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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

17 weeks, no heartbeat

109 replies

PamelaDoov · 30/12/2021 18:01

Had a private scan today at 17+1 to find out the sex. No heartbeat found. Won’t know any more until I go back to the hospital in the morning.
GA on scan report is 16+2. That would’ve took the baby to Christmas Eve.
I barely said anything at the scan. I was just blank. I think they expected me to show a bit more emotion but I guess I was in shock.
I can’t believe this has happened to me. And now I have to be that person, the person you read about on forums like this, who now has this grief to carry, and everyone will know about it for the rest of my life.

And we’re going to have to tell people. Everyone knows I’m pregnant. Our families, our friends, our parents friends, people DH works with, our neighbours. Even my fucking estate agents knows. So many people will be upset by this. My mom in particular will be devastated. And I just can’t deal with that.
Thank god I hadn’t told my work yet. Although obviously I’ll have to tell some people now what’s happened.

I was so excited. I wanted this so much. The first couple of months I barley acknowledged I was pregnant as I have my hands full with DS, who has just gone 1. But the last few weeks it’s actually felt real and I was starting to get really excited, especially when we decided to find out the sex.

I feel like I’m going to be given the option to see it and name it, but part of me doesn’t want to. I’d rather it just be an unknown baby that never happened.

Luckily DS is at my moms tonight, as me and DH were meant to be going out for a meal and to the cinema. So at least I didn’t have to go pick him up and give my parents the news straight away. But I’m going to have to in the morning and I really really don’t want to.

I just don’t know why this has happened to me.

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 30/12/2021 18:06

this happened to me but i was further along, i couldnt believe it. I had gone passed the 12 week mark and assumed all was fine. It was a time in my life which caused me such distress, people didnt quite understand my upset, didnt matter how long the pregnancy was folks would say stupid things. I had someone tell me in the scan room 'it was natures way'. I was 21 weeks pregnant (or so i thought). It will take you time to recover from this nightmare. I got pregnant again 4 months later...it was very tough and stressful but my boy is now 14. Still doesnt take away the distress or trauma i went through at my loss. HUGS from me

Jamontoast87 · 30/12/2021 18:07

I'm so sorry Flowers

mummylollypop · 30/12/2021 18:11

💐❤️

Spaghettio · 30/12/2021 18:23

This happened to me at my 20 week scan. She made it to 17 weeks they said.

Be as emotional or unemotional as you like. It's not for anyone to tell you to cry or grieve or how to behave.

It's really really shit and I'm really sorry. 💞

lalalandi · 30/12/2021 18:28

So sorry OP Thanks

I lost my son at 20 weeks.

Be prepared that you'll likely have to give birth. That's the hardest bit.

lawandgin · 30/12/2021 18:31

I'm so sorry OP. X

Omicrone · 30/12/2021 18:33

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry xxx

PamelaDoov · 30/12/2021 18:35

Thank you for everyone’s comments. And my heart goes out to those of you who have also experienced this.
It doesn’t seem real.

How the hell are we supposed to tell people.

OP posts:
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 30/12/2021 18:35

I am so so sorry. There are no words Thanks

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2021 18:37

Ask someone else too do it for you take care of yourself for now

Roselilly36 · 30/12/2021 18:38

So sorry OP, that’s terrible news look after yourself and tell people when you feel ready to Flowers

stingofthebutterfly · 30/12/2021 18:51

I lost my little boy at 21 weeks. It's hard, and I really feel for you. Take it slowly, take care of yourself and take any help offered. It gets better, I promise, but it doesn't feel like it ever will at first.

The only thing I'd recommend is to take more photos than you think you need, when baby is born. All the best for the birth xx

VaccineSticker · 30/12/2021 18:53

Look after yourself. You come first.
Don’t worry about how you’re going to tell other people.
I’m sorry x

toomuchlaundry · 30/12/2021 18:56

I am so sorry @PamelaDoov.

I would ask some people to be your messengers, so they can pass the news on Flowers

PamelaDoov · 30/12/2021 18:59

I can’t help it, I am worried. So many people are going to be so upset.
I feel so sad for DH, he doesn’t deserve this.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 30/12/2021 19:03

The only people to concern yourself with are you and your dh.
So sorry for your loss op..

strawberrysummer19 · 30/12/2021 19:04

I'm so so sorry 😞 x

astoundedgoat · 30/12/2021 19:05

I'm so sorry. Sending you heaps of love.

stiltonandcrackers · 30/12/2021 19:06

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is the most difficult thing to go through. I lost my baby girl at 24 weeks.

All I can say is one day at a time. No one can tell you what to feel or how to behave. Just be true to yourself.

Lots of love and virtual hugs xxxx

Mama1980 · 30/12/2021 19:10

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Noshowlomo · 30/12/2021 19:11

I’m so sorry. You’ll be asking questions for a while. Maybe forever. Our girl was born sleeping at 36 weeks and I still ask why. People will want to support you and please take that support. It helped us so much. The Sands forum is also a great help and comfort.
Im so so sorry, I’m sending you so many hugs xxx

FabricPigeon · 30/12/2021 19:13

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks Wishing you strength and comfort for what's to come, and hope and joy long term.

Happierthanever91 · 30/12/2021 19:13

I am so sorry Thanks

mamaweebeastie · 30/12/2021 19:14

I lost my girls at 17 weeks. I had to give birth to them. The nurses were amazing. It was 21 years ago this summer & although some memories are hazy I remember holding them clear as day. The nurses made birth certificates, name bracelets, took photos and feet/hand prints for keep sakes. So much is a blur, which I'm kinda grateful for now. It's the hardest thing I have ever endured but you have to live on. There are so many amazing types of support available, please don't feel your on your on through this 💐

TheVolturi · 30/12/2021 19:18

So sorry op that's heartbreaking. I really hope you are looked after amazingly by the hospital throughout the whole thing xx

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