This is interesting.
My grandfather was from a Muslim community that was entirely isolated from the influence of the Ottoman Empire (their horde had gone another way). So by the 19th century, they were seen as unbelievably old-fashioned in their religious practice, and were seen as remnant of medieval Islamic culture (they were very much a warrior people at heart, everything was perceived in reference to horses, and they were still sacrificing cows on mosque land).
But weirdly, despite being a slice of 13th century Islam in the middle of the 19th century, my grandfather's culture was completely egalitarian. There was no segregation of the sexes at all. Children were educated to together and headscarves were only worn by women for the same reason as millions of non-Muslim women at the time: to save their hair from dust and dirt.
Indeed, my grandfather always used to make somewhat indignant remarks about men not being "proper Muslims" if they couldn't ride a horse (he gave allowances for camels), and it was seen as slightly embarrassing if your daughter couldn't ride.
This is how different Muslim culture can be. On the one hand, you've got birqas and purdah, and on the other, you've got my grandfather over the moon because my aunt has decided to breed ponies. 
Who is right here? My grandfather's community and values were far more authentic to older forms of Islam, and significantly less exposed to Western ideas, than Ottoman and Arab culture. Indeed, many of the cultural facets of western Muslim culture seem to be a weird medley of borrowed elite, urban cultures that were never practised outside cities (it's very hard to churn butter wearing a chador.)
I think, op, that the issue isn't religion, but the fact your DH is psychologically bound by a lifetime of modelled familial behaviour and attitudes where the excuse has been "Islam" rather than the truth, which is likely to be a received set of very oppressive ideas that function to control the family unit.
That said, this doesn't really help you much in your predicament. What might help is holidaying in other Muslim majority countries, or even watching subtitled dramas from Muslim majority countries, so your DH can start to see that Muslim cultures are all very different, depending on nationality, class and ethnicities.
Turkey does some good stuff in this regard.