Minsters Sidecar Bumping Along - ttc graduates thread 4

[lucyrp]

Hey girls! I've gone ahead and created a follow up thread for us all. Let's hope we have some more ladies joining us from over on the other thread! ❤️

Holding my hands up here - I have no idea what discos are (I'm not from here though...). I definitely ate a lot of salt and vinegar crisps in my first trimester. Oh and Taytos are delicious.

@Juno231 that hamper looks lush, how good is la fromagerie! I've already told DH that I expect him to do a posh cheese order from there or Provisions (another good London cheese shop) after I've had the baby so I can eat all the cheeses I've been missing out on whilst pregnant.

Other things to add - I'm also team yellow, love a mince pie (although apparently not when I'm pregnant - they make me sick right now, but dislike pate.

@DKDK123 when is your scan?? I think we're all dying to know if it's little Emily in there. Love the babygrow btw!

I must confess that I've started buying a few baby things, some cute outfits and bits that I've found in charity shops or in the sales. I get that there's a chance that something might go wrong, but I'm trying to stay in the mindset that everything is gonna work out!

@clolo @larrythelizard music to my ears that!! I love me a good tuna butty!!

@larrythelizard I had a few days I felt absolutely fine and was low down worrying but try not too!! Also love duvet coats, good choice!!

@DKDK123 yess I seem to get indigestion from them too!! But they're amazing aren't they!! I love how vinegary they are!! I will do definitely! I'll post a pic of them if I get to use them🤞🏼

@Minster2012 love rice cakes!! Need to go and stock up on them, discos and monster munch🤣 people need to keep their opinions to themselves!!

@paintfairy your MIL sounds a delight🙄I'm lucky really that OH's mum is just amazing, can't do enough for me, his dad on the other hand is a bellend, they only spoke for the first time in 18 months a couple of weeks ago at a do! But he has a stepdad that has been in his life since he was 2 and he's absolutely amazing!! Also your MIL excuse "I might be dead" I mean what the

@larrythelizard I had period kinda pains for a while and the little cramps and tugging I get now feel a little like period cramps, but I'm just telling myself it's everything stretching and moving! How many weeks are you now?

@bez91 yeah we've kinda told ourselves we know we'll have to move in with parents for the time being, which obviously isn't ideal being pregnant and not something we ever thought we'd be doing but it's one of those things! We never expected to sell so quickly and it take so long to find something and we certainly didn't expect to fall pregnant! At least we'll save lots of money🤣 and we'll definitely be in a house by the time I'm due (sounds stupid talking about something so far in advance) oh god yeah that wouldn't be ideal!! Is there anywhere else for him to go? When does he need to be moving out?

@Juno231 you definitely need to try some discos!! How exciting that it'll be end of next month you could know the gender!!

@kaylsd I hope so🤞🏼well my sister is the only one who knows, I rang her crying my eyes out when I got that positive test, and she'll be at the meal so she said she's going to try and video it, it'll just be a video of me and my mum crying probably🤣 oooo maybe the dreams are a sign there's two in there??

@whatwonder try the discos lady!! Exciting buying things though!' If you feel right and comfortable doing it you do it! How far along are you now?

I'm team yellow too!! OH has always said he'd want to find out but I've managed to get him to change his mind, he keeps referring to it as "he" though, as his dad was such a shitty dad, he has a dream of having a son and being best mates with him and doing everything his dad didn't, but he's also a godfather to 3 girls and seeing him with them melts my heart, he'll be an amazing dad no matter the gender!! Ive finished work now for 2 weeks!! Had to do a couple of hours this morning but I'm done!! Got a pt late this morning then walking with my friends (one a mother of a DD and pregnant and the other has a DS and both know of our TTC journey so will be hard not telling them) then i put a chilli in the slow cooker this morning so I'll be going home, sorting the house out and having that later!!

What's everyone's plans this weekend??

Oh @Juno231 sacrilege! Tayto is a national treasure 😳

No exciting plans here @Vil10 probably just some last minute Christmas shopping panic buying! And obsessing over TSD's sleep 😂

However I am getting my Covid booster today! Yay! 🥳

@whatwonder @bez91 @Vil10 Hi five to the fellow team 💛💛💛 I'm not sure what DH thinks to this mind. 🤣 I haven't actually double checked but I think he would be happy with a surprise. He doesn't mind too much either way. I can carry on pretending it isn't happening too, if we don't even know what it is. I'm not even sure it's human right now. 🐸
@Sunbird24 night time is the worst for me. I wake up feeling normal and worrying I'm not pregnant any more. But from lunch time onwards it slowly descends into horrificness. I was feeling better after dinner most nights but not always. And the last 2 I've felt horrid. Bloated, sick, yuck. Last night I was falling asleep on the sofa from 8.30pm and went to bed at 9.15pm.
@Juno231 OMG. Did she come?
@Kate105 he'll be needing those hands later. 🤣 For now, yeah, I can see the inconvenience. For all involved. 😆
@Minster2012 just really foggy here. And it's funny isn't it? Why are we not brave enough to announce it? I'm not sure I ever will mind. Not in a big way. I was going to tell my mum on Wednesday, because we'd had the scan. I chickened out. And now my rhr has dropped again and I'm back to thinking maybe it'll vanish anyway, so there's no point. And we should wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone. And even then it'll only be mum. And actually I'll probably decide 2 days later not to. 🙄
@kaylsd with you on the dog/cat food texture. 🤮

Discos? Well I used to eat them but I'm sure I've only tried salt and vinegar. But I'm not sure they are very satisfying? The texture isn't right? Too light and fluffy. I prefer my crisps firmer. 🤣
As for dreams- I had an unpleasant one last night. It was partly in a shopping centre but then we were outside through trees and things. But a man was chasing me with a gun. I felt like I knew him. He was not giving up. The last 2 nights I've slept better though, just woken up the once in the night. Dunno if that's a good or bad sign. I also spent ages on the loo earlier, for 3 🐇 droppings. Which annoyed me. I just can't get the balance right. Either I've got wind, pain and I'm diving to the toilet or nothing much is happening. I'm just taking the lactulose once a day still.

I need to do an epic catch up but from what I've scrolled through it's very crisp heavy so I'll say how much I love discos too and avidly eat salt n vinegar crisps. I've just finished some squares in fact!
Quick update from me...think it was @DKDK123 and @2020mission that said to push to be seen re my suspected uti and the MW got bk to me weds night n said go to the labour ward for a urine test n once over, so I did n some blood was found so just waiting on the results. Baby was fine tho! Also finally got a growth scan this morning n she's 3lb10oz and measuring perfectly 🥰 it's me who's big! 😅 also got to speak to a consultant who I should've spoken to weeks ago as it's an ivf pregnancy and my MW got it wrong (try not to move houses/areas and transfer care whilst pg) so I get another scan at 36 weeks and can also be induced at 40 weeks if I want.

@becarefuloutthere I'm glad everything looks OK! Do ivf pregnancies have different rules?

I am guessing some of you know the answers so I'll ask my questions here. But I've been stressing myself over money. 🤣
Does anyone actually know if you are entitled to childcare help (other than once they are 3 or 4)? We both work full time. They seem to have got rid of loads of the old stuff. 🤬 If you earn like a fiver a month they'll help you, but is there any help for normal people? 🤔 We earn less than 100k a year between us.

So if you have ok jobs do you get any money for anything? Or are we on our own? I know about childcare vouchers through work (not that I understand it). But is that all that exists? I'm going to have to start frequenting street corners after 10pm..... 😭

@Kate105 careful you might not be able to call him TSD if he carries on like that! And I'm afraid I also disagree on the Tayto 🤪

More team yellows I'm just so impatient @kaylsd but I'm pleased you have having a good relatively symptomless time, keep busy with work & the time will fly by!

What @whatwonder you don't know what discos are man you are missing out! And I think it's perfectly fine to get a few bits we are thinking positively!

@Vil10 this weekend I've a day with DS tomorrow whilst DH shoots & so we might go out for brunch I think. Then we have a party at the next door neighbours tomorrow night. it's under a week now til your scan I'm excited for @DKDK123 to see if it Emily!

Omg @paintfairy the texture MAKES the discos! And totally get the not wanting to tell ppl, it's the whole saying it out loud thing. It's weird isn't it

@becarefuloutthere that's great then that all well and you get the extra scans, @paintfairy a lot of CCGs automatically view ivf pregnancies as higher risk so like we had extra scans before for DS despite my friend having had 2 "easy normal" births before hand. However now mine is high risk on 2 different areas they aren't sure I'll get the other scans...what???

@paintfairy you get child benefit from birth. And you can also use a tax free childcare account with the government where they top up what you put in by 20% I'm not sure if you just get that from age 2 or from birth as I only found out about it when DS was 2

@paintfairy check this link www.childcarechoices.gov.uk/

Basically you get tax credits, 15 hours free per week from age 2 and then 30 hours free from age 3 from what I gather.

@paintfairy just bear in mind not all nurseries participate in these schemes so you'd have to find one especially!

@Juno231 the 15 hours from 2 seems to be only for people with no income from what I can work out? Where as before it was everyone? What are tax credits? 🤔
Why is it all complicated! @Minster2012 20% top up sounds good. Assuming I have any money to put in it in the first place. 🤣 Is child benefit the £21 a week thing?

@paintfairy we didn't get anything from 2 (the 15 hours) so I think that's for low income, @Juno231 yes that's the one but paid monthly & it goes down per child but it depends if it's worth it if you earn over £60,000 as the tax takes you into pointless. The 20% top up is by using a government childcare savings account, so like I had a direct debit set up on our account for the cost of monthly childcare minus the 20% each month & the government topped up then a direct debit out of the government account to pay the nursery

@paintfairy oh yeah I missed that there were two sections for 15h and that they had separate age limits. Ignore the tax credits as well, apparently those aren't available anymore (unless you're on universal credit).

So yeah... There's not much help is there! Child benefit is only 21.15/ week and only if neither of you earn over 50k 🙊. I just had a look and none of the nurseries in our area seem to do the free hours anyway. Have a look at childminders as well btw as they tend to be cheaper than nurseries.

Then when they get to age 3 it's like suddenly you are rich cos you get the 30hours free 😂(but of course you still have to pay above that) so like we now pay around £90 a month I think not £450

None of them do even the 30 hours @Juno231 that's weird cos that's applicable to most ppl

@Juno231 none of us earn over 60k but £21 won't really buy much. 🤣 I would actually prefer a childminder but I think they are usually more money? I will investigate though.
I'm sure everyone uses to get it from 2 @Minster2012 but they must have stopped it at some point. Along with all the other stuff it seems!

DH said one of us will have to give up work because we can't afford childcare. I pointed out that I don't earn less than what childcare costs (not that I earn much more) so how exactly would that help? 🤣 I think he hasn't acknowledged that it would mean my pay would stop. 🤭

@Minster2012 if there's not enough competition and you could make more money by not offering it then why not I guess... Looking at all this stuff I think I'll be entitled to 15h at age 3 and that's about it. Unless I use the work nursery that's tax free but my god I can't imagine schlepping a toddler on the underground in rush hour.

@paintfairy and don't forget the lost pension contributions on top of that!

@paintfairy no idea, we've only ever looked at what we could get as wasn't on the horizon before. But that's why a lot of mothers don't end up working more than a certain number of hours cos the cost of childcare is then more than they'd earn so pointless. It's only recently I thought about the child benefit, we don't actually take it cos we couldn't until we had "legal guardianship" of DS (cos of surrogacy) that we could do it then I forgot. I'm not sure we'd qualify though but I guess you put it against the name of the low earned & f that's less than £50,000 it's ok? Am I thinking right @Juno231? It's on the list of things to do. And tbh I'd take the kid to the work one @Juno231 it's a big cost but so is your sanity 😂

Have been busy today so not caught up properly but ££ as I understand it @paintfairy

• Child Benefit

You get 'full' child benefit if you earn less £50k or less (either one of you, not together. It's then a sliding scale up to £60k where you get nothing - but if you're between £50k and £60k you'd have to do self-assessment and repay the 'overpayment' each year. CB is how you get your state pension contributions paid if you do give up work.

• Help with childcare

I believe the childcare vouchers (where you can buy them pre-tax) don't exist anymore/are very rare

Anyone who earns less than £100k can use the 'tax free' childcare portal where you pay in money, the government tops it up by 20% and then you pay the childminder/nursery from there

Low income families get 15 hours free from the term after the child turns 2

Anyone who earns less than £100k gets 30 hours free from the term after the child turns 3

If you earn more than £100k you get 15 hours free from the term after the child turns 3

Round here childminders are a little cheaper but none that I approached could confirm availability until much nearer return to work and there's only limited nursery options for under 2's so I didn't want to risk it. It's about £60 here a day for 8-6, three meals and snacks and all nappies included.

@bez91 how dare you not be psychic to know how many plaits to do in her hair 😂 We're very much at that stage too, cut the toast into squares when he wanted triangles (that he never told me about) and its the end of the world. He had a major meltdown getting ready for nursery the other day because I gave him a peasized amount of toothpaste on his brush as always but it was "all wrong because its not perfect right across and full like on the toothpaste advert" 🤦‍♀️ it resulted in him refusing to leave for nursery and having to be carried kicking and screaming to the car and wrestled into his car seat sounding like I was abducting him. Kids are a delight, what crazy part in our brain goes I know let's add another to the mix 😂

@paintfairy just remember too when calculating your future childcare costs that the 30hours a week is term time so if you need childcare year round it will work out less hours per week than 30. And it doesn't start bang on their 3rd birthday there's 2 points in the year it starts think it's Jan and Sept, we got stung with that one as I thought DS would get it once he was 3 but as he was an October baby we just missed the Sept cut off and I think it was around Jan before his free hours kicked in 🙄

@paintfairy childminder is cheaper for us and was a better fit for our needs.
We get tax free childcare so you pay in 80% of your bill to a govt account and they 'top up' the extra 20%

@Juno231 you should be entitled to 30 free hours at 3 provided neither of you earn over 100,000. Same with the tax free childcare I think! Basically everywhere does tax free and most private nurseries/ childminders offer the 30 hours you just have to top it up quite a lot.

But yes the 30 free hours is the term after they turn 3!

Hope you're all okay 🥰
I've been cleaning my house (badly) and working a bit. Stressing! Sleeping badly! And the dreaded hemarhoids have got me - fucking awful!!

@blackcurrantqueen London salaries so I'm afraid we don't qualify for 30 hours either but can't really complain about that, it would just be a bonus. Great to know about the topping up part though!

Just saw someone on the July/August bus say their midwife can't see them until week 15 as the local midwives are being redeployed to distributing covid jabs. It does scare me a bit as I don't want to risk my IVF spot by self referring now!

Also taken a shine to salt and vinegar crisps more so than usual. I think my wee smells like salt and vinegar, I wonder if that’s a coincidence 🤷‍♀️ not sold on discos I find them more cardboard than potato like 😆

Oooh are you doing one of those gender blood test things @Juno231 if you're gonna know by end of month?

@Minster2012 ah maybe move in with us if his house sale goes through before he finds something. We have room and he'd rather have more space than move in temporarily with his girlfriend I think, they have an odd relationship, she is odd.

Me too @whatwonder I let DD pick a blanket but that's all I've bought. Good to think positive 🙌🏼

@Vil10 you'll be fine we moved back in with my dad between 6-8 months pregnant it wasn't ideal but not the end of the world either. I think they're pushing him for last week in January. Oh wow slow cook chilli sounds yummy 😋 yayy team yellow 💛

@becarefuloutthere good news baby is all good. Yes moving areas sounds like it's been a nightmare for you!

Please don't frequent street corners post 10pm @paintfairy child benefit is something measly like £82 a month. Yes the rule from 2 years old is for low earners/none workers. I'm not clear why you need childcare if you don't work but hey ho. It's expensive. I'm not up on the tax free childcare as my DH can still access the vouchers as we enrolled in the scheme before it was ended but it means we can't access the tax free childcare. I'm not sure how it's going to work when the new baby comes as once you're out of the voucher scheme you can't rejoin but DD will start school in September and the baby will only be 4 months old, so in a weird way I might have to send DD to after school club just so we can still be in the voucher scheme even though I'll be off on mat leave so we won't actually need the childcare during that time 🤷‍♀️

@DKDK123 some of the things 😆 emotional little beings! Hope it's an Emily tomorrow for your DS 😊

@Vil10 ooh yes to add!! I found out I was pregnant beginning of November we moved out of our rented beginning of December and lived with my mum until June. DD came in July! It was actually ok!