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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Oh fuck oh fuck I’m pregnant at 41

120 replies

MarthaHanson · 03/09/2021 16:19

I feel so stupid. I thought I was menopausal. We’ve had sex once in the last few months, and I’m pregnant. I’ve just started a new job. We have two children already, they’ll be 11 and 8 when the baby is born. I felt like my life was finally starting again and now suddenly I’ll be back in sleepless nights and nappies and nursery. I am so aware of genetic risks too. I feel almost hysterical. Though I am entirely pro choice for others I know I can’t have an abortion. Oh God.

OP posts:
SameToo · 03/09/2021 16:22

Ooops! Worth checking again? I can imagine this would be quite a shock. Have you told anyone? Hope you are ok.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 03/09/2021 16:24

Deep breaths OP. Sorry you're in this situation.

I just want to say - you do have options. If you do know that you'd rather have this baby than terminate, then great, definitely your choice, but if you really don't want to then termination is an option that is open to you.

How far along are you? Have you told your partner?

You could consider NIPT at 10 weeks to check on genetic risks.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 03/09/2021 16:26

I'm sure someone will be along soon to tell you their experience and give some sound advice but until then Brew Cake and try and breath. You need time to let it sink in. Give yourself a few days to think without just worrying with the panic. Tentative congratulations (for when you're feeling less panicky), what's your DH said?

FiloPasty · 03/09/2021 16:26

I have an 8 year gap and it’s been brilliant, I was a similar age too, although where I live it’s very common to be having first babies late 30’s onwards. Big hugs it’s a huge shock

Peacefulspirit · 03/09/2021 16:33

I feel you. I found out I was pregnant with surprise number 5 age 40 in February. Number 4 is 10! I’m now 35 weeks and it’s finally sinking in! No advice other than it does land eventually xx

Original poster
MarthaHanson · 03/09/2021 16:38

Thank you all so much. I appreciate you all taking the time to post. I feel like such a dick.
My DH is predictably pretty horrified.
But supportive.
Fuuuuuck.
Have done the 2nd test-same result. It’s v early 1-2 weeks.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 03/09/2021 16:42

That's a big shock for you.

PermanentTemporary · 03/09/2021 16:45

A lot to think about and a hand hold. I wouldn't rule anything out, you have a bit of time.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/09/2021 16:45

Give it time to sink in,you do have options.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/09/2021 16:47

At 41 you will find loads of women out there having babies at the same age. You will be fine. Mine children loved having a baby in the house at about that age, they were besotted, even the boys.

bunnypenny · 03/09/2021 16:56

i'm 43 and am currently 25weeks with my (unplanned, surprise) third - and my first and second are 2 and 1 respectively... So i had my 1st at 40 and second at 41, and it was fine (but i had nothing to compare it to agewise!). You'll be great and take this in your stride if you go through with it, there are plenty of us geriatric mothers out there :)

i understand the shock though, i still can't get my head round it even while i'm suffering from severe heartburn while being kicked savagely from the inside....

CBUK2K2 · 03/09/2021 16:57

@MarthaHanson That must be a huge shock to you, but I'd make a pretty big bet that if you came back in 5 years time you wouldn't change it for the world.

GoodnightGrandma · 03/09/2021 16:57

Congratulations !
It’ll be a shock but you’ll soon get used to it.

endofthelinefinally · 03/09/2021 17:01

This happened to me. Practically identical circumstances. Turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me, for so many reasons. No regrets.
It is very early days.
Take some time, maybe talk it through with someone impartial, maybe a counsellor, pregnancy advisory service.
Flowers

CheltenhamLady · 03/09/2021 17:04

You know what choices you have and they are very individual and need a lot of thought.

I had a surprise 3rd pregnancy at 38 after a nine-year gap and my third son was and still is, the easiest of them all. My older two were, and still are, fantastic with him.

You will get through this and come out the other side. Congratulations.

RedMarauder · 03/09/2021 17:05

You could consider NIPT at 10 weeks to check on genetic risks.

My NIPT equivalent test was free on the NHS. I had mine when I had my booking appointment at 12 weeks.

I chose (well it was the nearest hospital) a maternity hospital that was part of the clinical trial for it. The results of the trial, which were published nearly 3 years ago, recommended that all NHS hospitals in England do it for women over 35.

Oh and congratulations.

Evalina · 03/09/2021 17:11

I had DS when I was 40, my DDs were 11 and 9 at the time (planned due to 2nd marriage).

It's been great, he's now nearly 15, has a close relationship with both of his sisters who loved having a baby brother. They've moved away, back again and away and keep in close touch.

Every situation is different, and you need to make the right choice for your family. If you decide to go for it, then the sleepless nights don't last long, you'll be more relaxed having done it before and you'll feel younger for longer I think.
Flowers

decoratedstandardlamp · 03/09/2021 17:16

I bet those 8 and11 years you've parented have whizzed by. Before you know it you'll be back on your feet after this one.

I'm 41 with a baby, it's knackering but great too. I have a 19 year age gap.

You will do this!

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 03/09/2021 17:19

Hey OP! Your reaction was the very same as mine..utter shock. I was 19 when I had my first 41 when i had my second!! I have a 30 yr old and a 9 nearly 10 year old. I cannot begin to tell you how magical life is. I wouldnt swap anything.Take your time,breathe and then see its a lot to try to take in.

mynameisbrian · 03/09/2021 17:20

i had a surprise #4 just before I was 45...my other DC were 18, 11, 8 and it freaked me out. However I had all the necessary tests and that young man is now 7. Was great for me however i was well established in my career, made the most of maternity leave which i didnt with the others. Ultimately you have to do what is right for you....it is early enough to resolve easily if you dont want to progress.

BrilloPaddy · 03/09/2021 17:20

You have choices OP.

Just take a breath, there's no immediate panic.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/09/2021 17:21

Surprise number 3 at 40, with a 9 and 7 year old. They love 3 to bits and were very helpful with entertaining and looking after.

ChocAuVin · 03/09/2021 17:25

Some truly lovely posts here Smile

Holding your hand, OP. I’m your age and would feel exactly the same — right down to ‘pro-choice for everyone but me’!

Deep breaths. As a bonus, you have Mumsnet and the vipers SmileFlowers

Alpenguin · 03/09/2021 17:25

OP take some time to just be. Don’t panic, you’ve done it before. Risks are still minimal at 41 (and they exist at 21 too!). You’ve had a huge shock and you need to allow that to settle in.

I had my last child at 42 so pregnant at 41 with a similar age gap between him and my first. It was certainly easier having an older child to help out and I have to say he’s kept me young. I don’t look or feel any older than other parents in nursery & I certainly don’t look or feel like my peers who are grandparents 😂

Totally understand the feeling of getting life back and 4 years on I’m slowly feeling like I’m getting mine back again. It’s been such a quick 4 years and I almost wish it would slow down a little.

You’ll be ok whatever you do.

Howareyouflower · 03/09/2021 17:25

I was a lot younger than you, but I was horrified when I realised I was expecting my 4th baby after 3 difficult pregnancies with pre-eclampsia each time. When I told my Mum, she said "Every baby deserves to come into this world loved and wanted. Give yourself 3 weeks to cry and whinge and moan, then smile and look forward to it like you did with the others." I took her advice, and my daughter was an amazing blessing.