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Original poster

Gender disappointment

115 replies

pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:37

Currently 13 weeks pregnant and recently had my first scan, after seeing the baby myself and everyone else is convinced the baby is a boy, I have a girl and boy already.

I have had the same awful symptoms as I did with my girl and managed to convince myself it was another girl, I already feel complete disappointed that it's potentially going to be a boy, my daughter is desperate for a sister and I will feel awful if its another little brother.

I don't know why I would feel so upset? My little boy is an angel and I love him so much I couldn't imagine my life without him, but this is my last pregnancy and the thought of never giving my daughter a sister is breaking my heart Sad

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BelieveInRainbows · 21/10/2021 07:45

Would you feel the same if baby turns out to be a girl? About never giving your son a brother?

WheelieBinPrincess · 21/10/2021 07:46

You’re 13 weeks pregnant Confused you have no way of knowing for sure at this point.

I don’t get the obsession with ‘giving’ your daughter a sister at all, unless you had a really close relationship with your sister and you think it’ll magically be the same? If your daughter is indeed desperate for a sister then I’d start addressing why that is or what images of sisterly love you’ve projected in to her, the reality is far from likely to match up.

Always, always disappointment over boys on Mumsnet Sad

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2021 07:48

Why is your dd getting a sister a priority?

Both your dc will get a new sibling. Your son may have a brother. Your dd may adore having a brother.

You dont owe your dd a sister.

You can't pick and choose - you presumably went into this knowing it would be 50 50.

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:48

@BelieveInRainbows No, we had one brother and multiple sisters he was always out with his friends and never really spoke about his emotions anyway, I feel like it's different for girls they go through so much more growing up, my daughter also has ASD so it's going to be harder for her to accept than a normal child.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2021 07:49

What are you doing to manage your dds expectations?

"Let's pick a toy for your new brother or sister"

"This is where your new brother or sister will sleep" etc.

TillyDevon · 21/10/2021 07:50

I agree with the post above. I’m in exactly the same boat and puzzled why you’d prioritise your daughter; surely your DS would enjoy a brother too plus I’m sure your DD would love a brother? I’m sure ours will as I’m 13 weeks but not told them yet

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:51

@WheelieBinPrincess Yes I was really close with my older sister growing up she was like a second mum and my 3rd oldest sister is now my best friend.

I think its just hormones because the idea of pushing two matching little boys around is lovely to as they are closer in age, I will just be really upset for my DD.

I think my DS will hate the baby anyway until it can play with him as he's an absolute mummy's boy and never leaves my side!

OP posts:
MsMiaWallace · 21/10/2021 07:51

Another boy bashing thread 🙄
Boys can grow up very close together too!
Quite frankly I'd feel sorry for your son if you had another daughter.

EileenGC · 21/10/2021 07:52

he was always out with his friends and never really spoke about his emotions anyway

You’ve just described my (very girly!) sister. Girls come in all types and sizes.

You need to prepare your daughter about the possibility of having a sister OR brother. Don’t talk to her like one would make you sadder, don’t give in to her ‘expectation’.

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:53

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Yes all of that "well we don't know yet it could be a boy, do you like this name for a boy"

We have also got her a reborn doll for Christmas with all the pink stuff we could buy to hopefully make it easier if it is a boy.

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MrPickles73 · 21/10/2021 07:53

Tbh I'd be praying the baby is healthy. One of our children was born with a slight health defect and it's been a lifetime of medical appointments and operations. Hopefully we are nearly done. If you have a boy and a girl I would say it doesn't matter which this baby is.

Charlieiscool · 21/10/2021 07:53

Put the baby up for adoption then. There are so many people who would be delighted to have him, he would be wanted and loved.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2021 07:54

You dont seem to give your ds much room to demonstrate his emotional side.

I think my DS will hate the baby anyway until it can play with him as he's an absolute mummy's boy and never leaves my side!

  • he sounds loving and caring and like he may relish having a baby around to sing to or snuggle in with.

No, we had one brother and multiple sisters he was always out with his friends and never really spoke about his emotions anyway, I feel like it's different for girls they go through so much more growing up

  • doesnt mean your boy wont talk about his emotions or mature at the same rate as his sister. You just have to be open to it and encourage it. Not write it off.
FrancescaContini · 21/10/2021 07:55

I'm so appalled by the number of threads here by women bemoaning the sex (not gender, btw) of their baby-to-be. There are still many countries in the world where giving birth to a healthy child of EITHER sex as well as surviving childbirth is a cause for celebration for women and their communities.

I think you need to "get over yourself".

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:55

@MrPickles73 My daughter has asd and adhd, iv had family members tell me it would be easier having another boy as our son is so easy compared to our daughter, she doesn't sleep much but I don't know why they assume another girl would be the same.

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tiggerwhocamefortea · 21/10/2021 07:56

Depressingly another thread about having a boy made even worse by fact you are already blessed with having a daughter

Are you sure you don't have some unexpressed feelings surrounding a desire for an NT daughter since your eldest has ASD?

IME brotherly relationships were much closer than sister ones - too much competition and emotional angst which carries through right to adulthood

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:57

@FrancescaContini I nearly died giving birth to my son, maybe thats another reason I hoped for a girl

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WheelieBinPrincess · 21/10/2021 07:57

You’re romanticising it based on the relationship you’ve had with your mum and sister then. Happens a lot.

I have brothers, never yearned for a sister at any point, but didn’t have the mother-daughter closeness some have either.

I’d have been thrilled with either but actually had a slight yearning for a boy because I ‘know’ boys more. I did have a boy but honestly at this point he’s just a baby, his personality will be whatever it turns out to be and his sex has zero bearing on how much I love and care for him whatsoever.

We’ll be under pressure to ‘give’ him a sibling at some point i expect but he’s not getting one, for various reasons.

BudgeSquare · 21/10/2021 07:57

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@WheelieBinPrincess Yes I was really close with my older sister growing up she was like a second mum and my 3rd oldest sister is now my best friend.

I think its just hormones because the idea of pushing two matching little boys around is lovely to as they are closer in age, I will just be really upset for my DD.

I think my DS will hate the baby anyway until it can play with him as he's an absolute mummy's boy and never leaves my side! [/quote]
Well, I despise all of my sisters, so you just can't tell, can you?

It's almost as if people are individuals rather than one of exactly two identical moulds.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 21/10/2021 07:57

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@FrancescaContini I nearly died giving birth to my son, maybe thats another reason I hoped for a girl [/quote]

That's not the fault of your son though is it and nothing to with him being a boy?

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 21/10/2021 07:58

I'm going to cut you some slack op as you are 13 weeks pregnant. At that stage I was crying in sainsbury's because I didn't have the right change lol
I think you should calm down and don't over think things . This thread isn't going to do you any favours.
Good luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy x

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2021 07:58

[quote pleasedontjudgemee]@FrancescaContini I nearly died giving birth to my son, maybe thats another reason I hoped for a girl [/quote]
Your birthing experience had nothing to do with your son. Or the fact that you delivered a boy.

Original poster
pleasedontjudgemee · 21/10/2021 07:59

@tiggerwhocamefortea No I love my DD the way she is wouldn't change her for anything she's perfect to us even if we are exhausted.

I never had a strong relationship with my brother and personally never seen any of my friends be close with their brother's either. Maybe thats why I worry although my DD and DS love each other very much.

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WheelieBinPrincess · 21/10/2021 08:00

A reborn doll with all the pink stuff- if the baby was a girl would you foist all the pink stuff and girliness on her just because of her sex and your desire to give your daughter a little pink dolly sister? It sounds a bit odd to be honest.

Fernhilde · 21/10/2021 08:00

I have ASD and a sibling of each sex. I was far closer to my brother growing up. This is a non issue and I think you are lucky to be fertile and hope the baby is healthy

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