Mother in law reacted badly to pregnancy announcement

[Carolinesyear]

So I am 9 weeks pregnant and DP wanted to tell his parents. We went over for lunch last week and while my 2 step children were out the room (we don't want DPs ex and new husband finding out just yet) he announced our pregnancy.
To say MIL took it badly is an understatement, she put her head in her hands and said 'oh no' then preceded to ask 'was it planned?' 'What do your parents think?'' You'll need to get a bigger house' basically a litany of negativity. FIL said congratulations but looked really awkward. I found the whole thing absolutely humiliating, and it went on for ages, initial shock I can understand but this was 20 mins of negativity.
DP seems to think it's mostly because this will be her 12th grandchild and the novelty has worn off however there is a difference between not being overly fussed and out right hostility to my unborn baby.
I think it could be to do with the fact she was very close to DPs ex, they were together for 20 years and she was devastated when he left her (nothing to do with me) or possibly worry about the two children by her getting pushed out. We are not married but engaged and he wasn't married to his ex either and apparently she was over the moon at their announcement.
Either way I'm very upset. I cried all the way home. I feel like this will taint our relationship in the future, I'm so upset I can't even imagine her visiting when the baby is born

@Twinmumandone you had twins, that's not leaving much time between births, how selfish did you not hive your first born a thought when you had another baby mere hours later

OP congratulations on your pregnancy, but can you really not see the difference between siblings brought up in the same family unit, and those in different family units where their dad is "good about seeing them". You sound at best naive.

Enjoy your pregnancy and preparing for your first and your DHs third little one, but don't dismiss your MIL concerns out of hand. Better still you DH should take responsibility, and part of that is letting his existing DC know there is a sibling coming.

@Nojobforoldmums I think all you negative posters are right, I'll just book myself in for an abortion and leave my DP. I'll also advise him never to get remarried or if he does not to have children then I'll go out and look for a man between 35 and 45 that's never been married and had children and isn't a total man baby, because they are so easy to find, can't believe I didn't think of falling in love with one of those in the first place!!!
Thanks posters. I'm sure my partner will be very happy living on his own 80% of his time knowing that his children's life won't be 'ruined' and 'traumatised' by a filthy 3rd baby!
Jeezo, it's 2020 in Britain everybody, not 1950s catholic Ireland

@JaneKing75 you Mumsnetters are crazzzyyyy! I never said I'd stop her seeing her grandchildren, I'm sure she'll see loads of them. If she's not interested in mine however I'm not too bothered as my parents will be very involved so DC will still get plenty of love from one side at least. I have not fucked up thay family, it was pretty tucked up when I arrived if being a non-nuclear family is classed as 'fucked up'!
I'm just making my own family, I think every woman deserves her own family

@JaneKing75 sorry but what? Do you get that the post you quoted was sarcastic?

The people who 'fucked up' that nuclear family unit were the parents. Not the new partners who came along afterwards. Ffs

Jesus the villagers are out with their pitchforks early this morning. Too much vino last night perhaps? 🙄 op take no notice of half of what is said here. Your mil was a bitch, she completely over reacted. It's a baby you are having and I'm sure your dsc will not be traumatised by having another sibling. My only advice would be to avoid her for a bit , let yourself enjoy your pregnancy and if she opens her nasty mouth again, challenge her on it there and then. Honesty is the only way to deal with people like her. I've given my own mil a couple of home truths throughout my pregnancy when she was behaving appallingly and while I forgave and moved on, I'll never forget how she acted and I'm glad I called her on her bullshit because she now knows I won't tolerate it. Boundaries are now clear and she stays in her lane.

OP I think you need to step away from the keyboard. Early pregnancy is a very emotional time, and that can make you see everything in absolutes

Just because something is challenging doesn't mean it can't or even shouldn't be done. The concern from these posters (or at least me) is that you seem blind to these challenges, not that they are insurmountable.

I know plenty of step mums who have made it work, but they went in eyes open, and accepted that there life was different than if they had settled down with someone without kids and worked hard to mitigate challenges. Your DH however is the one responsible, and any concerns your MIL has, she should discuss with her son

@Nojobforoldmums I think you are very condescending. I'm not 'emotional' and that's a very un-womanly comment that is offensive.
I do have my eyes open but I'm also positive about our future

@JaneKing75
You've obviously got your own personal problems
A lot of hate for someone you don't know, please don't post on this feed again.

My mil said ah accidents happen.

I made dh ring her and tell her actually ds was planned.. I was too shocked to put her straight at the time..
She also hissed in my ear when dh left the room that his ex had wanted his dc.!!

She never bothered with ds. We haven't seen her for over 6 years since he was 3 months old.

My MIL at our announcement said ‘ oh no, but I didn’t want anymore grandchildren, do you have to.’
I think she was incapable of reacting to anything except how it was going to effect her. Sounds a bit the same to me.

@JaneKing75 eh did I not ask for you to stop posting
I think you've taken an unusual interest in this feed and you should exit for your own mental health. I won't be corresponding with you again, even if you do carry on being inflammatory

@JaneKing75 how is fixing things with her mil the only way forward?

@Larryyourwaiter that sounds exactly how she reacted
She was kinda laughing at the same time, a bit manic. She kept on covering her face

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday that's so mean! I think sometimes MIL get overly involved in the first partner. I suppose we can't blame them, it's such a generation gap. My DP has told me that MIL and FIL have had an extremely rocky marriage so maybe there are issues with that at the moment. Also she definitely suffers from anxiety

No dear, ive just been around the block enough to see through you a mile off

AKA I've screwed up my own relationships and can't conceive of someone else doing different.

We can all make up random nonsense see?

OP: Take your DM's advice for now and see how it goes. If she isn't interested in your child then you can't force it. If she changes her mind then put it down to current stupidity. However if she plays favourites with her own children don't be surprised if she plays favourites with teh DGC.

@LegendaryReady

Hmm. As woman who's seen a lot if life trials and tribulations I think it's easy to see why a man who has two children by another woman and now has another woman he's not married to pregnant might not be all good news.

Obviously it's done now and perhaps she shoud have hid it better, but this will disadvantage the existing children. You also need to make sure you and new baby are protected as you're not married.

My parents would see any unmarried pregnancy as bad news, so maybe it was just that?

Wow. Terrible response.
Ever considered that whilst OP probably adores her SC, she also has the right to have children herself and shouldn't have to put her desire to have children on hold.

OP - MIL is out of order and has taken the spark out of the excitement and if that had been mine I would have been heartbroken. Screw that.

We on MN are very excited for you though 😃 massive congratulations.

Thanks @C8H10N4O2 and the other posters who understand my feelings on the subject. It's definitely been a shock, I suppose we are so happy we expected everyone to be but really everyone has there own reasons and motives. I know this situation makes it tougher but I'm ready for that and despite it I'm so looking forward to having a baby. MIL relationships are famously fraught... everybody loves Raymond
I'll forgive her if that's what she wants and needs for my child but I'll definitely not forget.

Congratulations OP!!

Your MIL was absolutely vile, please distance yourself and don’t think about it.
Have a serious conversation with your DP so that you’re on the same page.

Ignore the negative posters - some of what was said on this thread is vile.
They like your MiL would probably want you and future child to make yourself/ves small and fade into the background.
Protect your future child, he shouldn’t be a second class citizen in your family.

Some people are so judgemental.

Your MiL might have concerns, but if that’s the driver she aired them in a completely inappropriate and immature manner. Good luck with your pregnancy, and bringing your baby up in a loving environment alongside its loved siblings.