Due June 2022 (thread three)

[CB87]

Thread three 🙂

My scan yesterday has left a bruise on my lower tum. Has anyone else had this? She did push really hard. And she tripped over her own chair, dropped her glasses several times and sent her keyboard flying... so I think she was kind of clumsy.

@hudasalem sending lots of prayers for you. May God give you patience and strenght to recover and heal from this and bless you with happiness very soon.

Thanks @PeeAche very useful. My employer is pretty great, it's around 90% male so maternity leave doesn't cost them too much!

I've just had a call from the hospital and got my appointment, bloody terrified. Almost certain it will involve and ultrasound so at least I will get to see the baby this week. Still no 12 week scan date and I'm nearly 11 weeks.

@rathernotshare Ohh good luck for your appointment! When is it? Hope you get to see the baby too!

@MrsNT Thank you! ❤️ xxx

@Wellthiswasunexpected thanks, it's on Wednesday

Those that have had transvaginal ultrasounds - how exposed are you? I've got this image in my head that they give you 1 square of loo roll to cover your mound haha. Also, does it hurt at all? My 8 weeks scan was abdominal but this is looking at my ovaries etc so told it will be internal

@rathernotshare ive had many! At my hospital they were really good. They left the room so i could get undressed bottom half then they gave a gown to put over like a skirt, they literally pop it in and then cover you back up. Nothing to worry about! X

@rathernotshare also mostly it doeant hurt its just a strange feeling, they do have to apply pressure sometimes and it can be uncomfortable but just tell them thats a bit tender and they'll do their best to adjust to make it easier for you x

Anyone else's sex drive almost disappeared? At first I wasn't in the mood because I was having bad IBS and had intermittent nausea. Now I'm a bit further along and I mostly feel okay. My husband tries to initiate intimacy and I didn't want to at all for a whole week straight. Before the pregnancy we had quite a healthy sex life which I enjoyed. He started getting upset after our dry spell. He does so much for me but I could tell from the way he was behaving that he thought that he wasn't doing something right or that I don't love him anymore. I quit my job at the end of last year due to stress and mental health stuff. I don't do a great deal of housework and my husband is the sole bread winner. I worry that I don't contribute a great deal to the relationship and I'm worried that my lack of sex drive will cause a strain on our relationship at a time where it needs to be stronger than ever. I don't want to have sex if I don't feel like it but I feel worried about causing a strain on our relationship. My husband really wanted to have a baby with me so he's on board in that respect. I feel really guilty not desiring him like normal like there's something wrong with me

@rathernotshare ive had it before preg and doesnt hurt at all. I was really scared the 1st time but its absolutely nothing to be scared. Just feels cold when the put it in and slight uncomfortable when the move the device around. They will cover you down below with a disposable sheet type thing. Dont worry

Hi @Pandamama88

I picked 3 main things out of your post:

1. You don't feel good about yourself at the moment

1. You think you need to have sex to add some sort of "value" to your relationship

1. Your husband loves you very much

Never have sex because you "ought to". Your DH doesn't want it like that and you will end up feeling resentful. You aren't required to do your womanly duty as part of marriage!

Don't measure your contributions and don't let yourself feel shitty about them either. And the first trimester sucks, by the way so put your feet up.

Speak to your DH. He's not an alien species, he's a person like you. If the roles were reversed, what would you like to hear? The truth and some reassurances and some talk about what you do want, at the moment, if not sex. There are lots of ways to be intimate.

And sod the sodding housework.

@Pandamama88 i have been like this! I just dont want it and dont want to force myself to do it. Its great you have such a supportive partner and like @peeache said just talk to him and explain what you just said to us. So much is going on during pregnancy im sure he'll understand.

@rathernotshare I had a transvag scan a few years ago.
I found it kind of funny.
They cover your hooey with that roll of paper stuff and then they produce the "wand" which is like a 12 inch moulded plastic dildo in cream. It looks like they've had it since 1982. They sheath it in an enormous droopy condom and proceed to generously lube it up while they make small talk like "going anywhere nice on your holidays?"

The lube is freezing cold though, which soon wiped the smile off my face.

@PeeAche Thank you, I think your assessment is pretty spot on. I will try to talk about things a bit more with him.

Hey @Pandamama88 I know what you mean about not feeling like sex, I haven't for weeks, first trimester is so brutal. I agree with @PeeAche, make sure you chat through how you're feeling with him so he understands it's nothing he's done. Hopefully in the second trimester we will all feel amazing and be glowing!

@rathernotshare I've had sooooo many transvaginal scans and in my experience they aren't exposing at all, you're always covered and they just quickly pop it in. I'd even argue that they are less uncomfortable than someone pushing down really hard on your full bladder!

Thanks ladies, hoping I will get double good news on Wednesday 🤞

@Wellthiswasunexpected that scan 😍😍😍 fab news for you today, congrats!!xx

@rathernotshare honestly I find internal less painful than abdominal. For my abdomen they had to press so hard I ended up sore for days. The internals can give you some cramps after so don’t be concerned by that xxx

I was wondering something from a religious perspective.. some of you may disagree which is totally fine based on your beliefs. Plz dont get offended anyone :)

So I know most religions (as an example in chritianity and islam) believe that soul enters the fetus when it is around when 120 days..so that essentially would be sometime around 12 weeks right. So if a baby is already moving as in @Wellthiswasunexpected post, does that mean soul has already entered?

Christianity**
Sorry typo

@Prema112 - journey was fine thanks for asking, just getting on the plane felt so comforting 🙂 So relieved to be home!

Just spent an hour catching up on the thread, I'll tell you all it was very dramatic reading, with highs and lows and many concerns turning out ok. Although I was so sad to hear of a loss and hope that lady is doing ok

I'm still feeling nauseous and headachey and tired all the time, but access to orange squash and buttered toast is helping me cope.

I read a post where someone was fed up with everything and that's where I am at the moment. I really want to get back to normal-ish. I've only left the flat once since I've been home 😕 Also finding it difficult and sort of weird to not be telling people, it's hard to tell people you spent most of your honeymoon sick in bed and you're still feeling rubbish without telling them you're pregnant! 2 more weeks till 12 week scan but I don't think I'll last that long.

As for work, eurgh - doing a couple of hours a day at the moment, and that's all I feel I can manage honestly. I will have to tell work though, as I will get pulled up soon if this carries on. Thinking of telling and taking time off until this starts to ease, but reading hope all you ladies are just ploughing through I feel really rubbish about doing that. And you know when you're sick on the inside people really don't understand how bad you feel. Just saying I feel sick and tired doesn't actually sound bad enough to warrant time off.

Sorry for hugely negative post after all this time. I will pull myself together for the next one, I promise.

(P.S. I'm in West London, Queen Charlotte's hospital for me, anyone else?)

@MrsNT I'm a Christian and I've never heard of that! It's a controversial topic for sure, and it's not something the Bible talks about so we can't ever be certain - but most Christian's I'm sure agree that from when you're pregnant (baby implants) that baby is a human baby therefore has a soul. Some think from conception too.
That's why all Christians feel strongly about abortion from any week! xx

Mumsnet is a tough place to talk about your beliefs, be careful 😂 some people get so offended xxx but this is deffo a safe space 🧡

@destiEos I feel absolutely rubbish about work at the moment too and feel unable to take time off at all. I have SUCH a busy week this week and I genuinely don't know how I'm going to make it to Friday, I feel so behind and so incompetent and just want to hibernate all week! My manager knows but our service is under a lot of pressure and she keeps asking me to do more to squeeze it in before I have to leave!

@hudasalem so sorry about your scan, sending you lots of love and strength.

@Pandamama88 I also haven't felt up to sex as I've been really tired, but then feel guilty about not having it. My husband doesn't initiate ever so I feel like it's all down to me and feels like a lot of pressure which I don't really have the capacity for! It feels like my head is just full up and don't have space for feeling sexy

@beansprout55
Same in my faith. Abortion without any genuine medical reason (example if there is danger to mums life that would be a medical reason) is forbidden.

I met a lovely Christian nurse when I went to epu and she shared the 120 days concept with me. Which intrigued me as its what I also believe in my faith. Will do some research to see which other faiths have similar concept about it.
Hence why i mentioned it. But yeah definately not trying to offend anyone..just sharing a thought. Xx

@destiEos Glad your journey back was good! Don't feel bad about taking time off work if you need it. I remember when I told my boss at 12 weeks I was pregnant with my son she was so relieved because my performance had been so bad she was considering special measure for me Possibly should have just told her earlier!

@AlbatrossSociety yeah, I was feeling crap about work before the pregnancy too, which hasn't helped (started a new job a few months before lockdown and have never really felt on top of it). I'm winging it for now, but will have to tell them before they ask me what's going on 😕 It's pretty poor of them to be putting pressure on you knowing that you're pregnant, I'd push back if I were you - it's hard e-bloody-nough!