Disappointed with baby's gender and feeling low and guilty

[HarrysMummy17]

I found out at my 20 week scan today that I'm expecting DS3. I knew it would be a boy, I prepared myself for another boy but I've still been in tears most of the day.

I feel sad for the baby girl I'll never get to know. The names I'll never be able to use. The girly things I won't ever do. The dresses and pink glitter boots I can't buy. The Disney princess dvds that will remain unwatched.
Not being able to braid her hair for school. My old dolls and sylvanian families toys that are sat in my mums loft will likely never be played with. My 2 boys were never interested.
I'm not saying this boy wont/can't like stereotypical "girly" things, I'm just going on the 2 I've already got who are very boy, boys.

I'm cross with myself for feeling like this when I'm so lucky to be carrying a healthy wee boy.

We struggled so much to name the first 2, I'm sure this one will end up being christened boy as there are just no more names 😩

[quote HarrysMummy17]@sunnyhoneybumblebee

None. There are no names on the list 😩. [/quote]
What type of names do you like?

Boys names are HARD. We used the one boy’s name we agreed on for our first. Second was a girl which was lucky because I had no more names 😂

The girly things I won't ever do. The dresses and pink glitter boots I can't buy. The Disney princess dvds that will remain unwatched.

Oh for heaven’s sake. I would have absolutely stuff like this when I was a child. Pink glitter boots?!

I know exactly how you feel OP. Spent most of the day in tears when found out I was having my third boy. It's not rational and you hate yourself for it. I get it.

Situation made worse by hurtful comments from family and strangers.

DS3 is the light of my life and brings immeasurable joy. I look at him and my heart sings. We have a wonderful relationship and I treasure him. I feel great shame when I think about how I reacted.

Occasionally I feel sad about never having a daughter. Not sure these feelings will ever disappear entirely, I won't think about it for months then suddenly they'll come out of nowhere.

I find speaking to other mums of all boys helpful. They don't judge.

Your feelings are valid and will take time to process.
Be kind to yourself.
Fwiw I have a dd and all she likes is dinosaurs and diggers 😂

Thanks for all the replies. I know it sounds stupid. I really do, that's why I'm writing it here and not talking to people I actually know.

I know it will be fine. I know he'll be loved. I know his personality and preferences will be whatever they will be.

I can really relate to the name feelings. I have 3 DDs (maybe another on the way). We actually really struggled for DD2 as well. In the end we made a small list of names we liked and asked the other two which they preferred.

As for 3 of the same sex, I promise you it's great. Just take a little time to get over your disappointment and then start to get excited over your little group of boys.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I get it. I totally get it. They're not rational feelings. They make you feel awful for thinking that way. You know you are grateful to be having a beautiful baby and that you will love him unconditionally.
With my first baby I badly wanted a girl. Not for the girly pink, but because my relationship with my Mum was awful growing up, as was hers with her own Mum, and I wanted to do it differently, break a chain.
I did have a girl first, I thanked my lucky stars every day for years. I still do. I can't help those feelings, they are not rational. I went on to have two more and could not have cared less about their gender.
Feelings are feelings and need to be acknowledged before you gain acceptance. It didn't make me a bad person and it doesn't you either.

My youngest son loved Disney princesses more than DD did, he loved My Little Pony, DD wasn't interested at all.

I'm sure he will be lovely and when you see him you will fall in love and it will be fine. I think it is hard now because he is "just a boy" but when you meet him he will be a beautiful little person.

Don't worry now, have a weep if it helps. Blame the hormones.

I get it op. Mum of 2 boys here. And I won't lie I have had similar thoughts but not in recent times. one of mine would have played with the Sylv family stuff. Every time I picked him up from nursery he was proudly running around in a princess dress. It's hard as you get people claiming that boys won't look after you when you are old. However, I lived in Italy for a while where many of my male friends were extremely protective of their mothers. It's how you raise them and the culture you raise them in. Celebrate your boys and they will adore you xx

I love that i have a boy tbh.I was worried about having girl because of how hard it is to be a woman and all the shit that comes wiith it

@Ionlydomassiveones, try growing up the daughter of parents who only wanted a boy.

What sort of names do you like? I had the opposite- loads of boys names I loved, but no girls names.

[quote HarrysMummy17]@WheelieBinPrincess oh I know everything I'm saying is all rubbish and if it was a girl she'd likely be rolling about in the field with her brothers. It would be nice to have the chance. My boys didn't want to play with the sylvanian families so they all went back in the boxes. And since they started school they won't play with anything remotely "girlie".

Yes I need to get over myself. He's a healthy baby and that's all that matters. I fully aware of that. I still can't help feel disappointed.

To be honest, it's more the name. We've struggled so much with names. Obviously we knew it was 50/50.

Thanks for the input though
[/quote]
You sound reasonable. I think you'll get over the initial disappointment and be fine.

A squad of boys will be great. Keep your girly stuff in the loft in case you ever get a granddaughter.

What are your sons names? We might be able to come up with a good one to go with them.

And congrats!

@WheelieBinPrincess

You have a very set view of what a girl would be like don’t you?

Why would they necessarily like Disney Princess DVDS (I can assure you lots don’t)

And pink glitter boots and dresses?!

Why can’t boys play with Sylvanian families

Sorry but your disappointment has been compounded by your ridiculous notions of gender.

Yeah, I would have hated pink glitter boots and Disney Princess DVDs

Hmmmm, you are allowed to be disappointed of course, but given that men / boys are the advantaged ones in society, you should be happy that your child is likely to have an easier and more successful life. To want a girl means you somewhat selfishly want your child to be disadvantaged by life to make you happy........

I was going to say you won't care when the baby is here but you've got two boys already so I guess you were really set on it.

I had a dd then 5 ds's!! Scan showed dc 7was a dd! We were all ecstatic - especially dd.
Another ds arrived..
That ds was 18 yesterday

And absolute joy since the day he was born!.
Unlike the dd's x 2 that followed!

I honestly think that Mumsnet makes boy disappointment worse. There are so many threads that focus on how bad men are and how superior women are in every way. It is not healthy and not true.
The nicest family of children I ever taught (3 boys) at secondary level was a wonderful family. They were so protective of their Mum and of each other. It was touching to watch. They were very hardworking, caring and kind.
Think of the fun Sarah Beeny has with her four boys. They clearly have a lot of laughs and a huge sense of family.
Avoid the negative threads on MN and enjoy your lovely family.

Ah op the pregnancy hormones probably aren't helping you. I do think society is to be blame for
gender disappointment especially regarding boys. "A daughters a daughter all of your life, a sons your son until he takes his wife"-how I hate this saying! I do think it can become a self fulfilling prophecy for some women though!

It's ok to feel sad. You're only human. We all get "fear of missing out disorder". Allow yourself a few days to wallow and then start planning for your beautiful new baby

(From one mother of all boys to another)

@GreenLunchBox I totally aware of how ridiculous it sounds saying it out loud. It was because I saw a little girl come out of the nursery at school pick up time with rainbow glitter wellies 🙈😂.

I have an older girl, and when pregnant with my second found out he was a boy at the twenty week scan, when I was certain it was another girl. I felt this weird loss for not giving my girl a sister, it was like grieving something imaginary. A very strange feeling. Although I was also delighted to be having a boy, and he of course turned out to be the best thing ever! This is why I'm not sure that finding out the sex is a good idea - if you were to find out when they were born, would it even be an issue? Or would you/I just be delighted at the gorgeous new human we'd created?

Please don't beat yourself up. You can't help how you feel. Its something that lots of people experience. And you know you will get over it.

There's no guarantee a girl would have been girly anyway. My girl refuses to wear dresses, hates pink, loathes princess stuff, has curly hair that can't be braided and I spend Saturday mornings watching her play football.

Mother of 4 boys here. To be perfectly honest having a same gender family is miles easier than having mixed. Clothes, toys, shoes , socks, much easier to hand down .
Shared interests and hobbies, shared friends .
I would have liked a little girl but I didnt get one.
But I've always appreciated that I'm lucky to have been able to produce healthy babies when many can't.
So I am happy with my 4 massive-pain-in-the-arse sons 🤣🤣😍

My daughter is currently running around with a dinosaur in each hand roaring at her brothers. Your fantasy of a 'girly' girl was only ever that - a fantasy. Let it go now and get ready to embrace your amazingly individual new child. Many congratulations xx