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Original poster

Mother in law reacted badly to pregnancy announcement

129 replies

Carolinesyear · 02/09/2021 16:33

So I am 9 weeks pregnant and DP wanted to tell his parents. We went over for lunch last week and while my 2 step children were out the room (we don't want DPs ex and new husband finding out just yet) he announced our pregnancy.
To say MIL took it badly is an understatement, she put her head in her hands and said 'oh no' then preceded to ask 'was it planned?' 'What do your parents think?'' You'll need to get a bigger house' basically a litany of negativity. FIL said congratulations but looked really awkward. I found the whole thing absolutely humiliating, and it went on for ages, initial shock I can understand but this was 20 mins of negativity.
DP seems to think it's mostly because this will be her 12th grandchild and the novelty has worn off however there is a difference between not being overly fussed and out right hostility to my unborn baby.
I think it could be to do with the fact she was very close to DPs ex, they were together for 20 years and she was devastated when he left her (nothing to do with me) or possibly worry about the two children by her getting pushed out. We are not married but engaged and he wasn't married to his ex either and apparently she was over the moon at their announcement.
Either way I'm very upset. I cried all the way home. I feel like this will taint our relationship in the future, I'm so upset I can't even imagine her visiting when the baby is born

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Yeaemmm · 02/09/2021 16:34

That’s horrible! She owes you an apology

YerAWizardHarry · 02/09/2021 16:35

What are your circumstances/ages/finances? Seems a bit OTT but maybe worried about the other children being second best now

Oldtiredfedup · 02/09/2021 16:38

What a self involved cow

Guineapigbridge · 02/09/2021 16:39

She wouldn't have intended to hurt your feelings, but how she handled herself was hurtful regardless. DH needs to tell her to apologise.

Gensola · 02/09/2021 16:40

That’s awful OP - I’d go Low contact. My MIL has never accepted my relationship with DH - when he told her we were getting married she said “what difference does it make” and has never acknowledged it with a card or a gift or anything.

Wombat96 · 02/09/2021 16:40

My mil was like this when we announced our engagement. It was very difficult & I don't think I've ever quite forgotten. I think I withdrew from seeing them for several months, iirc.

Original poster
Carolinesyear · 02/09/2021 16:40

@YerAWizardHarry I'm 35 and he is 39. I am self employed and taking a year out after 12 years of working full time, I have £17,000 saved and own my own house, the mortgage is paid via the rent. We both rent a small cottage, DP is also self employed

OP posts:
KidneyBeans · 02/09/2021 16:41

I'd expect him to ask flat out why 'oh no!' And what her concerns are

Blitzes · 02/09/2021 16:42

I’m
Sorry OP that does sound unpleasant. It may be her 12th grandchild but it’s your first baby so she could have acted a little excited.

Hopefully she’ll realise she’s been rude and will make more effort in the future but if not you’ve had a massive advance warning towards her attitude and can mentally prepare yourself

My DHs aunt asked if our Ds was planned (he was very much planned and I’d suffered my 3rd miscarriage before getting pregnant with him so he was even more special) and then asked the due date counted back on her fingers to see if our engagement coincided with his conception 🙄

LauEli · 02/09/2021 16:44

What a lovely mother your partner has 😳 regardless of history, who she likes, what the other children will feel, it's not her place to ask those questions or say those things.
I'd definitely have upped and left if she'd carried on for 20 minutes. Your not a child, and certainly didn't need to be treated like one.
Can't understand why your partner let her carry on that long either 😩

Mummytomylittlegirl · 02/09/2021 16:45

She’s probably just shocked and worried about his existing children. Second families can be complex and she may be thinking about the possible negative impact on his children/ her grandchildren.

Mummytomylittlegirl · 02/09/2021 16:46

How long have you been together?

Plumtree391 · 02/09/2021 16:49

I understand her shock but she knew were engaged and probably would want children. She should definitely not have reacted in that way, it is so hurtful and what's the point of negativity? You sound quite stable.

I hope she apologises.

Congratulations Flowers, it is lovely news.

crossstitchcat · 02/09/2021 16:50

Mine reacted like that, almost exactly how you've described it. If she's normally nice then maybe she will get better. The relationship never recovered for me. It got worse actually, but my mil is just a horrible person in general.

Guineapigbridge · 02/09/2021 16:54

Yeah my MIL has reacted negatively to every single bit of 'news' we have had over the years. It's because she's a miserable old joy sucking cah. I was hurt by it at first but now it rolls off me. It's definitely her, not me.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 02/09/2021 17:01

Well if she's worrying about his older two children then remind her that she obviously found time for more than two children so why shouldn't her son have more than two? Assuming obviously that her nine grandchildren that aren't you DH's are by more than one off her own children, and even if they are by only one then why isnt she on that parents back for having more than the designated two she thinks people should have.

Try to ignore her OP. Its fuck all to do with her what her adult son does with his life, so as long as there's not some backstory where he has abandoned the older two and only sees them every few weeks and doesn't bother with them most of the time, she doesn't need to have an opinion on this.

Notonthestairs · 02/09/2021 17:02

Well she was very rude.

Do you think she might be concerned about your step children? How have they adapted to your relationship and engagement?

LegendaryReady · 02/09/2021 17:07

Hmm. As woman who's seen a lot if life trials and tribulations I think it's easy to see why a man who has two children by another woman and now has another woman he's not married to pregnant might not be all good news.

Obviously it's done now and perhaps she shoud have hid it better, but this will disadvantage the existing children. You also need to make sure you and new baby are protected as you're not married.

My parents would see any unmarried pregnancy as bad news, so maybe it was just that?

Gensola · 02/09/2021 17:08

@LegendaryReady I think maybe time to head back to the 1950s!!

Ooof · 02/09/2021 17:13

Mine asked who’s it was!! We’d been together 7 years Hmm
I ran out crying, couldn’t believe she said it. That was 16 years ago and although it took a while to stop feeling offended by it, she is a fab grandma.
Hopefully she’ll realise she was out of order and apologise. Flowers

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 02/09/2021 17:14

How cruel of her to rain all over your exciting news. That’s really hurtful and I would find it hard to forgive, I think I would be giving her a wide berth from here on out.
What has she been like with you in other situations? Did she react similarly when you got engaged?
Has your DP not challenged her over this behaviour? I can’t imagine my husband being very happy if his mum acted the same way.

toomuchlaundry · 02/09/2021 17:15

How big is your house where you live?

What did your DP say to her?

SpaceBethSmith · 02/09/2021 17:16

@LegendaryReady disadvantage his other DC? How?

Either MIL only had 2DC meaning her other DC has 9 children, or she has more than 2DC and needs to STFU.

ExMIL reacted badly to my second pregnancy, she was so unbelievably fucking rude that I asked her if she’d prefer it if I had an abortion Grin She just sat there silently staring at me then started wailing that this wasn’t how she imagined having grandchildren Shock Twat.

LegendaryReady · 02/09/2021 17:18

Umm, because he now has 3 kids to support? 3 kids to split his time between and any inheritance goes at least 3 ways....

Gensola · 02/09/2021 17:19

@LegendaryReady how is that different from any couple having 3 or 4 or more kids?