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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

140 replies

Zola78 · 28/12/2007 21:05

I'm now 38 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. I have two boys already and am hoping that this, my last pregnancy, is a girl. But today and in recent weeks I have become more and more depressed at the thought of having another boy. When we were trying to concieve I think I convinced myself that it didn't matter if this baby wasn't a girl but now I'm close to tears.

The irony is I'm scared of having a girl but I think that's to do with the unknown. I guess I'm just posting for support and to find out if I'm alone.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 28/12/2007 22:26

i am having scan monday too !!! good luck all!

(kitty i cannot get on our july thread any more - my pc crashes i think it is too big !)

coby · 28/12/2007 22:28

MulledWino - i don't think anyone here hasn't already acknowledged the point you have just made.

MulledWino · 28/12/2007 22:30

Perhaps. But if anyone here was truly considering the concept as a possiblity, they wouldn't be still whining about gender would they.

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 22:31

MW that makes many threads ridiculous, by your reasoning.

I was in a supermarket pondering pineapples over melons the other day, even though children are starving in Africa. Jump on me.

That's not the issue here - people are discussing how they feel about the gender of their baby. They are allowed these feelings, all other problems in the world notwithstanding.

pinkbubble · 28/12/2007 22:34

Wouldn't it be so much easier in life if we could choose! I personally feel we should be grateful for what we are given and enjoy, especially as there are so many couples that would dearly love to have any sex child!

coby · 28/12/2007 22:35

MW - FYI I am very high risk for a particular disability but have still taken part of this thread because disability or not I would still like to know B or G.

hatrick · 28/12/2007 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 22:39

well said hatrick

hatrick · 28/12/2007 22:40

This reply has been deleted

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beforesunrise · 28/12/2007 22:43

i can so totally relate with this. am feeling enormously ashamed of the fact that i have always wanted boys- had a fantasy i would have 3 boys. i think the reason is to do with the fact that girls scare me, i was a very unhappy teenager who suffered a lot at the hands of other girls. anyway, first pregnancy i convicend myself i was having a boy and when they told me at the scan it was a girl i almost said "oh nooo". until the very end i kept believing it could still be a boy. of course now i ADORE my dd and wouldnt swap her for the world.
second pregnancy, once again i convinced myself it had to be a boy and at the scan i had the same reaction (only i hid it from dh). i can think of all sorts of reasons why having 2 girls is the best, but i cant feel it... it doesnt help that all my girlfriends seem to think having girls is the best... of course, all that matters is that baby is healthy but as i dont think we will have a third i do feel slightly bereft at the thought of never having a boy.
i actually feel enormously ashamed of having written this and hope that when am holding my little girl i will be able to love her just as totally and completely as dd1...

MulledWino · 28/12/2007 22:45

I never mentioned selfish or evil. I am objecting to the title. Specifically the word disappointment. Sure, it's natural to think you might like one sex or the other, but seriously, if you had any concept (personal or because you are close to someone it happened to) of having a child who is not going to live long or who might live a normal length live but is never going to be that much longed for and hoped for child, (the one you grieve for even though he never actually existed) then trust me you would not have issues over the gender of any future baby.

I think people who are unecessarily hung up on gender need this pointing out to them. Their babies don't not deserve their mothers disappointment. You probably just don't feel comfortable having this pointed out.

puffybear · 28/12/2007 22:45

Ok MulledWino and pinkbubble, will tell DH to get a grip and not acknowledge to me how he feels .

You don't need to remind people that we should be grateful for being pregnant in the first place with (hopefully) healthy babies - we know. Also I seriously doubt that anyone here will reject their newborn because it's turned out to be another boy/girl.

MulledWino · 28/12/2007 22:48

Well forget about the gender then hatrick, for goodness sack, and pray that your baby is healthy! Honestly, I understand this hang-up even less in people with an actual defined risk of a baby with birth defects. The odds are stacked up in your baby's favour. I sincerely hope your little boy OR little girl is fine.

MulledWino · 28/12/2007 22:49

Yes, tell him to get a grip and imagine life grappling with wheelchairs, medical appointments, mile stones never reached and bad news. That should put things into context for him. Excellent idea!

hatrick · 28/12/2007 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pinkbubble · 28/12/2007 22:50

My DH is actually the end of the line, so if we have no DSs there will be no more pink bubbles!(so to speak). That is life, you have to take what you are given. DHs sister has 3 DSs - they will carry on her married name!

AussieSim · 28/12/2007 22:51

I had 2 DS's and am 19 weeks. This will be my last baby. I have my scan on Monday and will find out the sex. I can honestly say without a doubt that I don't care what the sex is so long as it is healthy as I have been more fearful in this pregnancy than the others just because of my age - 39 when DC3 arrives. I hate it that people assume I am dying to have a girl. The way I figure it - it has been out of my hands since conception. If it is a boy I will know exactly what to do and I will have everything I need. I am so grateful that my DH and I are on the same page with this stuff. Get busy gettin' happy about having a healthy baby. Maybe it would help to find out before the birth so it doesn't become such a big deal and you and your family have some time to adjust either way!

WanderingHolly · 28/12/2007 22:52

Er, MW, you sound very angry. And kinda bitter.

Have you never had disproportionate feelings about something? Has anything mattered more to you than to most people?

Quattrocento · 28/12/2007 22:53

MW is not alone. This sorta nonsense winds me up too.

hatrick · 28/12/2007 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coby · 28/12/2007 22:56

Mulledwino - not sure you are hearing what is being said here...even if there is a life of grappling with wheelchairs, medical appointments etc ahead - why not want to discover if your child is a boy or girl. Should those of us who know we might have a child with a disablility just label the child as disabled then and no longer wish to know these things - pretty sure you don't think that.

NO8 ONE* here is particularly hung up on what sex they have from what I can tell.

Bluenosesaint · 28/12/2007 22:56

Calm down MW - if you don't like the title surely the most rational thing is to just stay away from the thread.

The OP was, and i quote "just posting for support and to find out if I'm alone."

You aren't offering support or telling her that she's not alone so if the thread angers you so much, just walk away from it ...

MulledWino · 28/12/2007 22:58

No WH. I am, as you say, perhaps too angry, and bitter but also sleep deprived, disillisioned, exhausted, sometimes depressed, often tearful and usually downright fed up with fighting for services that my DS is entitled to but doesn't get to care about much else.

If it's a momentary thing, fine.. but keep it to yourself, don't start threads on it, and above all, value your baby, whatever the sex, for the miracle that he/she is. And vent at me for reminding you of your priorities if you like. I don't mind if it means you stop stressing over the small stuff.

Quattrocento · 28/12/2007 23:02

for MW

I think MW IS giving real honest and genuine support. The sort of support that we all need to hear from time to time.

The sort of support which might not be what we want to hear, but might be what we need to hear.

MulledWino · 28/12/2007 23:03

I'm not angry at this thread. I don't need to calm down. But Coby, trust me, you really don't worry about the gender of your child in those circumstances. I hope you never find that out. But if you are happy to stress (even superficially) over the small stuff, you carry on.

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