Due June 2022 (thread eight)

[Annabell1]

New Thread.

Loving today's stats fest!

@InvisibleDragon thank you really interesting!
My second stage was only one hour, because she got distressed. Mind you, I’m so pleased they were alert to that and stepped in so quickly.
But she was back to back…
On the other hand, a friend who had similar tears to me had a very long second stage and was exhausted by the end. I can’t remember if she even got to forceps or just had ventouse.

My tuppence-worth: My midwife advised to try vaginal and my doctor advised c-section. Although the midwife said I'd most likely be induced and the doctor said 1 in 5 vaginal end up being c-section anyway. They both said the choice was mine though, and I had to push to get an opinion from either. (Also I'm in my 40s and IVF, so those things might be relevant too 🤷🏼‍♀️

@RubyRoss @Lostintranslatio amazing news on your scans ladies ♥️♥️

Me as a FTM reading these stories: 😳😭

@Vimto1991 hahaha! Me too!

Me too

Aw, don't be scared FTM's! I'll add my fairly positive labour story. No complications, water burst at 10.30pm (and I mean properly burst like in the movies 😂) Contractions started at 12am and my little guy was born at 3am, vaginal birth and luckily for me he was in the right position so not interventions. I did tear and had stitches and it took a while to feel 'normal' down there again but I'm absolutely fine now.

I think pregnancy yoga really helped my body get ready for labour, as well as a hypnobirthing recording I listened to every day for trimester 3. I also took raspberry leaf tablets which you could ask your midwife about, I think they made my labour faster.

So it can all go well and be quick as a FTM! xx

me too

One of my friends had a hairy birth experience at the weekend and war stories are being shared in the group chat by other mums and I am just reading them like "she can stay inside forever right?!"

However I think I would much rather know what I could be up against. My best friend had a very speedy and (according to her) painless birth. Had dinner with her the other day and was told 'you control your own birth' and 'your body knows what to do' etc etc which is all fine and dandy if you had an easy birth but felt a bit shamey on women who don't have that. I came away from dinner feeling really low.

Also, eating dates in the last few weeks is supposed to soften the cervix and shorten labour. I’m not sure either they or the raspberry leaf tea helped me (who knows though, maybe they did?) but definitely worth a try!

Very interesting discussion on birth stats and the many choices we make! Thanks for sharing that BMJ article @InvisibleDragon.

Just to represent the other end of the spectrum, I feel like a right anomaly for being a FTM aiming for a home birth. Obviously what will be on the day, will be. But I’ve found it fascinating learning about the physiology of birth and perhaps due to my illness last year, I feel like I know my body needs certain things set up in order to let go.

I think I asked about home birth here before and a couple others were considering it too, but it’s definitely out of step with the way labour and birth is cared for in the West. I’m currently reading Why Homebirth Matters which is an excellent book and very balanced / evidence based.

@Rolledthedice I feel similar. Initially, I was all in favour of consultant-led care, but I intensely disliked the hospital when I went for appointments. Instead, I've signed up for a Domino midwife scheme, which is focused on natural birth and avoiding hospital unless necessary. Once I was accepted on that, I instantly felt more relaxed and am not even concerned about pain management. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I'm confident about managing pain in the right setting and hospital is not that setting for me. Obviously, I'd do what the doctors suggest if there's any kind of risk.

It really can be scary to think about (FTM too!) but I'm also of the opinion that it's better to be armed with knowledge than in the dark!

I feel like I'm a series of walking contradictions saying this, considering how seriously I'm considering a MRC, but if we didn't live in a one bed flat I would 100% be considering a home birth. I found Expecting Better and The Positive Birth book to be really convincing re: the importance of a relaxing environment.

Does anyone have recommendations of where to start with reading up on hypnobirthing?

@GrowBabyGrow please don’t feel down! There are lots of people who have straightforward births. And not all tricky births are traumatic. I don’t look at my daughter’s birth in that way at all. I think it’s not helpful to think that you can fully control birth because if it doesn’t go to plan you risk thinking that you failed. I think that’s one of the most heart breaking things to hear - women who blame themselves for how their birth went and think they could have done better. I think the best approach is to keep an open mind and if the unpredictable happens deal with it as best as you can at the time. That’s really all you can do, and it is absolutely good enough.

@sunflower198 & @EarlGreywithLemon Thank you both. It's really good to get some feedback. ♥️
@JAR1981 I'm thinking of you. Hope all will be well. Xx

I've just properly read my notes and it says I have an anterior placenta. A quick Google says it's nothing to worry about but I can't help but worry

Another FTM with no clue about what an ideal birth looks like!

Bumpdate!

Cute!

@earlgreywithlemon thank you I needed to hear that I think I felt so down because my aim is to be like that, open mind and know my options so I can (hopefully) remain calm depending on what happens. And hopefully won't feel like I 'fail' if things don't go to plan. But my best friend was telling me that was pessimistic and I can control my own birth with my attitude and you're setting yourself up to have a bad experience if you think about what could go wrong/happen outside of your control. So she wasn't very supportive and I ended up worried that I'm setting myself up for a more clinical birth by acknowledging that interventions could need to happen

@GrowBabyGrow I think your attitude is very sensible and pragmatic rather than negative. It will stand you in good stead no matter what.
I also think there’s a tendency to see birth as a goal in itself and, dare I say it, even pressure to “achieve” some kind of perfect birth. In fact it’s just something you do to have your baby. What matters is that you both come out of it as mentally and physically well as possible and move on to your life as parent and child. Other than that, there are no medals or awards in my opinion.

@GrowBabyGrow I totally agree with @EarlGreywithLemon ! Of course we all want the ideal birth and there is nothing wrong with wanting that, but if you aren't prepared that things can go wrong it can make them incredibly hard to deal with. Being prepared to see that things aren't going right and adjust, say to yourself "ok I wanted that but can see it's not going to happen, so let's move to plan b, possibly even plans c, d, e, and f, and I'm prepared for that" can make even a potentially traumatic experience much less so, because you were prepared that was an outcome.

My cousin almost lost her baby at birth because she wasn't prepared to move away from her perfect plan, eventually doctors had to overrule her wishes and her family are actually grateful that they did, because the alternative would have meant the child definitely not being here and possibly the mum as well.

Ignore the negativity, be honest and tell people you don't need that right now and need support instead. Your bump looks absolutely gorgeous by the way 😍

Take care today ladies! 🌪💨🌊⛈

Hi ladies I’m hoping you can help I’m 23 weeks today but I’m not convinced I’m feeling my baby move as much as I was before I spoke to the midwife and she said that you won’t necessarily feel the baby move everyday. Whilst I appreciate this, I’m still not convinced I’m actually feeling her now or I just think I am. I had definite movements before now I don’t feel I am having definite movements. Should I push my midwife to check

@Starbeach How long would you say you haven't felt baby for?

@Starbeach yes 100% push for them to check the heartbeat. My midwife advised to go in anytime to check, while I appreciate not all midwifes are like this, they should still need to check if you ask