Is gender disappointment a thing?

[caz198917]

Hi all!

I'm only 4 weeks pregnant and know I am getting way ahead of myself.

I already have a 4 year old son and at the time of pregnancy I really wanted a girl. I love my son to bits and can't imagine being without him yet. (We didn't know gender until birth)

I cant help but desperately feel I want a girl this time round. This will be our last baby and I will feel so sad at the thought of never having a daughter.

I know it's ridiculous in the grand scheme of things and I should be happy with a healthy baby,

Can anyone share any stories?

Thanks 😊

[quote forestlovr]@Itsbeen84yearss That's a bit of a weird observation, if someone is scared of men why would they have a sexual relationship with one - create a baby and then not want a son? I'm not sure that makes sense tbh [/quote]
Plenty of women have relationships with men whilst not particularly liking them

@Ionlydomassiveones I would say the difference between having a son or daughter when they are young is negligible. However I feel there is a difference between having a son or daughter in the older teenage years /adulthood - spa days /shopping trips /pamper evenings - different dynamics and interests than boys . I know I'm generalising .

I have a 2yo DS, when I found out I was pregnant again i kept dreaming about a second boy, so close in age, I "saw" them being best friends, i really started day dreaming...
My DHs family is a boys amily. I always gave for granted we would only have boys.

When I found out i was having a DD this time, i was honestly almost shocked. I was not expecting that at all! It took me few weeks to "digest" the thing - completely irrational, i know!!! But I could not help feeling "lost".

Well, I am due now in 4 weeks and I am so so so excited to meet her. I literally cannot wait. When I started feeling her kicks, i fell immediately in love with her, the unique person she is already.

I feel so blessed for my baby girl and I pray that she will arrive safely in my arms.

Of course it’s a thing, just like parents dream of a child who loves reading or basketball or hiking like they do. It’s only a problem if you aren’t actually happy with the baby you get. I have 2 boys and a girl on the way m. I’d have quite liked a girl each time and am very excited to be having one, but I never for a moment havent adored my boys including when pregnant. They are all my babies.

@AnneLovesGilbert

If you look at the amount of women posting here with terrible and sometimes terrifying experiences of men, I don’t think it’s that much of a shocker not to want one and to feel more comfortable with your own sex

How are all of these women getting pregnant?

This made me laugh so much!!!!!!

Although being a victim of sexual assault and someone who has subsequently gotten pregnant by a lovely man it can happen!

I love having a daughter and when I was pregnant I really wanted a girl. However since then I have had multiple losses and with my current pregnancy I just want it to get here safely- not fussed about boy or girl, just healthy please!

Sorry to disappoint you but I'm pretty sure there's something like a 75% chance of you having the same gender as your first...pretty sure I read that anyway!

Because it's all about the sperm and gender runs down the male line, it's not really 50/50. So the more of one gender you have, the more likely it is you'll continue having that same gender.

My husbands brother has 3 girls and I'm expecting a girl. High chance that any future baby would be a girl - of course there's always those that end up having like 4/5 of one gender then have the opposite.

I was also desperate for DC2 to be a girl. DC1 was a gorgeous little boy and I just wanted one of each.

I didn't find out what I was having for DS but I did ask to be told for DC2 as I thought I might be disappointed to be told by the midwife that I'd just given birth to another boy.

Of course I'd have loved them whatever, but there's nothing wrong with admitting to wanting one gender over another.

Good luck!

Of course it’s a thing. You’ve heard of it enough to start a thread about it so obviously you’re not alone in how you feel.
I don’t really know what the answer is, other than to try and get a control on the way you’re thinking about it, try and remind yourself that you got pregnant to have another child, not to have a daughter specifically. Fake it til you make it basically.

It is a thing. And stats show most men want boys and are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

It’s perfectly valid to feel disappointed if you hope for a girl and get a boy or vice versa. Please ignore all the judgemental people that will post saying you’re lucky to be able to have kids at all etc.

I experienced quite extreme gender disappointment with my third son and again but more mildly with my fourth! I have four boys, they are awesome and I love them and it feels normal for me now to have lots of boys and no girls and I’m really happy with what I’ve got. I don’t think about it at all day to day but I think a part of me will always feel sad that I haven’t been able to experience the mother daughter relationship with a daughter of my own.

It bbq died alway seem to be someone who doesn’t want a boy😩

@Ionlydomassiveones

“I don't understand what would be different about having a little girl instead of a little boy. Not to be nasty, just genuinely wondering what would be different?”

Just look at all the DIL/MIL threads.

Someone always trots this one out. There are no more ‘I’m annoyed with my MIL’ threads than there are ‘I’m annoyed with my DH/DM/DSis/Ddog threads. People get annoyed with their MILs because they see/hear from them a lot. There are good relationships and bad relationships same as anything. It’s not unique to the MIL/DIL relationship.

I loved my MIL and get on brilliantly with my DDIL.

If you don’t it’s because you don’t get on, not because you are in-laws!

@ApplePie86

Sorry to disappoint you but I'm pretty sure there's something like a 75% chance of you having the same gender as your first...pretty sure I read that anyway!

Because it's all about the sperm and gender runs down the male line, it's not really 50/50. So the more of one gender you have, the more likely it is you'll continue having that same gender.

My husbands brother has 3 girls and I'm expecting a girl. High chance that any future baby would be a girl - of course there's always those that end up having like 4/5 of one gender then have the opposite.

No that’s not true. It is 50:50 each time, except if you have 2 the same, then chances are MARGINALLY higher to have a 3rd the same.

Felt exactly like you. Had one DS, loved him to bits, would have liked a girl second time around. Tested early and found out at 13 weeks that my second would be a boy. My DH and I were a bit disappointed but once he was born that disappeared completely. DS2 is now 4 and I can't imagine anything other than my two awesome little boys.

So it's real, and it's fine, and it will disappear.

@Wellonlyifihaveto

These threads never go well. You’ve got months to get over yourself

Thank you for being honest, I do completely understand. I know it myself. I just can't help the way I feel. Stupid I know.

@Willow19C

I don't personally understand why you would want one sex of baby over another. I don't understand what would be different about having a little girl instead of a little boy. Not to be nasty, just genuinely wondering what would be different?

I have a daughter. I thought I was having a boy and had lovely dreams about having a little boy. I kept the sex a surprise for birth and I was thrilled to be handed my daughter, but couldn't have cared less what she was.

Because I have the most amazing relationship with my mum and would be sad to never feel that mother daughter bond. The adult relationship of mother and son to mother and daughter as adult children is very different xx

@DebbieHarrysCheekbones

You will be told several times it’s sex not gender

You will be told you are not alone

You will be blasted

Some people who can’t have or who have lost children will also let you know they find it offensive and they’d give anything to be a parent of any child of any sex

None of those change a thing for you if you are feeling this way. If you are hopefully you will come to terms with this and manage those feelings before the arrival of your baby which will hopefully be a safe, healthy and happy occasion regardless of their sex.

Thank you xx

@IamJuliaJohnson

I empathise. I have two boys and wouldn’t change them for the world, but through my second pregnancy I had a strong feeling that I wanted a girl. I found it helped not to find out the sex in utero, and when he was born I lifted him out of the pool and was the first person in the world to know what he was. That was magical (compared with my first birth which was forceps and I was told he was a boy).

Thanks for being honest and giving a perspective . I get a feeling I'm going to get a lot of telling off on this thread. Justified completely I know, I know it's wrong to want one more than the other. Xxx

@Dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby

Would you rather have a healthy boy or an unhealthy girl? The answer to that should help get you back on track. Finding out the sex beforehand will also allow you to get used to the 'reality.'

Thank you! Thats a good mindset to have. I didn't think I wanted to know but I think if I died then at least I haven't spent 9 months day dreaming about having a daughter xx

@NightVinca

I think it's probably fairly common for people to have a preference. As long as you are not still wishing they were the other sex once they arrive it's ok

Absolutely. As soon as I clapped eyes on my little boy I felt the rush of love, I cannot imagine my life without him xx

@SheWoreYellow

Might be a good idea to find out the sex this time, so you can get your head around it.

Thank you. I think I may have to consider that xx

@forestlovr

I think you need to work through these feelings because it's not healthy to have gender preferences. Boy or girl it doesn't really matter unless you're deciding to parent them with rigid gender roles. Is there anything specific that you think you're actually going to miss out on if you have another boy?

Yes. The mother daughter relationship into adulthood . I am so close to my mum where as my brothers are not. They are much more involved with their wife's families. I think it tends to go that way :( xx

@MissMaple82

It is a real thing and the judgemental twats are the ones that need get a grip. I hope you get the girl you want OP

Thank you xxx

Three sons... all grown up and we're so close.
Speak every day, We might not do spa days or go clothes shopping, we meet and socialise seeing bands and going out for dinner etc.
My sons are amazing.

It's more than pink clothes and gender stereotypes.

it's a complete joy when we all get together.
They bounce off each other and are extremely close too.
Please don't think that a mother/daughter bond is the be all and end all.
You might be lucky to get on with your own mother but me and my sister never did.

You'll love whatever you have

😊