Due June 2022 - thread 10! Rolling into third trimester!

[imhereforthecake]

Thread 10!
Please tag anyone who may be missed!
Nearly there everyone.

rathernotshare
@earlgreywithlemon
@matilda30
@olive60
@growbabygrow
@sunflower198
@rolledthedice
@czycoup
@mrsnt
@curryandsnuggle
@beansprout55
@prema12
@unknownscot
@pregnancydiaries
@northofthebordermum
@clueless22
@imhereforthecake
@pleasesendnoodles
@hellointhere
@pregnancydiaries
@invisibledragon
@destiEos
@flowerbug1994
@fpeg
@rathernotshare
@jennixxx
@rosevalleyrambles
@peony12
@PeeAche
@Turniptracker
@ALHCTPS
@MrsTwentyNine
@ChildOfFriday
@InvisibleDragon
@Vimto1991
@fpeg
@Starbeach
@Lostintranslatio
@JAR1981
@BunBun221
@nikita22
@mrkb

@Vimto1991 it did make me a bit teary, as first born was only about a fortnight old and it was one of my first solo trips out. The wife was all twinkly and the husband volunteered to tell off anyone who tutted. As I left, others said they wouldn’t have even known he was there, as he was so small and tucked into my jacket in his sling. If anything, I was massively popular. Such a good experience. But the parent and baby screenings are fab. I’ve missed them. I saw so many films on maternity leave last time. I went most weeks.

@Vimto1991 and the right sling for you is a godsend. I loaned ours to a friend who was really struggling in her first weeks post birth, and being a bit more mobile and having her arms free made the most enormous difference. When she rang me in tears, I swooped in and took her to the pub and, while she was getting us some soft drinks, popped her baby in the sling and he was so cosy and happy nestled next to a heartbeat he dropped right off. She didn’t look back from that moment. The position in the sling gives them all the benefits of being held, you see - warmth, skin on skin, smell, the reassuring heartbeat that reminds them of being in the womb - while freeing you up. Babies are limpits and want to be with you. Pushchairs are brilliant for carting all their stuff, mind you. I often had the baby in the sling plus the pushchair for all the crap.

@ALHCTPS and others with children already - what sling do you recommend for in the house? We’ve bought and ergobaby 360 for our twice daily dog walks in the woods but I’d like a simple material one for just being at home.

I've just read this thread and now I'm terrified!
As this is baby number 3 for us.

Regret having 3rd child http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4526909-Regret-having-3rd-child

@ALHCTPS have a look for sling libraries. Many councils have them. It allows you to try out different ones and work out what’s best. I was massively intimidated by the ones that are a big long piece of stretchy material you wrap around you at first, but I never got on with the ergo baby etc backpack-y looking ones (found them a bit cumbersome to put on and take off by myself, but I’m a klutz), so steeled my nerves, got a video up on YouTube and had a go with one we inherited from a family member and got the hang really quickly. Beloved never really got the gist, though, and always looked like the baby was gaffer-taped to him, but our son was perfectly happy. I found the fabric wrap ones more forgiving and comfortable (and easy to shove in a bag), but it’s a bit of a knack working out how to tie them, so give yourself an afternoon to experiment and walk about the house so you’re sure it’s secure.

@ALHCTPS ah that sounds lovely, what a nice thing to do for your friend! I’ve had a look and there’s an NCT library by me that runs monthly sling hires. £10 a month, £50 deposit but you get it back if you return the sling undamaged, so may give it a go!

The bastard constipation is back

@imhereforthecake what's the age gap between your kids? Our DS1 will be 6 when babe is born and I sometimes wonder if our lovely peaceful family of 3 will be turned on it's head by a baby/toddler!

Hey everyone. Omg. Another new thread!!

Sorry I've been quiet. I'm having a bad time at work - I can't get them to acknowledge my pregnancy or maternity entitlement in writing (even though it's been 4 months since I notified them of my pregnancy and 2 months since I handed over my MATB1)

On top of this, I found out they've secretly hired my replacement. Told him it's a new position (not mentioned that it's maternity cover) and told me that I've been underperforming and that they want me to leave a month early.

I think it's discrimination and I think I'm going to have to go to court. 😭 I feel so stressed.

The upside is that my maternity leave now starts in less than a month. But I probably won't get paid for it, because they're refusing. Which isn't even legal. 😭 😭 😭

I've worked for them for like 7 years. What a joke...

@Prema112
Similar gap between baby and my youngest at the moment.
DS 8
DD 6

This baby is so so wanted but I do keep having a wobble and worrying about life with a third!

@imhereforthecake Same, the baby is so so wanted and it's been such a journey to get here. I suppose acknowledging that it will be tough the first 2 years is important, as well as taking time to grieve the loss of our current family dynamic. That's important for anyone having a baby I think as life will certainly never be the same for any of us! We are trying to do lots of special things as a 3 before June 💗

Oh my gosh, @PeeAche2. What utter door knobs - I can't believe that! Big hugs to you, I can't imagine how stressful that must be. It's the absolute last thing you need to be dealing with at this time. Stand your ground though - they can't get away with this! They won't have a leg to stand on in court. So cross for you!!!!!!!
xxx

@PeeAche2 I'm just gobsmacked and so annoyed on your behalf! You really don't need the stress and I know tribunals are just very stressful, but definitely worth perusing! Make sure you've printed evidence of your emails to them and lack of response and if you've got anything in writing from the replacement that would be a huge help too. Also you can covertly record conversations, but they can't covertly record you (weird but true), so anything you can get recorded do so. I feel so very bad for you, sending a big virtual hug and at least you get to see your little one soon ❤️

Yep, it's total bullshit and it's ruining the end of my pregnancy.

It's so humiliating because I practically skipped into my annual review, expecting to negotiate a promotion upon my return. Honestly, I have had the best year of my career since my graduate placement. I've nailed it. I have really strong KPIs, great customer feedback and I've had nothing but positivity from my day-to-day line manager since I started this project a year ago.

Nothing said in PDR should be a surprise but this very much was. It does not match the feedback I've been getting all year. And now they're using it as a reason to get rid of me.

Every day the situation is just getting worse and worse. I've turned into a nervous wreck.

I have evidence and I have testimonials from colleagues and I have copies of everything... including my most recent payslip where they underpaid me by £300 for no reason and won't respond to any communication about it.

I'm going to win in court, I have absolutely no doubt about that. But oh god, the thought of having to do this when I'm pregnant or a few weeks postpartum is tying me up in knots.

@mrkb about 4 days late with this but I am 100% in agreement about not enjoying pregnancy.

This is my first and honestly it's just been difficult from the beginning.

The stress of trying to manage anything related to the NHS, scans booked on wrong dates, test results that have gone missing, incorrect vials used for blood tests and the impossibility of seeing a doctor (to name a few things)

Almost every pregnancy symptom under the sun. I don't know how some people honestly wouldn't know they're pregnant. The constant sickness until 15 weeks. The exhaustion. The constipation, My lips have literally been peeling and pooling blood daily for some unknown reason apart from the fact its pregnancy related.

The PGP pain. Jeepers, I feel constantly like ive been wholloped in the groin and its forever bruised.

The emotional lows. Everything feels so hopeless. Combination of stress from pain and discomfort and having to deal with various issues in care, to managing high BP, to trying to work with docs to find out if I have heart problems. Add a side of heavy anxiety because I'm irrationally convinced I'm going to die in childbirth and on top of this I'm breaking into tears daily because I feel really down with pain and I've just also found out my dad has leukemia.

So yeah. Pregnancy, I just don't think agrees with me, and to make things worse, I feel ashamed making that statement because I also know I'm incredibly lucky.

@BunBun221 firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your father. ❤️

Secondly, feel no guilt. I say without trepidation that I totally hate pregnancy. I also don't know how any person could not know they're pregnant.

After miscarriages galore and years of trying, I thought I would find the whole experience to be out of this world. But I do not. I hate it. I hate it so much.

I have also had shitty experience after shitty experience with the NHS. (And I do feel guilty about saying that) I've had HG, kidney infections, round ligament pain that keeps me up all night... oh yeah and I also have the dry lips!

My feet have gone up an entire size. My nipples are the colour of Green and Blacks 70%. My stomach has taken on a weird droopy appearance at the bottom and I get out of breath going to the toilet.

By the way, I also can't wear my contact lenses anymore because my eyes have changed shape. My eyes. Have changed shape.

Meanwhile, Rihanna is swanning around in 6 inch heels with her perfect bare bump on display. 😤

It is perfectly okay to hate pregnancy. Pregnancy sucks.

Just remember, it's going to be over really soon. And in less than a year you'll have forgotten how bad it was.

✌️

@PeeAche2 Send all emails to your personal email address around your performance. I'd request a SAR as well.

Follow the internal procedures of raising a grievance, you can be looked at unfavourably by an EAT for not attempting to resolve this way first. Then appeal the decision and take the bastards to court.

Ask your manager for examples of poor performance against your KPI's. Start logging dates/times as you have three months (less one day) to make a claim.

Everything they're doing, including paying you £300 less is discrimination loud and clear. They do not have a leg to stand on.

Call pregnant and screwed also. Sending you a hug.

My friend told me the other day that it's "just good manners" to make sure everything down there 👇 is hairless before you go whipping it out in labour.

(She's childless.)

I explained that, imho, that's like inspecting your u-bend before you call a plumber in, in case he's offended by the sight of limescale.

It's a midwife's job to stare up the barrel of my (admittedly now quite unkempt) smoking gun and, if she can't handle some hair, she should have picked another career.

Friend told me I was being unreasonable. (I'm not sure I want to be friends with her anymore tbh.)

But it got me thinking - how many of you are planning on a full-term deforestation? Is this a thing?

@PeeAche2 I'm with you! I can honestly say that I think this the last thing we'll be worried about when it comes to labour (and the midwives too!). I've continued having my legs and bikini line done throughout my pregnancy, as before, it certainly isn't a full deforestation though! I've got one session left before bubs arrives, but if she comes early I won't make it and this thought does not stress me in the slightest! Given all the other challenges that pregnancy throws up, it doesn't surprise me you say she hasn't had children. I think if she's ever pregnant you can remind her this should be at the top of her priority list and sit back and laugh as she tells you to p*ss off! 😂

@PeeAche2 Thank you ❤️ I can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear that someone else is struggling so much. Especially after today when I'm just feeling quite hopeless and scared because my care is just so patchy.

I had my 28week growth scan and consultants appt today (at 29 weeks because it turns out they forgot to actually book the scan for 28 weeks) to be told that cardio 'can't find the results from your heart tape' that I had to wear for 48 hours and had an allergic reaction to the tape while wearing.

I was also told "The Cardiac MRI you waited 2 years for that came through in Jan and then the MRI Dept cancelled when they found out you were pregnant wasn't actually the original one you were on the waiting list for it was one that cardio want you to have before the birth but forgot to tell us about. They want you to have it ASAP so we can establish what will be safe or not" so now I have to try and get back in touch with a telephone number it took 3 weeks to get through to originally to try and get a new appointment date before my next consultants appt in a month's time.

Oh also, the consultant informed me that I have low hemoglobin from my 28 week midwife bloods despite the fact my midwife told me everything was normal so had to have more bloods taken again today.

I feel a lot like I'm managing my own care and health professionals which is just adding another 2-3 levels of stress onto everything! I'd love to be sat here glowing in pregnancy bliss but I'm starting to think it's all a massive conspiracy, because I can't just be that unlucky...

PS @PeeAche2 funny you mention deforestation as I've been pondering it myself this week! Never been one for a wax or shave down there but I do trim and I was considering how to negotiate a trim with a massive bump currently blocking the view!

@ALHCTPS thanks for the tip on sling library, I found one near me, looks great!

@BunBun221 so sorry to hear about your dad. I have had moments of enjoyment but overall found pregnancy very anxious after 5 years trying to get here, which I am very grateful for but it is making me an emotional mess. I keep losing it with the husband at the moment over the smallest thing so feeling like a bad wife. Only a few more weeks to go now though, we can do it! Although sadly I personally still feel I only have a 50/50 chance of bringing a baby home which I know is crazy.

@PeeAche2 i am seething for you. I’m sure there will be people on here with better advice than me but know that you have my full support that they are complete idiots thinking they can get away with something like this. Not the kind of stress you need at 7 months pregnant though.

On the deforestation- errr no! What I can’t see doesn’t worry me anymore! I don’t even know how you could plan that since there is a 5 week window in which the baby can appear and we can’t exactly maintain that smoothness for five weeks. And that’s without contemplating a 3-5 day labour even if you have an induction date to plan around. Midwives will have seen it all so it is one less thing for me to worry about!

@PeeAche2 haha. Written beautifully. I have this haunting memory of my 1st pregnancy when(feet in stirrups) pushing, no nail polish on toes, hairy legs and my downstairs was an overgrown lady garden. I said there and then that IF we ever have another baby, I will be making sure that the area is bare and the toes are painted.

I am currently like a patchwork quilt. I can’t reach certain areas to shave nor can I reach my toes. I’ve decided that I’d like to have a good blood count before being admitted to hospital to give birth rather than give myself what I can only describe as a “butchers window” view.

@PeeAche2

That surely is just not legal! I agree you will win the case but yeah why should you pursue it to get stressed! Maybe threaten them with a court case and it will make them think twice? Because they know you’ll win?

Also my downstairs is just terrifying. I trimmed a few weeks back because TMI I have a lot of discharge and it’s actually making me itchy 🥲 but I haven’t shaved in years 😂 I am just too lazy. I think I’ll need to trim before giving birth because it’s wild so I asked DH if his beard trimmer would do the job 😂😂 I can’t even reach my legs to shave, I have no bath either so I don’t know how I’ll cope 😂

Hi Everyone,

I hope you don't mind me joining in so late. I stumbled across your thread 9 and read through it and found it really comforting reading other peoples struggles and general questions. You can kind of forget that other people are dealing with the same things as you. I'm due 20th June with my first. Excited/scared. Ready for it to be over with now as I'm very uncomfortable. Find it hard to sleep, feel really heavy and easily out of breath. @PeeAche2 sorry you are going through that with your work. Not what you need. Sounds like they are definitely in the wrong.