Pregnancy after miscarriage - thread 2

[susiebluebell]

Hi! Thought I'd start a new thread as we filled up the previous one. Going to try and tag everyone who's been active recently - apologies if I miss anyone out! Feel free to join in.

I'm expecting my firstborn, having had 2 miscarriages. Currently 17 weeks and 2 days!

@Loulou237
@thunderonlyhappenswhenits
@OnceUponAThread
@Hopingforarainbow27
@chasingtherainbow1
@GinnyBee
@Tandabear
@CocoLoco88
@itssquidstella
@Oti22

Hi @Loulou237 all is good over here! We had the scan and it's a little girl 🥰 I'm actually now 24 + 5, so starting to get big and be unavoidably pregnant-looking in all situations!

My main annoying symptom is needing to wee during the night and/or feeling hungry during the night, hence being up at this ungodly hour eating a bagel!

Ah @susiebluebell that’s great news! So exciting and you’re almost in the third trimester now. It does go so quick doesn’t it!
Oh wow that’s annoying being woken up by hunger, I always stuff myself silly during the day so never have that problem haha xxx

I'm trying not to do that, although definitely thinking about food and drink almost all the time!

I agree that it suddenly starts to go quickly - maybe it's because we didn't make a big deal of it for the first trimester, but it's bonkers to think she'll be here in 3.5 months!

Hi everyone, just wanted to share something that's been eating at me, in the hope it'll help it go away.

I follow a lovely woman on social media who has revealed that she recently had two miscarriages. I've shocked myself with my mixed feelings about this. I actually cried while watching the video, as it brought back the memories of how devastated I was at my miscarriages. But I also started to feel what I can only describe as - gloating or smug? A feeling of being secretly pleased that I am so far along in my pregnancy and will have a child before she does.

I'm horrified as this is not a side of myself I recognise and know exactly how awful pregnancy loss is. I've no idea where these feelings come from. I suppose maybe at the root it's being pleased that I have something she doesn't - as she's someone I sort of look up to?

Anyway it's left a bad taste in my mouth and I'm really disappointed in myself as I think women should be supportive of each other and not compete over things like childbearing. But it also does remind me that I was green with envy when my sister-in-law had her most recent child. So there are obviously some sore feelings there.

Any advice welcome x

@susiebluebell I think that's quite a normal reaction honestly. Bonding over shared experiences, good or bad, is a really natural thing to do, and especially when you've had something sad happen to you it's nice to know you're not the only one who's been through it. And then I guess that can express in different ways - like in your case remembering where you were and now feeling great about where you are now.

@susiebluebell hi lovely I hope you’re ok!

I honestly wouldn’t beat yourself up about it I think it’s totally natural to have those feelings to some extent, I think it just stems from relief and happiness that you’re not in that position anymore and like you say you had such a bad time of it it’s only natural that you’d feel happy that you’re having a baby now! Xxx

Thanks both, I don't feel like it was a particularly reasonable or normal reaction. Still a bit embarrassed at myself. But I suppose it's all self-knowledge that I can tuck away for future reference.

Wondered if I should unfollow her, but I think I would go and check what she's up to anyway, as I'm quite invested in her and genuinely want to see her have a healthy pregnancy and a lovely child at the end of it.

@susiebluebell I think the fact it’s bothered you and worried you shows that you must be a lovely person, otherwise you wouldn’t care that you felt any kind of smugness! Xx

Thank you, that's a lovely thing to say

Hope you're all doing well x

Hello all, hope everyone is doing ok?

I have a question about pattern of movements. At what week can I expect a regular pattern to kick in. I've googled but I can't seem to have a definite answer.

She's moving around and I feel her most days, but I wouldn't say I've noticed a specific pattern as such. I know we're supposed to start watching for this, but I don't quite understand when from.

Any ideas?

@susiebluebell ah that does sound tricky and I completely understand that it's a bit shocking to find yourself having those feelings.

I think just recognise that you've been through an awful time and it's a base reaction to that. And make sure you cut yourself some slack.

You've had enough self-awareness to realise that it's not your finest thought. But none of us are perfect. And we all think things that we're not proud of sometimes.

Xx

Hi @OnceUponAThread I hope you’re well! They say from 28 weeks but I do think the use of the word pattern is misleading a bit and makes us worriers anxious!

For example my boy’s ‘pattern’ at the moment is that I feel him every so often like hourly I think a little jab. So I would know if anything was off if it slowed down a lot. My midwife says to remember all babies are different and all patterns are so if your pattern is that you don’t feel them too often that’s still fine. It’s worrying though isn’t it. The other day I didn’t feel him for a whole day and had an appointment for reduced movements but he’d just changed position and as I have an anterior placenta I can barely feel anything sometimes. Good luck with it and try to find a balance you don’t want to be a bag of nerves drinking iced water all the time like I was with my daughters pregnancy

@OnceUponAThread I'm 26 weeks tomorrow and have recently started noticing a definite pattern with our girl. She'll go crazy for a bit when I lie down in bed at night, and she does a few big somersaults when I'm swimming, but otherwise I just feel the odd kick or wiggle during the day. Remind me how far along you are?

And thank you for your kind words about me having a twat reaction to someone else's miscarriage 😕 I think I've gotten over myself now, but still shocked that I would ever feel smug at someone else's misfortune.

@susiebluebell

I'm 26+3 so vvvvv close to you. I definitely always feel her when I lie down, but I think that's partly because I'm concentrating and calm then.

I'm not sure it's enough of a pattern for me to monitor though. And I'm not sure I'd know if she stopped moving in the day, because there are long stretches when she doesn't really...

But I'm not sure what a pattern should really look like either. Or how consistent it needs to be.

Morning!

I'm still not 100% on my boy's pattern, but I can feel little nudges throughout the day and then some evenings he's really active. Food seems to motivate him to move around. I've been in once for reduced movements so far when I could hardly feel anything all morning, then was expecting a flood of activity after lunch but was still quiet. Hooked up to the machine he was registering movement but I just couldn't feel it! He must have been hiding behind my placenta. This was at 33+3 so he should have been big enough to feel but nope.

I now have my c-section date booked! Just over 4 weeks to go 😬 Crazy to think that I'm now that close to actually bringing home a live baby.

Thanks @GinnyBee - that's really helpful and seems similar to what I'm thinking in terms of not quite having a pattern as such. I've got a midwife app next week so I will ask more then too.

How exciting on C-Section date. That must seem really close now. When is it booked for, is it slightly ahead of due date? X

That's exciting and a bit nervy @GinnyBee! What are you filling your days with? I presume you're on mat leave now? I'm finishing in a couple of weeks when I hit 7 months (physical job).

And tbh @OnceUponAThread I go hours without noticing any movement either, so I don't know how you're expected to monitor it all the time... I suppose all we can go on is our normal pattern eg bedtimes etc..

@OnceUponAThread Yep it's at 39+0 exactly. I knew they want to do them at "39 weeks" here but I though that just meant week 39 instead of to the day. So a week early. 10th May!

@susiebluebell Yep I'm on mat leave from one job, and finishing on the other on Friday, so I'm still working 2.5 days this week. I've been doing some spring cleaning, organising rooms, taking the dog on different walks, baking bread, batch cooking. That sounds like a lot, but in reality I'm not getting much done on a daily basis 😂 I basically just do one thing from the list and one thing only - if it's cleaning day, no cooking is happening. If it's dog's day, that's all I do. I'm sleeping pretty shitly atm so lose a lot of time on either sleeping in after being up 3 hours in the middle of the night, or napping.

[quote GinnyBee]@OnceUponAThread Yep it's at 39+0 exactly. I knew they want to do them at "39 weeks" here but I though that just meant week 39 instead of to the day. So a week early. 10th May!

@susiebluebell Yep I'm on mat leave from one job, and finishing on the other on Friday, so I'm still working 2.5 days this week. I've been doing some spring cleaning, organising rooms, taking the dog on different walks, baking bread, batch cooking. That sounds like a lot, but in reality I'm not getting much done on a daily basis 😂 I basically just do one thing from the list and one thing only - if it's cleaning day, no cooking is happening. If it's dog's day, that's all I do. I'm sleeping pretty shitly atm so lose a lot of time on either sleeping in after being up 3 hours in the middle of the night, or napping.[/quote]
@GinnyBee - that makes sense. I've got my appointment coming up to book mine in and wondered if it would be a bit earlier than due date.

So jealous of your mat leave. I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment and will be working as close up to the birth as I can. May have to rethink and go a bit earlier tho as I'm increasingly tired and struggling.

Also thinking I really must get organised and buy everything I need - but it's so overwhelming I don't know where to start. 🤦🏼‍♀️. Any must haves I should put on the list?

Hi everyone, tentatively joining this thread. Miscarriage in November (after 2 years of unexplained infertility) and I got a nice clear line on Saturday, and the CB test this morning says I'm 2-3 weeks (so about 5-6 weeks). Calling the midwife team today to arrange my first appointment.

@OnceUponAThread Yeah I think they don't want you going into labour before schedule but also leave it as late as possible, so most trusts I think do them 39 weeks. A friend of mine was able to choose the date herself as long as it was in that week, other trusts will just schedule it for you.

As for purchases, I think you really only need somewhere for baby to sleep, nappies, something for them to wear, and a car seat to get home if you're driving from the hospital. Everything else is helpful extras. But also been advised you can never have too many muslins. And if you don't already have Amazon Prime, do sign up so that when you're feeling overwhelmed at 3am and think of something that would have helped in that situation you can order it for next day delivery!

@Tofu35 welcome and congratulations! Hoping for a better result this time :) we have several success stories here now, hope you find it helpful!

@Tofu35

Hi everyone, tentatively joining this thread. Miscarriage in November (after 2 years of unexplained infertility) and I got a nice clear line on Saturday, and the CB test this morning says I'm 2-3 weeks (so about 5-6 weeks). Calling the midwife team today to arrange my first appointment.

@Tofu35 welcome and congrats on the positive! As Ginny says, a fair few success stories here, so hopefully that's reassuring.

Do ask anything you want. We're all going throw it at various stages. And we understand how terrifying those first few months are. Xx

Hi and welcome @Tofu35! How exciting about your positive test. Let us know how it went booking your midwife appointment 😊

@GinnyBee I recognise myself in your mat leave description haha! I staggered home from work at lunchtime, staggered to the park with the dog, did the dishes and have been on the sofa ever since! And I'm only just gone 6 months!!

@OnceUponAThread Cot, buggy, lots of clothes and sick cloths?!