@Bubbasmama2017 and @TunaJacket , hi!
I don’t claim to have all the answers, but our situation here got tough after the walking sleep regression. I’m not, personally, comfortable with letting my son cry it out. Here’s what we worked out:
Besides two nights during his first illness, I, personally, drew the line at cosleeping, only because it scared me and I didn’t have a good cosleeping set up. Our routine was always nurse to sleep then transfer to Moses basket/bassinet/cot. I’ve slept in his room since we moved him to his own room around Christmas, because my husband has health issues that necessitates that he get a good night sleep every night. So I’m 100% on night duty (though he is always happy to help if I do have to wake him to help me). Anyway, once the walking started, his sleep was really spotty and we were up a lot at night. It was improving, then we had a bad experience with a nanny who tried to force independent sleep etc for his naps. Well, that sent the separation anxiety into overdrive — really, really badly. (This did quietly confirm that cry-it-out is not a good fit for my son, though.) Suddenly, he was waking on the transfer to his cot and just would not be put down.
To me, there is a huge difference between a frustrated, mad cry caused by him not getting his way, and a sad, scared cry due to being alone. The first kind of cry is actually a good thing. He is learning to deal with frustration, while I am there to comfort him. So, with that in mind, I put a single mattress on the floor next to his cot. We still do our bedtime routine including nursing, then I put him down, sometimes asleep and sometimes just drowsy. Sometimes he transfers ok, but often he’s mad about being put down. Instead of picking him back up, I lay down on the mattress and put my hand through the bars. He holds it, or lays on top of it, until he falls asleep. Then I can go downstairs for a bit before returning to the mattress to sleep. Often, he’ll frustrated cry while holding my hand for a few minutes. Sometimes he stops right away as he takes my hand. Either way, he knows I’m there for him. I remove my hand once he’s asleep.
In the middle of the night, I often hear him look for me, and sometimes he reaches out and touches my shoulder or arm, but then he puts himself back to sleep, usually without making a sound. Sometimes he cries, and I give him my hand again and he goes immediately back to sleep (like less than 20 seconds). Occasionally, he wants a boob. I’m still ok with this, especially as we’re starting to fight nursery illnesses, so we go to the chair, feed, then back to the cot and asleep again in under 10 minutes total.
We’re both getting fairly good sleep. It works for us. Something similar might work for you, or something completely different. Just don’t be afraid to try what feels right, even if it goes against “expert” advice. Remember that the experts are typically only expert at achieving society’s sleep goals, which might or might not align with your baby’s needs.
After all of this, he’s going down to sleep much more easily, sometimes even for his daddy instead of me! He sleeps beautifully at nursery on a floor mat with no problems. For now, it’s working. I even spent a few nights on the sofa with the monitor because my coughing was waking him and he was mostly ok. not quite as good as when I’m there, but ok nonetheless.
Tomorrow, maybe we’ll face something new and start again. Hopefully not though!!
❤️❤️❤️ Hugs and sweet sleep to you all and all your babies! ❤️❤️❤️