is a super fast heart rate. We spent a month in ICU and he finally got discharged from cardiology when he was 1 and touch wood not had any problems although the svt could come back. I'm unsure about a section the recovery seems hard and not being able to do anything just scares me a bit and the operation I have never had anything done to me before 🙊 xx

@Cruz86 a home birth sounds lovely if you can. If we could 100% guarantee a smooth sailing birth with no complications I’d be all for that. My husband is of the opinion that we were classed as low risk the first time round & sh*t hit the fan, now that we’re higher risk there’s nowhere he’d be happy other than labour ward as the transfer time to hospital from being at home would’ve been the difference between our daughter making it or not 🥺 But my best friend just had an amazing home birth, as did my neighbour. The idea of being at home, guaranteed a water birth if you want it & tucked up in your own bed after with a takeaway & your new baby sounds like absolute bliss ✨✨

@Skl2021 i cannot believe your baby stopped growing for one month & they didn’t pick up on it, that is shocking!! I do sometimes fantasise about being able to afford a private birth & all the best experts in the country, is it any wonder when they miss things like that for you!? Have you ever tried hypnobirthing classes or anything like that? I was really anxious about birth before my daughter (lol fully justified now I know what happened!) however I did hypnobirthing beforehand and it really helped my mindset. I couldn’t fully use all their recommended practices as I had meconium in my waters when they broke which meant automatic referral to labour ward, on the drip to speed up labour (another lol as I wonder how long it would be taken otherwise given it was already over 24 hours) & due to my daughters distress they had to put the monitor on her head which all meant I was bed bound rather than in the suggested “optimal position” but even the breathing techniques they teach really helped to keep my calm. Maybe one for you to look into to help ease your nerves & change your mindset without having to rely on the hospital xxx

@speake1 well they never admitted to anything going wrong or not picking anything up but he obviously didn't grow. I also had the drip and the clip on baby's head. How did u find the induction? I thought it was horrible I really don't want that again never felt pain like it and my body obviously didn't want to be forced. Oh yes if money was no object! I have seen classes about hypnobirthing but never looked into it. Might be worth a shot if it helped you and kept u calm! Anything that will help get me through it 🤞 xx

@speake1 Last time around I used a Phil and teds sport - found one on fb marketplace for £40, I think. Was brilliant - still using it. Will use again for this one, though my 2 year old is much less keen on going in the pram. My eldest still napped for a bit after his brother was born. His little brother - already given up naps grrrrrr!

@Cruz86 how often do you use Doppler?

@Skl2021 I know growth scans can have a margin of error so with that initial 6lb estimate at 36 weeks but it seems pretty obvious that there was something missed there, don’t they estimate 1/2lb - 1lb growth per week in those last weeks of pregnancy! Blows my mind 🤦🏻‍♀️

I guess I have nothing to compare it to with it being my first labour so not sure what it would have been like without the drip but I agree with you it was truly awful, the intensity of the contractions were next level & it made me violently sick 🤢 Fingers crossed this will be “third time lucky” for you & you can have an experience like your first again. I naively didn’t realise that you can refuse to be given the drip,
go on the labour ward etc so i think this time I’ll definitely advocate for myself a bit more & do loads more research - another thing I’d now recommend if they recommend you do x because of y. The friend I talked about having the home birth went overdue & the consultant at our hospital (who she only saw for being overdue, no other risk factor) tried to get her to agree to being induced & put alot of pressure on her, mentioned risk of still birth etc if she didn’t. But she went home, did her research, said no to the induction & baby was born naturally at home at 42.5 weeks, no pain relief & before the midwife even got there. Again if only we could guarantee that! 🙈. Xxx

@barneymcgroo thank you, I’ll need to look into that one! Feel you on the no nap front, especially when they’re then grizzly little bears by 5pm!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Xxx

@speake1 yes he definitely should have been bigger! My 1st was 8lb7 and I'm 5ft10 so not small! I was induced due to blood pressure so don't know what would of happened of I declined 🤔 but yes they did say all the things that could happen if I didn't agree so I felt like I didn't have a choice. Yes it was so intense I don't like the fact of forcing the body when it's not ready and then things don't go to plan! Oh wow that sounds so easy! If only it happened like that every time! 🙊 I really want no intervention if possible this time but the way this monkey has been up to now not behaving I might not get that 🤣 x

@speake1 (and anyone else interested)

I was hoping for a VBAC last time, but for some reason was convinced they'd induce me early and not give me a chance to do it by myself. Was in first lockdown, so didn't want to be in too long if I could avoid it. I read quite a lot of books, and did a lot of research about induction, and saved the following as a note on my phone (as I always forget to ask the burning questions until it's too late!)

Induction:
Why do you feel I need to be induced?
Am I or my baby in imminent danger?
Specific benefits of induction in my case?
And the risks?
What percentage of women in this hospital who are induced go on to have caesarean or instrumental delivery?
What kind of monitoring? And how can you adapt it so I can move around?
Choices of induction?
Alternatives?
Can I have a think about it for a couple of days?

I don't know if it's helpful to anyone, but leaving it there in case.

(Needn't have worried. DS2 came naturally, day before his due date, and was out in a flash!)

@barneymcgroo that is really helpful, have just copied & pasted that into my phone notes. Thank you! Xxx

Ah Thankyou @Cruz86 I’m due 12th November, I think we’re about a week apart aren’t we?. We just had a super early gender scan, I had one booked for the 3rd June but just decided to go for it now! Just saw you’ve got one booked for Saturday! Do you have any idea? Lots of people asked me this question, I think my “symptoms” would have pointed to a boy! But I had a feeling from that nub pic it might have been a girl, although most people on here thought boy! 🤣 Xx

@Prayingformyrainbow93 Had a super early gender scan...AND...???!!!

Hi,

I hope everyone is well.

Haven’t been very active here lately sorry!

Just wanted to say we had a scan at the private clinic today at 13+2, it was a very in-depth scan and everything was perfect and the consultant could tell us the gender… another boy for the thread! 💙🥰

@sunnyd67 I use my Doppler every couple of days or so… only for like a minute or less but gives me a lot of reassurance and my fiancé enjoys listening to it to.

@Cruz86 I am booked for a home birth! Fingers crossed everything goes well and we can have that option.

@speake1 Not a problem - I found it comforting to know I had the questions there. I read one book that talked about all the choices, including hammering home that you don't have to have ANYTHING if you don't want to. Including examinations in labour, monitoring etc. Because I was VBAC they wanted to put a catheter in my hand - just in case. When the anaesthetist turned up to do it, I politely refused (snarled at him and told him to go away). DS2 born about 5 mins later...

@Arwen7 Squeak!💙. That's so exciting, and wonderful that everything is looking good!

@Prayingformyrainbow93 Sorry, forget about my message! Just scrolled back and seen that you've already told us... 🙊