17 weeks and I think I'm losing/lost the baby

[OopsImDoingItAgain]

Had another thread about midwife not finding the heartbeat and how I'm having a scan tomorrow, but I'm having cramps today in my lower back and down my thighs as if I'm about to come on and really sharp pains in my right hand side. I'm convinced I've lost the baby and my body is starting to catch up. I have tried phoning my midwife I don't think she's working today as no answer, I'm too early to go to the ward. What can I do? Or do I have to just sit tight until tomorrow?

Oh, OP I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs.

I’m so sorry lovely, sending you so much love and strength xxx

I'm really really sorry. 💔💔

One step at a time. I think the medical management is correct, and (having had this procedure) you won't really be able to see a 'baby' as such, due to the period of time since the baby died.

Sending you love and strength.

Sending you so much love ❤️

So sorry

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry OP 😢💕

I'm so sorry OP Baby loss is the shittiest club to be in

I’m so sorry for your loss x.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP

I found your thread last night and was desperately hoping there would be a more positive outcome for you today 😢

I wanted to ask the doctor if it's likely to come out as one baby or in parts. I also wanted to know if it's going to be pretty horrible after them saying about offensive smells and decomposition. I can't imagine having to smell that but I'm guessing I will. I'm so sorry this all sounds so horrible and it is I just want to know what to expect so that I can brace myself and try and not leave this room completely traumatised but I'm struggling to say such morbid questions out loud. I'm sorry anyone here that can answer these questions it is probably quite triggering for, if anyone is comfortable please feel free to message me privately.

I understand OP You need to know to prepare yourself.
Medical management is best I feel, as you can be assured that everything has come away( I'm so sorry to phrase it like that) and you will be supported.
Ask Dr's anything you can think of to clear your mind
Will DH be with you?
Sending you a strong handhold

OP, your questions are very valid. You should ask your medical team.

It depends to a certain extent on what they decide to do.

If they are managing it medically, you will have tablets to soften & open the cervix, and induce the process of active MC. Then you will have a ERPC (previously known as a D&C) usually under GA, and you won't see a baby at the end.

I'm being cautious as I am aware there are different approaches & this experience might not be what happens in your case. 💐

I had to have surgical management. Perhaps you can ask for extra sedation or something? I really do feel for you OP, big 🤗

You can have a medical management under GA that's what I had done. Still recovering now a few days later. You don't have to be awake x

They definitely didn't mention d&c they said tablets and a pessary lie down for 15 minutes then walk around for a bit and to try and pass whatever I can in bed pans for them to examine really and that it could take up to 24 hours. It sounds very much like I need to be conscious and actively getting it out. He said that and going home to wait for it to happen naturally were my only options. I asked about surgical and he said he strongly advises against it as this is safer

When you get to a certain stage, delivering naturally is recommended, rather than surgical management.

However, if you are 17 weeks and the baby passed away about a month ago, the foetus is measuring c12 - 13 weeks, so it doesn't really make sense from that point of view.

I'm really surprised they are not recommending ERPC (D&C), especially given (sorry for my language) the likely decomposition.

I think you could do with more details as to their decision.

You poor thing; this is horrendous 💔

I had to be very firm about surgical management. It is an option. I had to have a different surgeon do it. Me personally I couldn't deal with management at home I had a previous misscarige at 8 weeks and it was so traumatising and painful. That I made it clear I was not going through it again. You do have a choice. Xx

I replied with hope to your other thread- I'm so sorry to hear your update.

You will need lots of pain relief and support, I had a mmc and an MVA but before this had excruciating pains and contractions and I wasn't as far gone as you.

Are you still at hospital, can you ask the questions?

Write your questions in the notes page on your phone and let the midwives or doctors see them, you don't have to say them out loud. You can choose if they give you the answers by replying on your phone or by telling you verbally. 💐💕

@Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed

You can have a medical management under GA that's what I had done. Still recovering now a few days later. You don't have to be awake x

I'm so sorry for your loss 💔

So sorry for your loss and what you have to go through.

@Ibleedibreedibreaatfeed

I had to be very firm about surgical management. It is an option. I had to have a different surgeon do it. Me personally I couldn't deal with management at home I had a previous misscarige at 8 weeks and it was so traumatising and painful. That I made it clear I was not going through it again. You do have a choice. Xx

I had mine at home. It was a weekend and I had guests all weekend. My horrible ex made me stay "to entertain them". By the time I saw the surgeon he wanted to do a D&C because he said he couldn't guarantee that everything had passed. If I'd had a choice, I'd have opted for surgical from the beginning. Having the mc at home was so painful. I had bad labour pains and so much blood and large clots.

Thank you for advice and sorry to anyone who has been through similar.

They aren't offering d&c it was medical management in the form of pessaries and then passing it myself that they've said is my best option but they are keeping me here the whole time so they said that I will have lots of support and anything horrible will be whisked away very quickly. They said it isn't safe to do it at home at this point because of the size of the placenta

Is this going to be completely traumatising? Am I better off fighting for surgical? He started saying about how the womb can be damaged and that I'm young and am likely to easily have more kids and it's an unnecessary risk so I just agreed to this plan

@OopsImDoingItAgain

Thank you for advice and sorry to anyone who has been through similar.

They aren't offering d&c it was medical management in the form of pessaries and then passing it myself that they've said is my best option but they are keeping me here the whole time so they said that I will have lots of support and anything horrible will be whisked away very quickly. They said it isn't safe to do it at home at this point because of the size of the placenta

Is this going to be completely traumatising? Am I better off fighting for surgical? He started saying about how the womb can be damaged and that I'm young and am likely to easily have more kids and it's an unnecessary risk so I just agreed to this plan

I would fight for surgery.

If you're 17 now and baby passed about a month ago, that's 13 weeks. So placenta size wouldn't be an issue?!

Your scan was at 13 weeks you said, so they'd know your placenta size and location from that

People TMFR at 20 weeks + and have surgery 🤷🏻‍♀️