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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Oh fuck oh fuck I’m pregnant at 41

120 replies

MarthaHanson · 03/09/2021 16:19

I feel so stupid. I thought I was menopausal. We’ve had sex once in the last few months, and I’m pregnant. I’ve just started a new job. We have two children already, they’ll be 11 and 8 when the baby is born. I felt like my life was finally starting again and now suddenly I’ll be back in sleepless nights and nappies and nursery. I am so aware of genetic risks too. I feel almost hysterical. Though I am entirely pro choice for others I know I can’t have an abortion. Oh God.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/09/2021 18:06

Snap at 44 with a 20 year old and a 19 year old. I got pregnant after the shock OH was not keen I had all the tests everything fine low risk in third pregnancy apparently. He was 20 last month been such a joy to raise his siblings adore him.

I would have terminated if the outlook had been bleak for the sake of my other children down the road.

LittleAndOften · 03/09/2021 18:07

I had my youngest at 41, he's now 22 months and my eldest is 5. It was a shock going back to the newborn phase and I found the pregnancy hard. However, he is a gorgeous ray of sunshine in our lives and I'm so, so glad we did it. Then again, I would absolutely not have another!

TooManyDinosaurs1 · 03/09/2021 18:10

You've done this twice before, you've got this! I totally understand there's a lot to get your head around, but you'll be OK.

My parents had a "surprise" at aged 40 and 42, it was nearly 30 years ago so my mum was made to feel like she was 100 and pregnant, so different back then to attitudes today. My brother and I were 10 and 15 at the time, we were thrilled. My sister really did complete our family, I always wanted a sister besides!

I was chatting to a school mum recently who told me she thought she was menopausal at 46 and went to the doctors only to find out she was pregnant! It happens more than you think!

CheersToTheWe3kend · 03/09/2021 18:13

There's 3 of us. I was 10 and my brother 7 when our youngest sibling was born to 37 and 39 year old parents.

When I got to about 16 it was like she had a second mother (I was and still am quite mature for my age) so my parents still enjoyed being able to go out, go away on holiday etc. because they knew I would be around to keep an eye. Still the same now at the ages of 29, 26 and 19 😂

KineticSand · 03/09/2021 18:14

My DS SIL had her 4th at 47. Lovely healthy lad.
Friend of a friend's mum just had an IVF baby at 50! Healthy baby girl.

Makes me feel young to be ttc no2 at 40!

Sending hand hold and positive vibes whatever you decide

SparkyBlue · 03/09/2021 18:18

Happened to me and three years on I'm still not over the shock of it. I was totally and utterly done and finished with babies and I nearly passed out when I realised I was pregnant, I'll never forget the shock on my husband's face. It took months to sink in. Now we have her she is the light of our lives and we wouldn't be without her

RazzleDazz1e · 03/09/2021 18:19

Would be great if I could have a similar accident. What an absolute blessing.

TalbotAMan · 03/09/2021 18:19

I understand that it's different for men, but I married late and the DDs arrived when I was 46 and 49.

I think I was likely a better parent at 50 than I would have been at 25. And while both were good sleepers, I did my share of nights and nappies and baths.

ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe · 03/09/2021 18:19

It’s not fair over the internet- but I kinda hope you go for this - you are not that old..Lots of screening available. Nothing brings joy (or stress) like children

impossible · 03/09/2021 18:22

Congratulations!

I don't know if this will help but I had my children aged 39 and 42 and it has been wonderful. Of course I didn't have older dcs but my friends with that gap have found their dcs' personalities are what determine how well they get on with each other.

If you want to go through with this pregnancy, embrace it. Your dcs may well be delighted and you may be able to enlist them in a bit of help and support.

Turquoisesol · 03/09/2021 18:24

I always like the idea of this happening. Feels like too big a decision after 40, but lovely for it to happen accidentally. I hope it all goes well for you.

DelphiniumBlue · 03/09/2021 18:24

My bonus baby is now 20, born when i was 41. He's been a delight, and although it made logistics complicated for a while, it's been great, and I've felt so lucky to have him. Number 3 is easy, the older ones have always included. him, and there is something quite heartwarming about seeing a bunch of young teenagers including a seven year old in their antics!

WagnersFourthSymphony · 03/09/2021 18:25

Handhold, OP. What a shock!

If you're in England, we're lucky to have choices. Give yourself credit for thinking carefully about those choices, whatever you decide. There are plenty of people here supportive one way or another.

It sounds as if you've already made up your mind. No one has the right to criticise you for your choice.

Good luck, wishing you health and strength.

Bellagio40 · 03/09/2021 18:28

Congratulations. I was 41 when I got pregnant with my second and 42 when he was born. It was a very easy pregnancy, despite my age and he is now a teenager and an absolute joy, most of the time.

sarah13xx · 03/09/2021 18:29

[quote CBUK2K2]@MarthaHanson That must be a huge shock to you, but I'd make a pretty big bet that if you came back in 5 years time you wouldn't change it for the world.[/quote]
Aww what a lovely way to look at it ☺️

Etinox · 03/09/2021 18:35

Don’t factor in your new job. You’ll be well embedded before Maternity Leave. More of my peer group had babies in their 40s than 20s.
Flowers

DGFB · 03/09/2021 18:39

I had my third at 42, wouldn’t change a thing! It will be fine.. and great!

frerecoler · 03/09/2021 18:45

Congratulations!

You are not the first and you won't be the last... But yes, total shock! I feel for you on the job front...

There are 8 years between me and my sister, I remember so much about her early years. We were always close and remain so now.

Xunxus · 03/09/2021 18:50

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Xunxus · 03/09/2021 18:52

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mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 03/09/2021 18:53

Ah love. I had my third when my other two were 7 and 9 and tbh when I found out I was pregnant I was devastated. I wouldn't change it for the world now. He's a great kid and he's always seemed a bit older than his years in a good way.

110APiccadilly · 03/09/2021 18:56

I can't speak for what it's like as a mum in this situation, but if it helps, I was the 11 year old some time ago, and that was a great experience.

Purplewithred · 03/09/2021 18:57

I was your baby, my mum was in your shoes.

She told me she was pretty horrified at the time, but having my older sisters around + being pretty chilled and experienced made it all so much easier.

From my perspective it was fantastic, I had all these "grownups" who loved me and looked after me, I was the precious pet, I could get away with anything because Mum and Dad had seen it all before and were so chilled and absolutely the opposite of PFB. I thought my parents were so sophisticated and mature compared to my friends' parents who were so young.

Flowers
Cleverpolly3 · 03/09/2021 18:58

Hope the many pairs from women who have had babies at this age - and myself included - make you feel more positive
41 is not ancient
I had my third at 42 and he was the lowest low risk of all three of my pregnancies. He is also a delight!

You will be fine

Bettyboop3 · 03/09/2021 19:00

Agree 100% with everyone else. Huge shock and you need time to get your head around it before deciding what you want to do. You do have choices and it is such early days, it really is just a clump of cells so far. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you but it's your body and probably your life that will ultimately be affected the most. Best of luck whatever you decide x