@jennixxx
Hey guys. I just got out of an extremely abusive relationship with the father of the baby that im carrying, im young and living on my own and not got very much family either. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with feeling lonely during pregnancy?
Trying my hardest to keep myself occupied its just hard because i have little to none energy at the moment
Oh no, Jenni, that sounds really tough!
Firstly, well done on getting out of the relationship. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger, and getting out of it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. So really well done on getting through that.
I agree with previous posters that looking for ante-natal classes is a good idea. There should be some NHS ones available that you can sign up to through your midwife. My midwife mentioned that the parents usually make a WhatsApp group to stay in touch, so that would be a good way to start getting to know other mums in your area.
I'd also look for any local community groups that interest you - like a community garden / drop in coffee morning etc. These are often a nice source of support as they are generally attended by a mixture of mums with young children and older, retired people. Also - keep posting here! It's online and we're spread across the whole country, but it's a really supportive, friendly space.
Thirdly, be kind to yourself. You've just been through something really hard. My nasty ex totally undermined my self-esteem and made me feel like I was worthless/selfish/immature/a failure. It takes time and patience to get that stuff out of your head. It's easy to beat yourself up emotionally about little things because you have got so used to your ex doing that to you. Try to find little ways to empower yourself and to feel present in your daily life - like really choosing which kind of tea/biscuits you want in your weekly shop; thinking about your dream holiday / house / job - even if you can't do those things for real right now, it helps so much to get back to thinking "What do I like? What do I want from life? What do I need?" rather than shutting all that down to accommodate the abusive ex.
Finally, don't be afraid to speak to your midwife about what has happened and ask for support. There are special perinatal mental health teams that can offer individual psychology sessions (and maybe groups too) if you want space to talk through what happened and what you want to do next. If that's something you think you would like/find helpful - ask for it. I've been really open with my midwife about having previously (although years ago) been in an abusive relationship and she's been nothing but kind and helpful.