Gender disappointment

[Zola78]

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. I have two boys already and am hoping that this, my last pregnancy, is a girl. But today and in recent weeks I have become more and more depressed at the thought of having another boy. When we were trying to concieve I think I convinced myself that it didn't matter if this baby wasn't a girl but now I'm close to tears.

The irony is I'm scared of having a girl but I think that's to do with the unknown. I guess I'm just posting for support and to find out if I'm alone.

Agree Snooks.

That's your perogative Paula. Perhaps the company I keep colours my judgement too much. Parents caring for serverely disabled kids pretty much all gape and roll their eyes over such concerns even if they once had them! It really is a different world we seem to inhabit and not one we would have chosen. And if we had known then what we know now you can bet your life most of us would NOT have been worrying about not having the gender of baby we might have preferred.

Usually telling someone who is upset about something that it could be worse and to look on the bright side, so to speak, doesn't usually help the upset person

well i guess we just see things differently.

because i worried about the gender,morning sickness, piles, discharge, sex or lack of it and all the other " trivial " things that most other pg woman worry about. But i had to log on to MN to moan about them on the ante natal threads. because in real life it seemed "ungrateful" , or as you might see it, "lacking in perspective", to talk about these worries when we had just buried another child

MW you haven't helped - you've been dictatorial and imperious imo.

I think we all get what you're saying - it's the way you've said it that has caused upset.

What I am saying is that BOTH sides are bright, as long as the baby's healthy! It's the truth! So why should I say different?

Christ, WH, it's like you WANT to be left alone to stress over this relatively unimportant issue uninterrupted and so that the OP can cry about it in peace!

But the OP has both emotions - hopes/fears re a healthy child and hopes/fears re the gender of her child. She is not equating them, but on this thread she is talking about gender & should feel 'allowed' to do so. To stifle a natural desire or not at least acknowledge is not helpful to the OP.

Ppl do go to extremes. We have friends who had 5 boys under the age of 7. They say their's is a culture where having so many fine sons is admired (especially since they have all turned into fine young men) but both say they did yearn for a girl but love their boys immensely; the two emotions can co-exist.

Mulled Wino you are putting things into your context - not the context of those who are disappointed/upsetconcerened. Leave them be to think and worry about the things that are important to them - not important to you.

You are being unkind.

Meanwhile I just marvel in total amazement at families with a handful of healthy children! I honestly can't imagine how they did it; it's like a miracle; one of mine has a serious disease with a short life span the other is severely disabled!

Why do you object so much at being reminded why you should enjoy and rejoice in your miracles??

Fine Gomez.

because we do not need to be reminded

(You mean you don't want to be reminded so you can carry on enjoying the luxury of sweating over the small stuff. And it IS a luxury.)

mulledwino- I've made similar posts on a similar thread way back when many years ago (also have a severely disabled child etc etc so know exactly what you mean) and hit the same response- there are some things you are not allowed to say on mumsnet. Pop over to SN and have a chat/rant/ whatever there.

no mulled wine
that is not what i mean

Sigh. I do Yurt; I have and you know me. (It's an alternative name; I am doing a you actually.. What am I doing here?! Quick, shut me back into the alternate reality we have to inhabit! Thanks for rescuing me. Was having trouble getting away. [weak smile] (It's no wonder we feel isolated isn't it??!)

Oh are you on TTR- I've just asked if we could invte you..... ?

Do come away - I'll pour you some mulled wine..... hugs

oh bollocks hugs wasn't meant to be a link....

Oh Yurt1 that is not fair - you can't expect people to not post about things that are important to them at a particular time and it is not helpful for them to be told that their concerns are silly and pointless.

[And these are concerns I have never had I personally couldn't give a shit what flavour my children were as long as they were healthy - which I know is the point MW was/is making. Doesn't mean that those who feel differently are wrong or deserve to be treated harshly.[

mulled wino - you chose to post on this thread
if you feel isolated it is mabe due to a lack of empathy

i would not go on an sn thread and speak with such unkindness

as far as i'm aware you can say whatever you want - its just that telling someone not to feel the way they feel isn't very helpful, is it?

i'm pretty certain that the OP just wanted some reassurance that her irrational feelings wouldn't last .... that is where the majority of the rest of the posters came in ...

you can't take away the way someone else feels by telling them that what they feel is simply not valid.

I think it's a perfectly natural inclination to want what we don't have. As human beings I am convinced that one of the main drivers to having children at all is that we want to experience everything there is to experience in life.

If you are lucky enough to have a third son you will love him as much as you would love a daughter.

And I totally understand the place the MW is in too as have been there myself (especially around Christmas) which is why I stepped into tell her to stop- I feel for her Anyway it is a discussion you're not allowed to have on mnet. That's the reason behind TTR's existence.